FIND YOUR DOG AND RESPOND WITH YOUR OWN PET SELFIE. YOU WILL NOT BE OUTDONE.
Your dog’s name is WINSTON. She is a PUREBRED GOLDEN RETRIEVER, TWO YEARS OLD, and she is CERTIFIABLY A VERY GOOD GIRL.
Look at her. Never have you seen such BEAUTY. Her BLANKLY SOULFUL GAZE contains both PROFOUND EMPTINESS and ENDLESS WISDOM. It varies by the hour.
It is now 7:30 AM PRECISELY, which means that WINSTON has by now returned from her REGULAR MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL. As expected, you have found her in one of the SITTING ROOMS, of which the manor has SO MANY.
She lounges gracefully in her dog bed, meticulously demolishing one of her designated ENRICHMENT TOYS with the exact godless ferocity that nature intended. A true descendant of wolves.
And a GOOD GIRL. SUCH A VERY GOOD GIRL. Make sure to give her BELLY RUBS and ONLY THE FINEST TREATS after your PRACTICE BRUNCH.
You hug WINSTON, AS SHE DESERVES, and her CHARMING SMILE appears just in time for your selfie. You are truly winning the pet selfie game.
(Okay, maybe it’s not a game. But you’re still winning.)
MP, Tailor
OHMYGISMSCIMECIECJIECEML
Pfft, okay
BABIE
Winston is the biggest baby
The fluffiest baby!
Waddles may be the chonkiest baby,
But Winston is supreme somft
Correct
We should totally get them together to meet up!
It would be Very Cute
Do pigs and dogs even get along?
Pigs are basically just edible Left Dogs
They even bark
Wow! What the fuck
I know
Animals really are just fake, huh
Exactly! Waddles and Winston can be fake together
Haha ok
It’s a date
Wait.
Oh.
Oh no.
Of all the ways to end that message.
You chose to end it like that.
PACIFICA ELISE NORTHWEST, you fool. You moron. You absolute buffoon.
...Listen. It’s fine. It doesn’t have to be LIKE THAT. It can just be a playdate. For your pets.
IT’S FINE. EVERYTHING IS FINE.
MAYBE.
DEFINITELY.
PROBABLY.
>[TURN OFF YOUR PHONE AND HIDE IT IN A DARK CORNER WHERE YOU CANNOT MAKE ANY MORE MISTAKES.]
>[GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO CLARIFY THAT YOU MEANT IT IN LIKE A FRIENDLY PET PLAYDATE KIND OF WAY.]
>[IT NEVER HAPPENED. FIND ONE OF THOSE MEMES NORMAL KIDS LIKE. IT’S THE PERFECT SOCIAL SMOKESCREEN.]
>[CHANGE THE SUBJECT. YOU KNOW, LIKE A FUNCTIONING HUMAN BEING.]