Alone
James was feeling the most positive he had felt in a long time, and he was genuinely looking forward to the evening. He found himself checking the clock too often, time was passing slowly. He decided that the best way to keep himself busy and his impatience at bay was to tidy around his living space before working out. Barnes then took a shower and picked up where he left off in his book that had fallen under the sofa.
Bailey's day off was not as relaxing. She woke to the sound of sirens as two police cars and an ambulance raced past her open bedroom window. She always slept with the window ajar, even though her grandma and Patsy told her not to do so in her neighbourhood.
She was up an hour before her alarm was set and decided to make use of her time. Bailey pulled out her yoga mat from under the bed and brushed off the dust. She didn't put enough time aside to commit to yoga, even though it helped center herself; connecting her body and mind. Bailey found herself being drawn back into yoga and meditation when she felt out of tune with her emotions, and unfortunately this was the case at the moment. She would never let people see it, but she was stressed and burning the candle at both ends.
Her plan for most of the day was to catch up on those mundane chores she was always too tired to complete when she got home from work. She was on her last few clean plates and bowls, the washing basket was piled high, and the bin needed taking out.
Bailey had managed to do a couple of loads of laundry and took the bin out before she received a call from the hospital.
"Hi, is that Ms Johnson?" A woman's voice asked.
"Speaking."
"Hello Ms Johnson, I am calling to inform you that your grandmother has requested a decision to be made about her care, I would recommend you coming down to the hospital to talk to her about it."
Bailey's stomach flipped, she knew what this meant. "Is she lucid?" she asked.
"We believe so."
"Thank you, I'll be down right away."
It was a good job she was having takeout tonight as those pots aren't getting washed, she thought.
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Bailey arrived to the ward and rushed to Grandma Josie's room. Inside stood two doctors and a nurse, one of the doctors held a clipboard and pencil with a rubber on the end, just in case she were to change her mind.
"Bailey my love," Josie greeted.
She rushed to her bedside, "What's going on Grandma?"
Bailey looked up to her grandmother's doctors.
The same woman that called spoke first, "Josephine has requested that a Do Not Resuscitate form be completed and signed off."
Bailey sighed and closed her eyes as she processed this, she knew this was it. She felt a sense of cold, beginning in the tips of her fingers and toes to spreading across the rest of her body. But it wasn't coldness really, it was loneliness. Bailey knew the end was near and she would soon be the only one of her family left.
Josie took her granddaughter's gloved hand, "I'm making this decision now whilst I can."
Bailey let go of her hand and slipped off her gloves, she closed her eyes to shield them from the doctors. She held her hand again to sense that it was true, Grandma Josie was lucid. There were no dark spots or jumbled thoughts in her mind.
Josie continued, "I can't keep going on like this and I can't hold you back anymore."
Bailey put her gloves back on, "Grandma," she said shocked, "You have never and will never hold me back."
"You know what I mean Bails. My time is coming to the end, I know this, and I want to go peacefully."
Bailey wiped the tears from her eyes, she knew it was too and as hard and as awful as it will be, she respected her grandmother's wishes. The doctor switched out the pencil for a black pen that sat in her upper pocket, and ticked the box.
Josie's voice was quiet and weak, "I'll get to see your mother soon."
She whispered back, "Will you tell her I said hi?" and laughed lightly.
Bailey made her way home as if she were a ghost. Rather than catching the subway or a cab, which she normally would do as she was always on a tight schedule, she walked home. She floated along the sidewalk, drifting through the bustling crowds.
She passed through her front door, instead of locking the door behind her as she always had since living in the city, she dropped them along with her handbag, then kicked off her shoes. Bailey rushed straight through to her bathroom. She ripped back the curtain, switched it on and stepped inside. The water was freezing cold and it took her breath away. Bailey gasped as she tilted her head back and pushed away the hair that clung to her face. The water ran along her neck and down under the buttons of her shirt. Within seconds, she and her clothes were drenched. With no signs of the water warming up, Bailey continued to gasp for air. She slammed her back against the wall of the shower, her knees gave way and she slipped to the floor, her blouse squeaking against the tile as she went.
Bailey felt her throat tighten and a pain in her chest, her rapid attempts of inhaling made her dizzy. She began to sob. She tucked her chin down to her chest and rested her forehead on her knees. Her fingers gripped the roots of her hair on either side of her head and pulled. Grandma Josie was the gravity that kept Bailey on this Earth, she wasn't ready to be alone.
There was a jolt in the steady stream of the shower and the water began to run warm. Bailey groaned as the numbness on her skin turned to a tingling sensation.
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Bailey had attempted her make up three times already, each time she had ruined it with a few rogue tears as she failed to hold on. She aggressively rubbed her face with the last face wipe in the packet. She stared at her red eyes in the mirror, get your shit together Bailey, she thought to herself.
"Here we gooooooo." Sam said as he hurried into the complex.
He had two carrier bags hooked onto his fingers and a huge box in his other arm. Steve, Natasha, and James rose from their seats in the living room. They all began to unpack their takeout.
Barnes stood awkwardly at the edge of the group, "Bailey isn't here yet."
Sam was piling noodles onto his plate, "She'll be here man, tuck in."
"She's probably caught up somewhere Buck, we know what she's like." Steve gave a potential reason. He guessed it would have been her Grandma. He passed James a plate.
Bailey arrived around ten minutes later, she seemed rushed off her feet and a little all over the place. Everyone was sat down in front of the TV, Barnes stood up as soon as she entered. Natasha looked to Steve who was looking up at Bucky. Sam looked at all three of them with a spring roll in his mouth, not really knowing what the deal was. Barnes noticed the looks being thrown around the room and coughed awkwardly before steadily making his way over.
"Hey guys, sorry I'm late." Her voice was raspy.
Bailey took off her leather jacket and hung it up, James passed her a plate. He noticed her eyes looking red and puffy.
"Thank you." She said and smiled.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"What? Me? Yes, of course." She forced a smile before changing the subject. "This smells amazing."
She piled up some food and joined them on the sofa. Natasha moved over to make some room next to her. East Palace had a good reputation, it was the second time Sam had ate there this week and he was now onto his second plate. Bailey felt awkward, like she had just missed something. The group were a bit quieter than she expected, and she noticed Steve having a watchful eye on James that sat across from him. James kept his head down, eyes on his plate.
"How was your day off Doc?" Natasha asked.
Bailey shrugged, "I've had better."
"When? Ain't you always working?" Sam laughed.
"Good point."
That small amount of tension Bailey felt eased when dinner was done, the conversation flowed easier and Sam put on a music channel. Bailey had a good catch up with Natasha whom she had only spoken to briefly when she paid Barnes a visit. The guys were over in the kitchen. Sam opened up the fridge, and Bailey recognised the sound of clinking bottles. She turned to look over her shoulder. Sam had passed Steve a bottle of beer and was holding one out for Barnes to take. James turned around to his doctor.
"Hmm." Bailey looked to Natasha.
"If he never tries he'll never know." She said casually.
"I wouldn't recommend a lot, maybe just a couple to see how you are." She suggested. Barnes nodded.
"Trust Sam to bring booze." Bailey said, before speaking much louder and sarcastically, "And not offer me one!"
Sam rolled his eyes as Steve and James chuckled. He walked across the complex and passed her and Natasha a bottle each. With her teeth, Bailey took off the caps. They cheered to nothing in particular and drank. The group cemented themselves in the conversation pit sofa and a heavy debate over the best singer of the 50s raged on.
"The best is Ray Charles, hands down." Steve said.
"I couldn't agree more." Sam sided.
James took the last mouthful of his third beer, "No, no you're wrong. You two don't know anything. It's obviously Elvis."
Natasha nodded along to Barnes, "Elvis is King."
"Bailey, Bailey," Steve and James said over one another, it was making her laugh to see them arguing for her attention.
"Bucky shut up for a minute," Steve laughed, "You're the decider Bailey." Steve declared. "Who's better?"
Bailey chewed her lip, "I'm sorry I'm going to go with Bucky." She said shyly.
The room erupted into 50% cheers, 50% boos. During the commotion as Steve and Sam directed their opinions onto Natasha to try and sway her, Barnes looked to Bailey. It was the first time she had referred to him as Bucky. It was probably something she picked up from Steve, he thought, not a sign of endearment. He gave her a small smile, he felt like she needed it as she wasn't her usual confident self. Bucky wasn't sure whether it was a social thing due to the number of people or whether something had happened, he simply felt the need to try and comfort her about whatever was bothering her.
Sam got up a grabbed more beers, he passed one to Natasha, one to Bailey, another to Steve who noted that this one his last one, and held one in front of Bucky.
He held his palm up to say no, "I'm good thanks, I don't wanna push it."
"Fair enough man."
Bailey noticed Steve smile proudly at his friend, Bucky nodded his head at him and smiled back. The rest of the evening turned into something Bailey never thought she would be doing with actual superheroes, they played board games. Whether it was the drink, which she hadn't had in a while, or the good vibes that filled the room but Bailey felt giddy. She thought about how this may look to someone else looking in, a man that flies in robot wings, a super-soldier, an assassin, and a super-soldier assassin all sat around playing cards and classic board games.
"I hate to be the first one to go, but I've gotta work in the morning." Natasha said.
Steve checked his watch, "Jeez is that the time, I should go too really."
"You ain't leaving me in here with him," Sam said, fawning fear. He slapped the back of Bucky's shoulder, "I'm jokin'."
Everyone got up and said their goodbyes and promised to do the same again soon. All except Bucky bustled out of the complex and got in the elevator.
"Oh damn it, my jacket." Bailey said and hopped out, "You guys go ahead. See you." she said as the doors closed. Steve gave her a look that made Bailey feel guilty for something she hadn't done.
She put the code in the door and re-entered the complex. Bucky was stood in the kitchen with her jacket in hand. He walked across to meet her.
"Lame move," he said, "Pretending to forget your jacket."
"Ha. Ha." She said sarcastically as she took it from him. "Did you enjoy yourself tonight?"
Bucky folded his arms over his chest, "I did actually, I mean it was a little overwhelming at times as Sam can be pretty loud, but it was nice to spend time like that with everyone."
"Oh I'm really glad you had fun." She smiled.
"Did you?" He asked, "You seemed a little off at first, like your mind was elsewhere."
Bailey sighed, "It was if I'm being honest."
"Was it to do with me?" He asked, worried.
"No," Bailey said quickly. "Why would it be to do with you?"
Rather than answering her question, he asked another, "Did you feel weird hanging out like that because you're my doctor?"
"No... did you feel weird because I'm your doctor?" She asked back.
"No." Bucky felt the same.
"Well, good then." Bailey absent-mindedly mirrored him and folded her arms over her chest too, "I'm glad we're on the same page."
"Good, me too."