Rescue me from this living nightmare
Peter cried the whole way to Alberta.
He did not stop crying once.
The toddler cried so hard that he started dry heaving and then eventually threw up, all over his lap then he started crying even harder, looking around desperately for his daddy to hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay.
But in reality, he was with two strange men who he had never seen before and he was terrified.
Bucky pulled over on the side of the deserted road. “I think it’s time to give him the bottle.” He got out of the car, opening up the trunk and digging around until he found what he was looking for.
Peter continued to sob as he watched Steve and Bucky with wide, fearful eyes. He watched Steve get out of the car, shut the door then walk around the other side, opening up the door on Peter’s side.
The toddler was torn between wanting to run into the man’s arms for any sort of comfort he could get and run in the opposite direction, to get as far away from them as possible.
He didn’t have time to decide since Steve was picking him up and laying him on his back on the seat then stripping him from the clothes Tony dressed him in this morning. “Pass me a bag, Buck. I’m gonna burn these clothes once we get home.”
Bucky handed his friend a plastic bag along with a fresh diaper, wipes and a bottle. “I put 8ml in here so he should fall asleep soon. Within fifteen minutes or so I’d say.”
Steve offered the bottle to Peter but he threw it, crying harder.
“Someone’s a tired little bear, aren’t you? Aren’t you, honey?” The kidnapper cooed to the inconsolable child beneath him then untapped the sides of his diaper, pulling down the front and tossing it into the bag along with his clothes. “Make sure we leave none of his DNA behind, Bucky. Double check everything.”
“Everythings in here. We’re in the clear.” Bucky had the police radio on and was listening in, making sure they weren’t suspecting them… and they weren’t.
Steve got Peter cleaned up and fastened a clean diaper onto him along with a new onesie he bought for him weeks prior. “There’s my baby bear. Look how comfy you look. Let daddy see you. Oh, so cute.” The man cooed, lifting Peter up into his arms but the toddler screamed harder, kicking and wiggling to be set free.
He made grabby hands to the forest behind them, reaching for someone, anyone to rescue him. “Dada! Dada! Wan’ dada!”
“Shh. Shh. Daddy’s right here. I’m so glad we found each other. I love you so much. You’ll remember that you love me, just not yet.” Steve got Peter buckled into his car seat this time, having to hold the toddler's chubby arms down so he could actually buckle him in.
Peter screamed and a bottle was shoved in his mouth. “No. Mama milk.” He tried to ask for, making grabby hands for it.
“Shh. Here you go. Daddy’s giving you a bottle.” Steve held the bottle to Peter’s mouth and after a few failed attempts, the starving toddler finally gave in and began drinking. “Good boy. Daddy’s so happy you’re drinking your bottle.”
Peter’s eyes were quick to shut and even if just for a little bit, he could be at peace while he dreamed about being at home with his parents and brother again.
.
.
.
Pepper was a wreck.
While Tony was out looking for their son with no leads as to where he was or who took him, Pepper hadn’t left Peter’s nursery.
They had such big plans for their family. And now… this.
Everyone prepares you from going from one to two kids but no one prepares you from going from two to one kid.
Pepper didn’t want to have to do this. Her heart was aching.
She picked up Peter’s baby Blankie and held it up to her nose, sniffing it and breathing in the scent of her son. She couldn’t stop the sob that escaped her.
How did such a normal day turn into this?
Pepper was lying on the floor, surrounded by all of Peter’s things when Harley opened the door, not moving from the doorway. “Mom?”
“Yeah?” Pepper’s voice cracked but she still continued to cry, not having the willpower to put on a brave face for her oldest son.
“Um…” Harley was scared to enter. The last time he was in his baby brother's bedroom, Peter was here and his family wasn’t broken apart. “Will Peter come home? I-I miss him.” He broke down and walked into the nursery, collapsing into his mother’s arms.
Pepper didn’t want to make any broken promises because the truth was, she didn’t know. “I hope so, honey. I hope your father brings Peter back home to us.”
.
.
.
It had been one full week.
Peter barely ate, he refused most foods and even if he did manage to eat something, he would cry so hard and throw it up.
He was sitting on the living room carpet and crying, completely distressed. He rocked back and forth, trying to do anything to comfort himself so he didn’t feel so abandoned and scared.
Steve walked into the room so Peter cried impossibly harder and turned onto his hands and knees to try and get away. He stood up, waddling over to the coffee table where a phone was so he picked it up, holding it to his ear. “Daddy. He’p. Daddy. He’p.” He tried but there weren't any voices on the other end, since the three year old didn’t actually know how to dial his parents' numbers.
“That’s not a toy, bear. You have your toys here.” Steve picked him up under the arms and placed him on his bum, on a play mat so Peter continued crying and continued in that state for awhile, staring ahead and rocking himself back and forth, completely inconsolable.
.
.
.
Tony stared at his phone and watched it hit 2:36pm. The exact time he called the police to report his missing son exactly a year ago today.
Looking back, he honestly expected to have found Peter by now. Or at least know what happened to him, know that his boy was at peace and he could finally rest.
But they were in the exact same spot as he was a year ago.
Tony couldn’t dare walk into Peter’s nursery.
He sat outside the hallway, a bottle of scotch in one hand and a picture of Peter in the other as he stared into the nursery like he had been for the last few… hours? Day’s? Tony didn’t know and he honestly didn’t care.
He left his family in Malibu a month ago and he hadn’t seen them since, or heard from them if he was being honest. He had a ten year old boy and a newborn baby girl and Tony was missing out on everything but he just couldn’t go home. So much to the deadbeat dad he was trying not to be when he had kids.
Tony looked inside Peter’s nursery, his eyes landing on the blanket thrown over his crib. He placed it like that a year ago today and no one has touched it since. Tony wondered if it still smelt like him, he wondered if any of Peter’s hairs were still on that blanket. They had to be; the only thing Tony had left of Peter to hold onto.
He hadn’t gotten to hold and touch and feel his baby in a whole year… Tony didn’t even feel like he was living anymore… just purely existing at this point.
So Tony stood up and leaned against the doorway, preparing to walk into the nursery when his phone rang.
He picked it up, seeing that it was Pepper so he had to answer it. He already knew she was pissed at him, rightfully so. “Hello.”
“Where are you, Tony? I’ve got two young kids here and you’re nowhere to be found.”
Tony looked at Peter’s crib. He felt numb yet he felt everything at once.
“Hello?”
“I’m at home- Uh, at our old house…”
The line was silent for a few moments.
“Come home. We have a newborn daughter, Tony and you’ve been with her for a total of a few days. Harley misses you. I miss you.”
Tony couldn’t go to Malibu. “I miss Peter.” He whispered and had to pull the phone away from his face so Pepper didn’t hear him cry. He wasn’t ashamed of it, he just didn’t want to cry on the phone to her.
“I know. Me too. But-”
“Don’t. Don’t say it. Don’t say he’s gone so it doesn’t matter or-or-or-”
“I wasn’t going to say that. I was going to say that we still need you here.”
“I can’t be there when Peter isn’t there! Can’t you understand that?! I can’t do this! I can’t do this anymore, Pepper.” Tony fell to his knees, breaking down. He had a fucking new born daughter and he couldn’t even go near her without breaking down and thinking of Peter. He couldn’t do this anymore.
“Stop talking like that, Tony. It’s been one year since Peter’s been… kidnapped.” It was still so hard to say. “Just get on a plane and come home. Please, Tony. Bond with your new baby.”
Tony couldn’t do that.
He looked at Peter’s nursery through waterary eyes. “I’ll be home when I get Peter back.”
“Tony-”
“No. I don’t care what the police say. When he first went missing, they said in the first twenty four hours they’re looking for a child and after that, they’re looking for a body. He’s obviously not just lost. Someone has him or his dead body is somewhere all alone and I can’t come home and act like everything is normal!” He yelled at the end, getting too worked up. He couldn’t stay on the phone anymore or he’ll say something he’ll regret. “I have to go. I’m sorry.”
Tony hung up, chugged the last few sips of his scotch then stood up, walking into Peter’s nursery for the first time in one year.
He wanted to go back in time. He wanted to hold Peter, even just for one more day. One more minute, he would give anything.
When the emotional pain was so strong it turned into physical pain.
Tony was physically aching. All. The. Time.
The worst was the not knowing. Not knowing if Peter was alive or buried somewhere. Not knowing where Peter was or who he was with. Not knowing what was being done to him. Tony imagined every scenario. He made himself sick at nights imagining what was being done to his boy.
He couldn’t stop though.
He wasn’t going to stop until he knew.
Natasha was looking for Peter but she couldn’t find him. It was an endless loop.
Tony walked over to Peter’s crib and looked down into it, spotting one of his pacifiers lying there. He got a flashback of when he grabbed Peter out of his room that day and he was holding it in his hand, like he always did when he napped.
Tony reached in and picked it up, smelling it but all he could smell was old silicone.
Before he went to bed at night’s, he tried to remember every single detail of Peter’s face, his body, how he talked, moved, smelt like. Tony was forgetting though and that terrified him.
He forgot Peter’s voice. He read somewhere that the first thing you forget about a person is their voice… it was true. He had to watch videos to remember but it just wasn’t the same.
What Tony would give to be able to hold Peter in his arms right now.
.
.
.
Peter walked into the playroom and dumped out a bin of his toys then showed his teddy bear to Steve, hugging it to his chest and grinning at the man. “Look.”
“Wow, it’s a teddy bear, bear.” Steve cooed at the four year old. “Can you bring it to daddy?”
Peter looked behind him, looking for someone but he didn’t know who.
He looked back at Steve and stood up, handing the bear to the man then sitting on his lap. “I’m hungry.”
“You’re hungry? You just had a big bottle of milk. How about daddy makes you a big plate of French toast? Does that sound good?” Steve tickled the boy’s stomach and stood up with him, carrying Peter into the kitchen then placing him on his feet to get started on cooking.
“Where’s other daddy?” Peter asked, climbing up onto his booster seat.
Steve froze briefly. “Other daddy? What do you mean? I’m your only daddy.” He ruffled the boys curly hair, causing him to giggle. “Have you been watching too many cartoons, bear?”
Peter giggled but shook his head. “No. I’m just wondering where my other daddy is. Where he go?” Peter shrugged.
“Huh? You know what, how about I put whipping cream on your French toast? Does that sound yummy?” Steve tried to change the subject. Good thing the boy had a short attention span. He picked up one of the many pacifiers and popped it into the boy's mouth. “Suck on your paci. You need it.”
Peter gave a sharp nod and continued sucking on it while he watched Steve cook; his new life that has become so normal for him now.