Light
I don’t stop until I find the knife Val gave me the day after our first fight.
I don’t stop until the blood flows freely from my arms, the deep crimson staining the bathroom tiles.
I don’t stop until the blood shows that I am human I only stop as I survey what I have done, the knife abandoned on the floor, my blood, rich red blood pouring from my veins.
‘I have no place in the world’ I whisper as I feel a familiar tug in the back of my mind, my eyes transferring to green
‘I have no place in this world’ I repeat in a whisper before this world wraps its arms around me, enveloping me in a void of darkness.
***
Nat
I shoot bullseye after bullseye, when my gun is out of ammo I reload in, a satisfying rhythm
Bang, bang, bang,
Switch hands
Bang, bang, bang,
Switch hands
Bang, bang, bang,
Switch hands
Bang, bang, bang,
Switch hands
Reload
Bang, bang, bang,
Switch hands
Bang, bang, bang,
Switch hands
And so on until the ground in littered with used bullet cases and the target is barley standing. With a feeble flop it hits the floor
I don’t stop until all the bullets in the cabinet are gone, until my finger is raw from the trigger and my shoulder sore aching from the recoil
I don’t stop until I find the spare bow and arrow Clint leaves down here
I don’t stop until I can hit bullseye with his weapon
I don’t stop until I run out of arrows I only stop as I survey what I have done, the bullet cases screw across the floor, the weapons store ransacked and empty, knives sticking out of targets, arrows plunged into walls and target riddled with bullet holes lying still on the tiles
‘I have no place in the world’ I whisper as I sink to the floor, my head in my hands.
‘I have no place in this world’ I repeat as I feel blood dripping down from my arms, pooling around where I am sitting.
At once I look up. I am not bleeding, I have not cut myself as I threw my blades or drew my arrows, I am better than that. Still I feel the familiar tug in the back of my mind and again the dampness over comes me. Suddenly it clicks
Red.
I force myself into soul, trying too push my conscious into her body, finally I feel her give way to me and I open my eyes.
I want to throw up. Blood, so much blood, is all I see before my eyes go black.
I can feel the gentle pulse of her heart in the back of my mind as I race up the many fights of stares to the living area and bedroom, no wait, too gentle, slowing, slowly stopping.
Crash
Nat collides head on with Stark as she round the corner.
‘Natasha I just wanted to say im so so-‘ he starts, hurt and apology in his eyes
‘NO’ Nat says quickly, his yes cloud over with worry
‘Its Red, shes…. Shes self harming again I think’ he at once leaps to action, calling all the Avengers urgently to the living room with a single tap to his watch.
Cap leaps out of the lift, along with Val, Thor and Carol whose first are already glowing
‘guys we gotta problem’ Stark states pacing the room already looking through CCTV of every the rooms in the tower, running facial recognition to find out where Red is.
Nat take over ‘Iris is self-harming again’ is state slowly. Val falls to the floor in a dead faint. Carol catches her before she hits the floor, Steves face falls immediately and he clutches his shield closer to him
‘we have to find her’ he whispers, running over to join the disappearing Stark at the computers, Nat drop down beside Carol, who is trying to wake up Val
‘come on Val, come on Iris needs you’ she pleads, giving the girl a gentle shock from her hands
‘waa ttt…whats happened oh my god Iris’ the girl wakes up gently then remembers leaping to her feat to swaying gently
‘woah take it easy Val’ Carol says but Nat is in ‘find my baby’ mode
‘Where is she Stark’ she growls, as the facial recognition scans come back negative.
‘I don’t know, FRIDAY has cameras every where, even in the lift, everywhere except’ then he realises
‘The bathrooms’ Val yells then runs out of the room, headed to Red’s bedroom, where her un-suite is. Carol runs off to inform the med-bay and Thor, Cap A, Stark and Nat follow but Nat and Val arrive first.
Val is shaking again, pointing to a drip coming under the bathroom door.
Blood.
‘Stay back’ Stark pushes Cap and Thor out of the room to the sitting room and they sit, legs bouncing thumbs twiddling in awkward silence until Thor finally speaks up
‘Im sorry, but what does this Midgardian phrase ‘self harming’ mean’ he says slowly and Steve pales slightly
‘It…its when people are sad about them selves or unhappy about something and they hurt them selves, cut them selves’ he whispers and Thor’s entire deminor changes, he sinks deeper in him seat and his shoulders sag his eyes filling up with tears as he drops his hammer to the floor with a thud
***
Nat
The bathroom door is locked, of course, even FRIDAY cant unlock it-apparently she tried when she heard the screams.
I smash my shoulder against the door, and hearing no reply from the other side I try again. Pain erupts up my arm and into my neck but I don’t care, im getting that girl out of her own blood.
‘Nat’ Val pleads, desperately trying to pick the locks ‘Natasha’ she tries again, twiddling them frantically in the tiny hole.
I turn and look at her, eyes streaked with tears ‘I shouldn’t have put a gun to Tony’s head, I shouldn’t have listened in to his conversation, I overreacted’ I say quickly, running at the door a final time.
The pain burns but I use it to spur me on
‘Its not your fault Nat’ Val screams over the crashes of my shoulder on wood. I stop and look at her, she is crying, eyes blurred with tears as she tries to pick the complicated cogs
‘Its not your fault, its not Tony’s and for gods sake its not Iris’s. but my girlfriend is in there bleeding to death and I need to get her out’ she sobs, pushing harder and harder into the lock until the pick snaps, end still in hole, ruining our chances of getting the door open that way.
She falls to the floor still sobbing and I crouch next to her, pushing her long hair away from her face
‘its going to be okay Val, we will get her out’ I promise, but even I am unsure now
Smash
A large metal object is hurled through the door lock, smashing half the door and the door frame into splinter.
‘no one hurts my Midgardian’ Thor growls, summoning Mijolner back to his hand.
I rush through the door and stop at the sight in front of my eyes. Iris is sitting up slouched against the bath still in her jeans and white t-shirt.
But the t-shirt is now red, red with blood.
Deep cuts scatter her arm and biceps, both arms a mess of dried blood and skin. There is a small puddle on the floor by her right arm and loosely held in her hand in a knife. The knife is small and sharp-more or a dagger really, it has a carved wooden handle, now flecked with blood and a small green gem set into the handle.
I recognize it instantly, Val gave it to her, after the battle of London, when she got stabbed ‘you get stabbed, stab them back’ she joked to the joyous look on Red’s face as she opened the present.
‘Elskan’ Brunn screams running over and dropping down to the ground beside her, trousers soaking up the blood lining the floor. I follow suit and press my hands to her neck, feeling for a beat, a pulse, anything.
Suddenly I feel it ‘Shes breathing’ I shout as Carol appears at the door, a hover stretcher and Dr Cho in pursuit
‘Oh my god Iris’ Dr Cho exclaims seeing the scene in front of her ‘get her up, get her to the stretcher’ she orders, tapping her watch quickly.
I obey-Val still looks so weak and lift the girl bridal style onto the stretcher, she strains against my grasp and I hear her utter words I recognize
‘I have no place in this world’ My blood runs cold but she is not done, the knife is still loosely held in her right arm and she brings it up to her left.
‘no’ strong, slender hands are clutching the knife, Val wrenches it from her grasp with a stammer recognizing it like I did.
‘she..i gave it…it my…. Its my fault…I killed her…. I’ she stutter weakly as Iris is whisked away Dr Cho and Carol running behind. I turn back to Val.
My baby Dawn needs me, but this warrior needs me more.