Better Days

WANDA POV:

I had woken up in more pain than when I fell asleep. It wasn't just my ribs and abdomen that hurt this time though. After the... special exam, my insides were throbbing. In fact, the pain was what had woken me up.

I groaned as I tried to find a more comfortable position. I had an infected wound inside of me. That can't be right. There's now way that there's an infected wound down there. 

I had been in a form of disbelief after Dr. Cho told me and I fell asleep before I could really process anything. 

Nat noticed that I had woken up. "What's wrong baby?" she asked after she saw my pained expression.

"It hurts Nat," I whimpered, trying not to cry again. Not only was there a throbbing pain but there was a sharp pain that would shoot through my lower areas every minute or so.

"What hurts?" she asked worriedly.

I didn't want to say the area that hurt. I didn't know why. I kind of felt embarrassed. No one should have an injury down there. So instead of telling her so she could help me, I settled with saying, "Nothing, never mind." There was also a pretty big part of me that was scared. If I told her where it hurt, Dr. Cho was probably going to have to do another exam and I wasn't quite ready for that yet.

"Honey, you can tell me where it hurts. I can't help you if you don't tell me," she pushed gently.

"No, it's okay," I said as another sharp pain shot through my insides. I had silent tears falling down my face now as I squirmed in the bed, bending my good leg to try to cease the pain.

Nat's eyebrows were creased with worry as she placed a gentle hand on my arm. "Is it from the exam?"

I hesitated before nodding and for some reason, this simple act caused me to burst into tears, gasping for air in between.

All of a sudden I was flooded with memories of being held down on a table as I was raped over and over again. I couldn't breathe.

Nat immediately started asking me what was wrong as she rubbed my arm to try to offer me comfort. 

"Mama!" I cried out, gripping onto her arm. I was stuck in some form of flashback, not aware of my surroundings. Was I back there? I was confused and scared. I wanted my mama back. I didn't want to be back here. All I could see were the old walls of the warehouse and I felt cold. Not the kind of cold that causes goosebumps but can be cured with a blanket, no, the cold that sunk deep down into my bones and chilled my entire body.

I felt my body being moved and suddenly, I was back in the hospital room. Clint, Dr. Cho, Nat, and Bruce were all there, staring at me. I still felt tears dripping down my face but was quick to wipe them away when I realized how many people were in my room. Unfortunately, this did nothing to end the flow of the tears and the ones that were wiped away were quickly replaced with more.

"Shh Wanda," Nat told me as she cupped my cheek. "You're okay, you're in the compound, you're safe."

My breathing was fast and erratic and I still felt a pressure in my chest. I gripped onto her hand, keeping myself tethered to reality. 

"Mama?" I questioned, locking my gaze onto her eyes, trying to ignore the other people in the room. I could hear the fast beeping of the machines I was still hooked up too.

"Yes, I'm here, mama's here," Nat told me as she pulled me against her chest. I wrapped my good arm around her, holding onto her shirt to keep me close to her. I tried to calm my breathing down, not wanting to go into another panic attack. 

I was now aware of how badly my ribs hurt. I had no idea what I did while I was in my weird flashback of some sorts but my ribs felt as if they all shifted inside of me. 

"Please don't go anywhere," I whispered to Nat.

"I won't, shh," she told me as her hand came up to cup the back of my head and push me further into her chest.

Sharp pains were still shooting through my lower abdomen but I was trying my best to ignore them as I held onto Nat. I wanted her to hold me so I was closer to her but this was the closest I could get in my fragile, broken state.

After a few minutes of quiet, the only sounds being my gasps for air and Nat occasionally sushing me in a comforting manner. Bruce decided this was the time to bring attention to his presence.

"How're you doing Wanda?" I kept my head tucked into Nat's chest, not wanting to answer. How did he think I was doing? I was trying to block any intrusive thoughts from entering my brain. I kept thinking about what had happened in the warehouse and I really didn't want to think about that right now. 

He decided to try a different approach. He walked around the bed to the direction that my face was in. "Are you in any pain right now Wanda?" 

Nat nudged me a bit and encouraged me to answer so I nodded from my position, still clinging onto Nat.

"Where are you in pain?" I didn't answer and after a few seconds, he helped me along. "Does your head hurt?" It didn't hurt that bad so I shook my head. "Good! What about your ribs, do those hurt?" I nodded, they were in quite a bit of pain. "Okay, we can get you something for that. Does anything else hurt?" Everything else hurt but I didn't really want to say that so I settled on shaking my head. "That's awesome Wanda! You're making a lot of improvements from when I last saw you." 

I hadn't really seen him much since I first woke up so he must've seen me when I was still asleep. 

Nat very carefully pushed me backwards. I didn't want to leave her but she must've been done with me holding onto her like a baby. I very carefully and cautiously lowered myself back onto the bed, trying not to cause any more pain in my ribs.

"Can I look at your stomach Wanda?" Dr. Cho asked? As long as she didn't do another internal exam, I didn't care what she looked at so I nodded, moving my arms away from my ribs.

I looked towards Clint as he walked closer to me. He gripped onto my hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it. I shot him a small smile as Dr. Cho moved my gown up to my chest. 

She had cold hands as she gently touched my abdomen. She pressed around my stomach, asking me if anything hurt. Surprisingly, that part didn't hurt at all. Then she moved onto my ribs. She ran her hands over them, pushing gently to see if there were any new breaks. This hurt. Every time she pressed on my ribs, it felt like a large bruise was restricting my lungs from moving at all.

That soon finished and they left shortly after giving me some medication. They had been giving me meds in my IV and although I didn't like having stuff injected into me, it did help with the pain so I dealt with it.

Once it was just Nat, Clint, and me, a thought came to my head. 

"Nat?" I started quietly. 

"Yes sweetie," she replied swiftly as she shifted all of her attention back to me.

"Can I go back to my room? I don't want to be here anymore."

I watched as she looked to Clint and then back to me. "Unfortunately Wanda, you're not strong enough yet to go back to your room. We need you here to monitor your vitals. You can't walk yet and all of the medicine is up here. Wit-"

"But you can do all of this from my room!" I interjected. "You can wheel me down in a wheelchair and you can bring my IV pump downstairs so I don't have to get disconnected. The med bay isn't that far away from my room, if I need meds, you can just run up here and grab some or we can bring some downstairs and have a stash down there."

"Wanda," Nat started gently, "We haven't been able to get you out of the bed yet."

"Yes you did!" I argued. "You got me out of the bed and I almost made it to the wheelchair before my leg collapsed. I'm stronger now, I bet I could do it!" I said, trying to push myself up. My ribs and lower abdomen still hurt tremendously but for some reason, now that I thought of leaving, I really, really wanted to leave.

"Wanda, we got you to the edge of the bed. The second you tried to stand, you fell." Nat had her hands on my shoulder and was gently but firmly pushing me back to a flat position. My ribs weren't strong enough to fight against her and I fell back to the bed.

"Yeah but that was earlier, I'm stronger now!" I insisted. "Please, I'm fine!"

"Even if you were able to get to a wheelchair, you're still being monitored by Helen and you're still on a catheter. We can work on advancing you to a point where you can go back to your room but you're just not there yet. A couple more days."

"No Nat! I'm fine!" I tried to push against her to sit back up but my ribs shifted, causing me to scream out in pain. Tears instantly sprung to my eyes and I got frustrated. If she wasn't pushing on me, I would have been fine.

"Wanda! Are you okay?" Nat questioned in a worried tone as she jumped up to get closer to me, setting her hand on my arm.

I felt anger and frustration pushing at the surface. I shifted under her hand, moving so that her hand was no longer touching me. "Get off of me!" I hissed. "You're not helping Natasha! You're just trying to hold me back and keep me here for some reason! I'm done!"

"Wanda? What's going on?" she asked, looking confused.

"Go away!" I yelled, slapping her hand away as she tried to touch my arm again. "Leave me alone!" I felt tears about to fall so I was quick to try to turn my head as far as possible in the opposite direction from Nat so she didn't see me cry. Unfortunately, Clint was on the other side and now he had a perfect view of my face.

I whipped my head back to facing straight ahead at the ceiling and yelled again, "Just leave me alone!" Both Clint and Nat looked at me with wide eyes, confusion evident on their faces.

"Wanda, what is going on?" Nat asked me, now a firm edge to her voice.

"Oh my gosh! Can you not understand English? I said get. out." I punctuated each word, making sure to talk slow so she would understand I needed her to leave.

"Wanda, don't talk to your mother that way, she's just trying to help you," Clint butt in.

"But she's not! No one is! Please, just leave!" Tears were now falling down my face and they took one last glance in my direction before they both looked at each other and left the room.

I let the tears fall, not knowing what caused this outburst. I cried, sobbing out all of the pain that I had felt these last several days. The memories from the warehouse were pushing back into my brain but I pushed back, not ready to deal with those yet.

I don't know how long I cried for but soon, all of my tears were gone and I was left feeling vulnerable. I wanted Nat but there was no way she would want me now. I just screamed at her and Clint for no reason. I have no idea what came over me.  

All I wanted to do was to go find Nat and apologize but there was a slight problem, I still couldn't leave my bed. My entire body was aching, what's new, and I still really wanted to go back to my room. This hospital room was starting to remind me of all of the things that I went through when I first came to the compound and I was not ready to relive those. 

The tears had stopped at this point but I felt guilt curling in my stomach. I already had some leftover guilt from before this whole kidnapping thing when it came to hurting and disappointing Nat and this just reignited the fire.

Luckily, I didn't have too much time by myself to think about everything. I heard a gentle knock on my door several minutes after my initial breakdown. "Come in," I called out quietly.

The door opened and Nat's face popped around the corner. She slowly walked into the room, closing the door behind her. I noticed that Clint did not follow her back in. I briefly wondered where he was.

"Are you okay?" she asked me.

I nodded before responding with, "I'm so sorry Nat, I didn't mean to snap or get angry. I'm so sorry." My voice was a whisper by the end of the apology.

Nat walked over to me and sat on the edge of my bed. She brushed a few stray pieces of hair behind my ear and said, "It's okay sweet girl, I'm sorry. I know things haven't been easy for you these last couple of days and I can totally understand you wanting to get out of here. I have to talk to Helen and Bruce about it but if they say it's okay, we can move you back down to your room."

"Really?" I questioned. "You don't have to," I stuttered out after I realized she probably wasn't happy with this decision.

"I know I don't have to but I want to. I don't want to leave you cooped up in this hospital room. If you would be more comfortable in your own room, then I will do whatever I can to get you back down to your room, okay?"

"Okay," I replied quietly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome sweet girl," she said, kissing my forehead. "How about I call Helen and Bruce in and we can talk about our plan?"

"Okay," I nodded, ready to get back to my room.

"FRIDAY, can you please ask Helen and Bruce if they could come to the medbay? Please make sure that they know it is not an emergency."

"Of course Ms. Romanoff," FRIDAY responded. 

It only took about 5 minutes before they had both arrived in the medbay. 

"Is there a problem?" Dr. Cho asked as soon as she got there.

"No, no problem at all, Wanda and I just have something we want to discuss with you," Nat told her sincerely.

Bruce entered shortly after with the same question as Helen. Nat responded similarly, letting him know nothing was wrong.

Nat looked at me and I nodded, letting her know she could tell them what I wanted. I would but if she was willing to do the talking, then I had absolutely no problem with that whatsoever.

"Wanda and I were hoping to move Wanda back to her room. We know she isn't completely healed yet and she has a long recovery ahead of her but we both agree that she would be much more comfortable in a familiar environment."

"The medbay is familiar," Bruce mentioned.

"We know, but a room is always more comfortable than a hospital bed. Nothing good ever comes out of being in a hospital." Both of them nodded in agreement before looking at each other.

Dr. Cho was the one to speak first, turning to face me, "Wanda, we know that being in the hospital is not the most comfortable thing for you at the moment. I'm open to you going back to your room but there are a few things that need to happen first. I need to see that you can get in and out of bed. You can use a wheelchair but I want to see more movement. Your muscles are going to deteriorate and although I know it's not comfortable, I need to see it happen. I also want to get you off of the catheter. You need to be able to go to and from the bathroom, no using a bedpan or rely on a catheter. Last thing I need to see before you can leave is more intake. We can always put you on an IV in your bed but I would prefer it if you were able to supply most of your nutrients on your own. You have been eating a little but I want that to increase before you go anywhere. Liquid intake also needs to go way up. Right now, the only liquid intake you are getting is through an IV and I want to get you off of the IV before you can leave. Does that all sound doable?"

I was slightly overwhelmed by all of the requirements I needed to meet before I could leave but at least I had a chance at leaving. When I saw that Nat was looking at me, waiting for an answer, I replied with, "Yes, thank you."

"No problem, does that all sound good Dr. Banner?" Dr. Cho asked.

"Sounds good to me. I need to see all those criteria met before you leave though Wanda. There's no way around that, got it?"

I nodded.

"Thank you both," Nat said before they left. 

"You're welcome, I will be back later this evening to check on Wanda's progress and to potentially take out the catheter if you feel you are ready."

Nat and I both nodded as we watched both of the doctors leave. She then turned to me, "Alright, we got the all clear for you to possibly leave from them but we have some stuff to do before then. You want to try getting out of bed?"

I really didn't want to but my desire to go back to my room was stronger. "Sure."

"Okay, let me get Clint and then we can try."

I waited while Nat left for a few minutes to go grab Clint. I took some deep breaths, trying to tell myself that it would be okay, that it wouldn't hurt as bad as last time.

Nat was back with Clint sooner than I thought she would and they were both ready to go. No amount of preparation would prepare me for this so I decided to just jump in.

We started slow by raising my bed into a seated position, as high as it would go. This hurt my ribs immensely but I told myself that soon I would be back in my room. 

"Good job Wanda," Nat praised as I gripped onto the edge of the bed, breathing through the pain. "You let us know when you're ready for the next step, no rush." 

It was another few minutes of breathing before I told them I was ready to move on. Clint and Nat both helped me turn my body so that my legs were dangling over the edge of the bed. This part hurt more because I no longer had anything to hold me up, meaning that my ribs were being put to use. The tears started streaming down my face at this point but I was determined to keep going.

"You're doing great sweetie," Nat told me as she rubbed her thumb over the back of my hand. 

"Great job kiddo," Clint told me from his place at the end of my bed.

Several minutes went by before I was ready to move on. My ribs were screaming and my head was pounding from the tears but I wanted to keep going. I could feel breathing getting harder the more my ribs hurt but I didn't want to stop.

Clint had moved to be right in front of me when I told them I was ready to move into the wheelchair. They had placed the wheelchair directly against my bed so that all I had to do was stand up and turn 90 degrees and then sit and I would be in the chair.

I gripped onto Clint's arms and took some deep breaths, or as deep as my ribs would allow, until I was ready to stand. Nat was at my side but Clint was in front of me in case my leg gave out again.

I took one more deep breath before pushing off the bed, using my good leg to hold myself up. The pain increased immensely and I let out a few sobs as I tightened my grip on Clint. I tried taking deep breaths but I was in too much pain.

"Good job Wanda, now all you have to do is turn and you'll be in the wheelchair," Clint explained over my sobs. Both him and Nat helped me to slowly maneuver my body around until I was in the right position to sit right down in the wheelchair.

Instead of slowly sitting down, the second I bent my knee, my leg collapsed and Clint caught me before slowly lowering me into the chair. The jolt of the fall caused a shock of pain to go through my entire body though and I found breathing difficult once I was in the chair. 

I leaned back against the back of the wheelchair and I tried to take deep breaths, ignoring the pain in my chest. Clint was rubbing a comforting hand over my arm and Nat was crouched in front of me, rubbing circles on my knee. 

"Shh, good job baby," Nat soothed, "You did it, you're in the wheelchair."

I very slowly calmed down to the point where I could somewhat breathe again. 

"You ready to move to the chair?" Nat asked after I had calmed down. I wasn't but I nodded, ready to get this over with and get back into bed as soon as possible.

They rolled my wheelchair over to the chair in the corner of the room. It was a recliner chair that was very soft and cushioned. I did not want to move anymore but I knew I had to. I was so close, I didn't want all of this pain to be for nothing.

Clint got in front of me again to take the lead in moving me over.

"We'll do this just like before," he explained. "I've got you, all you have to do is stand up and I will help you turn and sit back down in the chair, okay?"

I nodded, my body shaking a bit. 

Again, I gripped onto his arms, preparing myself for the pain that was about to ensue. On the count of three, I pushed off my good leg again into a standing position. The pain shocked me, just like before, and I was left sobbing as I stood there, my body shaking. 

"You're doing so good kiddo," Clint told me. Instead of making me swivel on my leg like last time, he basically turned me around himself to get me in the right position to sit down. I was scared to sit and fall again so I stayed standing, shaking.

"You've got this Wanda," Nat told me from my side. "Clint's got you." I nodded and slowly bent my knee. This time, my leg didn't give out and I was able to sit properly. The chair was also higher than the wheelchair was so there was less space that my body needed to travel, making it easier.

I relaxed into the chair, trying to calm the muscle spasms. Tears were still streaming down my cheeks but I tried to calm down, knowing that I did it.

"Great job baby! Do you want to stay there for a little bit?" Nat asked. "We can change your sheets."

I nodded, perfectly content with staying here for a little bit. My ribs were getting less painful the longer I sat here so I didn't mind staying her one bit.

A little bit turned to an hour and soon, it was ready for me to move back to my bed. At least it was clean this time.

The wheelchair was re-positioned and Clint got back in front of me, ready to catch me if anything happened. I stood up, this time using a slower approach, gripping onto Clint's arm using my good arm and using my bad arm to slightly push off of the arm of the chair. I was pleasantly surprised to see that this caused much less pain. It was still enough to bring tears to my eyes but not enough to cause me to burst into full blown sobs.

Swiveling around still hurt and brought more tears on, but overall, this was much better than before. I still had to take several minutes of breathing in the chair though before I was ready to move on. 

This next step was going to be one of the hardest. I needed to get from the wheelchair onto the bed. Even on the lowest setting, the bed was still far enough off the ground that I couldn't just sit back down on it. I needed to slightly climb onto it and that wasn't going to feel good. 

Nat rolled my wheelchair to my bed, making it so I just had to stand, turn, and then, unfortunately, climb.

My body was shaking in anticipation of the pain but I was ready to be done. It would hurt but I would lay still for a little bit and my ribs would calm back down.

I grabbed onto Clint and decided to just go for it. I slowly stood up using the same method I had when getting up from the chair to ease the pain. Once standing, I swiveled, causing some pain but less than last time. Then I just stood there, holding onto Clint. I couldn't get onto the bed. My initial plan was to slightly sit on the edge and move one hip up higher than the other, hopefully getting high enough to sit solidly on the bed so that I could bring the rest of my body up. The bed was too high for that though.

Tears sprang to my eyes as I realized I didn't know how to get onto the bed. I was going to have to either turn around and pull myself up or slightly jump.

"I can't," I shook my head as I tried to breathe. 

"Can't what?" Nat asked, moving closer in front of me.

"I can't get up."

"Shh, you're okay, you can do it," Nat explained. "We've got you."

I shook my head. "No, you don't understand, I can't." My breaths were coming in spurts now, trying to ease the pain in my ribs while trying to stay calm. I was stuck, just like in the warehouse.

"I can't," I mumbled over and over again.

I felt rough hands grab my face and I was reminded of the torture in the warehouse. I closed my eyes, trying to block out the images, before a voice brought me back.

"Wanda, listen to me, Wanda, I'm right here." It was a male's voice and it took me a second to match it to Clint. I slowly opened my eyes, seeing Clint's face right in front of mine. His hands were holding my face still, making me look at him.

"Hey, you're fine, listen to me." I nodded, taking a deep breath. "I've got you, you're okay, you've come so far kiddo, just one more step."

Once I could hear clearly again, I nodded once more, letting him know I was ready to move on.

"I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, this will hurt, but once you've done it, you'll be back in bed and one step closer to going home." Another nod. "You're going to turn around and hold onto the bed rail with your good arm. I will support you from the back but I want you to lift your bad leg onto the bed, knee first. Then you can use your good leg to push you up and your good arm to pull you up. Then you'll turn and you'll be in bed. You can do this."

I wasn't happy about his plan that would cause me more pain but I was ready to be done. I slowly turned around and grabbed onto the bed. Then I lifted my leg up, placing it onto the bed. Next came the part I was nervous about. I decided not to think about it for too long and pushed off with my good leg. I used my arm to pull myself forward. The plan almost went perfectly except for I didn't have enough energy or coordination to turn myself around. This meant I fell forward into the bed.

I burst out into sobs as this motion absolutely killed my ribs. Hands quickly pulled me up and placed me against the back of my bed so that I was leaning against it in a sitting position. I sucked in as much air as I could between my sobs, trying to calm down. 

"You did awesome sweetheart," Nat told me as they slowly lowered my bed back down.

During my crying, I realized that I had done it. I had gotten in and out of my bed and was now one step closer to going back to my room.