Mama
NATASHA POV:
I felt my heart break more and more as I left Wanda. Her cries echoed inside of my head, reminding me of how terrible I was doing with taking care of her. What kind of mom lets their daughter cry for them? I knew it was needed though as her attachment was getting dangerous, doesn't make it easy though.
I agreed to go to the store to get some groceries and realized that this would be another opportunity to let Wanda spend some time without me. It never took me too long to go shopping so I could let her cry it out for a little bit but hopefully I would be back before a huge panic attack broke out.
Wanda was already fighting before I left the house but I quickly slipped out and got in the car, hoping that Clint would take care of my baby. It hurt so much as I drove away, knowing that Wanda was most likely right inside, bawling her eyes out but I knew it was what she needed.
I had just pulled into the parking lot of the store when my phone rang.
"Hello?" I said as I answered the phone, seeing that it was Tony. I tried to keep my breathing under control as all of the terrible things that could have happened to Wanda flew through my head. Why else would he be calling me?
"Nat, we need you to come home. Wanda is panicking and was using her powers on Clint, Steve and me. She's fine but we had to restrain her to the floor. Now she's crying into Steve. She needs you." I felt anger as I heard about her using her powers on them. I had warned her not to do it again. My anger was being pushed away by my worry for her but I was still preparing myself to punish her once I got home. She knew that it was not okay to use her powers against the family.
"Is everyone else okay?" I asked. "Did she hurt anyone with her powers?"
"Um, Clint tweaked his shoulder as she flung him back but everyone else is fine." My anger surged back as I pulled out of the parking lot and started to head home. Using her powers was already a big no-no but if she hurt someone, that was even worse.
"Okay, I'll be there soon," I mumbled as I hung up. I was seething with anger but I tried to keep it under control. I didn't know what I should do. I know what Laura would have done if I had hurt either her or Clint but I didn't know if I was ready to do that with Wanda. Grounding wouldn't work either because she wasn't leaving the house. I could put her in the corner but that didn't seem like a big enough punishment for what she did.
I had come to the decision that she would be getting a spanking as I pulled up to the compound. I got out of the car and stormed into the house, wanting to show her that I was not happy with her but I stopped when I saw her sobbing into Steve's chest. All of my anger immediately melted away as I saw the pitiful sight.
She was shaking as she tried to take big breaths. In between all of this, she was letting out heart breaking sobs. I quickly walked over to her and grabbed her gently, turning her into my chest.
The sobs changed slightly into a more relieved cry as she gripped onto me. Steve, Tony and Clint all sat down around us, waiting patiently, being there in case of anything. I wanted to tell them that they could leave but they all looked worried and I also wanted them there in case my anger came back. There was no way I could punish her in this state.
Her breathing and sobs calmed down as she looked around the room.
I leaned my head down until I was right next to her ear and said, "Wanda, this is your last chance. If you ever use your powers on someone on this team again, there will be serious consequences. I came home with full intentions to punish you, you're lucky you were so upset or it would've happened." I wanted her to know how serious I was about this. I was still toying with the idea of punishing her but I decided to give her one more chance. This was the last one though, if it happened again, she would be sorry.
My statement made her tears start back up. "I'm sorry Tasha! Please don't hate me! I love you and I'm so sorry! Please!" Her begging made my heart clench and I had to take a few deep breaths to hold back my own tears. I could never hate her! It pained me to hear her beg me not to hate her.
"I don't hate you, I love you too. You're okay, shh. Shh." This calmed her down again, thank gosh. I slowly stood up, guiding her to the couch. She never once moved her face from my chest and instead held on tighter as we started moving. I would've stayed on the ground but I figured that it probably wasn't that comfortable for her.
She apologized to the guys and they all quickly accepted it, moving forward. I smiled at all of them and thanked them silently, glad that they weren't going to hold this over my sweet girl.
I decided to read while Wanda laid on me, trying to make sure that she was comfortable. I felt her body grow heavier and heavier as she fell asleep. Soon she was a dead weight.
I carefully shifted her onto the couch once I was sure that she was completely asleep as I shifted into a more upright position. She was still gripping onto my shirt but the couch was more comfortable than my chest so hopefully she didn't wake up too sore.
"How's your shoulder?" I asked Clint quietly.
"Oh," he said as he rolled his shoulder around, "It's good. I just moved it a bit weird when I moved back."
"You mean when you were thrown back," I grit out, still slightly angry at Wanda.
"She didn't mean to Nat, she just wanted you. She isn't taking this separation technique very well."
"I know," I sighed. "She knows not to use her powers again if she doesn't want to get in trouble," I informed him. "I'm sorry you guys had to deal with that, I thought she knew better."
"It's fine Nat," Tony spoke up. "She apologized, we moved on. She wasn't exactly completely in control when she did it either, she was kind of preoccupied with trying to get to you. We were obstacles, she was trying to remove them. That's it." I was surprised at how genuine Tony was being. Usually, we couldn't get him to be serious about anything. 99% of what came out of his mouth was sarcastic.
All of the other guys nodded along with Tony. I stroked Wanda's hair as she slept. "What am I going to do?" I thought aloud. "Wanda is getting way too attached to me and she needs to be able to do normal things by herself. Obviously this separation thing isn't working, I don't know what to do."
"It took a few days before we started to see an improvement in Lila," Clint started. "She got more attached to Laura before she got better but she eventually got there. I think we've just got to keep going. If we don't see any improvement in a week, then we'll stop and try something else."
The thought of doing this to Wanda for another week made me nauseous. I don't think I'll be able to listen to her screams and cries any longer than I already have. If it helped her in the long run though, I would do it.
"Fine, I don't know if Wanda will be able to do it though," I said. Clint looked at me and I knew immediately that he knew that it wasn't Wanda we were worried about, it was me. I don't think I can do it for the rest of the week. The last few times had been terrible already.
We fell into a comfortable silence for the next few hours while Wanda slept. I hated to wake her up but it was 4 o'clock in the afternoon and I knew that if she didn't wake up now, she would get no sleep tonight. She was already going to have a hard time falling asleep due to this late afternoon nap but if she slept longer, it was going to be even harder to sleep tonight.
I gently shook her awake and she went right back to clinging to me. I sighed but didn't say anything as I held onto her.
o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o
As expected, it was extremely hard to get her to sleep that night. She eventually fell asleep on me and I gently moved her off of me so that I could breathe a little bit. I loved Wanda immensely but having her clinging onto me 24/7 got a little bit exhausting.
I got a little bit of sleep but woke up after Wanda's first nightmare. I managed to get her back to sleep after about an hour, only for her to wake up from another nightmare. This time, she refused to go back to sleep so it was time to get up.
Luckily her second nightmare woke her up around 5:30 so it wasn't crazy early.
We had a pretty chill morning, eating breakfast, training a little bit, and then reading. I was dreading today's round of separation technique. I was going to have to come up with yet another excuse to leave her. I think Wanda knew what was coming because she had been extra careful about holding onto me and not letting me move much.
I felt like the time came way too fast for me to leave her yet again. Clint and I had been texting and we decided that we would try the store again since we still hadn't gotten the necessary groceries.
Clint came into the living room and we started the process of detaching Wanda from me while she cried.
"Tasha!" I heard Wanda scream as I quickly left the room. Her sobs were already at a high level and her breathing was getting panicky.
I quickly got out of the compound and collapsed into the car. Instead of actually going anywhere, I sat in the driver's seat, staring at the field around us. Every muscle in my body was twitching, ready to run back into the room and scoop her up, but I couldn't because that would ruin the technique.
I sat in the driver's seat and tried not to break down from the immense guilt I was feeling. I left my baby in there while she screamed for me. I needed to be there for her and it absolutely killed me that I couldn't.
I sat in the car for a bit longer until I could no longer stand it. I got out of the car and quietly walked back into the house to go check on Wanda. I immediately heard her cries and screams coming from the lounge so I slowly walked there.
I saw her crying on the couch but was slightly surprised to see that Clint was restraining her instead of comforting her. Usually, when I got back, Wanda was crying into one of their chest's but this time, Clint was holding back Wanda who was struggling in his grasp, desperately trying to get away. He was holding her from behind as she tried to push away, nothing was working though which was just making her more and more desperate.
Wanda's eyes had been closed but they opened for a quick second. Unfortunately, that quick second was long enough for her to see me standing next to the wall.
"Tasha!" she cried as she fought even harder to try to leave. Clint must have noticed the change in her cry and struggling because he looked up and saw me quickly ducking behind the wall. Now my poor baby was crying for me even harder. "Don't leave me Tasha! Please! I love you! Tasha please I love you so much! Mama please!" I heard that one word and it was enough to make me freeze.
Tears sprung to my eyes and I nearly collapsed against the wall. She had gone back to calling for 'Tasha' but I had heard it. That one simple word. Wanda said it and now my guilt was a million times worse. I didn't deserve that title. I was letting my baby cry for me while I hid behind a wall like a coward.
I don't know how much time had passed but before I knew it, Clint was pulling me away from the wall and down the hallway into a room.
"What were you doing in there?" Clint hissed. I knew that since she saw me, I basically ruined this separation because now she knew we were lying to her. She thought I was at the store but then she saw me in the room.
I looked at him for a second before I spoke quietly. "She called me 'mama'. Clint, she called me mama." The tears were back and I broke down. I rarely ever break down but the guilt I felt from leaving my daughter in that room was eating me alive. I could still hear her screaming my name, begging me to come back.
Clint hugged me as he rubbed my back. "Tasha, that's not a bad thing," he whispered to me.
"I know! I never thought anyone would ever call me mama. The red room took that away from me. But to hear Wanda beg me to come back was too much. I can't do this anymore. She needs me! It's killing me! I'm her mom Clint! Her mom. A mom isn't supposed to leave their child when they are upset. I am the worst mom ever! When I took her in, I did it because she needed to be taken care of. Then I started seeing her as a daughter and now she thinks of me as a mother! What if I screw her up Clint? I'm screwing her up right now! I'm basically letting her go through immense panic all because she's a tiny bit attached to me! What am I doing?" I pushed past Clint to try to go back to her but he grabbed me and pulled me back.
I went to take him down but he stopped me in my frazzled state. "Tasha, Wanda needs this right now. I know you love her and you want to go back to her but she needs to go back to being at least slightly independent. Steve has her right now and she'll be okay. She needs her mom to be okay though and you aren't right now. You need to breathe. She'll be okay. Yes, she called you 'mama' and that's huge Nat!" he told me with a large smile. I smiled back.
"She only said it once," I pointed out. "She probably didn't mean to and she went back to calling me Tasha right after."
"Doesn't matter, she said it once and she'll go back to it," he told me. "She trusts you enough to call you that. That's not just a random word." My tears had stopped and I felt warmth as I replayed her calling me mama over and over again. I could still hear her cries from outside but I tried to block it out as I thought of that one word.
"She sees you as a mom Nat and that's awesome! You must be doing something right," he joked and I laughed along lightly. It was incredibly hard to do so with her sobbing in the other room but I needed this.
Clint sat with me in the room for another 15 minutes before I couldn't do it anymore. "I've got to go get her," I told him. We had been sitting against the wall for awhile, Clint keeping a firm hand around my shoulders to hold me down. I could easily stand up if I wanted to but it was a reminder that Wanda needed this.
I got up and ran to the living room where Wanda had switched to crying into Steve's chest. I sat down next to him and shifted her to my lap and just let her cry it out as I rocked her. "Shh, shh. Mama's here, she's got you, you're safe."
She gripped onto my shirt as she finished crying but she didn't say anything, instead just focusing on her breathing.
After she had calmed down completely she spoke quietly, "Please don't leave me again."
"Oh honey," I breathed out as I pulled her closer to me. She was breaking my heart! How could I ever leave her again?
Clint and Steve left the room to give me some time alone with my girl. Once they were gone, Wanda spoke again. "I'm sorry I called you mama. It just slipped out. Please don't be mad." She didn't move her face out of my chest as she apologized.
I was right, she didn't mean to. It hurt to hear her say that but I didn't show it as I responded with, "Don't apologize honey! It's completely okay, I'm not mad at all! In fact, I love that you were comfortable enough to call me that. You don't have to call me that if you don't want to but you can if you want." I didn't want to force her to do anything.
"You ran away after I called you that though," she pointed out.
"Oh baby, I didn't run away because I was upset. I was just surprised is all."
"I want to call you that but Pietro and mother would be mad at me for replacing them," she said tearfully.
"I don't think they would be mad at you, they loved you and they would want you to be happy and do what you want. You totally do not have to call me that if you don't want to, it's up to you. If you aren't ready right now, that's fine too. I love you no matter what you call me." She seemed to calm down at this and relaxed further into my embrace.
I thought Wanda was going to fall asleep due to the several nightmares she had the night before but she didn't. After about half an hour of just sitting on the couch, she pulled away and requested that we go train.
We went to the gym and she held onto my shirt like she always did, making sure that I didn't leave her.
"How about we try some hand-to-hand combat today?" I suggested, wanting to do something a bit different than sitting on a bench, moving bean bags with her powers.
"But I wanna be with you," she whined as she pulled herself closer to me. I grabbed her wrists to pull her in front of me so that I could look at her.
"Wanda," I started. "I know that you know that this is not normal. Now I don't want you to be ashamed of wanting to be with me but we've got to try to be a little bit more independent okay? I won't leave the room, I'll be a few feet away from you. We can spar a bit and we'll still be touching most of the time. Do you think you can do that for me?" I saw the tears glaze over her eyes as she nodded. Her body also started shaking as she let go of me and backed up slightly.
My heart continued to break as I watched her sad face. It seemed like she was trying insanely hard not to run back into my arms but this was progress. She was so strong.
I walked over to the mat with her following closely. I stopped and she nearly ran into me because she was so close. I got into a fighting stance and then helped correct her stance.
I started with slowly showing her some different moves and then helping her execute them. She was picking them up really quickly and soon, we were sparring lightly. Her eyes still longed for a hug but she had loosened up slightly during the fight.
"Good job!" I praised as she got a hit in. It made her smile as she continued.
We fought for about half an hour before I stopped her. "Great job today Wands," I smiled at her. "Let's go take a quick shower and then maybe we can go shopping." We still hadn't gotten any of the things we needed from the store.
She had gone back to attaching herself to my side and I knew we were going to have a slight problem with the shower but she had shown huge improvement during sparring.
WANDA POV:
Apparently Nat didn't get my subtle hints that I didn't want her to leave as she announced that she was going back to the grocery store the next day. I had gotten barely any sleep the night before and I was tired. My body was completely exhausted from both the lack of sleep and the amount of meltdowns I was having daily. I needed Nat. It was all I could think of every hour of the day which made my mind exhausted as well. I was just so tired and it was making it hard to control my emotions.
Nat had seemed to get over her anger with me really quickly but I knew that I was walking on thin ice and that I would not get another warning.
The second time she tried to go to the store, my body felt like it was shutting down. I was so tired of fighting her on this but I couldn't help it. I wanted to be normal, I really did, I just couldn't shake the feeling that something terrible was going to happen when I was without her.
Clint tried to calm me down yet again but it wasn't working. I fought as hard as I could without hurting him but my body just wasn't working. I knew using my powers was no longer an option if I didn't want Nat pissed at me so I was at a loss of what to do.
I was falling into a complete panic attack when I opened my eyes to try to find a way out of this. Tears were blurring my vision but not enough that I didn't see Nat standing to the side of the room. "Tasha!" I yelled, trying to convince her to come over to me. She was in the room! Why wasn't she coming to me? I watched as she moved behind the wall a bit more and Clint grabbed onto me tighter. "Don't leave me Tasha! Please! I love you! Tasha please I love you so much! Mama please!"
I froze for a second once I realized what I had just said. I didn't deserve to call her that, I couldn't replace my old mother and Nat probably didn't want the burden of having to take care of me. I quickly switched back to calling her Tasha, hoping that she wouldn't notice. What if she hated me now? I didn't mean to call her that and I watched in fear as she moved even further away from me.
Clint asked FRIDAY to get Steve but I barely noticed being shifted into his arms as I was so lost in my thoughts. I was still screaming for Tasha, hoping against anything else that she didn't hear me call her 'mama' and that she didn't hate me.
Clint ran off, I assume to go talk Natasha down from her anger caused by me calling her that. I can't believe I was so stupid! She doesn't think of me like that! She doesn't want to take care of me and now I just ruined my relationship with my favorite person.
I still cried and begged for her to come back, praying that she wouldn't leave me after what I did. Steve tried his best to comfort me and it probably would have worked better if I wasn't so afraid that Nat was now gone forever.
I was beginning to accept that Nat wasn't coming back and was going to stop calling for her when I smelt vanilla and looked up to see her sitting next to Steve on the couch. She held her arms out for me to be passed to her and I immediately clung to her, not saying anything in fear that she would yell at me or stop comforting me.
"Shh, shh. Mama's here, she's got you, you're safe." So she heard me call her mama but she doesn't seem angry. I felt immense relief as I cried into her, soaking up all of the comfort that she was offering me. I felt so much better knowing that she hadn't left. It didn't mean that she wasn't mad at me for calling her mama but she called herself that so maybe it was okay?
"Please don't leave me again," I said quietly after I had calmed down.
"Oh honey," she said sympathetically as she pulled me closer to her, rocking me slowly. I heard some shuffling in the room and realized that Steve and Clint left.
I knew I had to apologize for what I did earlier, "I'm sorry I called you mama. It just slipped out. Please don't be mad." I couldn't look at her because I was terrified I was going to see her anger.
"Don't apologize honey!" she said and I was surprised. "It's completely okay, I'm not mad at all! In fact, I love that you were comfortable enough to call me that. You don't have to call me that if you don't want to but you can if you want." She seemed almost disappointed as she told me that I didn't have to call her that. I was so happy that she wasn't mad at me so I glazed over it.
I was still confused about one thing, "You ran away after I called you that though."
"Oh baby, I didn't run away because I was upset. I was just surprised is all." I was still a little bit confused but as long as she wasn't mad, I didn't care why she left.
I realized that I really did want to call her mama, I was just scared. She was my mom in every way but blood. She had taken care of me in my darkest of times, she loved me, she made sure I was healthy. Those are all qualities of a mom and I had seen her as my mom for awhile, I just never called her that. I shared my thoughts with her, "I want to call you that but Pietro and mother would be mad at me for replacing them."
Both of them had continued to show up in my dreams throughout the last few nights, yelling at me for replacing them with Nat, saying I was worthless and weak, calling me terrible names, the list goes on. I was terrified that I would continue to upset them, even though I knew they weren't real. I felt the tears building back up as I thought of my dreams.
"I don't think they would be mad at you, they loved you and they would want you to be happy and do what you want. You totally do not have to call me that if you don't want to, it's up to you. If you aren't ready right now, that's fine too. I love you no matter what you call me." I felt a wave of calm rush over me at this statement as I relaxed further into her arms, relishing in the comforting embrace. I was glad that calling her my mom wasn't a one time only offer and that if I felt ready later, I could go back to calling her that.
I don't know if I'm ready to face Pietro and mother in my dreams as they will not be happy with the new name Nat gained. Maybe I'll start calling her that in a little bit. I know it's foolish but I really am scared of Pietro and mother in my dreams. I know that they are just things my brain is making up but it's absolutely petrifying when your family is threatening to kill you and saying cruel things that you never could have imagined them saying to you. It's just so realistic.
I was deep in thought as I laid on Nat that 30 minutes passed by in the blink of an eye. I didn't want to just lay on the couch forever so I asked if we could go train. My powers were building up inside of me and I needed to move.
I figured that we could do what we had done the past several days where I sat next to Nat as I moved bean bags around the room.
We got to the gym and she suggested doing hand-to-hand combat.
"But I wanna be with you," I whined, knowing full well I sounded like a toddler. I tried to pull myself closer to her side but she grabbed my wrists and gently moved me in front of her.
"Wanda, I know that you know that this is not normal. Now I don't want you to be ashamed of wanting to be with me but we've got to try to be a little bit more independent okay? I won't leave the room, I'll be a few feet away from you. We can spar a bit and we'll still be touching most of the time. Do you think you can do that for me?" She was extremely gentle with me as she talked but I felt bad. I felt like she was getting tired of me being with her every step of the way. I knew it was not normal but I couldn't help it.
I felt the tears well up in my eyes but I nodded and slowly moved away from her. I actually felt sick as I walked away from her but I knew that I needed to do this and that it was healthy. My body was shaking but I tried to hide it as I got into my fighting stance. I desperately wanted to snap the rubber band that was on my wrist under my shirt but I couldn't do it with Nat watching me.
I managed to lightly spar with her, trying my hardest to get hits in so that I could be closer to Nat. I was fighting with myself as I wanted to just give up and collapse back into her arms but she looked so proud.
We sparred for about half an hour before I got tired. Normally, I could just keep going but my body was straining from all of the stress of being away from Nat. Nat praised me as we left the gym, announcing that we would go take showers. I went right back to sticking myself to her side and let my body relax a bit.
We got to our room and Nat told me that either one of us could go first. "You can go first," I said quietly, releasing my grip on her. She looked at me surprised, probably wondering why I let go of her so easily. To be honest, I really needed to snap the band on my wrist. I was feeling panicky and upset and felt myself getting pulled away from reality, I needed to tether myself back to reality.
"Okay," she said hesitantly. "I'll be right back, you can ask FRIDAY to get me if you need anything."
"Okay," I told her. She gave me a quick hug and then went down the hall into her room to take her shower. I went over to the door to close it before sitting on the bed and pulling up my sleeve, starting to snap the band on my wrist.
I had been doing it a little less lately since I was constantly around Nat but when she was sleeping, I snapped it a lot, leaving tons of bright red welts all over my wrist.
I hissed at the stinging sensation as I continued to snap the band. I heard all of the insults Pietro said in my dreams floating through my head as I snapped the band harder and harder. I was upset because I felt like I was a burden to Nat. It was obvious that she was getting upset with me being with her all of the time, she didn't want me anymore. At least that's what I told myself.
Tears started falling as I snapped the band more and more. I snapped it hard enough that the band broke when it hit my arm, flying across the room. I was shocked as I quickly picked it up and threw it out so that Nat wouldn't see it. I went into my bathroom and decided to take my shower while I waited for Nat.
We usually did it one at a time because I would panic too much without her but I needed to wash the blood off of my arm without her seeing.
I quickly took my shower and got dressed, making sure that all of the bleeding cuts were covered so that it didn't bleed through my shirt. Normally, I wouldn't hit myself too hard, not wanting to cut my skin all the way to blood but I had really let go.
When I exited the bathroom, Nat was sitting on my bed, reading. She smiled at me as I walked out. "You took a shower by yourself?" For a 16 year old, this should be a normal thing, unfortunately, it wasn't.
I nodded as I moved towards her, grabbing a hold of her arm. She pulled me into a hug and then asked, "You ready to go shopping?" I didn't really want to leave the house but I nodded. I was trying to figure out how I was going to stay next to her while we drove as we pulled on our shoes.
We said goodbye to Clint and Steve as we climbed into the car, her in the driver's spot and me in the passenger side. I held onto her bicep once she started driving and she didn't say anything so I continued to do it. I made sure not to make it so that my grasp restricted her movement as I wanted to make sure that she could drive just fine.
I was wearing a sweatshirt over a light long sleeve shirt. The car got really hot so I went to pull off my sweatshirt but quickly pulled it back on when I saw the blood stains on my shirt. I had bled through the gauze I wrapped my arms in.
"You can take off your sweatshirt if you're hot," Nat laughed as she glanced over at me.
"It's okay, I'm not that hot," I lied. We had the heaters on high in the car so I was sweating but I didn't want to risk her seeing the blood.
We arrived at the store and I had to let go of Nat for a few seconds while we both got out of the car. I quickly ran around the reattach myself to her as we entered the store.
The store was just as hot and I sighed as we walked through the isles. Nat pulled off her sweater and placed it in the cart.
"It's a sauna in here," Nat panted as she fanned her shirt. It was freezing outside so all of the stores were putting their heaters on full blast. It would've been comfortable if I wasn't wearing my sweatshirt but I couldn't take it off so I suffered.
I was sweating and felt extremely hot, my body was not doing well with the heat either. I felt dizzy and sick. Nat kept shooting worried glances in my direction but there was no way I was going to be showing her the blood stains. Then she'd make me see a therapist when I was really fine.
"Maybe you should take off your sweatshirt," she suggested again. "You look hot."
"I'm not wearing a shirt underneath," I lied.
"Really? Then why did you try to take it off in the car earlier?"
Shit. I had just made myself even more suspicious. I decided to ignore the question and shrug instead as we started unloading our cart onto the conveyor belt.
She looked at me suspiciously but didn't say anything as she paid. We loaded all of our items into the car and then headed back to the compound.
I had gone back to holding her bicep while we drove, trying to sit as close to her as possible. We got home and the guys helped unload the car and put everything away. My face was still red from being so hot so Nat dragged me to our room once all of the bags were inside. "Get out of that sweatshirt and into a lighter shirt," she told me. "You are going to get heat stroke or something, you don't look too good."
It was true, I didn't feel good. I never did well when I got too hot, probably because my body was used to the cold weather of Sokovia. I felt nauseous and my head was pounding.
I didn't want to let go of Nat but I knew I needed to in order to get changed without her seeing the blood so I let her go and then waited for her to leave the room. She didn't.
"You can go Nat, I'll be right out," I told her.
"I need to make sure you don't pass out from overheating. I won't watch you get dressed, I just want to be in the room in case anything happens," she told me as she turned around.
After a few seconds of me not moving she turned around to look at me again. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," I said. I was worried that if she turned around she would see my shirt. I also needed to go clean and re wrap the cuts.
Nat walked over to the closet and pulled out a short-sleeve shirt which she tossed to me. "Put this on and then come meet us in the living room. Tell FRIDAY to get me if you feel sick at all okay?" I nodded as she left the room. I don't know why she was making such a big deal over me being hot. It really wasn't that big of a deal if I was a little hot but to Nat, she acted as if the world was ending.
I looked at the shirt and quickly switched it out for a long sleeved shirt as I went into the bathroom. The panic was coming back from not being near Nat so I was quick to throw out the bloody gauze and re wrap my wrists, slipping the shirt over my body.
It felt much better not to have my huge sweatshirt on any more. I made a beeline to the living room where I found Nat talking with Clint. They both stopped when I walked in but I didn't think much about it as I climbed onto the couch next to Nat. She wrapped her arm around me as we sat there.
She pulled me closer to her so that my head was resting on her chest. I felt relaxed as I sat with her and was glad that she didn't seem mad at me or upset that I was sitting with her. She didn't have to pull me closer but she did which meant that she probably didn't care that I was next to her. I knew I needed to recover fast before she started to care though.