Bedrest
Bailey groaned. She felt warm, but was shielded with a scratchy blanket around her. Before she managed to open her eyes to see the artificial light above and behind her head, she knew where she was from the smell of the room.
"How you feeling?" Steve asked.
She squinted at Cap who sat in the chair beside her. She was back in the same hospital bed as this morning, but she could not remember how she arrived this time. Bailey glanced up at the IV bag at her bedside, then followed the tube along to the vein in her arm.
"Much better now I've got my fix." She joked. "How did I end up here?"
Steve stretched out on the visitor's chair which was much too small for him, "I was on my way to see how Bucky's first day went, but I found you passed out on the floor so brought you here. Bridal carry style."
Bailey rolled her eyes, "That'll keep the offices talking for a while."
"Don't we know it." Steve laughed. His face dropped, then he raised his eyebrow, "So from the current condition you are in, I presume there was a small blip this morning.."
"Don't, you sound like Michaels." Bailey sighed then attempted to prop herself up, there was a twinge nowhere near as severe as pre-medication. Steve jumped up and began to rearrange her pillows for her as she struggled to adjust.
"It was completely my fault, please don't think it was Barnes. It was me, I have apologised and we are past it." She explained.
"What was he like in your first session?" He asked.
Bailey smiled gently, she didn't want to get Steve's hopes up as it was early days, but it was a good sign. "It went well Cap, he opened up, led a conversation for a considerable amount of time and I am amazed how he has a sense of humour still. I mean yeah, it was slightly deflective, but he was offering enough for me to get going on."
Steve smiled too, "That sense of humour of his got us through some pretty rough times. I'm glad to hear he is talking to you. Before we got here, I had to put in a lot of work just to talk him round. He wasn't exactly thrilled to be seeing one of our shrinks. Obviously, he has a lot of trust issues."
"Well you did a great job, Steve."
"What's the next step?" He asked.
"So eager," Bailey noted, Steve always wanted to know the plan. "You know I can't give you the details of what Barnes and I exchange, however, I do need your help with something."
"I'm all ears." He said as he sat forward.
"He's alone," Bailey began, Steve opened his mouth to disagree, but she didn't give him the chance, "Of course he has you, but he has no friends, no support network. You, Wanda, you all have each other, with help from me.." Steve nodded and Bailey continued, "It would be great if you could speak to Sam, Natasha, maybe Wanda too, get them to pop in every so often. Show their face, show him they care. In order for his personality to break through to the forefront of his being, because that's the aim here, we need to surround him with people and their support."
Steve enthusiastically nodded, "Yeah, I completely agree. I can do that, I'm sure they'll be up for it."
"Thank you." Bailey smiled. She reached out to take Steve's hand, he took it in both. Where she continually halted her powers when in Steve's presence after so many therapy touch sessions over time, when they touched the force would break through and she would feel and hear him. For a moment, her eyes lit up white as their skin met, she soon shut down her powers.
The curtain that surrounded her bed was pulled back, Dr Koda stepped through with her tablet in hand.
"I thought I heard voices. Captain," She nodded, "Welcome back Dr Johnson. It is way past visitor hours, but I think I can make an exception this time."
"Thanks Michelle." Steve charmed. Dr Koda winked at him.
"I told you I'd be back for the night!" Bailey said, knowing fine well this is not the way Dr Koda wanted it to happen.
"Yes Bailey, but you collapsed before you made it here." She said as she typed something into her file. "I'm sorry but I am going to have to put you on bedrest for a few days."
"Miche-" Bailey saw the look on her doctor's face, "Dr Koda, please, I don't have time. I am the lead in a huge-"
Dr Koda cut her off, "I know what you've got on your plate at the moment Bailey, you know how it is in here. A little bit of gossip or information spreads like wild fire. I know it's The Winter Soldier, and I can only presume it is he who has put you in here, but you need to rest."
"God dammit." She says under her breath.
"Are you ready to go Captain? I think Dr Johnson could do with some beauty sleep." Dr Koda said playfully.
Bailey rolled her eyes, "Cheers for that."
Steve stood up, "It may be too late to see Bucky but I'll pop by still, and then I'll see you in a day or two."
"No worries, night Steve."
"Good night." he said and made his way out of the curtain room.
__
Bailey was itching to get back to work, she was on day 5 of bed rest now. She had reported and analysed as much as she could out of her and Barnes' first meeting, and there was nothing else she could go on. She called her team and requested the footage of Barnes's activity over the last few days but received nothing.
Barnes was on some sort of strike; he was holding himself up into his room. He would come out to collect his food from the dumbwaiter, not making eye contact with his doctors by the window, then eating in his room. The psych team were getting frustrated with Barnes, all day they were watching an empty apartment and a stroll through the kitchen three times a day.
Dr Patsy came by to update Bailey on it all. She voiced those frustrations of the men of the psych team. Feeling frustrated herself with her lack of ability to intervene, all down to the doctor's orders, Bailey did what she thought was best and called Steve.
"Everything okay?" Steve answered after the second ring.
"What not even a hello?" Bailey laughed.
"Hello Bailey, is everything okay?"
"Yes everything is fine but the psych team and I are in need of your help. Again. Barnes is not playing ball this week, would you please go see him and talk him round again? He's not leaving his room to be monitored. There are too many 'agains' already, you should put on one of the white coats and get paid at this rate."
Steve laughed, "No worries," he said, "I'm already on my way."
"Thank you, I owe you."
__
Steve had already visited Bucky each day, but this was after hours when the doctors had left for home and the light was lit red. As far as Bucky led Steve to believe, he was fully committing to the analysis and was going about the apartment as a person normally would. Steve hadn't realised he was holding himself prisoner to his bed. He would enter the complex, knock on his door, and the two would sit in the kitchen. Steve had noticed that this was as far as Bucky would venture with him.
"Hey you up," he called as he walked through. He took off his jacket and rested it on the counter. He noticed the piles of plates and cutlery in the sink.
Bucky, with deep bags under his eyes, emerged from his room. He looked incredibly dishevelled; his hair messier than usual, his clothes slept in for days, his skin pale and tight.
Steve cocked his head to the left, "Come on over to the window with me."
Bucky's jaw was tensed but he did as he was asked by his only friend. Steve sat on the floor of the living room right by the ceiling high window, he sighed letting the muscles in his back relax. He crossed his legs with his knees up to his chest, then wrapped his arms around them, gripping his wrist to hold them in place. He looked out onto the city. The city meant so much to him, he had been through so much within it. It holds a lot over him and often at home, he would sit by the window and simply think, finding the cabs drive past or the people strolling by oddly calming. Bucky stood above Steve rigid and confused. He too looked out onto the city, and the tightness in his chest increased.
"How is she?" Bucky asked, trying to move his mind away from the panic that was setting in.
"She's okay," He smiled reassuringly, "Itching to get back to work."
"What's up with her?" he pressed.
"What do you mean?" Steve knew what Bucky meant.
Bucky knew Steve knew what he meant too, but he clarified anyway, "There's something going on with her, she's different. What's with the gloves?"
"She's a germaphobe," Steve joked, trying to lighten the mood. "Nah, it's personal, and not my information to share. Sorry Buck." He changed the subject, "Sit with me." he pushed.
His voice was short and sharp, a vast difference to a moment ago, "What do you want Steve?" Bucky could easily detect his ulterior motive upon seeing him and getting him by the window this evening.
Steve looked up to him under his lashes, "I want you to be okay."
Bucky laughed at him, but it wasn't a genuine laugh. He was mocking. "We both know you're asking too much there pal."
Steve shook his head and let there be silence.
Bucky knew his friend all too well, he tutted and took a seat next to him. He felt uncomfortable on the floor, but not physically, it was leaving him to feel like a child in a classroom. Steve continued the purposeful silence, he knew Bucky would want to fill it soon enough. With anyone else, Bucky would most likely be the last to fill it, but it was different with Steve.
"I don't belong here." He said quietly, his voice breaking on the last word.
Steve pressed his lips together, but continued to look out into the city lights. He didn't want to pounce on the feelings Bucky was sharing and scare him back into his shell. Or more realistically, his bedroom.
Bucky pressed then rubbed both eyes, one with his thumb and one with his forefinger as he spoke, "I don't belong in a world where the TVs are the size of couches, men fly around in metal robot suits, and red witches cast spells. I belong in the world where Elvis was king, where they wore fucking poodles on their skirts, and when polio was the god damn enemy."
"Yeah Buck, so do I, but here we are." Steve shrugged feebly.
"I don't belong here, here as in this room either."
Steve let there be silence once again. He wanted Bucky to unleash his feelings and let him know what he really thought of all this.
He cracked the knuckles in his hand, "I've done some fucking terrible things, unforgivable Steve."
Steve had said it before, and he would say it a hundred times over to convince his friend. "It wasn't you."
Usually, Bucky would let those words hang in the air. He wanted Steve to believe that wholeheartedly, he did not want him to hurt too.
"If it wasn't me then why do I remember them all?"