Chapter 5
Over the past few days, things have been slowly getting better. Steve has been giving Bucky "directions" (he refuses to order Bucky around) and making sure to shower him with praise and positive reinforcement. Bucky seems to be functioning better when he's told what to do, and he sometimes even smiles at the praise.
Clint has been coming by and teaching Bucky a bit of sign language. He now knows how to sign for hungry, thirsty, diaper change, and scared. He never uses diaper change, but he uses scared a lot. It saddens Steve to see it, but he's glad Bucky can at least now communicate some of his needs.
Sam had sat down with Steve and explained to him how Bucky was likely raped and abused at Hydra. Steve had been heartbroken. He'd had his suspicions, but he didn't want to believe it. It hurts too much knowing what Bucky's expecting, getting scared and crying during changes and baths and every time he's naked. It makes him want to hunt down every last remaining Hydra agent and make them suffer.
Tony's been stopping by every day just to sit and chat with Bucky. He doesn't seem to care that Bucky doesn't speak back. Tony's happy to just have his one sided conversation. Steve thinks he just likes to hear himself talk. He used to come by at random times, until one day he came by in the morning. Bucky had gotten up off the couch and stood in the corner, facing the wall.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Tony had asked.
"He's pooping." Steve says, looking up from the book he's reading. "He usually does that in the mornings after breakfast. I'll change him when he's done."
"Ugh!" Tony exclaims suddenly, bringing his shirt up to cover his mouth and nose. "He stinks! He makes you change his shitty diapers too?"
"Tony, you know he's incontinent. And he doesn't make me do anything. I choose to care for him and changing diapers is just part of that. And don't react negatively like that, you'll make him upset and he'll think you're angry." Steve says. He's been working hard to get Bucky to stop freaking out every time he does that, because he seems to think he'll be punished for it.
Bucky had gotten upset thinking Tony was angry, but Tony had apologized and reassured him he wasn't, promising to come back tomorrow with pizza. Steve had gotten Bucky calmed down and changed once Tony had left. So now Tony only comes by in the afternoons.
Today had been pretty uneventful. Steve had been giving simple directions, ("eat your food, great job") and Bucky had a good day. Steve gave him a bath before bed, directing him to sit and stay in the tub and telling him how good he's being while he washed him. He'd diapered and dressed Bucky and put him to bed around 10. Steve had then gone to sleep in his own bed and that was that. He wasn't expecting the night to be difficult.
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"What the hell is your problem?!" The Commander screamed. "Stop fucking crying!"
The Asset tries to obey the order but he can't. His eyes burn with the tears he's trying to hold back and he doesn't even know how he got here.
"Wipe him." The Secretary says with a look of disgust. "Bring him to me when he can act like a fucking adult."
The technicians grab the Asset by the arms and drag him to the chair. He begs and pleads for mercy as the headpiece lowers down, but nobody has sympathy for the Asset. He's not a person. He's a weapon, an object, meant to be used and maintained. This is maintenance and he is malfunctioning. He needs maintenance.
The chair powers on, sending flares of burning hot pain through his body. He can smell the electricity in the air, his own searing flesh and hair. Everything hurts. Everything is on fire.
The Asset jolts awake, sitting up in bed. He's momentarily disoriented, confused at his surroundings and how he got here. He remembers. New handlers. New base. They tell him he's safe, that he won't be hurt. But he knows it's just a matter of time. A loud rumbling bang echoes through the room as a flash of light swallows him. It's the chair. He's still in the chair and he must've passed out, he's hallucinating, this isn't real, it isn't real.
He scrambles off the bed screaming, out of control, he can't think of anything other than it's not real, it's not real but it hurts, it hurts so much, help me
He grabs the lamp off the bedside table and launches it into the wall, shattering it with a deafening crash. He flips the bed and just starts punching, not caring what he hits. The walls, the door, himself.
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Steve gasps awake with a start, hearing something crash and shatter in Bucky's room. A glance at the clock shows it's just past midnight. Bucky's screaming, and he can hear thuds and bangs. Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes as rain pours heavily outside.
Steve is immediately on his feet and running to Bucky's room.
"Bucky!" Steve exclaims, throwing open the door. "Bucky! Stop!"
Bucky freezes, turning to Steve. Steve can see he's got some bruises, the bed is flipped, the lamp is broken, and the walls are littered with holes.
"Bucky. Come here."
Bucky slowly walks towards Steve, signing scared over and over the whole way.
"I know you're scared. It's okay. It's just a thunderstorm, it can't hurt you." Steve says calmly.
"You go to my room and lay on the bed." Steve tells him. He watches Bucky walk away before going and lifting the broken bed, grabbing Bucky's weighted blanket. He goes to his room.
Bucky is laying on the bed, crying. Still signing scared repeatedly.
"Come here, Buck." Steve says, sitting on the bed. He wraps the blanket around Bucky and holds him close.
"It's alright. You're safe." He tells him, rocking him slowly and running his fingers through his hair. "You're so good, Buck. It's okay to be scared. But nothing can hurt you when I'm here. You're so good. That's it, calm down. You're doing so good."
Steve keeps up the reassurances and praise until Bucky is asleep in his arms.
Okay, so there were some setbacks. He'll need to get Bucky's room cleaned up, get the walls fixed and get him new furniture. But besides that Bucky had a good day and that's what Steve chooses to focus on. He knows things will be okay.