Chapter 2
Steve wakes up the next morning still holding Bucky. He's glad Bucky is really here and it wasn't just a dream.
Bucky is awake already, but lying completely still in Steve's arms.
"You could've gotten up, Buck." Steve says. "You don't have to wait for me. How long have you been awake?"
Bucky doesn't answer, but Steve didn't really expect him to anyway.
Steve gets up, stretches a bit, and grabs a diaper for Bucky.
"Sorry, Bucky. I know you don't like it, but I need to change you. Come here."
Bucky scoots to the end of the bed, lying down with his legs over the edge. As expected, he starts crying as soon as Steve touches the waistband of his sweats.
"I know, I know. It's okay. I'm not gonna hurt you." Steve says as he pulls the pants off. He tries to be as quick yet as gentle as he can while he wipes Bucky and changes his diaper. Steve notes that the diaper is soaked, like he must have peed more than once in the night. But, Bucky's urine doesn't smell as strongly and it's more clear than yellow.
"It looks like you're not dehydrated anymore. Good job, Bucky." Steve says as he fastens the tapes.
Steve goes to look for more clothes for Bucky. He thinks about giving Bucky another shower, but decides that would probably be more traumatic than beneficial. He's still pretty clean, it can wait a day or two. He realizes he doesn't have any more pants with drawstrings for Bucky. He grabs a pair of running shorts with an elastic waistband instead. It will have to do for now. He grabs a t-shirt and socks and gets Bucky dressed.
He takes Bucky out to the living room, instructing him to sit on the couch.
"I'm going to take a shower. You can sit here and watch TV, or do whatever you want. I'll make breakfast after I get out, but if you're hungry or thirsty you can help yourself to anything, even if I'm not out yet. Do you need anything?"
Bucky just shakes his head, so Steve turns the TV on and sets the remote on the coffee table. He goes to the bathroom and tries to shower as fast as he can so he can get back out to Bucky.
When he comes back out, Bucky is still sitting in the same spot he left him in. Like, he hasn't moved at all. He's just staring blankly at the TV, and glances over when Steve walks in.
"Anything in particular you want for breakfast?"
Bucky just stares and doesn't answer.
Steve goes to the kitchen. He decides to make bacon and eggs. It's something simple and he knows Bucky likes bacon. Or at least, he used to. Hopefully he still does.
When the food is done, he divides it onto two plates, and puts them both on the table with glasses of apple juice and water.
"Bucky." Steve calls. "Breakfast is ready."
Bucky comes shuffling in a moment later, eyeing the food and then glancing at Steve. He's holding his shorts up as he walks.
"You can sit down and eat." Steve says, sitting down himself with his own plate.
Bucky sits down once Steve does. He clears his plate fast, and drinks both his juice and water before Steve's even halfway through his own food.
"Do you want more?"
Bucky doesn't answer, but his eyes flicker between Steve and his empty plate. Steve gets up and grabs Bucky's plate, and takes it to the stove where he fills it with more food. He refills Bucky's juice and water too.
Bucky eats and drinks everything nearly as fast as he did the first time, then pushes the plate and glasses away. Steve finishes his own breakfast and puts all the dishes in the sink.
"I need to go out." Steve says when they're back in the living room, on the couch. "You can come with me, or stay here. Whichever you're more comfortable with. But I need to go get you some stuff."
Bucky doesn't answer, but when Steve gets up, Bucky follows him.
Steve goes to the bedroom. "If you're coming with me, we'll need to find you something else to wear. Those shorts are gonna fall off."
Steve grabs a diaper first, telling Bucky to lay down on the bed. He changes Bucky's wet diaper while he cries softly, and even though Steve's expecting that by now, it still makes his heart ache.
He goes to his dresser to find something suitable for Bucky. He mostly just has jeans, and Bucky's too skinny to fit them. But he can wear a belt to keep them up, Steve decides. He grabs a pair of light blue jeans and a belt.
He turns around, and when he approaches Bucky, he glances at what Steve has and freaks out. He jumps up from the bed screaming, and backs himself into the corner, cowering and crying, yelling incoherently and pointing at the belt in Steve's hand.
Steve's heart breaks with the realization. He drops the belt to the floor, running to Bucky's side. Bucky flinches away from him, crying harder.
"Oh, Buck, it's okay! I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry! I'm not gonna hurt you, I promise. I just wanted to get you dressed! Please don't cry. It's okay!" Steve feels his own tears coming now. He wants to track down every last Hydra agent and make them suffer like Bucky is suffering. It's not fair. What did they do to his Bucky?
He tries to hug Bucky but Bucky lashes out, screaming and punches him in the head with his metal fist. Steve stumbles back, his ears ringing and vision blurry as he grabs his head. Bucky tries to run. Steve gets up despite the pain and tackles him, pulling him into his lap with his arms pinned against his sides in what he hopes is a gentle and not painful restraint. Bucky screams and kicks, but he can't get out of Steve's hold. He struggles for a few minutes then just gives up and cries.
Steve hears the elevator open before Tony zooms into the room in his suit.
"JARVIS says your pet assassin got violent. Remember what I said would happen if JARVIS told me he got violent?" Tony says.
"He's not violent! It's my fault! I accidentally scared him. I've got him under control now." Steve says.
"Doesn't look like it." Says Tony, looking at Bucky who started struggling again when he came in. "And is he wearing a diaper? Oooh, Captain America has a kinky side."
"He's incontinent, Tony! Don't be so insensitive!"
"Oh, come on. It's just a joke. Anyway, he's unstable. He's gotta go."
"No!" Steve says. "He needs me. He didn't mean to freak out. He's just scared. If you kick him out on the streets, and he gets scared and attacks a civilian, then what?"
"Then he goes to prison, where he belongs."
"He doesn't need punishment, Tony! He needs help!"
"Well then he goes to a mental hospital. I don't really care."
"I can handle him Tony. He's safer here and so is everyone else. Just give me a chance to help him!"
"I gave you a chance already."
"He's scared! He didn't mean it! If you throw him out, I'm going with him!"
"You say that like it's a downside and not a bonus."
"I'm being serious, Tony!"
"Fine." Tony sighs. "He can stay. But you better keep him under control. What did you do to him, anyway?"
"I was just trying to get him dressed to go to the store." Steve says. "I grabbed a belt for him and he got scared and freaked out."
"You were gonna take him out? Like, in public? Are you serious?"
"Well I can't now! Someone needs to watch him for a while so I can go because he needs clothes that fit."
"Well don't look at me. I don't babysit brainwashed seniors. And I definitely don't change diapers."
"I wasn't gonna ask you."
"Okay, don't get snappy, grandpa. I'm going back to the lab. No more outbursts." Tony says.
"It's okay, Bucky. I won't ever hurt you. I'm sorry I scared you." Steve says to Bucky after Tony leaves. Bucky is mostly calmed down now, only crying softly and no longer kicking or struggling.
"Remember my friend Sam? He was here yesterday. I'm gonna call him and see if he can hang out with you for a little bit while I'm gone. Okay? Is that alright?"
Bucky doesn't answer. Steve holds him a little longer, waiting until he's fully calm then he gets up to grab his phone.
"Hey, Sam."
"Hey, Steve. What's up, man? Need some help?"
"Yeah." Steve says. "Look, I'm sorry to bother you. But I need to go to the store to get some stuff for Bucky, and I can't take him with me. He had kind of a meltdown. Are you free right now? Can you come stay with him for a bit?"
"Of course. I told you, call me if you need anything. I can be there in 15 minutes. I'll see you then. Bye."
"Sam is on his way." Steve says, putting his phone away.
He goes over to where Bucky is still sitting on the floor. "I'm sorry I scared you. I really am. I won't hurt you. I'm sorry people hurt you. Can I rub your back?"
Bucky nods, so Steve sits with him and rubs his back while they wait for Sam.
When the elevator opens, Steve goes to meet Sam.
"Thanks for coming on short notice. I really didn't wanna leave him alone."
"It's no problem, really. Thanks for trusting me. Where is he?"
"He's in my bedroom. He had a bit of a freak out when I was trying to get him dressed to take him with me. I was gonna put a belt on him to hold up some jeans, but he saw the belt and I guess thought I was gonna beat him. He got real scared and lashed out a bit. He's calm now, though."
"Hmm." Says Sam. "We'll have to figure out his triggers, I guess. That must be one of 'em. Anything else you've noticed?"
"He cries when I change him or try to clean him. Just anytime his pants are down, really. That's one thing that's been worrying me."
Sam frowns. "I've got some ideas about that. But I don't want to set you off before you leave. We can talk later. Don't worry Steve, I'll take good care of him for you."
"Thank you, Sam. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"It's really not a problem. You go do your shopping. We'll see you when you get back."
"Okay. Thanks again, Sam." Steve says, grabbing his wallet and getting into the elevator.