Warrior
Val sinks to the floor in the puddle of her girlfriends blood her head is in her hands and her eyes are dripping with tears
‘hey, hey hey, its okay’ Nat comforts her, sitting down on the floor and getting Deja vú of the last time she stopped a panic attack, but this isn’t a panic attack. Val is screaming into her hands, burying her face into knees and drawing her legs up to her, crouching into a tiny ball of broken soul
‘Val look at me’ Nat says gently ‘look at me’ she repeats, Val doesn’t stop crying but her watery eyes meet Natasha’s and she whispers
‘its all my fault’ and with a slash Val’s blood joins Iris’s on the floor, a deep cut like Red’s is welling with blood on her forearm. She looks down, eyes cold and empty with no regret
‘Val’ Nat yells
‘i had to see what it was like’ she whispers ‘it is all my fault’
‘no, no its not’
‘yes it is, you saw what she did, you saw that it was me, me who gave her the knife. I killed her’
‘no you did not, she could have used any knife, you are not the reason for this’
‘I could have stopped this, I could have been there for her’
‘you might of, but what’s done is done, you can be there for her now though’
‘no I cant I am the problem’
‘no, you are the solution, she loves you and she needs you to be strong for her now, you need to be there for Iris, be strong and happy for her’ Nat pleads and the girl finally looks up
‘I need to leave’ she stands running over to the huge glass windows of the bedroom and trying to slam through it, smashing her fist over and over into the glass creating not even a crack, just another smear of blood from her shattered knuckles
‘Brunnhildle stop it’ Nat yells, grabbing the girl from behind, twisted her and throwing her to the floor in a lock.
‘it is not your fault’ she says slowly ‘now tell me that. Tell me it was not your fault’ the hazel eyes meet hers and Val gulps
‘it my fault’ she whispers, Nat continues to stare at her, as if reading for soul
‘it is not my fault’ she repeats, calmer, pulse slowing down and a deep, uncomfortable weight of dread setting in her stomach
Nat gently leads her over to the bed and Val, still slightly shellshocked by what happened lies down slowly eyes still dripping with tears and knees still damp with blood
‘Nat’ she hates how her voice comes out as a weak rasp. The red head turns around just as she is about to walk out the door.
‘yes смелая девушка’ she says
‘will…will you stay with me?’ Val hugs the blanket slightly closer to her, beginning to shiver, but not from cold. Nat’s eyes flicker
‘of course I will’ she whispers, and pads across the room, settling onto the bed and gently placing Val’s hand in her own, absent minded stroking back the girl’s long hair with the other.
‘you know…’ the warrior hiccups ‘I lost everyone I loved, I lost my mum, my sisters, the only family I had ever known. I lost the girl I had loved for 500 years, I couldn’t save them’ Nat can feel her leggings where the brunette’s head lies getting gradually wetter, but lets her continue
‘I thought I would never love anyway one again, I had my life destroyed in front of my eyes and it broke me. Then I thought I was saved, I thought I had found something to fill my emptiness, but I think someone has just woken me up from that dream’ she trails off
‘what dream смелая девушка’ Nat whispers
‘That I was avenger, that I was doing good, had a life worth living, had a girlfriend who loved themselves every bit as I loved them’ she choaks out, the spy is quiet for a while
‘you know I once told someone I was scared of waking up from the dream of being an Avenger, of being anything more than the weapon they made me. And do you know what they said? They said what is life but an opportunity to make your dreams come true I don’t know why, but I thought about it for a while. Im not going to say that to you though, because it turned out that person had lied to me, I had to kill them a week later’ Val gives a shuddery sniff on her lap
‘but you are doing good, you are deserving of your place on the team. Your life is worth living and Iris loves you so much, sometimes the world throws stuff in our way we don’t expect but we have just got to fight through, clinging into what makes us unique and ourselves and if that’s the fact that you can turn into a frog at a moments notice, or if you can shoot lasers from your fists we need to accept that and value those gifts. And if its that you lost the people that you love or you are unhappy with yourself then you need to accept that too and improve on those things, not move on but learn from your mistakes and think about them, remember how you bounced back. A wise friend once told me why not just say fuck the world for one, think about your friends, your family, me? And its one of my greatest regrets that I didn’t but I wont let you make my mistakes so; you need your beauty sleep, we are talking to Iris tomorrow’
The girls sniffs a bit more but doesn’t disagree, Nat stays there, my her side, even after her breathing even out and the girls eyes shut with a flutter. Still stroking back her hair the spy begins to sing, softly in Russian a husky accent catching on the edge of her words
‘Там, где течет мечтательная Волга, Там одинокая русская роза, Глядя нежно, Вниз на ее колено, Где карие глаза ребенка блестят, Слушать, Каждую ночь вы будете, слышать ее кроун, Русская колыбельная, Просто маленькая жалобная мелодия, Когда ребенок начинает плакать, Прощай мой малыш, Где-то может быть, Земля, которая бесплатна для тебя и меня, И русская колыбельная’
***
My head spins and I groggily open my eyes to a harsh white light.
‘INES’ I slur ‘Turn lights to 5%’ at once the light dim and I fight to keep my eyes open, however as soon as the AI acts to my command the door bashes open and I wince as Dr Cho runs in, she kneels over my bed and looks me over, checking my pulse and bandages
‘Where….where am I’ I ask, ignoring the thudding pain in my head and ache all over my arms. Dr Cho looks worried
‘Do you know who you are?’ she asks gently and I resist the urge to laugh
‘yes, im Iris, Red Dawn and im in the avengers compound med bay, but why….what did I do….what happened’ I question, wracking my brains for memories. The Doctor’s eyes flash over with a sadness. Then I remember
Blood, so much blood. The feel of the knife cutting my skin, the green of my eyes, I have no place in this world. The sound of Val’s screams
‘i..i did something’ I sum up lamely, my eyebrows furrowing she nods gravely. I Sit up slowly and she goes back to checking the monitors, I gently pull back the sleeves of my hospital gown. My arms are covered all over with think bandages a few are stained red and they reach from my shoulder to my wrists
‘i…I didn’t mean to…I didn’t want to go this far’ I stammer, remembering the enveloping darkness, Dr Cho turn around sadly
‘you might not have wanted to but you nearly cut a major artery, you are lucky Ms Romanoff and Valkyrie found you in time’ she explains slowly, taking my hand and readjusting my bandages
‘but you are safe, now, you are happy and you belong in a family, yes?’ she looks into my eyes and I nod, feeling tear prick at the edge of my vision
‘I have a place in this world’ I say and to my surprise see Dr Cho’s eyes quickly become watery
‘yes’ she replies ‘yes you do, now I believe your family wants to see you’ she smiles and I nod again
‘INES’ standing up she addresses the AI ‘who is outside and what are they doing’
‘morning Dr Cho, outside are all the avengers currently residing in the tower, they have all been outside all night. Tony is on him 6th cup of coffee and is listening to music, thor is crying and swearing to abolish the human nonsense of self harming, cap is talking with Bucky, Clint is fiddling with his necklace and texting his family, dr banner is trying to work and remain calm, Carol is glowing and messaging Maria and Monica cancelling their visit next week so she can look after you and Nat and Val are upstairs still in your room, Val had…’
Ive never known an AI hesitate before, but INES seems unsure of how to explain the situation
‘she had a hard time and both of them blamed them selves, they staying in your bed last night and Nat sung Russian lullabies and helped calm her down’
‘Thank you’ I whisper then turn to Cho
‘could they come in? just one at a time?’ I ask, not wanting to be overwelmed and she nods
‘who first?’
‘Carol’ I reply, knowing my space unctie would see the good and help as much as they can
‘sending Tinkerbell in now’