Better Days

WANDA POV:

I couldn't do this. I had screwed up big time. I was currently sobbing in Nat's arms, my entire body trembling in fear. She was going to send me back to Sokovia, or what was left of it. Then HYDRA would get me again and I couldn't do that again.

When she first came into the lab, I didn't want to look at her face in fear of seeing the disappointment and anger. I had messed up bad, I don't think she could ever forgive me. When I finally did look at her, I noticed that her eyes were puffy and red, like she had just been crying. That made my stomach clench even more and my sobs pick up in intensity, knowing that I was the one who had caused that.

She kept telling me that she was sorry she left but I noticed with absolute panic and despair that she never told me that it was okay. Whenever I was panicking or having a meltdown, she would tell me that it was okay and that I was safe. She would tell me that she had me and that nothing bad would happen. None of these comforting remarks were made this time though, she just kept repeating, "Shh," and "I'm sorry that I left."

I had decided that if Nat sent me to Sokovia, I would jump off a building and end it. I couldn't go back there.

I had stopped apologizing and was now just sobbing, clinging onto her, praying she didn't let me go. We both stood in the middle of the lab. I had no idea if Steve, Tony, and Pepper were still there but I didn't care, Nat was here and that was all I needed right now. 

Several times, I thought I felt her body shake or her chest heave, indicating that she was crying, but I didn't lift my head to see and I very well could have been mistaken due to my own state.

I don't know how long we stood there, all I know is that I sobbed myself to exhaustion. I was sagging against Natasha, feeling my eyelids close. 

o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

The next thing I knew, I was waking up, laying on the couch in the living room. Pepper was sitting on a chair next to me but I had no idea where everyone else was. I had woken up from a nightmare. Nat had been sending me to Sokovia, forcing me to get on a jet, saying that she hated me and that this was something that could never be forgiven.

My eyes hurt from all of the sobbing I did earlier. I rolled over as I felt my eyes fill with tears. Pepper glanced at me as I moved and set her book down, moving closer to me.

"Hey Wanda, you're okay," she soothed, rubbing a thumb over my cheek.

"Where's Nat?" I croaked out. My voice was raspy and quiet due to my intense cries from a few hours ago.

"She's with Clint, she'll be back soon," Pepper said.

"She left?" I asked, starting to panic, thinking she went back to the farm.

"No, Clint came here." Clint was going to be so mad at me. I had drugged Nat, that wasn't something he could just dismiss. 

"Oh," I said quietly. 

Tears were leaking from the corner of my eyes, rolling down the side of my face, dripping onto the couch. I felt weak and exhausted, despite the nap I had just taken. I had no idea how long I was asleep for or what time it was.

"I messed up Pepper," I whispered. "I drugged Nat."

"I know," she told me, looking at the floor.

"I'm so sorry Pepper, I wasn't thinking."

"I know," she repeated, glancing up at me.

"Do you think Tasha will ever love me again?"

This made her look me right in the eyes. "Wanda, Nat loves you, she will always love you. You will be forgiven, she just needs some time."

"Okay," I said, closing my eyes as more tears squeezed their way out. 

"It's gonna be okay baby," Pepper told me quietly. 

I lied there for a little bit longer until I heard more footsteps come into the room and someone clear their throat. Pepper's hand moved off of my arm where she was rubbing circles soothingly. I opened my eyes and saw Nat and Clint standing there. 

Nat looked absolutely destroyed and I felt terrible. Her eyes still looked as if she had been crying and her chest was moving up and down erratically, indicating that she was trying to control it and slow it down. She was probably on the edge of panic. 

She was standing slightly behind Clint but moved out as she walked towards me. Pepper got up and she sat in the chair that Pep had been occupying. 

"Wanda," she spoke quietly. "I want you to know that I love you very much. I don't and could never hate you. I will be going to the farm for a few days. This is not because I need time away from you or because I don't love you, I just need some time to think things through. If you need anything, you can call me or you can ask anyone else in the compound. Clint will be staying here with you."

Nat paused after giving me all of that information. I had to bite my tongue to stop from sobbing again. Even though she said she loved me and that she didn't hate me, I couldn't help but think that none of this was true and that she really hated me, that's why she was leaving. She was leaving me. I wanted nothing more than to jump off the couch and sit in her arms, begging her to stay, but I resisted as I lied on the couch, just staring at her, tears still dripping down my face.

"Okay," I breathed out, trying to stop the shake from entering my voice. I barely succeeded. 

"I'll see you soon, call me if you need anything," she told me gently, but not gently in the normal way. She gave me a light kiss on my forehead and then turned around and left. 

I bit my lower lip so hard to stop from sobbing that I tasted blood. I rolled over to face the back of the couch to hide my face as it crumpled. I shoved my face into a pillow, gripping the back of it and pressing it tightly against me. 

I finally let my sobs out, muffling them with the thick pillow. I felt myself panicking as I reached an arm up to my chest, gripping onto my shirt and pulling it away from me while my fingers carved light lines into my skin.

A warm hand touched my back but I pulled away, needing to be alone right now. It wasn't Nat's hand, I could tell by the size, so I didn't want the comfort. If it wasn't from Nat, I didn't want it at all.

I felt the hand retract as I continued crying. Nat hated me, she was leaving me. I kept repeating these terrible thoughts in my mind while I cried, wanting this all to be over. 

I never once calmed down in my frantic crying, always feeling right on the edge of a panic attack. There were several moments where I felt as if I couldn't breathe. In these moments, I would pull my face away from the pillow and try to draw in a few, large gulps of air. As soon as I would feel that I got enough oxygen, my face would go right back into the pillow to muffle the loud cries coming out of me.

My crying continued until I felt a soft hand on my arm. It felt similar to Nat's so I turned around, my heart dropping when I realized it was Pepper. 

"You need to try to calm down honey," Pepper told me in a calm, soft tone, trying to be as gentle as possible. "You're going to make yourself sick." There had already been several times where I had gagged, never bringing anything up but feeling as if I might. I also had coughing fits when my sobs got too intense.

I couldn't respond to Pepper because I was sobbing too hard. My legs were going between curling up into my stomach and lying flat, trying to find any position that made breathing easier and the pain in my heart cease.

"Wanda, hey, deep breaths," Pepper said. I tried but I couldn't focus on anything. I could barely even hear her over my own cries.

The next thing I knew, I was being pulled into a seated position and handed a small pill with a glass of water. "This will help you to relax sweetie," Pepper told me as she coaxed me to take the pill.

I didn't want to take it but I wanted desperately to calm down and not feel as panicky. It took me a few tries but I was able to get the pill down as well as half the water.

I then collapsed back onto the couch as I turned my face back into the couch cushion. 

Whatever medication I had been given worked quickly. I felt myself growing calmer as my cries stopped. 

When I turned my face out of the couch, I saw that Pepper was still there, sitting in the chair from before as she watched me.

"Ready to get some sleep sweet girl?" she asked me.

I nodded, too exhausted to talk. 

I was perfectly content to just lie right where I was and fall asleep but apparently, Pepper had other ideas.

"C'mon baby, let's get you to your bed and then you can sleep. I'm going to spend the night with you if that's okay?"

I nodded slowly, not caring what happened. I still felt extreme guilt for what I did to Nat, in fact, it had gotten even worse. I thought it would get better once I admitted to Nat what I did but it did not at all.

I let Pepper basically carry all of my weight as she led me to my room. I didn't get changed out of my clothes as I numbly sat on the bed. My mind felt foggy, probably from the pill.

Pepper helped get me in bed and then she pulled the covers up to my chest as she turned off the light and crawled into bed next to me. I don't know when she had time to get changed into pajamas but she was wearing some light gray pants with a white tank top. 

"Try to get some sleep baby, you'll feel better in the morning."

So that's what I did. I figured I was going to have nightmares but right now, I wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and get some sleep.

I rolled over to face the window, closing my eyes, and drifting into a calm sleep.

NATASHA POV:

I held Wanda for hours while she cried, just being there to do my best to comfort her. I felt terrible for leaving her earlier. If I had stayed, she wouldn't have gotten this worked up. 

I felt absolutely lost on what to do. I obviously couldn't punish her while she was this worked up but then I would be going against what Laura said. I really, really wanted Laura but I had to be here for my girl.

Tears came to my eyes as I stood holding Wanda and I buried my face in her hair to hide them from the rest of the team who had yet to leave the lab. They all just stood there with worried expressions while Wanda cried.

My body was trembling, so lost on what to do with her. I was also being plagued with memories of being drugged in the past. I didn't want Wanda to be associated with those memories. Those were things I tried hard to lock away but they were creeping out into the forefront of my brain.

After a certain point, I no longer said anything, just holding Wanda up. I rubbed her back in an effort to calm her but nothing was working, she was crying louder and more frantically then I'd ever heard her cry before.

I felt my own cries start coming out as I heard Wanda crying. I hid my face in her hair to make sure that no one else from the team heard me or saw me crying. I tried to control them to the best of my abilities but I was having a hard time given all of the thoughts that were currently flying through my mind. 

Soon, Wanda's cries started to slow down as her body got heavier. She was leaning into me and I was finding it hard to keep her upright. Steve, seeing my trouble with holding her up, stepped in to grab her. 

He picked her up bridal style and I saw that she had fallen asleep. I felt relief, glad that she could finally get some rest. 

"Take her to the living room to get some rest," I told Steve quietly, wiping a thumb over Wanda's face in an effort to remove the tear tracks. I didn't want her in her room because I was about to go to my own room and probably have a meltdown. I didn't want her to hear that.

He nodded and walked to the living room to set her down. I felt like I was going to break down again and I didn't want to do it in front of the team.

"I'll watch her," Pep said as she placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. I must have been showing my emotions on my face more than I thought. I whispered a thank you before I left, going to my room. 

I sat down, trying to keep the tears at bay. I was barely able to but I managed.

A knock at my door pulled me from my thoughts. "Come in," I spoke up, not liking how weak my voice sounded. 

The door opened and I saw Clint's face. 

"Hey Tasha," he said gently as he closed the door behind him. Just seeing him was enough for me to lose the internal battle with myself as I burst into tears.

He rushed to me and pulled me into a hug.

"Shh Tasha, it's okay, shh," he told me. I wanted Laura but Clint would do for now. 

I let myself cry for a few more seconds before I pulled myself back together, not letting myself fall apart completely. I was still at the compound with Wanda, I needed to be strong. 

"Here's what you're going to do," Clint told me as soon as I had pulled away from him. "You are going to get on the jet, go to the farm, spend a few days with Laura, and then come back and deal with Wanda. I'll stay here with her."

"I can't leave her Clint," I told him softly. "She just had a massive meltdown over me being in another room, I don't think me leaving this building is going to go over well with her."

"Frankly Nat, I don't care how Wanda deals with this. She'll be fine, it's you I'm worried about right now. Wanda went too far. It was one thing for her to be a rebellious teenager and go to a party and get drunk, it's a completely different thing for her to drug her mother."

I bit my lip to stop more tears from falling after that statement.

"I can't leave her," I whispered, wanting nothing more than to go see Laura but knowing that Wanda also needed me.

"Yes, you can, I'll be with her the entire time and it's only for a few days. Nat, you need this." Clint was a mix between firm and gentle as he talked to me.

"Okay," I sighed, now wanting to argue anymore.

"Good, now, how are you holding up with all this? I know it can't be easy."

"I'm okay, just struggling a bit," I told him. "I just can't get all the memories of being drugged out of my mind." That wasn't Wanda's fault. She hadn't known about how often I've been drugged throughout my lifetime. It didn't make it any easier though.

"I know Nat, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. Do you want me to take care of Wanda so you don't have to?" I knew what he meant by "take care of." He meant punish.

"No," I told him quickly. "No, I can do it, just not yet. I need you to be here for her when I'm not. She's going to blame herself and take this hard." 

"Are you sure? I can do it."

"I'm sure, I don't think her being punished by someone other than me would go over well with her right now. It's nothing against you Clint, I just don't know if having a male figure punish her would be a good idea," I hinted.

"I get it," he said. "I won't punish her. That doesn't mean I won't have a talk with her though."

"Be gentle, she's just a kid," I told him.

"I know, but she knew better than to do that."

I sighed. "I know."

"You get packed and then you'll head out."

"I want to wait until Wanda wakes up. I can't just leave without telling her where I'm going." I had a flashback of when I left her in her room the first time we went to the Barton farm. She thought I had left her tied to the bed. I would never do that to her again.

"Okay, pack your stuff though so you can leave as soon as you talk to her."

I nodded and grabbed my bag out of my closet before starting to pack. My eyes were still glazed over with tears. I hated how weak this made me feel. I kept trying to snap out of it but I couldn't. Hopefully Laura could help.

As soon as I had finished packing, a thought dawned on me. "Clint, I'm not in the right mindset to be around your kids right now. I'll be okay staying here. I don't want to scare Lila or Cooper though."

"Don't worry about that. Lila and Cooper are spending time with their friends for the rest of this week and Nate is at grandma's."

"You didn't have to send your kids away for me," I said, scared that I was the reason all of their kids got pushed out of their home.

"We didn't. Laura's mom has been begging for some time with her newest grandson so she finally got her time. And do you really think Lila and Cooper dislike spending a school week with their friends? They're ecstatic. They'll be fine. It'll just be you and Laura."

I still wasn't happy. I knew that they sent their kids away because I was coming but again, I didn't have enough energy to keep arguing so I kept quiet. 

As soon as I was done packing, I went into the living room to talk to Pepper as Clint went his own way. 

"Hey Nat, how're you doing?" she asked me as soon as I had walked in.

"Good," I told her with a forced smile. It felt more like a grimace though so I quickly settled back into a neutral expression.

"Um, I'll be heading out for a few days as soon as Wanda wakes up."

"Mission?" Pepper asked.

"No, just going to go spend some time away to work through everything that happened recently."

"Okay, I'll take care of Wanda."

"Thank you," I said before debating whether or not to say the next thing. "Um, also, this isn't just about the party Wanda went to. She told me earlier this afternoon that she drugged me before the party and I'm just having a hard time dealing with it. If she brings it up to you while I'm gone, can you tell her that I still love her and that everything will be okay?"

"Yes, of course," Pepper said, her eyes slightly widened in a shocked expression.

"Thank you. Let me know when she wakes up," I said as I turned around and walked back to my room. I had so many thoughts going through my mind right now, it was overwhelming.

Clint entered my room, announcing that he called Laura and let her know that I would be coming shortly. We both sat in silence until FRIDAY let me know that Wanda had woken up. Clint was the first one to get up and so I got up to follow him, trailing slightly behind.

I hated it but I couldn't help but feel nervous as I walked in to see Wanda. I hated myself for feeling it.

I felt almost as if I was talking to a stranger as I started talking to Wanda. I told her that I loved her and that I wasn't leaving because of her. I was surprised when she managed not to cry after I told her I was leaving for a few days.

I kissed her on the forehead and then left before I started crying yet again. I went straight to my room to grab my bag and then went and got on the jet, heading to the farm.

My mind was racing on the way there and I just sat blank, not really feeling any emotions as I tried to ignore my thoughts.

The jet landed after it was dark and I climbed down the steps of the jet, walking to the house. I saw Laura standing on the porch and tears sprung to my eyes.

I had to resist the urge to run to her as I continued the trek to the house. 

"Hi sweetheart," Laura said gently as I climbed onto the porch. I walked straight to her and let her hug me. 

"Laura, I don't know what to do," I whispered before finally letting myself break down. I dropped my bag and felt my legs collapsing as we stood on the porch. I rarely broke down but I felt so much emotional pain over the last few hours, my body couldn't handle it anymore.

Laura sunk down to the ground with me as I cried, me gripping onto her shirt.

"Shh, it's okay baby, shh," Laura told me, cradling the back of my head with one hand while her other rubbed circles on my back.

I continued to cry, finally letting out all the pain that I felt when Wanda told me she had drugged me, letting out the fear from the last several hours.

"Please Laura," I gasped, not even knowing what I was asking her to do. Take away the pain? Make things go back to normal? Help me act like nothing ever happened? I had no idea, I just wanted Laura.

"I know, shh, I've got you. You're gonna be okay, I'm here." We sat on the porch floor, Laura cradling me in her arms, while the cool night air bit my skin. 

My cries hadn't stopped as I pulled away from Laura. "We should probably go inside," I spoke, my voice rough and shaky, tears still spilling out over my cheeks.

Laura stood up, offering a hand to help me up. I went to grab my bag but Laura beat me to it, lifting it up and setting it right inside the door as she led me to the living room.

She had me sit on the couch while she grabbed a box of tissues. I was spending all of my time wiping away the tears on my cheeks, only for them to quickly be replaced by new ones. I was getting angry at my inability to stop crying.

"Why can't I stop crying?" I yelled as I broke down into a fresh wave of sobs. I tried curling into myself but Laura stopped me, pulling me back into her arms instead. "I'm sorry Laura," I apologized while I cried.

"You have nothing to apologize for baby, shh."

I felt like a child again as I sobbed, all the while getting furious at myself for allowing my weakness to show.

It took a while but finally, I was able to control my cries, wiping away my tears.

"Sorry," I mumbled, embarrassed that I had broken down like a child in front of Laura. 

"Nat, you have nothing to apologize for, you needed to let it out and I'm glad you did. Do you want to talk about it or do you want to get some sleep?" It was late and I definitely did not want to talk about it so I opted for the sleep. I knew Laura would probably make me talk tomorrow but as long as it wasn't today, I was fine.

Laura took my stuff up to the room I always stayed in while I followed her. 

"If you need anything tonight, please come get me Nat, I'm right down the hall."

"Okay, thanks Laura," I told her, gracing her with a slight smile. I had no intentions of going to her if I needed something. I wasn't a child, I had already spent longer than I should have sobbing in her arms, I didn't need her to take care of me at night too. 

Laura left the room and I took my time getting changed, not wanting to go to sleep. If my mind was filled with terrible thoughts during the day, I could only imagine the kind of thoughts that would enter my mind while I was asleep and not controlling them. 

I contemplated my next step heavily. I paced my room back and forth, not wanting to take these measures. I finally sighed, giving in and pulling out the pair of handcuffs I had stuffed in my bag. I packed them at the compound, just in case. I really didn't want to have to use them though.

After making sure I was completely ready for bed, I crawled under the covers, bringing the handcuffs with me. I put one end of the handcuffs on one of the railings on the headboard. The other end went around my wrist. 

I hadn't handcuffed myself to the bed in a long time but after the recent events, I felt as if I needed the cautious restraints. I didn't want to hurt Laura if I got stuck in a memory, unable to pull myself out.

I blinked back tears as I tried to get into a comfortable position. I tried to keep my eyes open but the events of the day were catching up to me and I knew I needed at least some sleep.

o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

I woke up in a cold sweat, a scream lodged in the back of my throat. One quick scan around the room told me that I was in my normal room at the Barton farm, I was safe.

Nightmares weren't an uncommon occurrence for me but I hadn't had any bad ones recently. This one had not been pleasant though. I shivered as I remembered the cold look in Wanda's eyes as she drugged me. I didn't want this. Wanda was my sweet, innocent girl. She shouldn't be the reason for my nightmares. 

I took some deep breaths, trying to calm down. My nightmare had been a swirl of all of the times I had ever been drugged. The red room, missions, being raped, and then Wanda. I hated to add Wanda to that list. 

This drugging was really taking a toll on me. I was pretty sure I knew why too. The girl who I loved more than anything else, betrayed my trust and drugged me. I tried to tell myself that it really wasn't that bad, it was just some melatonin and other meds to make me sleep. It wasn't anything hardcore. It didn't work to calm down my thoughts though.

I wished that Wanda had never told me, that I could have lived in blissful ignorance. I still loved Wanda more than anything but this event had changed how I viewed her and I absolutely hated it. I never wanted to associate Wanda with something that I was afraid of. She was my daughter, my beautiful, smart, caring, amazing daughter. She was not a threat. I knew that, but my nightmare had morphed her into something else.

My one hand was still handcuffed to the bed but I reached my other hand up to scrub my eyes. My hand came away wet. I didn't even know I was crying. I wiped the tears away, not willing to cry for the millionth time in the last 24 hours. 

I glanced at the alarm clock on my bedside table to see that it was 2 in the morning. I honestly didn't want to stay away for another several hours, left alone in the silence with only my thoughts. 

There was a chance I would not have any nightmares again so with that thought in mind, I closed my eyes and fell back asleep. 

o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

This time, I woke up to someone calling my name. My eyes shot open and I quickly sat up, pulling my one free hand up to use in self defense. The room was dark but the light from the hallway spilled in from the open door and I was able to make out Laura's form in front of me.

I quickly dropped my hand as I glanced at her. It took me a minute to remember what happened but then the dream came flooding back to me. It was another drugging nightmare, at least this one didn't have Wanda in it. I had been drugged and raped, similar to how it's happened to me several times in my life.

The dream was still hard though, even though Wanda wasn't in it. I felt relief though by the fact that my daughter wasn't plaguing my nightmares anymore. 

"You okay Nat?" Laura asked as she sat on the bed next to me and rubbed up and down my arm. I noticed her glance at the handcuffs and I was grateful when she didn't mention them.

"Yeah, I'm good, sorry I woke you up," I told her. Due to my hand being stuck to the bed, I couldn't really turn around to lie back down. That meant that I couldn't turn away from Laura.

"Don't apologize," she reprimanded gently. "Are you sure you're okay? Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I don't want to talk, I'm okay Laura, promise."

She sighed but responded with, "Okay, do you want to try to get some more sleep?"

"Yeah, I'll do that," I said as I smiled at her.

"Okay, come get me if you need anything."

"I will, thanks Laura." She leaned over and kissed me on the head gently before leaving the room, closing the door behind her. The clock blinked 3:15, telling me I hadn't been asleep for long. I definitely was not going back to sleep though.

After I decided I would not be going back to sleep, I grabbed the key from the drawer in the nightstand, un-cuffing myself from the bed. I rubbed my wrist using my other hand as I grabbed my phone.

It was early but I figured I could send some texts to my family back home, that way they could wake up and respond.

I started with Clint, letting him know I had made it to his farm and that I should be home soon. I figured Laura had already been texting him or possibly even calling him with updates on me. I asked him if Wanda was doing okay, I didn't want her suffering at home without me.

Next was Pepper. I asked how Wanda was doing. If Wanda was beating herself up, I would go home. I needed to take care of my girl. I wouldn't be surprised if she wanted some time away from me though. 

Unsurprisingly, by the time I had finished sending the text to Pepper, I had received a response from Clint. I didn't really think he would be getting much sleep tonight, away from his family, worried about me.

He told me that Wanda was fine and that she would continue to be fine until I showed up. He asked me how I was doing to which I responded with a simple 'I'm okay.' He most likely already knew everything that had happened here anyways. I also didn't want to re-explain everything that had happened.

Clint and I texted back and forth a bit before he told me to get some sleep. 

I then sent quick texts to both Tony and Steve, thanking them for helping take care of Wanda earlier. It really meant a lot to me that they cared enough about her to help her when she needed it. Clint and Pepper also got thank you messages of course.

The rest of the early morning was spent going through emails, files, anything to keep my mind off of what had recently happened. It had been a long night so I was glad when I heard movement downstairs, indicating that Laura was up.

I got out of bed, quickly showering and changing, heading downstairs. 

"How're you doing?" Laura asked me as soon as she saw me enter the kitchen.

"I'm doing okay," I told her, not looking forward to the conversation that I knew was going to happen later today.

"Good, did you get anymore sleep?" I knew what she was insinuating, had I gotten any more sleep after waking her up with my screams.

"No, I'm good though, I got more than enough sleep," I told her, not wanting to lie to her.

She sighed but nodded as she passed me a mug full of coffee. 

"So, what are you planning on doing with Wanda when you get back?" Laura asked me smoothly during breakfast. Okay, so she was wanting to have this conversation sooner rather than later. At least it got it over with.

"I don't know," I sighed. "She was already punished, I gave her a spanking with a hairbrush, I think she's been punished enough."

"You gave her the hairbrush? You always hated that thing," Laura laughed lightly and I blushed. 

"Yeah I did," I answered her earlier question. "I thought she deserved it."

"Oh she definitely did. But that was for sneaking out to a party, running away from you, using her powers, all that stuff. You weren't punishing her for drugging you."

"Yeah but I've already punished her so much Laura," I argued weakly.

"I know, but she needs another one. This was too far Nat. I know you don't want to and I know it's going to be hard but honestly, she needs this. Not just because she needs to know she was wrong but if you don't punish her, her guilt will eat her alive. Trust me Nat, I did the same to you. Do you hate me for it?"

"No," I mumbled, knowing that she was right.

"Exactly. This will not make Wanda hate you, in fact, this will bring her closer to you. She needs to know that you still care about her. You've punished her in the past, now if you were to come home and act like nothing happened, she would think that you don't care about her anymore and that's a dangerous path for her to go down."

"I know Laura, I really do, but I don't think I can do it."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want her to associate me hitting her with love."

"You're not hitting her, you're punishing her, there is a different Nat. And if you're worried about that, have a conversation with her. Tell her that you are spanking her to punish her because you love her but that no one else should ever place a hand on you if you don't want it. You have also set boundaries, you don't spank her when you're angry and that is not her one and only punishment. You only do it when she puts herself in danger right?"

"Right."

"Okay, then she should be well aware of what happens when she puts herself in danger. It is up to her to make the correct decision if she wants to avoid the spanking that comes with it. That is what I did for you and you turned out great Nat. You're a hell of a mother and you're my wonderful daughter."

"Thanks Laura," I told her sincerely. "What if she hates me?"

"She won't hate you but if she does, you two work through it together. She can never stay mad at you for long Nat, you're her mom, she'll always love you."

"Okay," I huffed, knowing what I was going to have to do when I got back. Even though I had to spank her, it didn't mean it had to be hard, just a light one to show her that she has been punished so that she doesn't have to feel guilty as well as telling her that what she had done was wrong. She'll most likely have some other form of punishment too in order to help with enforcing the rules.

"You can do it Nat, I know you can and I know that this is what Wanda needs." I thought back to some times where I had felt extremely guilty and wanted to beg Laura to spank me so I could release the guilt. Now that Laura mentioned it, Wanda probably feels the exact same way as I did when I was a teen. I knew that if that was how she was feeling, I needed to get back sooner rather than later to help her release that guilt before it manifests into something terrible.

"Thanks for the encouragement Laur, I really appreciate it."

"No problem honey," she said as she hugged me. "Do you want to talk about your dream last night?"

"No thanks," I told her, pretty confident that I wouldn't have those dreams once I was back at home with my baby. 

She sighed but agreed.

Pepper had responded, telling me that Wanda was doing fine. I told her that I would love to call Wanda whenever she's ready but Pepper responded saying that Wanda was busy but that she would have her call me when she was no longer busy. 

I had a feeling that that was a lie and that Wanda just didn't want to talk to me but I tried to ignore that, holding onto the excuse that Pepper gave me. 

I ended up spending 3 days at the farm. Laura and I spent time relaxing. We watched crappy TV, went for walks, and I helped her move some things around in the nursery. Overall, it was a good trip that I needed.

As I was heading back for the compound, I felt much more relaxed and prepared for seeing and dealing with Wanda. I just hoped that she didn't hate me, or even worse, that she was scared of me.