James POV
“Give it up Prong, she’s never gonna say yes to you.”
“But I would make such a good boyfriend,” I frown at the flowers in the trash bin.
“Can you though?” I turn around and throw a glare at Peter who squeaks and then vizably shrinks back, hiding behind his book.
“Wormys got a point Prongs, you’ve never actually dated anyone,” Remus sighs closing his book.
“Well that is not true,” I defend.
“Oh yeah? Who?” He shoots me a challenging look, eyebrow raised.
“Oh well there was…” I trail off trying to rack my brain for any name only to come up empty. I turn 18 in a month and I’ve never had a girlfriend that does not look good for the future of my kingdom.
“Oh, it's okay mate, I’ll take you out,” Sirius winks and throws an arm around me.
“No,” was the short reply from Remus, even when it's a joke Remus is protective of his boyfriend.
“Fine, Moony, we’ll have a closed relationship,” Sirius groans and turns back to me, “Seriously though, we just need to find you the right girl.”
“But I already found the right girl,” before I could say more, Sirius cut me off.
“Look Prongs, it’s been seven years and Lily has rejected every advance you’ve ever made. You come up with all these big elaborate plans to woo her and she just ends up hating you for it. She’s never once given a hint that she likes you back, why do you keep trying?”
“Well because,” and then I come up short, I could say she's beautiful and brilliant, which she is, but recently it’s all been so much work.
“Doesn’t it risk your friendship with her every time you do something big and flashy?” Peter asks, risking coming out from behind his book, “you know she hates that stuff and hates to be the center of attention. Are you sure you’re still doing it for her?”
“Are you even sure you still fancy her?” Remus asks softly, looking at me.
“I-” the truth is, I don’t know if I still liked Lily, she was just all I had ever chased, I never paid any attention to the other girls.
“You know we’re right James,” Sirius says softly, “It doesn’t happen often but we are trying to look out for you. You’re always trying to make sure we’re happy all of the time and now it’s our turn. I know you care about her mate, but maybe you’re confusing things a little bit.”
“Yeah I know,” I shove him off and go to collect my cloak and the map, I know they’re right but it doesn’t feel right,
“Wait where are you going?” Sirius asks, alarmed.
“Just for a walk, Pads, I’ll be back soon,” I sigh.
“Okay give me a sec and-”
“No Sirius, I need to be alone,” my entire world just tilted and I needed some time to think. He looked like he wanted to say more but Remus grabs his arm and he just pouts instead and I leave the dorm eternally grateful for Remus Lupin at the moment. I love Sirius with all my heart . He's become like a brother to me the past six years, especially since he ended up moving in with us but sometimes I need a bit of space.
I don’t put the cloak on until I’m out of the common room, no ones in there anyways, it’s late enough that everyones getting ready for bed as there’s early classes in the morning. Some houses do back to school parties the night of but Gryffindors wait until the weekend and invite everyone in the school even though Slytherins never come.
I don’t even think as I walk to the Astronomy tower. This became my get away second year when I was wondering after curfew not being able to sleep. I would grab the invisibility cloak and my map and head out. I never disturbed my sleeping friends and always avoided Norris, Mr. Flinches cat who prowled at night. The night sky above me soothed me and reminded me of my room back home. It made me miss my parents a little less.
As much as I love my dorm mates and best friends, sometimes I just need my own space. I grew up an only child, my parents wanted a house full of children but they only had me, their “miracle child”, as they liked to call me, so I wasn’t used to having so many people around. I got used to it over the years but it still felt nice to get away when something was bugging me. No use in dragging other people's moods down with me.
I tug the cloak away once I reach the top of the tower and sit in one of the caution chairs and just breathe.
For seven years I had been trying to gain Lily Evans' attention, in my heart believing that the passionate nerdy redhead was my destiny. But looking back on it, once Lily and I became actual friends the effort to try and woo her just seemed tiresome and repetitive. Neither of us were the same people we were at eleven. I did love Lily in my own eleven year old way, but as I grew up I grew out of love. So why did I do that myself?
Before I could begin to answer my own question the door slammed open revealing a very disheveled dark haired boy. For a second I thought Sirius had followed me, but I have the map and no one knows that this is where I go to escape. I let out a small gasp as the boy looked up. It was indeed not Sirius but his younger brother. I was looking directly at Regulus Black.