Chapter 4
When Wanda wakes up, she’s alone in Steve and Nat’s bed.
The events of the previous night come rushing back. Along with a few memories that make her feel like she’s swallowed a whole jar full of pennies.
She’s confused, extremely confused, but she’s trying to learn it all again. All the stuff that’s different on the outside. She never really knew sex before the farm, but now it makes less sense, because she thought she understood everything they taught her on the inside. Everything that he taught her. But Nat has made her think different things. She doesn’t know what to believe.
She gets up, slowly padding out into the open space. She thought the apartment might be empty, but soon finds it’s not when she sees Nat and Steve sitting on the couch.
“Hi.”
Natasha is aware of Wanda’s presence before she hears her little voice, but doesn’t say anything. She wants to see how Wanda is going to handle this.
“Morning, sleepyhead,” Natasha says softly, turning to face Wanda with a gentle expression but no smile. The girl looks exhausted, which Natasha doesn’t understand because she had about nine hours of sleep. Maybe it wasn’t peaceful.
Steve smiles, standing up with his mug and making his way over to the kitchenette. “Want some coffee?” he asks, lifting the pit to pour himself some, “We used to give you decaf instead of the real stuff, but you can have it if you want it now.”
Wanda looks surprised at that, eyes flickering from Steve to Natasha. “Why is it different now?” she asks.
“Because you’re older,” Natasha says, patiently, not letting herself furrow her brow in confusion. There are so many small things that Wanda doesn’t seem to understand which make no sense to Natasha. She’s trying her best to be understanding and patient, but she doesn’t fucking understand what’s going on in Wanda’s head, and it’s frustrating.
“How… how much older?” Wanda asks, and she looks like she’s trying to play it off as a casual question, but it makes Natasha’s insides flip in unease.
Steve had told her that Wanda asked him what year it was, but… she didn’t think Wanda genuinely didn’t know how old she was. Didn’t think that she was really unsure about that.
“Wanda, hey, how old are you?” she asks softly, making her voice like that so that Wanda’s guard doesn’t fly up at the question.
Wanda frowns, eyes flickering from her hands, wringing together, to Steve, who’s pouring a mug of coffee. “I’m… I’m twenty?”
“Are you asking me or telling me?” Natasha raises an eyebrow, tipping her head. “What month is it, Wanda? When’s your birthday?”
Wanda blinks a few times, and for the first time in… well, four years, Natasha sees her beautiful blue-green eyes glow red. Honestly; she’d forgotten about magic. Forgotten about Wanda’s powers, and the fact that she hadn’t seen the little witch glowing red since she got back.
“Shut up!” Wanda snaps, and those aren’t the words Natasha expected. Her eyes glow red for a few long moments, before it fades, and she’s turning away, shoulders hunching almost immediately.
Natasha wouldn’t be able to find it in her to be angry if she tried. Apparently neither would Steve, because he’s over at her side within a matter of moments, hand hovering over her shoulder, fingers twitching a little. “Hey… hey, shh,” he murmurs lowly, face scrunching up into gentle concern, “Okay, Wanda, don’t worry. You don’t have to be upset.”
Natasha stays back and watches, the way that Wanda seems guarded about Steve’s touch. In the same way that she’d seemed hesitant about sitting beside Sam at breakfast. Something she hadn’t done at all with Natasha.
So, men. That conclusion makes Natasha feel a little nauseous, because she hates to think about what could have caused that, even if she knows that it’s been pretty obvious for awhile now that something happened to Wanda. The way she regards her own sexuality tells Natasha that there’s no way someone hasn’t abused that. She has such a warped view of what’s acceptable in terms of sex, in terms of her body… Natasha hates it.
Steve calms Wanda down, though. He pours her a mug of coffee, and they all sit at the breakfast bar in silence. Wanda gets up and leaves once she’s done. Natasha tries not to stare at the scars on the backs of her thighs as she does.
-
Wanda has a nightmare, wets the bed, and Natasha’s the one who finds her.
She likes to sleep in a little ball, at the bottom, on top of the duvets. She’s not used to having a bed just for her anymore.
As soon as Wanda wakes up enough to realise what’s happened, she’s curling up and burying her face into her hands. She’s embarrassed, of course she is, but it’s too late and Natasha’s already seen.
Natasha feels nothing but concern. Deep in the pit of her stomach. It’s overwhelming how much she’s hurting for this poor little girl. She doesn’t understand, doesn’t know what’s happened to Wanda, but she knows that she’s going to find out. Because she needs to help her.
Natasha avoiding addressing the obvious up until now has been an entirely selfish act. She wanted to pretend it was okay, which she can’t. Because Wanda isn’t. Clearly.
She needs to make sure her little girl is alright.
“Hey, oh Wanda, it’s okay. Shh… you’re okay. It’s fine,” she’s murmuring, words almost entirely automatic. “Don’t worry. I’m gonna sort you out, alright?”
Wanda peers up, eyes wide and worried, glowing red again, and Natasha knows it’s fear this time, not anger. It makes her heart ache, and she wraps two careful arms around her, hand cupping the back of Wanda’s head and drawing her close, letting her rest her face against Natasha’s stomach.
“I’ve got you, baby. Here… it’s alright, I’m not mad,” she says, stroking her hair lightly for a few more moments. “Wanna get changed? It’s okay, c’mon.”
Wanda is docile as Natasha helps her up, leads her over to her wardrobe, and finds her a pair of leggings and a shirt, along with underwear. She passes it to Wanda, keeping her expression soft. “You got it? I’ll put a new cover on your bed, alright?”
Wanda ducks her head into a nod, but she looks unsure, fingers playing with the hem of her shirt.
Natasha watches her for a moment or two, before conceding and giving a small nod. “Okay, it’s alright,” she almost coos, taking the clothes back from Wanda, gripping her arm softly and carefully. “Can I help? You want some help?”
Wanda nods, lifting her gaze again, and Natasha is startled by the level of glaring vulnerability in the girl’s eyes. She suddenly feels like Wanda is the same trembling little girl they’d rescued from sokovia all over again. Nat almost melts.
“Okay, here baby, it’s okay,” she murmurs, placing the clothes down on the dresser and reaching out to ease Wanda’s shirt over her head. She’s careful, and doesn’t look anywhere other than Wanda’s face until she’s helped her into the new clothes.
Wanda seems to be on the verge of trembling the whole time, but she’s silent and compliant.
Once Natasha’s finished changing out her clothes, she dumps them in the laundry basket before turning back to the girl, hesitating momentarily before her hand finds her poor little one’s cheek, cupping lightly. “Are you okay?” she asks, voice low, and while she knows that Wanda really isn’t, asking seems appropriate.
Natasha doesn’t expect the next words that leave Wanda’s mouth. “I’m ready,” she says, voice quiet and rather monotonous.
Nat frowns, smoothing Wanda’s hair away from her face carefully. “Ready for what, sweetheart?” she asks, confused, even more so by the girl’s lack of responsiveness. “Wanda?”
“I-I’m ready. I’ll do whatever you want. Please don’t be mad. Please don’t hurt me.” Her voice is trembling, and her eyes are fixed somewhere over Natasha’s shoulder. “I’m ready. I’m ready, I’m ready…”
The horror that blooms in Natasha’s chest is out of her control. Suddenly, too much of Wanda’s behaviour makes sense. Because here’s the little girl that Natasha practically raised since she was thirteen, standing in front of her, ready to be sexually abused.
Because… Because that’s what happened.
They raped her. And it’s clear to Natasha now. She knows exactly what this is, she knows from the void look in Wanda’s eyes that she’s shutting herself down in preparation to be hurt.
Natasha doesn’t think she’s ever felt this disgusted or fucking outraged before. Not at her little girl — never at her— but at those vile monsters who abused her. Who hurt her. Who broke her…
Nat almost can’t breathe. She has to consciously remind herself that Wanda needs her in order to keep breathing and not stick her hand through the wall in pure unadulterated rage.
“Wanda, baby, it’s me. It’s Nat. You’re here with me, at the tower, no one’s going to hurt you,” she says, making her voice as soft as possible, other hand coming up to cup Wanda’s cheek too, stroking gently. “I’m right here, sweetheart. No one’s hurting you anymore, okay? I promise. You’re so safe here with me, and Steve, and Tony, and Clint, and… Wanda, are you with me?”
A soft whimper erupts from Wanda’s throat, her gorgeous green eyes a little cloudy as she blinks up at Natasha, sparking red again.
“I know, I know, baby,” Nat murmurs, chest aching painfully at how in pain Wanda must be. “I know. It’s alright, I promise you’re okay now. You’re safe. You’re home.”
It only takes a few long moments of silence before Wanda breaks.
She crumbles, like a piece of fabric, erupting into sobs like Natasha has never heard before. Nat is quick to grab her arms as she eases her into the floor, the girl collapsing into herself with loud heavy sobs that sound too fucking painful to be coming from anyone.
Natasha wastes no time in gathering her into her arms, letting Wanda cling onto her and bury her face in Natasha’s chest as she sobs, heaving big desperate breaths between agonised cries.
At some point Natasha starts crying too. Silently as she holds her little girl close, cradling her as best as she can, stroking her hair, but not trying to quiet her. Wanda needs this, she needs to break. Natasha sees it now.
She’s been doing her best to hold it together for the last few weeks, doing her best to slip seamlessly back into her old life, but she’s changed. She’s different, and Wanda is going to need things to be different. They’re going to have to change how they treat her, how they act around her… she isn’t ready to be the adult that she’s being told she is. She’s still the scared little girl that ran away after she lost her twin brother, except now? Now she’s been through so much more, and she needs them.
“I’ve got you, baby. I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I’m right here, never gonna leave you,” Natasha murmurs, blinking harshly as a few more tears escape her eyes. She holds Wanda as close as possible.
This is what she should’ve done from the start. She should’ve given Wanda the opportunity to break down. To be honest. She should have. Natasha sees it now. She was in denial, when she should have been helping her.
It takes her a few moments to notice Steve in the doorway. He has tears in his own eyes, and he’s watching on as Wanda continues to sob painfully into Natasha’s chest. She can tell he wants to come forward, but he knows just as well as she does that it would be a bad idea.
‘It’s okay’ Nat mouths, blinking away her own tears as she holds Wanda tighter, beginning to rock her slightly in an attempt to calm her down.
Steve watches for a few long moments before he gives a silent nod and leaves, pulling the door almost closed behind him.
Natasha closes her eyes firmly and holds onto Wanda even tighter.