Sidelined
Breaking was not something that she did easily or something she let happen if there were any way to stop it, but the more she thought about what was happening the darker she felt. A cold feeling had reached into her chest, wrapping itself around her ribcage and locking itself in. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. Like there was nothing she could do to stop what was coming, despite knowing that was the furthest thing from the truth.
She lost control under the falling water. Hoping that Wanda has not returned to her room just yet – the sound of the shower would not be enough to drown out the sob that wrenched from her chest, and certainly not enough to mask the shattering tile as her fist connected with it. And then again.
She was better than this; trained to never break down. Yet here she was fresh blood mixing with the old running down her body, tinting the water at her feet.
The door creaks open and Nat stills under the water. “Nat?” Wanda’s voice was tentative as she called out her name.
She sucks in a long breath of air, fending off any more tears. “Uhm, yeah?” she calls back, doing her best to mask the emotions pouring out of her.
“I thought I heard… something. Are you okay?”
“Fine. I’ll.. I’ll be out soon.” She says knowing Wanda won’t believe her.
“Okay.” Her voice was soft, and Natasha closes her eyes, squeezing them as tight as she can, fighting back more tears. The door creaks again and she knows that the younger woman has returned to her room.
When she does emerge from the bathroom, she Is a far sight better than she had been when she entered, though the redness around her eyes told the story of her break down. She looks across the room to Wanda, who’s perched on the edge of her bed, looking like she belonged there. The thought soothes her mind for a moment, but the turmoil still stung her chest.
“Hey.” She greets offering a small smile, one she didn’t feel, not really.
“Hey,” Wanda says, pushing off the bed. Nat notes that she must have stopped by her room, because she’s not wearing the same thing she had been, instead she’s dressed in sweats and a simple black tank. She moves to Natasha, arms reaching for her. “Come here.”
Nat obeys letting her own arms slip around Wanda’s waist, then buries her face in Wanda’s neck.
“I know you don’t want to talk about it yet, so if you’d like we could just eat.” She nods to the nightstand where two bowls of Pasta sat. “and maybe watch a movie, something senseless and cute?”
Nat laughs suddenly making Wanda pull back, craning her neck enough to look at the older woman curiously. “Something about that is funny?”
“You’re funny,” Nat replies. “Thank you.”
“For being funny?” Wanda’s brows knit together.
“For being you.” She pulls herself away from Wanda, but takes her hand, not wanting the contact to break. She was becoming dependant on the witch it would seem. A fact she should probably be more concerned about.
“I’m just glad I can help,” Wanda says as they cross the room. Nat lets her get into the bed first, holding the covers up for her.
“I don’t usually allow food in my bed, by the way.” She warned half-heartedly.
“Mm, well I’m special, so we’re eating in bed.” Had she been in a different mood, had it been any other day she may have turned that phrase around on the younger woman. Tonight though, she just nodded.
“You are.” Wanda looks to her, a wonder in her eyes at the comment.
“Come, your food is getting cold.” She pats the bed beside her. The second Nat sits, leaned back against the pillows she feels the younger woman move closer.
They eat in relative silence, the only conversation about the movie Wanda had chosen for them. Some silly animated one about a family of cave people. Natasha had never been one for watching movies – unless the Barton clan roped her into it – but with Wanda laughing next to her, tucked into her side, she thinks she could get used to something so domestic.
“You’re adorable.” She finds herself saying as she stared down at the woman in her arms.
Wanda looks up, eyes narrowed playfully. “and you, Natasha Romanoff, are surprisingly sentimental.”
“Symptom of your touch.” Nat offers as the only explanation.
“Suppose my rubbing off on you isn’t such a bad thing.”
Nat leans down kissing her softly before pulling back. “Not such a bad thing at all.”
She can tell there’s a question sitting on Wanda’s lips, but the younger woman does her the decency of not asking where this was going. She didn’t have the mental capacity to read into this right now. To committing. Though, there was something unspoken in the way she squeezed the younger woman into her side further. “Will you stay with me tonight?”
The witch beams at her. “For as long as you need.”
“careful, I may never let you go.”
Wanda laughs, then lays her head down on Nat’s chest again, focusing on the movie once more. She laughs at the screen again, pulling the older woman’s attention to the screen.
Nat snaps awake at the sound of something hitting the floor, she sits up eyes scanning the room quickly, heart racing. The source of the noise stares up at her from the floor, a bewildered look on her face.
“Did you seriously just fall out of bed?”
“Blame whoever knocked on the door,” Wanda says climbing back into the bed with sleepy eyes. Nat falls back to her pillow, arm falling over Wanda as she does. “Whoever it is can go away.”
Friday’s voice rings out. “I’m afraid it’s Agent Barton, he’s insisting you get up.”
“Go away, Barton,” Nat yells, half-muffled by the pillow. She logically knew he was probably there to help with the newest development, but that didn’t mean she had to like the hour he was doing it at.
The door swings open. “Sorry, Nat, no can do.” He stops as his eyes fall on Wanda, who’s peaking up from around Natasha’s shoulder.
“Holy shit, you finally listened.” Clint laughs, ducking the pillow that comes sailing towards him.
“Work to do ladies, time to get out of bed.” His hands clap together, and Natasha is left wondering how a man that is this loud can be one of the best spies in the world.
“Fine, we’ll be out soon.”
“Find us in the kitchen.” His voice fades as he disappears the way he had come in.
Nat doesn’t move though which causes Wanda to nudge her. “You know we should probably get up.”
Nat closed her eyes, pressing herself into Wanda. “We will. Just let me not face everything yet?” It was a moment of vulnerability that she’d chosen to let Wanda in on. A fact that doesn’t go missed by the little witch.
She doesn’t say anything, just runs a hand through Nat’s hair.
“Do you remember the first time you got into my head, on the ship?” She feels Wanda stiffen against her, uncomfortable at the question.
“I’ll never forget.”
“In the red room, when I shot that man with his face covered?” Her voice was steady.
Wanda lets out a breath, continuing to toy with Nat’s hair. “Yes, I remember.”
“He had a son. I met him last night.”
She doesn’t have to be looking at Wanda to know that worry has crossed her face as she realized just how bad this thing could get.
“Oh. Nat, I’m so sorry. This man though, no matter your past is responsible for his own actions – nothing he does is on you.”
“Isn’t it though?” She knew logically that his actions were his own, but guilt still swam through her.
“No, not at all.” Wanda kisses the top of her head.
When they enter the kitchen, neither of them have bothered changing, a few weird looks cast their way.
“I take it we have something on Bykov?” Nat asks, walking towards the team. Wanda stays at her side but keeps enough distance to allow Natasha comfort.
“We do.” It was Maria that spoke, entering the room at just the right time.
“His name is Ilya Bykov, born in 1895 to Fedor and Alyona Bykov. When he was 15 his father was taken, murdered by the Red Room in one of their tests.” Her eyes flick to Natasha, and Nat knows that she doesn’t want to reveal everything, but it was going to come out. She feels a hand slide into her own and doesn’t pull back. Letting Wanda offer the little comfort she can at that moment.
“Until the fall of Shield, and Nat let the world in on their secrets – rightly so – He’d been a regular working-class man. Days after the information hit the net, he quit his job, came stateside, and started making connections with the worst of the worst. We suspect that when the secrets were leaked, he put the timeline together – linking Nat to his father's death.”
“But why would…” It was Vision that started to ask, not knowing all the details on the matter. A quick look from Wanda had silenced him. Nat’s eyes fall to the countertop. “So he sees this as revenge?”
“We think so, yes,” Maria said. “He’s smart, organized, and he’s probably been thinking about this and only this for a while. We can’t underestimate him or assume to know how far his contacts go. We will however find him and put an end to this.” Her eyes find Nat’s again, a promise hanging in the air.
“Do we have a location?” Tony asks.
“It appears he’s still in Romania. But we’re going to let the bastard come to us this time.”
“So, we wait for an attack?” Clint says, clearly uncomfortable with the thought.
“We prepare.” She corrects.
“I don’t like it,” Wanda says, surprising almost everyone in the room. “We know who this man is, we know where he is, and he no longer has the unknown on his side. Sitting and waiting for an attack is stupid.” There was a certainty to her voice.
Hill arches a brow. “Yes, well we know what we’re doing. I want everything we can get on this guy before we strike.”
Nat looks to Wanda, giving her a thankful look. “I trust Maria’s instincts, we’ll get him.” A voice in the back of her mind asks if she even wanted to get him. Yes, she wanted this to end, but she felt responsible for the way his life had played out. She’d pulled the trigger on his father, and she let the secrets out – ones that contained her past.
“I’ve already given Barton and Stark missions, recon and information gathering. I want leverage on this guy.”
“And me?” Nat already knows the answer.
“You are going to stay put.” Maria’s eyes move from Natasha to Wanda. “Both of you.”
“You expect me to sit here and do nothing?” Natasha didn’t hide her annoyance.
“Yes.” Maria doesn’t back down. “Because you’re what he really wants. And he’ll use her to hurt you.”
“He could use any of you to hurt me!” she counters. “I’d rather be out there protecting my team.”
“Which is what he’ll be counting on.” Maria knew people, more than some of them realized. She was also as stubborn as they came.
“Alright, I’ll come back when I know more. Nat, for once do as you're told.”
Nat only stares, biting her tongue.
Hours later, Nat had lost track of Wanda, after the morning meeting where they’d both basically been benched, Nat had taken to the gym, letting her frustrations out on the punching bag. She’d only stopped when her wrist protested by way of shooting pain up her arm. She didn’t know how long she had been there, but when she returned to her room the little witch wasn’t there. A pang of disappointment crossed her face, but she pushed it back. She’d gone from avoiding contact with her to not wanting her to be anywhere else.
“You’re in deep, Romanoff.” She mumbles to herself as she peels out of the gym clothes.
She spends the next hour working with Friday on gathering more information on Ilya than Maria had given them. Though, there was not much to be found. He’d been a bank manager back in Russia, once he’d quit there was nothing else, she could find.
He had a family back in Russia, a wife who’d left him years ago, taking custody of their only child. A young boy, named after the father she’d killed.
He’d left little to no trail through the states, and even less in Europe. He had to be going under an alias – some villainous name. He’d been cocky enough for that. They all were.
“Friday, if someone wants the Avengers dead – there is bound to be talk of it somewhere. Search for anything relating to that. If there’s even a mention of one of us I want it looked at.”
“Of course, Agent Romanoff, though that’s going to be a long list. I’ll return with anything I find.”
Nat nods, pushing away from her desk. “Thank you, Friday.”
“No need, I’ll let you know as soon as I’ve found something.”
She doesn’t bother replying, just moves to her closet, looking for something warm to wear. The sweater Wanda had instated on her wearing is what she chose, taking comfort in it the same way she supposed the younger woman had.
“Natasha.”
Nat looks to her left, eying Maria, who’d been standing outside her bedroom door. Her arms were crossed, but other than that she looked less authoritative than she had that morning.
“What are you doing here?”
“Hello to you too,” Maria says as she pushes off the wall.
“So you’re making sure I stay put then?” Nat continues on knowing the taller woman will have no problem keeping up.
“Damn it, Natasha.” She feels Maria approaching and turns out of the grasp Maria tries to take on her arm, to stop her.
“What, you want me to promise I’ll stay out of it? I can’t do that. I will stay here though until we know more. Jesus Hill.”
She watches her friend’s face fall and feels regret at the tone she’d taken.
“I was actually just coming to see if you were okay.” Her face hardened and Nat knew she’d messed up.
“Shit, Maria…”
“Save it.” She pushes past Natasha then, walking away.
“foot, meet mouth.” She mumbles to herself following the path Hill had just taken.
After realizing she’d meant more to Maria than originally thought she knew the woman wouldn’t let that change anything – she’d treat her no differently – but in the more intimate moments where she was just Maria, not Agent Hill, she’d been unsure how it would go. Apparently like this.
She knows to let her go. She could mend fences later, right now she needed to get something to eat. For once the kitchen was empty and remained that way the entire time she’d been sat at the island, eating a bowl of cereal.
She moves to the sink, rinsing out the bowl – the stinging in her knuckles makes her look to them. She’d done more damage to them herself than she had in the fight with Bykov’s men. Thinking back on the previous day, she loses focus. The tap ran, causing a pool to fill the bowl with murky water that flowed over the sides.
“Don’t tell me you just had a bowl of sugar for dinner?” Clint’s amused voice brings her back but startles her enough to send the glass bowl clattering to the stainless steel below.
“Well, we don’t all have Laura at home.” She attempts to fall into their easy banter, but she knew his curiosity had been peaked.
“Good thing I wasn’t someone coming to kill you.” He comes closer. “Everything okay?”
“No.” She answers honestly. “I feel like I’m spiralling out.”
“We’re going to get him, Nat. You don’t have to be worried about him coming after you.” He pauses, head ducking to meet her eye. “Or Wanda.”
“She can handle herself.”
“But that won’t stop your worry.” Says.
“No, no it won’t.” She smiles despite the topic. “I should thank you.”
“Why?” He was surprised at the topic change.
“Well, I know you’re the one that meddled just enough to get everyone else involved. You were the one to tell me to stop holding myself back.”
He pulls a face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She laughs, absentmindedly running her thumb over her split knuckles. “Of course you don’t.”
He looks past her, seemingly at nothing and she turns trying to see what had gotten his attention. “What?”
“I just had an idea.”
“Really, it looks more like you had a short circuit.”
“Shut up.” He fires back playfully. “How about you and Wanda head to the farmhouse. It's secure, no one else knows about it besides the team.”
“I don’t know Clint.” She shot the idea down before thinking about it.
“Why not, the kids miss you, it’s safe. You can spend time with the little witch.” He throws in a wink causing her to roll her eyes. “Have you had any time with her that wasn’t surrounded by this chaos, where you haven’t pulled yourself away like an idiot?”
“Last night, but I…” She trails off and watches his eyes move to her knuckles.
“Were spiralling, yeah you said.” He smiles and she knows that particular one is reserved for her. “I’m flying back this evening, then heading out on some recon after, if you make up your mind I’ll see you on the jet.”
When Nat goes looking for Wanda she’s surprised when she’s not in her room. Nervous when she’s not in the common area, and slightly panicked when Vision tells her that he’s not seen her for the better part of the evening.
Friday answers her worried call. “Agent Romanoff, you’re worried.”
“Locate Wanda.”
Seconds pass before the AI comes back with an answer. “Miss Maximoff is in your room.”
A wave of relief washes over her. “Thank you.”
She beelines to her room.
“What are you doing in here?” her tone came out a little harsher than she planned, and Wanda’s face falls into worry. “No, no I mean. I just went looking for you, and you weren’t in your room, or the common room and Vision hadn’t seen you.”
A wide smile breaks over Wanda’s face and Nat’s brows knit together. “What?”
“You were worried.”
“There is a man hell-bent on revenge after us,” Nat says like it should have been the first thought to cross Wanda’s mind.
“You worry because you care. Even if there wasn’t a crazy man.”
Nat kicks the door closed before starting towards the bed. “That still doesn’t answer the question about why you’re here?”
“I’m growing quite attached it seems.” Wanda answers. “I thought you may need your space – as you do – so waiting here for you seemed like the best option. As you went looking for me I don’t see a problem with it, hm?”
“No problems here.” Her eyes flick to the clock on the wall above the door to her bathroom; 8:20 pm. “Clint offered for the two of us to stay on his farm for a few days.” She sits on the bed, arms wrapping around her knees to hold herself up.
“Oh? Is that something you’d like to do?”
“It would be safe, no one knows it even exists, or that he has a family.” She explains, watching as Wanda reaches out – seemingly without thinking about it – and a little red ball of energy starts tracing a pattern on her arm. Just like the first time when she’d been explaining her reasoning for staying with them.
“We wouldn’t need to worry there. We could spend time together.” Her voice fell lower on her last words, not realizing she’d already made up her mind, and now fearing Wanda wouldn’t want that.
“That sounds like a wonderful idea.” The younger woman smiles up at her. “Getting you away from this may be a good thing too?” The question was tentative, but she was right.
“We both know that if I stay here if I know anything at all about him that I’m going to want to help.”
“They’re trying to keep you safe, darling.”
Nat nods. “I know that.”
“So let them. We’ll leave, keep your mind occupied for a few days and maybe by the time we get back there will be something we can do?”
Nat watches her, wondering how someone so young was so grounded. After all, she’d been through there was still hope inside her.
“Okay,” Nat agrees. She releases her legs from the loop of her arms and leans in pressing a quick kiss to Wanda’s lips. “We have to pack though.”
Wanda’s head tilts and her brows pull together comedically, causing Nat to laugh. “When you said we should go I thought you meant tomorrow.”
“Clint’s flying out at Nine.”
The little witch’s eyes widen. “Maybe you should have lead with the whole let's go on w trip thing?”
“Better go pack.”