Chapter 3
After about twenty minutes of driving around in complete silence Natasha decides it’s time to crack, “You aren’t being very chatty right now.” Glancing at her quickly before looking back at the road. She may be reckless but if they want to gain some ground in this then they’re going to need a car that isn’t wrecked.
“Peter is missing Natasha, sorry if that doesn’t put me in the chattiest mood.” At that she feels rather than sees the glare Wanda is sending her way.
“No. It’s more than that. If it’s that you didn’t want to be in the car with me, you could have taken your own. Tell me the truth.”
“He wrote you a letter.”
“Yes, he did.”
“What about me? Why did he only write a letter to you? Out of me and you, you were the one that would have been most likely to catch him putting that letter on your pillow. Do you think he wanted to get caught? If you were the only one that he trusted to write to then why couldn’t he have just spoken to you!?” Wanda cries. “Why couldn’t he speak to me Nat? If he was in pain how could I not feel it? After I lost Pietro, I told myself never again, never will you love someone that much because it just ends in so much pain. But Peter walked in and I had no choice, he spoke to me about his days at school and his crush on MJ, the way he grew up an only child, he told me everything Nat and I did the same. Why was this so different? You know one day I turned around and I just realised this is my baby brother he’s so sweet, so innocent despite all of the horrors and he’s so vulnerable and he allowed me to see that, allowed me to protect him. It was my job to protect him! I let him down!”
“Wanda none of this is on you. I failed him too, without realising. He didn’t say anything to anyone because he didn’t want us to know and it hurts, I know but you need to feel that pain and use it to focus on finding him.” Natasha tried to calm her down, but she knew that was practically impossible when she couldn’t calm any of her fears because she just didn’t know.
“Did – did he mention me in the letter.” After a slight pause all Natasha could do was nod, “Can I read it?”
“Wanda– “
“Please”
“Fine, I’m warning you though it won’t comfort you, not in the slightest. He’s in pain Wanda, it’s very clear in it.” After that Natasha pulled the letter from her pocket and after passing it to Wanda, she put her full focus back onto the road. She couldn’t worry about Wanda’s reaction, not right now she couldn’t focus on it. She hates the fact that Peter didn’t want Wanda to know that he feels she’s his sister, hates that she is betraying his trust when he already doesn’t feel as if he belongs but right now, she doesn’t know how else to get Wanda’s focus from her questions to searching other than the contents of that letter.
After around fifteen minutes of silence Natasha began to panic, not that she’d let it show. She knows she doesn’t deserve Peter as a son, she’s done many horrendous things to allow such innocence and love into her life but she isn’t willing to let him go. But he also clearly loves Wanda too, listens to her, tells her everything. Would he listen to her if she told him to walk away?
“How could he think we don’t love him Nat? You know he never told me he thought of you as a mother, at least not that explicitly, don’t know how I missed it though.”
“What?”
“There was one conversation we had, I was messing with him, joking with him and I asked him who his favourite Avenger was. It was almost like a light switch how quicky he turned serious in that moment; I remember being so confused about it that I didn’t think to connect it. He said you, Natasha Romanoff the Black Widow. I remember being surprised, no offense to you but you remember how he reacted when he met Bruce and Thor, I honestly thought he would never speak again. I asked him if he was sure, he answered so quick, I’ve never seen him look so serious as he just answered ‘of course, for always’, then he said something about spiders needing to stick together. He said that’s something you taught him. Now that I think about there were so many times, he said that, that it’s what you taught him, I think me mentioned you in our chats more than the rest of the team together. I thought it was just admiration, well I guess it still kind of is. How does it feel to be a mum?” Wanda quips at her.
“You know I never thought that I’d be a mother. I never thought that I would have the chance, but here comes this sweet little boy and I just let him leave. I let him walk out of the door and I didn’t even realise anything was wrong. I think that’s what I’m struggling with the most right now, obviously other than the fact that we don’t know where he is, is that how many of us live in that tower? How did none of us realise that something was wrong? You know I must have read that letter what feels like for hours last night, just trying to figure something out, something to let me know where he is. He’s clearly in pain but all he wanted from us was for us to be okay, he didn’t want anything for himself. I knew he was selfless but not to this level. What do you think of it though, how do you feel about the fact you’re his big sister?” Natasha said, trying to turn it around on her.
Wanda turned to her at that, a look on her face that she doesn’t think she’s ever seen. Pain, confusion and determination all rolled into one, a slight pause before Wanda looked back at the road, the same look etched on her face.
“I don’t understand. I don’t understand how he could feel like that. He’s told me a lot about his pain, and he’s allowed me to feel some of it, but I don’t understand how I missed all of this pain. The pain he felt over wanting a family, how could he ever think we wouldn’t want him, I know he’s lost so much but I never thought something like this would happen. But you know what? All of this just means we have to find him even more, he needs us and whether he truly realises it he wants a family, he wants to be our brother, our son, our nephew but I think he’s too scared, feels too guilty to accept it. I know you might think it’s a bad idea, but I think Bucky and Bruce need to read it.” She says while looking at the letter in her hands. “I mean he spoke about the two of them, May too. You know I’m surprised May hasn’t been in touch with us, you’d think she’d be the first person out looking?” Wanda utters that last bit in confusion.
At that the two women sit in silence trying to figure out that exact thing. May has been Peter’s guardian since his parent’s death, why wouldn’t she ask for any updates, why isn’t she out with them looking for her nephew. Something in that felt completely wrong but right now they needed to put that to the side, they can figure it out when they have time to.
“We’re going to find him right Nat?” Wanda pleads.
Despite the fear Natasha feels, even though she had no idea what to say, or how she was going to fix this she was sure about one thing, “I’m not going to stop until I do.”
After getting out of the car Natasha and Wanda decided on the best course of action before deciding they should split up and get in touch in an hour or two.
While walking around New York Natasha was remembering everything that she’d taught Peter about how to escape, wondering if somewhere in this crowd he’s hiding from her. Despite being one of the best in her field of work, she knows that emotions can get the best of you and if there’s one person who can make her work and her emotions combine is Peter.
After around half an hour of searching something catches her eye, there on the wall is a painting of a spider, the one that dawns Spiderman’s suit. It’s small enough to be not be noticeable but big enough to be found if you were searching for something that it sticks out, it makes Natasha remember a conversation she had with Peter one night on the roof of the tower.
“You need to develop a calling card. Something that is unmistakeably you that you can use when you can’t reach out, I can know you’re there.” Natasha told Peter.
She watches him go from admiring the stars to looking at her curiously with those innocent Bambi eyes, something she prays he never loses.
“What do you mean?” He chuckles curling into her body as the air gets colder.
“You need a symbol. Say you were in danger okay; you can’t send an actual message for whatever reason then you would be able to send that or leave it somewhere and we would be able to either pinpoint where you are or at least narrow it down. It’s basically a last resort but you should have one. Mine’s my hourglass symbol.” She tells him wrapping her arms around him.
“Huh. Oh! I can do the spider symbol, the one on my Spiderman suit?” He asks, clearly wanting approval on his idea.
“I like it.” The smile on his face bright enough to make her tighten her arms around him and chuckle at his excitement. Boy did she love this kid.
As she reaches out to it, she notices there’s another one a few meters away from it on the opposite side of the alley, except this one’s a little different. The spider from before is known painted within her hourglass symbol, turning around there’s clearly another one a few meters down. Making sure her weapon is within reach but hidden enough that no one else would be able to notice it she follows the paintings.
When Natasha gets to the end of the alley she is, for a lack of better word, confused, that is until she looks to her side and there in the corner, hidden under the cover of the wall to ensure it doesn’t get wet, is another letter taped to the wall, her name written on the envelope in the same handwriting as the one left on her pillow.
Removing it from the wall she presses her earpiece, “Wanda I found something, I’m sending you my coordinates. He’s left another letter.”
“On my way.”