Better Days

NATASHA POV:

Wanda and I ate dinner with the team and everything was going well until Wanda excused herself. She quietly got up to leave so after a few seconds, I also slipped out of the room to follow her, just to make sure that she was okay. 

I heard sniffling coming from the bathroom on our floor so I quietly sat next to the door, listening for sounds of vomiting. I heard her gag and then throw up and I sighed, she had been doing so good. I was about to knock on the door when I heard another noise. It sounded like a loud snapping noise. I had no idea what the sound was though.

I stood up to let her know of my presence but before I could knock, the door opened and Wanda emerged. Her eyes grew wide as she looked at me, "How long have you been out here?" she questioned nervously. 

"For a while," I told her calmly. "I heard you get sick."

"Why didn't you tell me you were out here?" she questioned as she started to get angry.

"Calm down Wanda, I'm not mad," I told her.

"I can't believe you would invade my privacy like that! And before you say anything, I didn't force myself to get sick, my stomach just couldn't handle the food," she grumbled angrily as she brushed past me and headed to our room. 

"Hey!" I yelled. She ignored me as she continued walking. "Wanda!" I jogged and caught up with her. I grabbed her arm to turn her around to face me. "I'm not angry about you getting sick but you are starting to piss me off." Some of the anger disappeared from her face so I took a deep breath and started again. "Wanda, I'm not mad at you or even disappointed, sometimes food just doesn't agree with us, that's totally fine. I wanted to give you privacy and not just barge into the bathroom, I just needed to stay to make sure I was here if you needed me. I trust you, I wasn't there to babysit you, I was just there to make sure that I was there if you needed me, that's all."

"Sorry," she grumbled as she looked at the floor.

She still seemed angry so I said, "How about you go sit in our room for a little bit, just to calm down?" She looked at me and then pulled herself out of my grasp as she stormed down the hall and into our room. She didn't slam the door which surprised me but I did hear faint cries coming from the room. I sighed as I rubbed a hand over my face, that blew way out of proportion really quickly. 

I figured I would give her some time to cool down before I went in there, she probably didn't want to see me right now. Instead, I made my way back to the kitchen where everyone was still sitting around the table, talking. I slid back in my chair and listened to the conversation.

Tony nudged my leg under the table which made me look up at him. "She good?" he mouthed and I nodded. He seemed to want to know more but I looked away and joined in the conversation before he could ask any more questions. 

After about 15 minutes, I decided that Wanda probably had enough time to cool down so I got up and headed to her room. 

I opened the door and what I saw shocked me. Wanda was sitting on the bed, tears streaming down her face, snapping a band on her wrist that was littered with bright red marks. "Wanda! What are you doing?" 

She looked up at me shocked and shoved her sleeves down to cover her bloody wrists. I rushed over to her and tried to look at her wrists but she pulled away. "Wanda, give me your wrists!" I told her sternly. 

She shook her head and backed up so I quickly shot my hand out and grabbed a hold of her left wrist. I shoved her sleeve up her arm and observed all of the red marks. I turned her wrist around in my hands as she struggled to get away. 

"Nat please!" she was begging as I grabbed onto her other wrist. There were several red marks on her other wrist too and I had to steady my shaking hands as I continued looking at all of the wounds.

I saw the 7 scars from when she attempted suicide but then there were several other smaller wounds, all in varying levels of healing. Some of them were faint lines, some were scabbed over, some were bright red, and others were bleeding. "Oh Wanda," I whispered as I looked at her. She was sobbing as she tried to curl into herself. 

I didn't know what to say as I watched the blood seep out of her wounds. Wanda had stopped struggling and was looking at the floor, sobbing. I gently removed the rubber band that was stained red off of her wrists and threw it in the trash can. 

"Wanda," I said quietly, but loud enough that she could hear me over her cries. "Honey, calm down, I'm not mad." I released her wrists and sat next to her on the bed, pulling her into a side hug. She continued to look at the ground and tensed up when I came near her. "Baby, can you talk to me?" 

She didn't respond as she still avoided looking at me. "Wanda," I pushed gently. I carefully grabbed her chin and turned it to face me, very aware that I was dealing with a sensitive problem right now.

Her eyes met mine and I saw that they were full of sadness and fear. I had a burning question that I could no longer hold back, "Honey, how long have you been doing this?" 

She quickly looked down and I had to swallow the bile that was crawling up my throat. "Wanda, how long?" my voice had become a whisper. 

"Since before we left the farm," she mumbled quietly and I felt my heart drop. We left the farm weeks ago, how had she been doing this for this long? How did I never notice it? Oh my gosh, I'm a terrible mom! She was hurting herself the entire time and I never noticed! "I'm sorry," she choked out and I realized I was showing some of the horror on my face. 

"Shh, it's okay honey. Don't apologize," I told her as I pulled her back into a hug, never wanting to let her go. 

I knew I needed to clean her wrists so I gently helped her up as I led her into the bathroom. She sat on the edge of the tub as I started to disinfect all of the wounds. 

"Why didn't you come talk to me baby?" I asked her quietly as I started to wrap gauze around her wrists.

"I wanted to, I really did Nat! I just couldn't! I didn't know how to tell you that I was being this weak again." My heart broke when I heard her call herself weak. 

I crouched down in front of her, grabbed her hands and looked up at her, "Wanda Maximoff, you are NOT weak, you are so incredibly strong. I love you, Clint loves you, the entire team loves you, we never want to see you get hurt." This made her cry harder as she looked away. I knew she was in a fragile state right now so I finished wrapping her wrists and then I led her into the bedroom.

"Let's get some sleep," I told her as I helped her get into bed. She was still crying as she laid her head on the pillow. She pulled the comforter up to her chin and I watched helplessly as the blankets shook from her sobs. 

"Wanda, baby, do you want to talk?" I asked her as she continued to cry. I rubbed her back to try to calm her down but nothing I did seemed to help. "We don't have to go to bed quite yet if you don't want to. We could go watch a movie or play a game, whatever you want." She didn't say anything but didn't try to get up. 

I sighed as I crawled out of bed to walk around to face her. "Sweetheart," I said as I brushed the hair out of her face, "It's okay. What's wrong? I can't read minds, you've gotta talk to me," I practically begged.

She shook her head and tried to turn the other way. Before she was able to turn completely, I scooted in bed next to her and pulled her into my chest. "Shh, honey. I love you," I told her as she sobbed into my chest. 

She ended up slowly calming down until she was able to fall asleep on me. I had my phone with me so I pulled it out and sent a quick text to Tony, asking him if he could come to our room. I needed to catch him up to everything that had just happened, especially since he was the one who had helped with her in the past. If Clint was here, I would ask him but unfortunately, he was still at the farm. 

He responded quickly saying that he was on his way. 

"What's going on?" he whispered as he slipped into the room. 

"Wanda is self-harming again," I started, not beating around the bush. 

"What? When?" he asked worriedly as he walked around the bed so that I could see him.

"Apparently she has been doing it since right before we left the farm. I can't believe I didn't notice it sooner!" 

"What has she been doing?" he asked as he looked at her.

"Rubber band," I explained simply.

"Okay, so not bad," he sighed.

"Tony!" I snapped. "I don't care what she is using, she is still purposefully hurting herself, that is not okay!"

"I know! I didn't mean it like that Natasha," Tony said apologetically. 

"I don't know what to do, we can't restrain her because I promised her at the farm that I would never do that again." 

Tony huffed as he said, "Well one, she needs a therapist. I don't care who it is, she needs someone. We can look for someone who she feels comfortable with but I have a few people with SI who are more than qualified. I can contact them. And two, I don't think we need to restrain her. We should keep an eye on her but restraining her may just make her more upset. I'm sorry Nat, all of us should have been more watchful."

"Not your fault," I started with, "I don't know if Wanda is going to talk to a therapist. I've tried several times to convince her to talk to one and she has always brushed it off or said no. Forcing her to go won't help her, if she doesn't want to be there, she won't talk."

"Well that's all I can think of. We could put her on an anti-depressive medication but usually those can have some serious side-effects and I'm not sure Wanda needs that right now."

"I can try to convince her to do therapy, if you could contact those people at SI, that would be great," I sighed as I looked at Wanda. 

"Of course," he nodded as he pulled out his phone, probably making a note for later. "Do you need anything else?" he asked me. 

"No, thanks Tones," I thanked sincerely. He nodded as he left the room after casting one last look at Wanda. 

I tried to gently brush away the tear tracks on her face but all that did was make her whine and turn her head so I stopped and let her curl back into my chest.

I still hadn't had time to process everything that had just happened so I sat back as I thought through the latest events. I texted Clint, telling him everything that had happened, and it took a lot of convincing to force him to stay home and not get in the car and rush over. 

I got no sleep which was fine because around midnight, Wanda woke up from a nightmare. She jolted awake with a scream as she scrambled to get out of my arms. I didn't hold her back because I knew that it could panic her. I watched as she got off of the bed and walked to the window, opening it to get some fresh air. 

I got up and sat next to her but didn't touch her. She seemed to not even notice me as she took large breaths. I didn't want to startle her so I cleared my throat gently, enough to let her know of my presence but not enough to scare her. 

She turned her head to face me slightly but turned back to the window. There were tears in her eyes but she wasn't crying. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, looking outside. She shook her head as she sat down next to me.

"I'm so sorry for earlier," she told me quietly while she fidgeted with her rings.

I put my hand over her hands to stop her, "Wanda, it's okay. I do want to talk a little bit about it later but it does not have to be in the middle of the night. I'm not upset, I'm not disappointed, I'm not angry, I am a little worried, I'll admit but I get to do that, I'm your mom," I smiled as I nudged her shoulder. She smiled back at me and I silently cheered. 

"Are you ready to try to sleep again or do you want to sit here a little longer?" I asked. 

"Sit here if that's okay?" she asked sheepishly.

"That is completely okay," I told her. I felt her lean against my shoulder and I looked down to see her eyes open. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders as she leaned further into me. 

We sat there for a while until Wanda sat up, no longer leaning against me. "You ready for bed?" I asked as I watched her carefully. 

She didn't say anything but nodded slightly and I got up to follow her back to bed. She crawled in and I got in next to her. Instead of scooting next to my side like she normally does, she turned away from me and curled into a ball. 

"You okay?" I asked her quietly as I rubbed her back. She nodded but didn't turn towards me. 

I stayed awake until I heard her breathing even out, then I turned onto my back and stared up at the ceiling, trying to figure out what to do with Wanda. 

I managed to fall asleep but not for long as I woke up to whimpers around 2:30. I rolled over to see Wanda twisting and turning in her sleep, face screwed up in a look of pain and panic. 

"Wanda," I said gently as I shook her. I felt so helpless as I watched her have another nightmare in the same night. She just couldn't catch a break. 

I shook her harder until she shot up, gasping for air as the crying started. "Shh, it's okay honey," I told her while I rubbed her back. 

She got off of the bed quickly and started pacing the length of the room. I sat on the bed and calmly watched her, not speaking. She was shaking with the force of her sobs but she continued to walk. I knew that she was getting overwhelmed and tired with having nightmares every, single, night. And not even that, sometimes even more than one nightmare a night. 

"I can't do this anymore," I heard Wanda start to mutter as she brought her hands up to pull at her hair. Her fingers were intertwined with her hair by her scalp and I watched as her hands clenched and un-clenched. 

I was worried she was going to hurt herself so I spoke up gently, "Wanda, honey, you need to calm down. Talk to me, tell me what's going on."

"I can't, I can't do this anymore. I'm done, please, make it stop." She didn't seem to be hearing me as her muttering became more and more frantic. I stood up as the red mist started to flow out of her hands. 

I walked around to the wall of the room so that she could see me. "Baby, I need you to take some deep breaths. Can you calm down for a second and talk to me? You're safe, you're in the compound with me. It's okay Wanda, deep breaths. In and out, just like this," I tried to coach her through some breathing exercises from my place on the wall but she just got more and more frantic.

Her hands had moved down from her hair and were now pulling at the gauze on her wrists. I needed to stop that before she injured the still healing wounds. 

I slowly walked up to her, approaching her as though she was a frightened animal, with my hands out. She had stopped pacing and looked at me, tears streaming down her face.

"I can't do this anymore mama," she whimpered. "I can't keep seeing the disappointment. I can't watch them die over and over again." She was crying and shaking and my heart clenched as I watched her, wanting nothing more than to hug her but I know she was still in panic mode. 

"Okay Wanda, you're doing great. Just take some big deep breaths and we can relax okay?" I knew that there was no way I was going to get her back to sleep tonight. She was already sleep deprived, the nightmares were only making it much worse. I needed to get her to sleep.

There was still a light red mist around her hands as she collapsed onto her knees, sobbing even harder. 

I knelt down next to her and reached my arm out to gently hold her shoulder, a gentle warning that I was near her. She didn't panic or flinch away so I moved closer and pulled her into a hug. She gripped onto my shirt as she sobbed into my shoulder. 

One of my hands was rubbing her back while the other one was placed on the back of her head, holding it against my shoulder. 

We stayed this way for a long time. She finally stopped crying but she was still shaking and very upset. I had a feeling that she stopped crying because she was dehydrated and simply had no more water to spare, not because she was feeling better. I knew it was time to force her to talk but I also knew that it was not going to be an easy conversation.

WANDA POV:

I decided that it was finally time to leave the bathroom after I had covered my wrists with bright red marks. I opened the door only to be met with Nat standing there. How much had she heard? I felt myself start to panic a little bit but she didn't look too worried so maybe I got away with it. "How long have you been out here?" I asked her, trying to figure out what she knew or might know.

"For a while. I heard you get sick." I felt myself get mad at this. Did she really trust me that little that she came to listen in on me after I left the table?

"Why didn't you tell me you were out here?" I was also freaking out over the possibility of her hearing me self-harm which I was reflecting with anger.

"Calm down Wanda, I'm not mad," she told me but it did nothing to dissolve my anger.

"I can't believe you would invade my privacy like that!" Feeling like I had to defend myself, I added, "And before you say anything, I didn't force myself to get sick, my stomach just couldn't handle the food." My voice was laced with anger as I spoke. I shoved my way past Nat to go to our room where I would hopefully get some privacy. 

"Hey!" I heard Nat yell but I didn't stop or even hesitate as I continued down the hall. "Wanda!" I felt her hand on my arm as she turned me to face her. I glared at her as she said, "I'm not angry about you getting sick but you are starting to piss me off." I felt surprised at this and felt my expression neutralize slightly. "Wanda, I'm not mad at you or even disappointed, sometimes food just doesn't agree with us, that's totally fine. I wanted to give you privacy and not just barge into the bathroom, I just needed to make sure I was here if you needed me. I trust you, I wasn't there to babysit you, I was just there to make sure I was there if you needed me, that's all," she repeated to make sure that I understood her reasoning of being outside of the bathroom.

"Sorry," I mumbled, not able to meet her eyes. I was still slightly angry but now I just felt guilty for blowing up at her. 

"How about you go sit in our room for a little bit, just to calm down?" This comment ignited the anger inside of me real quick. She was sending me to my room? I didn't want to argue anymore so I yanked my arm out of her grasp and stormed to my room.

I made sure to quietly close the door because I remembered that Nat had gotten mad at me when I slammed the door at the farm. Sure she said that that was because we weren't in our house but this technically wasn't my house either. I was mad with Nat but I didn't necessarily want to get on her bad side.

I threw myself onto my bed as I cried, thinking of how I just ruined my relationship with Nat and that she hates me now. My wrists weren't stinging as bad anymore as they were earlier so I sat up and rolled up my sleeves, taking the rubber band and snapping it against the tender skin.

I went for a good 10 minutes, and I was so focused on snapping the band all over my wrists that I never heard the footsteps outside of my room or the door open until it was too late.

"Wanda! What are you doing?" I shoved my sleeves back down my arm, frantically trying to cover the blood, but Nat had already seen it. She rushed over to me and demanded I gave her my wrists. She seemed mad which only made me more upset. "Wanda, give me your wrists!"

I backed up and shook my head, still pulling my sleeves down in order to cover my hands as well. It wouldn't help though, Nat had already seen them. 

I was too slow for Nat as her hand shot out quickly and grabbed my left wrist. She shoved my sleeve back up my arm and her eyes widened as she looked at all of the wounds. This was too much for me, I could feel myself panicking. I didn't want her to know!

"Nat please!" I cried as she grabbed my other wrist. She looked at that one too and I could see the horror peeking through her neutral expression. She looked worried, angry, and sad. 

I was crying even harder as I tried to hide my face from her. I couldn't stand to look at her expression. "Oh Wanda," I barely heard her over my sobs. There was no way I could hide my face in the position I was in so I opted to just face the floor, letting my tears fall to the ground.

I felt Nat remove the rubber band from my wrist and it took all my power to not jump up and grab it back. I needed that, it was what kept me in line. 

"Wanda," I heard her say in a gentle voice. Here is where she tells me that I am no longer allowed to stay with her, that I'm too much work, and that she's going to send me to some kind of psychiatric hospital. "Honey, calm down, I'm not mad." Just disappointed my mind filled in for me which did nothing to help my panic. "Baby, can you talk to me?" Maybe she didn't hate me. She was also a trained spy and assassin though so this could just be her act, get me to trust her, and then she'll pull it away.

"Wanda," she continued when I still didn't look at her. I felt her fingers cup under my chin as she gently pushed up to make me face her. "Honey," she started carefully, "How long have you been doing this?"

I turned my eyes back to the ground. I couldn't answer that question. It had been way too long and I knew that. I wasn't ready for her to know everything yet. It was moving too fast!

"Wanda, how long?" she was whispering at this point. 

"Since before we left the farm," I mumbled, hoping that she wouldn't hear me, but of course, she heard me.

I heard her take a sharp intake of breath so I stole a glance at her face to see the horror plastered on her face. There it was, I really messed up. "I'm sorry," I cried, hoping that this would be enough to not make her send me away.

"Shh, it's okay honey. Don't apologize." She pulled me into a hug and I was relieved that she was offering me comfort. This was what I needed. I needed my mom to tell me that everything was going to be okay and Nat was here to help me. 

After I calmed down a tiny bit, she stood me up and led me into the bathroom. She cleaned my wrists and then asked the question that I was dreading. "Why didn't you come talk to me baby?"

"I wanted to, I really did Nat!" I tried to convince her. "I just couldn't! I didn't know how to tell you that I was being this weak again," I finished brokenly.

She crouched down so that she was on the floor in front of me and she grabbed my hands. "Wanda Maximoff, you are NOT weak, you are so incredibly strong. I love you, Clint loves you, the entire team loves you, we never want to see you get hurt." This made my light crying turn back into sobs as I processed her words. It meant so much to me that I finally had a family again, a family who loved and cared about me. I was just in such an emotional state right now.

Tasha finished wrapping my wrists and then she led me to the bed after announcing that we should get some sleep. 

I got in the bed and curled up at the opposite side of the bed as Nat as I sobbed. "Wanda, baby, do you want to talk?" I heard Nat ask me gently. I really didn't but I didn't want to upset her. I didn't know what to do anymore. She had found out my huge weakness and I didn't know how I felt about it. I was glad I finally had someone to help me but now I no longer had a coping mechanism to keep myself controlled.

Nat rubbed my back as she continued to talk to me, "We don't have to go to bed quite yet if you don't want to. We could go watch a movie or play a game, whatever you want." I still didn't answer because I was trying to process the fact that she had just found out my huge secret. 

I felt her hand leave my back and I cried harder at the loss of contact. Maybe she had given up on me. 

I quickly saw her appear on the side of the bed that I was facing. She crouched next to the bed as she brushed my hair out of my face. "Sweetheart, it's okay. What's wrong? I can't read minds, you've gotta talk to me." 

I shook my head as I tried to turn the other way but Nat's hand stopped me. She got into bed next to me and pulled me into her chest. I sobbed into her chest, gripping onto her as I released all of the pain and panic that I was holding onto. "Shh, honey. I love you," she repeated as she rubbed my back.

I felt my eyelids grow heavier as I fell asleep, not bothering to move off of Nat as she was comfortable and I felt safe.

o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

I woke up at midnight after a nightmare of Nat and Pietro yelling at me about my self-harm. They called me weak, ugly, fat, any name they could think of as they approached me. It hurt so much to hear two of the people that I loved the most, calling me terrible names.

I managed to hold back my tears as I got off of the bed and went to the window. I felt like I couldn't breathe so I needed some fresh air. The cold night helped immensely and I was soon able to sit down in front of the window, next to Nat. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked me after a few minutes. 

I shook my head but apologized for earlier. "I'm so sorry for earlier."

Nat placed her hand over my hands and started talking, "Wanda, it's okay. I do want to talk a little bit about it later but it does not have to be in the middle of the night." My stomach flipped painfully at the thought of talking about that but I managed to keep my face calm. "I'm not upset, I'm not disappointed, I'm not angry, I am a little worried, I'll admit but I get to do that, I'm your mom." She knocked her shoulder against mine as she smiled and I felt a small smile come to my face. 

"Are you ready to try to sleep again or do you want to sit here a little longer?"

"Sit here if that's okay?" I asked, nervous that she would say no.

"That is completely okay," she told me warmly and I relaxed against her.

After several more minutes of just sitting, I sat up. My back was starting to get cramped from sitting in this position. "You ready for bed?" 

I really wasn't but I didn't want to force Nat to sit here any longer so I nodded as I walked back to the bed. Again, I curled back into the corner of the bed, on the opposite side of Nat. I didn't deserve her comfort. 

"You okay?" she asked me. I just nodded as I fell asleep for the second time that night.

o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

Pietro was standing in my room at the compound. "You really are a terrible bitch Wanda. You know that right?" He was glaring at me as he spoke. "You betrayed me, mother, papa, everyone in our family. You replaced us with Natasha," he hissed her name. "Everyone hates you Wanda, you don't deserve to live," he told me and he smiled viciously. 

I backed up to try to get away from him while begging, "Please Pietro. I'm sorry! Please, I didn't replace you! I miss you all so much! I tried to go back to you guys but I can't with Nat around. I love you so much! Please!" 

He continued to back me into the wall and then he picked me up and started running with super speed throughout the compound. We got outside and there was a huge hole in the ground, he threw me into it and then I saw more heads appear. 

The hole was at least 10 feet deep and for some reason, my powers were not working so there was no way I could escape. I felt stinging and I looked down to see the wounds on my wrist had reopened and were bleeding. 

"That's for replacing us Wanda!" Pietro shouted from the top of the hole. I looked up to see Clint, Laura, Nat, Pepper, Steve, Tony, mother, and papa all circle around the hole, holding shovels. 

"No!" I shouted. 

Everyone started shouting at me, telling me how worthless I was as they started to shovel dirt into the hole. I choked on the taste of dirt as it started to fall on my head and travel down my body. I heard a scream and looked up to see Pietro's torso get scattered with bloody spots as he fell in the hole with me. His body was sprawled out at awkward angles as he laid on the floor.

"Pietro!" I screamed but couldn't move to him.

"I've always hated you Wanda," I heard Nat's voice say. I looked back up. "You're a terrible child and you are so selfish. You are fat, ugly, weak, really, the list goes on. I could keep going if you want. I've never loved you and I'm so glad I can finally do what I've wanted to do since day one...kill you!"

With that last comment, I shot up in bed, sucking in as much air as I could get from the room, glad to no longer taste dirt. "Shh, it's okay honey," I heard from beside me and I knew that the voice belonged to Tasha. It calmed me down a little bit to hear that Nat didn't seem to hate me but I was still shaking and crying as I got out of bed and started to pace. 

I couldn't deal with the nightmares anymore. That was actually one of the easier nightmares but it was my second one tonight which was a lot for me to handle. 

I barely registered as words started pouring out of my mouth, continuing to pace the room as I tried to calm down. It sounded like Nat was talking to me but I couldn't make out what she was saying as my pacing continued. 

I remembered the cuts on my wrist from the dream and I started to panic as I grasped at my wrists. 

I saw Nat approaching me and I was able to calm down slightly when she looked calm, not angry like she had in my dream. "I can't do this anymore mama," I whimpered, wanting her to make it all stop. "I can't keep seeing the disappointment. I can't watch them die over and over again." 

"Okay Wanda, you're doing great. Just take some big deep breaths and we can relax okay?" I tried to take deep breaths but it felt like my lungs were being constricted so I could manage tiny, shallow breaths. 

I fell to the ground and continued to cry, the dream replaying over and over again in my mind. 

I felt as Nat grew closer and then as she touched my arm. I wanted her to hold me so bad but I didn't want to overstep. I felt her arms wrap around me so I took this as my chance to latch onto her. 

She held me close as I cried, finally getting the comfort that I craved. 

I felt myself running out of tears and my crying slowly stopped. I still couldn't stop thinking about the dream though and that made me shake with fear and leftover panic. 

"Are you okay?" Nat asked me gently.

I shrugged as I pulled myself closer to Nat, not wanting to let go yet. 

"Okay, so here's the deal, we can either talk about your dreams now, or we can rest a little bit longer and then talk about them later today? Your choice."

"I don't want to sleep," I whimpered.

"Okay, we don't have to honey. We can watch a movie or something if you aren't ready to talk yet." I nodded at that and we moved to the bed, I stayed tucked in her side the entire time. Tasha was talking like we were going to have a conversation about my dreams but she couldn't force me to talk and I wasn't going to. What happened in my dreams was my business, not hers.