Peter’s first Christmas back
Tony loved this time of the year. He always did. Christmas was nothing but magical and beautiful with the snow falling and creating such a cozy and loving atmosphere inside the house.
He loved Christmas.
Then he stopped loving it. He went from loving the holiday to despising it.
He didn’t know how it was possible for him to wake up on Christmas Day when he was missing one member of his family. Year after year, it didn’t get any easier without Peter there at Christmas. Tony used to have such a hard time waking up that day without Peter because the only thing on his mind was his boy, whether he was even getting a Christmas wherever he was. That part killed him. That part killed him every day but especially on Christmas and Peter’s birthday. Basically every holiday was ten times harder than a normal day.
Now, he had his baby back.
He sat on the couch with a coffee in one hand and holding a paper in the other; Peter’s Christmas list. His first Christmas list at home with his family.
It had only been a few months since Peter came back to them and things were still difficult, not as difficult as it was the first month or two… or three of Peter being back, they were starting to fall into a routine of a family but it was still hard sometimes although none of that mattered to Tony. His brown eyed baby boy was back.
He looked up from the list that he could barely read through Peter’s illegible handwriting and saw Peter standing in front of him, grinning. “Hey.”
Peter smiled and pushed his way into Tony’s side as if he had been doing that his whole life. “Hi. Did you read it over?”
“I did.”
“Did you like it?” Peter looked up at him with curious, yet anxious eyes. As if he was worried Tony wasn’t going to like something on the list and be upset with him.
Tony pulled him tighter against his side. “I love it. I especially love the slime written on there. Do you think Santa will bring that to you?”
Peter gasped and seriously thought about it.
One thing that Tony was grateful for about Steve, was that he kept Peter’s innocence. Maybe the man sheltered Peter too much, considering he didn’t know anything about even his body growing up which left Tony and Pepper having to explain some things to him for the future. Tony was selfishly grateful he got to have that conversation with him and all the future conversations with him.
But Steve made sure Peter still believed in Santa and the tooth fairy even.
Harley stopped believing in Santa the first year after Peter was gone, maybe it was because Tony and Pepper didn’t try hard enough…
Now, Tony was so glad he got to see the child wonder of Christmas through Peter’s eyes.
Peter tilted his head in thought. “I think Santa will bring me the slime! Red slime.” He smiled then the smile fell from his face. Tony was going to voice his concerns but Peter spoke before he could. “But… but how will Santa find me? How will he know I’m here and not in the other house?”
Tony hated that his child had to even worry about something like that. He wished he didn’t have to. He wished he didn’t have to deal with those seven years… Tony had a hard time coming to terms with that.
He was trying to heal now that he had Peter back but he wished he didn’t have to… he forced a smile on his face at the question. “Santa knows everything. He knows who’s been naughty or nice so he knows that you’re home now.”
Tony tried not to cry. He begged for Peter back every second of every day for seven years. He wished and prayed for his boy and he finally got what he had been praying for. Peter was the only thing on his Christmas list every year. He was what was on his mind as he blew out his candles on his birthday with a fake, forced smile plastered across his face because the one person he wanted to spend his birthday with wasn’t there… and now he was.
Now Peter was back in his arms and it was really starting to hit Tony that he had him back and he wasn’t going anywhere. No one was going to take him from him again… not now, not ever.
The only reason Tony’s heart beat was for Peter.
Some days were harder than ever during those seven years, some days Tony considered ending his life. He wanted to be with Peter again and some days he thought Peter was dead. Murdered. Potentially… he didn’t want to think about it.
Those days were hard.
But the thing that got him through it was this moment right here. The day he got to hold his baby boy in his arms again and feel his steady weight on his lap, getting to look into his chocolate brown eyes that Tony gave to him, this moment was the reason he survived those seven years.
Just the tiniest bit of hope that he would be able to see his boy again.
The hardest part was the unknown. Not knowing if Peter was dead or alive. Not knowing where his body was or how scared he had been when he died, not knowing what exactly he was doing or what was being done to him at any second of the day Tony thought of him, which was every waking second and even in his dreams.
Tony sometimes silently wanted someone to tell him Peter was dead just so he knew his boy wasn’t in pain, just so Tony could have closure. Of course he didn’t want Peter dead, but if he had to choose between Peter being locked in someone’s basement getting abused everyday, he would choose the other option. It wasn’t a thought any parent should have. But it was the life Tony had. It was the thoughts that crossed Tony’s mind everyday…
Peter brought him back to reality. “Daddy. I asked if I was naughty or nice?”
Tony smiled. A real smile. “Nice, baby.”
Peter frowned and reached over to gently touch Tony’s cheek. “Why're you crying, daddy?”
Tony didn’t even realize he had been crying. He was thinking about life before he had Peter back and he just… he wished he could have told himself that everything will be okay in the end. He wished that this time last year, he would have his baby back in only a few months. Last year was really hard. It was… it was hard to say the least.
He pulled Peter against his chest. “I love you so much. I missed you so much while you were gone.”
Peter hugged him back. He didn’t remember his dad back when he was three but he was familiar.
Everything felt so right with him and Peter felt safer than he’s ever felt. He hated Steve for taking him away from his dad and his family. He absolutely hated him with everything fiber in his body.
“I love you too, daddy. But… you’re squeezing my organs too tight.”
Tony laughed wetly and pulled away. “Ohh. Sorry, baby.” He ran his fingers through Peter’s curls and stood up with him, easily lifting him onto his hip and walking into the kitchen to grab a cheese string. “Here. Wanna go build a snowman with Morgan?”
Peter squealed. “Yes!”
.
.
.
It was Christmas morning.
The first Christmas with Peter back and the very first time Tony felt complete.
The last Christmas they spent with Peter, he was three and was learning how to say a few words at once so it was so magical watching him open his presents. It was so funny watching him try to open every single present under the tree so Tony let him open his own, just to see the joy on his face.
Although it wasn’t long before Peter had pulled down Pepper’s shirt for milk. Tony smiled at the memory. It was a memory he thought of every Christmas but thinking about Peter at Christmas made him want to cry and skip over the holiday altogether but he always pushed through until he could be alone and break down in the bathroom to quietly cry.
Now, Tony didn’t have to hold back tears.
He only got to feel joy, happiness and love today.
He woke up to Peter tapping on his arm. “Daddy. Wake up. It’s Christmas.”
Tony sat up and pulled Peter onto his lap. “Merry Christmas, Peter. Let’s go see if Santa came.” He let Peter slide off his lap and followed him out of the bedroom after waking Pepper up.
Morgan bumped into Peter in the hallway. “Petey! Santa came!” She held up her stocking.
Tony watched them run down the stairs together for the very first time. Now, he wanted to cry out of happiness.
Harley followed them down shortly after and met them in the living room. He looked at Tony because the sight was never unbelievable. He had his baby brother back. After all those Christmases without him and how difficult it was to be an only child on Christmas and then having to watch his parents grieve, his little brother was finally home.
Pepper sat next to Tony and leaned her head on his arm. She was crying but it was nothing but happy tears.
Peter dumped his stocking out with Morgan and immediately went for the full chocolate bar that was there. “Daddy! Look what Santa brought me.” He held it up to him and picked up an action figure, grinning at it. “And look!” He stood up and sat on Tony’s knee, facing him. “He brought me this too!”
“Wow, baby boy. Lucky boy. Do you wanna see what gifts he brought you?” Tony lifted Peter up and walked over to the Christmas tree, placing him on his feet and sitting down but Peter was sitting right next to him, placing his tiny hand on Tony’s knee and it made Tony’s heart flutter.
He finally had his baby boy back. The misery and grief were finally over. Peter was home. Peter was back where he belongs and now they got to spend Christmas together.
Tony missed out on six Christmases with him and that hurt more than words could describe but he had his boy back. Peter was back now and just a few centimeters from him and it was what Tony wanted to focus on now.
Peter grabbed a present and began ripping into it. He pulled out a car race track and gasped. “Woah. This is so cool! I love it!” He set it aside and turned to face it. “I want to build it now.”
Tony gestured to the other presents. “How about you open your other presents first? Like…” Tony grabbed one that was from him. “this one.”
Peter grinned and grabbed it. It was small but it was the most heartfelt present. Tony tried not to cry while he bought it. It was the first Christmas present he bought for Peter’s first Christmas back with them so it was really emotional for Tony to buy it for him.
Peter began ripping into it and unwrapped a tiny, white box so he opened it up and pulled out a tiny piece of paper with a message in it. He tried to read it but he struggled with reading and writing. “Dear Peter, you are the l-li… light of my life. You are the reason my h-h… what’s that say?” He held it out to his dad.
Tony took the paper from him. He had been staring at him and didn’t want to look away. He memorized what the engraving said since it was how he felt but he didn’t want to mess up so he began reading. “Dear Peter, you are the light of my life. You are the reason my heart beats. You are the answer to all my prayers and I love you more than words can say. You came into my life and you were my portrait of truth. You’re all I ever want and all I’ll ever need. You make me feel again and I’ll forever protect you. I love you, my beautiful baby boy. Love, daddy.”
When Tony looked up, he wasn’t expecting to see Peter crying. “Oh. Baby.”
Peter threw himself into his arms and shook. “I-I love you. And-and I-I’m so h-h-happy I’m with you n-now.”
Tony pulled him impossibly closer against his chest. He loved Peter so much and he still couldn’t process the fact that Peter was his and that he wasn’t going anywhere. Tony woke up every morning and had to remind himself that Peter was back home with him now.
“I love you too, baby.” He could tell Peter that over a million times but it still wouldn’t be enough to tell Peter how much he truly loves him.
When Peter pulled away from him, Tony wiped his tears. “Look inside the box. That’s not the only present.”
Peter looked inside and pulled out a necklace with two silver hearts on it. One was bigger with the word daddy engraved in it and the other one was smaller with the word Peter engraved in it. Peter loved it. Now he could keep his dad close to him wherever he went.
“I love it. I want you to put it on me.”
Tony stayed close to Peter for the rest of the day, not like it was any different from any other day. After they opened all their presents, the family had a lazy day watching Christmas movies, playing with their new toys and baking Christmas cookies.
Tony loved every second of it.
He always wondered what Christmas would be like with the five of them and now he got to experience that.