Questions
Barnes had stayed in his room all day long, only leaving to collect a meal. He was still in his room when Dr Koda finally gave in to Dr Johnson's begging and administered the pain relief. She had been in there for hours under observation, the sun had set on New York city and Bailey felt like the all important first day had been wasted. She arrived back to the psych team, after they fussed her and Bailey convinced them she was fine to start the programme she made her way into the complex and knocked on Barnes's bedroom door.
"Mr Barnes, it's Dr Johnson. Are you ready for your first session? I'll be waiting for you in my office." Her voice was confident, however she was a little nervous to see how he had coped with today.
Dr Johnson entered her room. It wasn't the typical psychiatrist office. Instead of lots of browns and books and a long leather studded sofa, with paintings and posters on the wall that were designed to make you think, it was bright and colourful, open and fresh. There were a number of large plants dotted around the room, a few books piled on the table such as The Art of Not Giving a Fuck, and a water cooler in the corner. She took a seat behind her clean, white desk and loaded up her tablet. She switched on the voice recording. Barnes appeared at the doorway, hesitant to enter. His face was sullen.
"How are you?" He asked.
Dr Johnson shrugged, "A bit stiff but I'll live. Would you care to join me?" From under the desk, she pushed the opposite chair with her foot. He noticed she was only wearing socks.
Barnes thought about it for a moment. He took a deep breath with balled up fists then crossed the threshold. He took the seat and sunk deep into his chair, "It looks like I owe you a pair of shoes."
Bailey laughed, "Yes you do."
They both, almost awkwardly from their ease to joke with one another after the morning's events, cleared their throats before continuing.
"I want to start off with saying all our meetings will be recorded, however due to the nature of what will be shared and our professional relationship, only I have access to these voice files. They are for my analysis and assistance in any reports, most importantly for reviewing the programme I have set out for you to ensure its effectiveness. Do you consent to our conversations being recorded?"
Barnes nodded. Dr Johnson waited politely for him to realise. "Oh, er, yeah. I consent."
"Thank you." She smiled and ticked a box on screen.
"Firstly, I want to reinforce what I said before. I apologise for my action. It was an incredibly reckless thing for me to do and I should have known better." Bailey said sincerely. "I can assure you, I will not do something like that again."
Barnes appreciated her apology but did not believe it was necessary, "No I am sorry. I don't want to hurt you. Or anyone."
"Please do not apologise Mr Barnes. Never apologies for your feelings. You reacted in a completely understandable way. It was a natural reaction for someone that has been through and seen what you have."
Barnes nodded.
"Shall we start with why you were sleeping outside of an open fridge?" Dr Johnson said as she sat back into her chair.
Barnes looked embarrassed, he ducked his head down a little so that his long hair shaded him from her eyes. "Erm. I was too hot. The bedroom got really hot, and I couldn't work the air con."
Dr Johnson suppressed a smile, "Everything you need to know about the complex is in the manual, however if you're ever unsure, I do encourage you to give me a call and I can talk you through anything."
"Thank you."
"Now," she began, "I don't want to throw you into the deep end too much, so I thought maybe we could start with some questions. Simple question and answer." Barnes clenched his fists again out of nervousness. Dr Johnson noticed, "This isn't a test, it is just to get an overview of how you are at the moment. I will return to these questions at a later date."
"Okay.."
"You don't need to answer in one word, or the first thing that comes to mind, you can take your time with it, and just answer with what you think feels right and if anything stands out to me I may ask further questions."
Barnes nodded again and the questions started.
"Who are you?"
His voice was deep and rough, "The Winter Soldier."
"How do you currently feel?"
He pressed his lips into a flat line as he thought about it, "Angry, frustrated, confused."
"What do you want to achieve from these sessions?"
Mr Barnes spoke slowly and carefully with every answer, "I want to function like I did before HYDRA, but in the modern world."
"What is standing in your way?"
His body language changed, he was no longer sat back as if he was trying to withdraw himself. Mr Barnes sat forward with his elbows on his knees and his fingers interlocked, "My mind, my memories, and technology."
"How will you overcome this?"
His eyebrows furrowed, "Erm, by trusting the process I guess," he shrugged before looking Dr Johnson directly in the eye. "By trusting you."
Barnes was not having any issues in opening up and speaking honestly with Dr Johnson, he was going deep and Bailey felt very hopeful for him.
"What do you regret?"
Pain flashed across his face, "Hurting innocent people, especially for someone else's agenda." He sighed, "My missions caused a lot of casualties. Normal people who saw things they shouldn't have, it was essential that there were no witnesses."
"What do you look forward to?"
"Having some kind of - any kind - of peace."
Dr Johnson twirled a pen she hadn't even clicked to use yet around her fingers out of habit, "What do you see peace as for you?"
Barnes shrugged, "Sleeping without the nightmares."
"I know from my career and from my own personal experience, that your mind is a lonely place. I believe peace includes a lot of people around you, to ground you, and keep you present. This programme is to determine your personality and bring it to the forefront of your mind again, friends will help this greatly."
"I have a friend." He said defensively.
Dr Johnson explained to a well aware Barnes, "Friend, as in singular Mr Barnes. You need plural."
"It's hard to make friends around here when you've tried to murder the majority of them." He said bluntly.
"I think a few of them will come around," she said before continuing with the questions. "What do you dislike about yourself?"
He sat back again and rolled his eyes, "Where to start? My lack of control is a big one. Thoughts and memories seem to flash across my eyes and it's hard to stop them or not physically react to them."
"What do you like about yourself?"
Barnes was quiet for the longest moment so far, he shook his head, "Nothing comes to mind."
Dr Johnson felt sad by this response but continued.
"What do you not enjoy doing?"
"Someone else's dirty work, being controlled by someone else." His tone then slipped to lightly joking, "For obvious reasons."
Bailey tried not to smirk and continued with her last few questions, "What do you like doing?"
There was no hint of humour this time, "I don't know anymore."
"Hmm," Dr Johnson said, "That's the end of my official questions but what would you like to like doing again?"
"Probably reading, maybe even dancing. Do people still dance?"
Dr Johnson laughed, "They do, but I don't think it's quite the same as how you used to."
"I'd also love to go to a bar and have a drink, maybe there I could find more than my singular friend but I think I know where the bosses," he pointed to the ceiling, "stand on that one."
Bailey smiled, "You're correct. I think you're quite a few sessions away from a night out in the city."
Barnes and Dr Johnson fell into a conversation of how things are different for him now, in terms of the modern technology and standards of today. They talked about music, dancing, and briefly the art of dating. She didn't want to push him too far in his first session after such a difficult start to the day, Dr Johnson wanted their encounters to feel natural to help with his interpersonal and social skills. As Barnes spoke, she checked the time. It was late and the team would have clocked off forty-five minutes ago.
As they spoke, Bailey knew the medication had ran its course as she was hyper aware of the back of her head again and her back really ached. It distracted her from Barnes' conversation and she found it difficult to take in what he was saying about his favourite baseball team. She shuffled to find a comfortable sitting position. Barnes noticed this and cut himself off mid-sentence.
"Are you okay, you seem in pain?" He worried. "Or you literally bored stiff?"
Dr Johnson laughed lightly but quickly squeezed her eyes shut with the pain it caused her, "It's just the pain meds wearing off. This is a good place to end our session anyway."
She wearily stood up, Barnes rose too.
"Are you going to be okay going home?" He was concerned.
"Yeah, yeah." She tried to dismiss him and to keep him from touching her arm which was in a short sleeved shirt, "I'll stop off by the med wing for a top up before I go."
They said their goodbyes. Bailey shuffled out of the complex, it locked down behind her. Barnes stood in the window looking through, both sides were activated. She made it to the table and picked up the remote, she shut it off completely before collapsing in pain on the floor.