Hydra Sucks Ass
Peter was humming along to his music as he worked on his calculus homework, solving three problems for each song. He finished the tiresome task and moved his journal out of the way to get started on his history report. Peter opened up a new document and stared at the blinking cursor.
I deserve a snack for finishing my math homework.
With that in mind, Peter got up, quickly stretching, and headed to the kitchen. As far as Peter knew, everyone was out of the compound, so when Peter saw Bucky standing in the middle of the kitchen, it is totally okay that Peter yelped and jumped back.
"Jeez, uncle Bucky," Peter pressed a hand over his heart. "I thought you were out with uncle Steve."
Peter walked further into the kitchen and opened a cabinet, grabbing the jar of peanut butter and jelly. Peter turned back around and set the cans down on the counter, and joked, "You know, uncle Sam is right. You do have a staring problem." He grabbed the loaf of bread and started making his pb&j. Peter glanced up when Bucky didn't snort a laugh or retort a witty comeback. Peter finally got a chance to look at Bucky. His eyes were glazed over, and he was staring at the cabinets, hand tightly wrapped around a ceramic mug.
"Bucky? You okay?" Peter walked around over to Bucky. He placed a hand on Bucky's shoulder, but Bucky must've not known that Peter was in the room because Peter's touch startled him. Bucky flinched into motion, grabbing Peter's hand, twisted it, and pushed Peter against the countertop.
Peter winced, both at the marble table digging into his backside and Bucky's hold on his wrist. "Buck, it's me," Peter grunted out.
Bucky's eyes softened and filled with concern and guilt. He let go of Peter and stepped back. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-"
Peter stepped forward. "Hey, it's okay. What happened?"
"I-uh, nothing, I-"
"Was it another memory episode?" Peter whispered.
"Yeah," Bucky breathed out. "It was a bad day."
Peter frowned. He knew that Bucky's bad days are not as common anymore, but they sucked still. "You wanna talk about it?"
Bucky leaned his hands on the counter and sighed. "How about cookies and a movie instead?"
Peter nodded and grabbed a few boxes of cookies. "You pick the movie, and I'll get the snacks."
Later, after two movies and 19 boxes of cookies, Bucky finally spoke about it.
"There were times where I remembered pieces of my life in the 40s. They were always fragments, the little things, but Hydra couldn't have their murder weapon going soft." Bucky took in a deep breath. "I never recalled the memories, but I remembered the pain of getting wiped for remembering. And sometimes, I just wonder if, at some point, I started remembering things and never said anything just to avoid the pain. What if, at some point, I wasn't being controlled, and I still killed people."
Peter stayed quiet as Bucky talked, then took a few seconds to take in all Bucky said. Finally, Peter said, "Even if you weren't being controlled, you wouldn't have been free. Hydra hurt you for remembering, for not following orders, and, understandably, you would listen to them to avoid pain." Peter rested a hand on Bucky's. "You aren't that man anymore. You're free, and you've got a family. Things will still suck, but you'll always have us."
Bucky deflated, his shoulders finally relaxing, and he flashed a small smile. "Thanks, Peter."
Peter nodded. "No problem. Plus, guess what?"
"What?"
"Hydra sucks ass."
Peter relished when Bucky threw his head back and laughed, shoulders shaking slightly. Yeah, Bucky will have bad days, as they all do, but he'll always have someone to make him laugh, and Peter is more than happy to be that someone.