dreamer

Trigger warning

Amelia Sanderson stands in the mirror with a million thoughts running through her head at once, she stares at her plain face for what seems like hours. Why did she feel like this? Like there's no hope. Things will never change, she will never be happy and has no clue what that even feels like. It was now or never, the whole house would be empty for at least the next hour and that was more than enough time to swallow her fathers bottle of pain medicine he had gotten from his knee surgery last month. She could finally have some peace, maybe she would be reincarnated into a new person or a flower, or maybe she would sleep for the rest of eternity. That seemed much nicer than continuing on her current path, completely alone with absolutely no one who loves her, sure her family loved her but did they truly care? She has no idea, they never seem to care about anything she does though they knew she struggled, she had reached out to her mother and asked for help once before. This was two years ago and all her mother had to say was 'get a job and go find yourself a therapist', and she then went on to comment about the girls weight and acne that had spread her face. She knew her mother means well, but all she wanted was for someone to understand that living her life is hard, she couldn't just pretend that every second of her existence wasn't hell because that would be a lie. She takes a deep breath and picks up the bottle of pills sitting on the white granite bathroom counter and looks at them one last time before opening the bottle and laying several in her hand. She picks up her glass and shoves as many pills as she can into her small mouth and takes a big drink of her water, finally allowing the tears to fall down her face as she repeats the process until the whole bottle is gone.

She falls to the floor sobbing as she feels her body urging her to throw up the pills, but she refuses and pushes her hair out of her face looking into space wondering what it will be like to finally die. She had been planning this for months, every last detail was written in her journal/ sketch book which she carried with her at all times. She made sure to write a small note explaining why she was doing this, she decided it would be best if she left out the part about feeling completely alone with nobody loving her. She still loves her family dearly and doesn't want them to be sad, but she knew that without her in their lives they would no longer have anymore disappointment, sure it would be a bit sad but they'd get over it. As the pills begin to kick in she can feel her brain growing more and more fuzzy and she lays down on her side with stray tears still coming out of her eyes. Her thoughts wander to her older brother Kaden, they were only a year apart and had been close growing up until she fell into her depression and he became the most popular guy in school. Though they hardly ever talked she was happy he wasn't home, she didn't want him to see this, she could just picture his disappointed face staring at her body before her vision turns black.

-

When Amelia opens her eyes the sound of knocking causes her to sit up and rub her head, she looks around and realizes that she is no longer in her bathroom but laying on a bed dressed up quite nice. What the hell is going on? She begins to panic and she runs to the bathroom looking at herself in the mirror, she sighs in relief when she sees her own face staring back. As she examined herself closer she realized that she looked a bit older? That couldn't be right, the last thing she remembers was taking the pills and falling to the floor in her house, maybe she's dead and this is a weird version of heaven. She is snapped out of her thoughts when the knocking at the door continues, she turns and tries to find her way around the random apartment and opens the door revealing a man holding flowers with a smile on his face

"hey Amelia"

"I'm sorry do I know you?" she asks extremely confused as to what was going on

"I'm sorry do I know you?" she asks extremely confused as to what was going on

"ha funny, you look beautiful"

"thank you? um do you mind just telling me, who are you and what is going on?" she asks starting to freak out a bit, maybe this was hell and she was about to be tortured by this cute boy for the rest of eternity.

"are you feeling ok? have you been taking your medication?" he asks walking into the apartment past her and leading her to the coach, he sits next to her and places a hand on her forehead while she looks at him in horror

"medication? what the hell is going on? where am I?" she yells smacking his hand from her head if this was hell she'd rather just get on with it instead of prolong everything.

"ok well you don't have a fever but you seem to be experiencing memory loss which is very common when one goes off their meds, when was the last time you took them?"

"I can't remember" she says honestly

"theres your problem, Amelia I may be your date tonight but I am still your doctor and I'm telling you right now that you have to take your meds. Lupus is dangerous and its not something to mess with" he says handing her one of the pills along with a glass of water, she looks at it curiously before taking it

"Lupus, isn't that what Selena Gomez has" she asks

"yeah it is, and you have it too so stop messing around I'd prefer to keep you around"

"sorry" she says looking into the mans face

"well maybe it would be better if we didn't go out tonight huh?"

"I mean we can if you want to, I feel fine just a bit confused" she says not wanting him to leave, since he seemed to know what the hell was happening to her

"alright but if you start to feel sick then we'll come back"

"ok that sounds good" she says standing up and following the man out of the apartment she assumed was hers.