Four weddings and a funeral

Tony & Pepper’s wedding

Everyone knows that Sam and Bucky hate each other’s guts. They can barely stand to be in the same room without yelling and fighting on some random shit. This is why it’s so surprising to see them heavily making out in the corner of the ballroom as if the other’s tongue was the only antidote to whatever the hell they got going on. Natasha is the first one to notice and she barks out laughing, tears springing in her eyes.

“Oh my god !” The redhead can’t help it and she grabs Steve’s arm, shaking him out of his conversation with Carol. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing ?”

There really is no place for doubt as to what’s going on in the corner of the room, still, Carol and Steve can’t help but stare at their friends. 

“Oh I am definitely seeing what you’re seeing but… how ?” Steve is not even sure how he managed to string a coherent sentence. This is just too weird. Sam and Bucky have been at each other’s throat ever since they met. No one really knows why though. Natasha was certain that it was a bit of jealousy over Steve, after all when they met Steve and Bucky had just decided to call it quits and stay friends when Steve met Sam on his next mission and introduced him to the whole gang as his new protégé. As expected, Bucky didn’t take very kindly to that. 

But still, years have passed and the tension between the two just keeps getting higher and more ridiculous. Bucky even almost stabbed Sam with a butter knife during Sunday’s brunch one day and they didn’t speak to each other for a few months after that. Well until today actually. 

“I need to tell Maria that I was right ! My gaydar is so on point” Carol squealed, already looking around, searching for her significant other. 

“Your gaydar is awful Carol, you realized Maria was hitting on you when she kissed you” Natasha answered, carefully tasting her champagne. “But that” she points at the two former soldiers showing way too much tongue action for a wedding reception “that is really unexpected”

“Not so much, are you all blind or have you never seen the way Bucky stares at Sam’s ass constantly ?” Steve jumps out of skin, barely holding back the very manly scream that he almost let out because he’s just Tony just materialized next to him. He’ll never understand how such a loud and chatty person can be so silent sometimes.

Natasha stares at them intensely and just sighs. “Yeah now I kinda see it. Maybe all the death threats and flirty stabbing are just foreplay for them. They actually quite go together” She squints as if it’ll help her decide if yes or no her two friends are playing an elaborate prank on the rest of the wedding party.

“Should we separate them though ?” Carol wonders “Or let them deal with the consequences of what will probably be the weirdest hook up of their lives ?”

“We should take a bet !” Somehow, Tony looks even more radiant at that thought than at the whole prospect of marrying the women he loves today. “I mean it’s my wedding so technically you all have to do everything I say today”

“Shouldn’t you be dancing with your new wife instead of taking bets on our friends ?” Steve barely gets the sentence out that Tony is staring him down. The billionaire throws him one of his trademark smiles before answering “Oh but I can multitask honey”

“I’ll take the bet” Everyone turns to Natasha who’s just biting at her straw now. “I think they will act like nothing happened and then make out again the next time they get drunk together because they don’t want to admit that they like each other »

Carol snorts and shakes her head, dropping a soft kiss on Maria’s cheek who just joined them. “We’re taking bets on what’s gonna happen for Buck and Sam over there” she points at them and somehow they still haven’t come up for air. People seem to be avoiding them and there is now an empty circle surrounding them. 

“We haven’t really decided if we’re actually taking bets” Steve adds, smiling shyly at Maria.

“We are so taking bets, the winner gets a free meal out of all the losers” Tony answers before staring and the lovestruck idiots in the back thoughtfully. “I think Bucky will lock himself in his tiny flat with his psycho cat pretending this never happened while Sam will use this as an excuse to win any arguments with Bucky from now on.”

“That’s a weird theory but ok” Natasha shrugs “What about you Steve ?”

“I refuse to bet on my friend’s life” All four of his friends are staring him down, clearly amused by his weak defense “Ok I think Sam will apologize because he’s clearly the most mature of them both and Bucky will probably just do something like… leave the country ?” 

“Nah, my money is on them actually figuring out that they like each other and dating. They’d be real cute together” Carol looks pretty sure of herself but her girlfriends shakes her head “No, that’s clearly a wedding thing”

“A wedding thing ?” Tony seems clearly outraged by the fact that his wedding is now being addressed as just a thing.

“I mean you know people get more horny at weddings, they see love everywhere they wanna bone someone in the wedding party. It’s just a wedding thing.” Maria raises a brow, clearly satisfied with her answer

“Well whatever this is” Tony vaguely gestures in their direction “I’m gonna break it up because it’s dangerously veering into dry humping territory and there are actual business partners at this event”

Carol & Maria’s wedding

It turns out that the highlight of Tony and Pepper’s wedding was actually some kid named Peter pretending to be a spider and trying to climb on walls with his bare hands. So the Bucky/Sam making out incident was swiped under the rug. Until Carol and Maria’s wedding. Carol proposed in the bar where they used to go all the time when they were not stationed abroad. It was also where they had their first kiss, and where they decided to get married on a warm summer night. 

Bucky and Sam were actually arguing next to the DJ, apparently Bucky was partial to 40s music and Sam was calling him out on it. And Steve really liked that version of them better, it was less weird.

“Oh thank god, they’re finally back to their old selves!” He pointed out his two friends to Natasha who was gushing at Phil, showing her something on his hand.

“What on earth are you…” She raised her head and looked straight at the former soldiers. “Yeah… Well it was fun while it lasted, now they’re back onto their usual bullshit.”

“What’s going on ?” Phil asked, clearly confused.

“Well.. Last time, at my wedding the two lovebirds over there spent like an hour or so making out in the back of the room.” Tony answered, sipping on his cocktail.

“Sam and Bucky ? But don’t they hate each other ?” Phil seemed even more confused than before.

“Yeah Coulson, they do !” Natasha winked at him “Except when drunk at wedding ceremonies apparently.”

“I can’t believe they made out at Tony’s weddings and not ours.. feels kinda homophobic to me” Carol grumbled, showing up behind them, holding the hem of her dress in the hand that wasn’t busy holding up her champagne glass. “Why are they fighting ? No offense but my wedding is like less classy and so much cooler and down to earth” She eyes Tony

“Hey! Take that back !” Tony shrugs “Maybe they just like to make out at nicer weddings !” 

“Where the fuck did they go ?” Steve asks, looking around. The spot where Bucky and Sam were arguing mere minutes ago is now empty. 

“They’re making out behind the bar by the parking lot”

If you ask Steve, he will deny to his death that he let out a shriek when Clint appeared next to them with that piece of information. Not matter how Clint will say he just walked, Steve is, to this day, persuaded that Clint just has fucking magical powers. 

“There’s just over there if you wanna check.” He winks at them and pecks Phil’s lips.

“Of course we wanna check!” Carol is already heading for the parking lot

“Carol no !” Steve calls out but it’s too late.

“Carol YES !” She giggles while opening the door.

They really shouldn’t spy on their friends like that. They should also probably talk to them about what the hell is going on because Clint was right, they are absolutely making out against the wall of the bar. Bucky has Sam crowded against the wall and they’re moaning in each other’s mouths like there aren’t 6 of their friends staring at them. Well, to be fair their attention is otherwise occupied so they may not have noticed their friends staring at them with an open mouth. 

“Oh my god they’re doing it again” Natasha whispers.

“I was so RIGHT it’s a wedding thing!” Carol exclaims and Steve has to put a hand on her mouth so they don’t get caught but the two lovebirds don’t seem to be paying them much mind. 

“Technically I was also right because there’s no way they’re sober for this” Natasha waves in their direction. “Should we do something ? Tell them we’re here and embarrass them ?”

Steve clears his throat awkwardly and tries to push his friends inside. “We should just let them be I don’t wanna be anywhere near them they seem to be way too handsy with each other and I’d rather die than witness one of my best friend give my other best friend whom he hates a handjob in a parking lot” He shivers just at the thoughts and goes back inside, followed by the other. Phil stays behind a little, sighing at them.

“Remember when we were just like them ? So horny it felt like the world didn’t exist around us” He turns to Clint with a pensive look in his eyes and a smitten smile plastered on his face.

“Don’t worry baby, I’m sure they’ll make out at our wedding too.”

Clint & Phil’s wedding

As it turns out, Clint was right. They were definitely making out at their wedding too. It took them a little while to notice, but then they found them, dancing in the middle of the dancefloor, kissing. As if Sam didn’t try to run over Bucky two days ago when he insulted his favorite football team. Sam kinda has an unhealthy attachment to The Falcons ok.

“It’s definitely a wedding thing” Carol is adamant. “This is the third wedding where they’ve seen them kissing each other” Her right arm is looped around her wife’s waist and they’re all staring at them. All referring to Steve, Tony, Natasha, Maria and Carol. 

“Yeah but you don’t really dance with someone you just make out at weddings with. Maybe they’re dating and they just don’t want to tell us” Maria suggests

“That makes no sense, you just want to win this bet” Tony answers right back

“You’re just a sore loser because they haven’t mentioned this again and they’re still interacting with each other” Natasha is looking at them “And somehow they still look like they’re trying to kill each other constantly. I can’t believe they’re actually roommates now.”

“See !” Maria points at Natasha like she just cracked world peace. “They moved in together, they’re clearly dating !”

“They’re roommates !” Steve adds “Just roommates ! They each have their own room”

“Well… Bucky did say that the second room was Alpine’s room” Carol helpfully provides, earning an eye roll from Steve.

“That’s just Bucky’s humour ok… Nobody has a room dedicated to their cat, it would just be weird.” He clears his throat, looking intensely at the bottom of his glass. “They may live together but there’s no way they’re dating. Just last week, Sam put pink dye in all of Bucky’s laundry just to piss him off.” 

“Yeah this is not the serve you think it is, it just proves they’re absolute idiots.” Natasha shrugs, staring at them like she could find out the truth just by looking. “I’ll admit that it’s weird they danced before kissing this time. But maybe one of them’s a closeted romantic and wants to be wooed before he drops his pants. My money’s on Bucky.” Steve wheezes and almost pours his drink on himself. Natasha looks really proud of herself and snorts before adding “But I still don’t think they’re dating, because first of all they would have had like no honeymoon phase. And also they’re two big idiots there’s no way we wouldn’t know about them. We at least would’ve seen them make out somewhere else than at a wedding !”

“Yeah they do have a weird relationship with weddings” Tony says, smirking in his glass. “But apparently they are very comfortable with public strip tease” He turns to Carol and Maria, pointing at the two men currently unbuttoning their shirts on the dancefloor. “Maybe one of you should tell them to move their weird wedding making out to a more private place if you don’t want to shock the elders. I don’t think anyone here is really ready for a live action porn sequence”

Steve & Sharon’s wedding

Steve actually thought they wouldn’t make out at his wedding. After all, even though they hated each other (he wasn’t so sure about that now), they were his two bestman. And that should have kept them busy enough for most of the ceremony. 

He maybe should have seen Bucky offering a lap dance to Sam at the bachelor party as a bad omen. But Steve is nothing if not an optimist. And he’s still trying to scrub his brains from the image of Bucky rubbing all over Sam. Really, there are situations no one should see their friends in and that was one. 

Not to mention, this is his wedding day, he should be getting ready to marry the love of his life and dodge all of Natasha’s jokes about marrying his ex's niece. It’s not like it’s that unusual ok. There’s probably a lot of other folks with this kind of story. It’s just that he has no idea where to find them. 

But right now, the emergency is that Bucky is nowhere to be found and he’s the one in charge of the wedding rings. And Sam’s been looking for him for the past ten minutes and now he’s short of not one but two bestman. And he’s supposed to get married in less than half an hour.

He opens another door and is yet again found empty handed. Apparently his best men aren’t hiding in a broom’s closet. Who knew ?

“Did you find them ?” Natasha is coming around the corner, empty handed. “I checked upstairs and couldn’t find them.”

Steve shakes his head and looks around. “The only place I haven’t checked yet is the toilets right behind you but they’ve been gone for like twenty minutes now !” He’s starting to freak out now.

Natasha comes to rest a hand on his shoulders and slowly leads him toward the bathroom. “Look, maybe Sharon doesn’t need a nice ring to marry you, we can maybe find one of those candy thingy. Or Stark could whip up something with like a piece of gum and a pen.”

“Yeah he probably could” Steve actually smiles at the idea of whatever that creation might look like and pushes the door open. “OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU GUYS EVERYWHERE !” Sam and Bucky jump apart, not looking the slightest bit guilty about the whole thing. 

“Well I found Bucky” Sam helpfully provides, gesturing at the man he was kissing a few seconds ago. “The rings are secure.”

“Yeah you found him alright” Natasha seems to be having way too much fun with this situation. “Come on, let’s go, we have a wedding to do.” She pushes Steve out of the door and starts to follow him, turning around at the last minute. “By the way, your fly’s down Bucky you might wanna fix that.”

Nick’s funeral

Nick Fury is not the kind of man that dies. He’s supposed to live on for eternity and always be around. On the morning of his funeral, a lot of people came to pay their respect to the man. It feels weird to realize that he won’t ever be around anymore, that he won’t be able to scheme anything. 

Shortly after the burial, while they’re all hanging out, reminiscing about the great man they said goodbye to today, Tony sees Sam and Bucky slipping out the kitchen door. 

“Hey Carol, I think you’re gonna lose that bet” He says, turning around to the blonde who’s just staring at him like he grew a second head.

“What bet are you talking about ?” She squeezes Maria’s hand in her own.

“Well, if they make out at a funeral, it’s definitely not a wedding thing” He winks at her before realizing where he is and shuffling awkwardly on his feet.

“Please excuse my husband he has no sense of respect whatsoever” Pepper says, staring down at her significant other, but he already got Maria’s attention.

“You don’t really think they’re gonna make out at a funeral ? Ok they barely knew Fury but still that would be… creepy” She frowns and shivers at the thought. But Natasha perks up. To be honest, she’s always interested in creepy stuff. She probably has a creepy radar somewhere.

“They just left together through the backdoor, what on earth could they do in the garden during a funeral ?” Tony adds

“Ok so you see two people leaving a funeral and your first thought is I bet they’re making out in the garden ? that’s fucking weird” Natasha is looking at him like he’s a child trying to show her a particularly unimpressive drawing. She’s never liked children. 

“Maybe they just went out to have another of their fight away from the grieving people” Steve proposes with an earnest look

“Somehow, the fact that you’re implying that they’re acting like rather rational adults makes me believe the making out at a funeral theory a little bit more” Maria sounds surprised to hear herself say that. 

“Let’s just go and check instead of trying to guess” Clint offers, already heading toward the garden. And even if Tony joked about it, they weren’t expecting Sam and Bucky to be actually making out at a funeral. But here they were, shoved against a tree, in broad daylight. Making out at what was definitely not a wedding.

“What the fuck ?” Steve can’t stop it. He’s staring at his two best friends, who can’t really stand each other, and he can’t process it. “Weddings, I can somehow understand… but I’m really drawing a line at a funeral what the everloving fuck is happening ?”

Sam and Bucky turn to their newfound audience, looking a bit guilty. Bucky is biting his own lip and Sam looks like he’s panicking. 

“Nothing really is going on… we’re just… celebrating” As soon as the word is out of his mouth, Sam knows he fucked up.

“CELEBRATING ?” Steve explodes and Clint can’t help but burst out laughing at the situation. “I thought you liked Fury ?”

“Oh my god we’re not celebrating his death !” Sam is staring at them in shock, like he didn’t just drop a bomb on them. He looks at Bucky but the smug smile he gets in answer just riles him up and he adds with an exclamation “Bucky proposed to me !”

This sentence is met with a heavy silence. No one really knows how to react, and they’re too stunned to do anything but stare until Maria exclaims “I KNEW IT THEY’RE DATING”

Carol grabs the first she just pumped in the air and whispers “Baby try not to look too happy, this is still a funeral.” She clears her throat and turns to the newly engaged couple. “Well this is weird since none of us knew you were even dating but… congratulations I guess ?”

Tony claps Sam’s shoulders and suddenly, questions start fusing from all around the group until Steve realizes “Wait… who the fuck proposes at a funeral ?”