I need my baby
Tony sat in the empty room at their new house.
It was supposed to be Peter’s room.
When they bought the house, they made sure it had an extra room for Peter. He wasn’t with them anymore but Tony never lost the hope that one day, Peter would return to them.
It got hard most days but Tony tried to remain strong.
He had to for Peter.
That was the only thing that truly kept him going. He had two other children but it wasn’t the same without Peter. Nothing would ever be the same without Peter. A part of him was missing.
He looked out the window of the empty room and tried to picture what it would look like with Peter in it, how Peter would make it his own.
It had been four years since he was kidnapped and each year it just kept getting harder and harder. The first year was torture but the second year was complete agony and it seemed to be getting worse as each year went on.
Tony looked around the room. If Peter came back to them right at that moment, there would be no crib anymore, or changing table, there would be no toddler bed or a fun race car bed. Time was passing on without Peter there and it was so hard.
Pepper walked into the empty room and sat down next to him. Tony looked down at his lap. “He’s missing everything, Pep.”
Tony wiped the tears falling down his cheeks. “We’re missing his birthdays, Christmas’s, Halloween… I can’t do this anymore.”
The not knowing if Peter was safe and okay was the hardest part. Tony kept picturing Peter locked in some basement somewhere and chained to the wall and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop thinking about it.
“I want him back so bad.” He whispered, not trusting his voice to fully speak. “I just… it’s been so long. How much longer?”
Pepper sucked in a shaky breath. “One day… one day he will come back to us. We just have to keep going… and stay strong for that day.” It was hard for her to speak since she was trying not to cry as well.
Tony wanted that day to be today. He wanted that day to be that very moment. Everything after that was too far away.
He tried to force a smile to stay strong. “What do you think he would look like now?” Pepper thought about it so Tony spoke first since he already had an image in his head. “He’s seven now so I think he’d still have his baby teeth. He definitely didn’t lose those yet. He’d have the biggest brown eyes ever so he could curiously look around at everything. His hair would be super curly still, maybe even more. And he’d definitely have a bit of your freckles on his chubby cheeks.”
Pepper smiled through her tears. “Yeah. I can picture that. Don’t forget how smart he would be. He’s definitely got your brains.”
“Oh for sure. He was already such a smart toddler.” Tony sighed. He missed his boy so much. “Do you think he remembers us?”
No one said anything for a minute, both not wanting to admit what they thought.
Tony cleared his throat. “He probably doesn’t. You know… I um, I doubt whoever took him is talking about us. He wouldn’t know about Morgan.”
Pepper wiped at her cheek and stood up. “I’m gonna go pick up Harley from school. I put Morgan down for her nap.”
With that, she was gone. Tony didn’t know what to do with himself. Morgan was an easy baby. She was fine to sit by herself and play with her toys. Peter was the one that needed all of his and Pepper’s attention at all times but Tony loved it. He missed it.
He knew he wasn’t going to get that back. Peter was no longer a toddler anymore.
If… when they got Peter back, he would no longer be a baby. That was the hardest part, at least one of the hardest parts.
For neither parents to know when Peter would come back into their lives. Either way, whatever happened now, Peter wouldn’t be a toddler anymore and it killed Tony to think that they would miss out on raising Peter and they’ll get him back when he was twenty or thirty or even find him when he’s in his forties and possibly has his own kids.
If that were the case, Tony knew Peter wouldn’t want to get to know them. He would already be an adult who didn’t need his parents.
Tony wiped at the tears freely falling down his face.
This was so hard.
Living was so hard without Peter.
Tony was craving his physical form so badly.
All he wanted, all he ever wanted was to hold Peter in his arms and never ever let him go again.
He was grieving so hard and it physically pained him.
He looked around the empty room, feeling so sick. Life wasn’t supposed to be the way it turned out. Pepper and him were supposed to raise their two boys together and then Morgan was supposed to come into their lives to complete their family and not how it was.
For him and Pepper to have lost their baby and Harley ended up as an only child. Morgan was in their life now but she didn’t complete them. No one could ever complete them but Peter.
Tony laid down in the empty room and closed his eyes. He tried to picture what life would be like with Peter but of course, that all depended on a lot.
As everything did.
The hardest part for the parents recently was when a boys body washed up from a lake around the same age Peter would have been and Tony had to identify the body but the scariest thing was, he didn’t know what Peter would look like now.
So a picture was put together of what Peter would potentially look like now and it was creepy and terrifying to look at. To be looking at an updated photograph of their son but it wasn’t actually him.
It was eerie.
Tony couldn’t identify the body. It was too hard for him to look at and have it potentially be their little boy but it wasn’t Peter.
Just another little boy whose parents missed him like crazy but at least that boy's family had some closure. They could rest.
Tony just wanted to know if Peter was okay and if he was still alive, no matter how hard knowing may be.
Unfortunately for the father, he still had a few more years until he could see his boy again.