Chapter 15
When the mental and emotional attack is through, I feel so drained and carefully stand, bracing myself on the wall when I sway slightly from not eating before it. I make my way to the kitchen with the apple and rinse it off at the sink, hands still shaking slightly. I grab a cutting board and a small knife, setting them on the island before setting the apple on the cutting board. I start to carefully cut the apple and somehow manage to slice my palm open as I'm finishing.
"Shit!" I grab a towel and press it to my palm as I look for a bandage, starting to feel lightheaded too. "Ugh..." I catch myself on the counter and lean on it as my head swims. "Fucking aftershocks..." I quickly find the first aid kit and press gauze to my palm before wrapping it, using my teeth to tear it off. "There..." I put the bloody knife in the sink for now and look at the apple, appetite gone as I see blood covering it. I grab the slices and try to rinse the blood off to no avail.
I throw it all into the sink and grab the soda, drinking it quickly to try to get my blood sugar back to a normal level because everything is all fucky now. I grab my phone and look through the contacts, seeing Sergeant Barnes. I start a text chat with him and quickly type a message, thumb hovering over the send button before pressing it. 'Hey.' I know. Real original. I stare at the screen for a moment before typing another message and sending it. 'That invitation to talk still open?' I turn my notification and ring tone up all the way and go to grab a book, hoping he'll respond.
I sit in a chair in the living room and start to read, my phone on a small table next to me. It dings and I look at it to see it's just a reminder to study the language some more. I go back to reading and don't notice the time pass quickly.
"Raz. It is currently seven in the evening and the last thing you've eaten was the cereal this morning," JARVIS says and I look up from the book I was still invested in.
"Really?"
"Really."
"Sorry, JARVIS. Thanks for the reminder." I put a bookmark in the thick book, about halfway through it, and look at my phone to see I had no messages or missed calls, sighing softly. "Guess it isn't," I mutter under my breath and set the book on the coffee table, pocketing my phone. "Hey, JARVIS. What are the others doing right now?"
"They have just started eating pizza that was delivered on the top floor. Would you like to join them?"
"Um..."
"They are requesting that you come to eat with them now."
"Alright..." I get on the elevator and he takes me to the floor where the others were.
"YES! Finally!" Peter laughs and I smile a tiny bit, seeing him smiling at me. "Get up here! Took you long enough!"
"Shut up, idiot," I scoff and climb the stairs before sitting on the floor next to him, combing my fingers through my hair to take the hood of my hoodie down. "I had the hood on all day, didn't I?"
"Yep."
"Of course I did. Give me some pizza."
"It's right there!"
"So? Give me a piece."
"You're an asshole," He grumbles as he just tosses me a plate and I gasp in mock offense.
"How dare you? State the obvious like that. God, rude."
"What would you like?" Pietro asks and I look at him.
"I was kidding, but if you wanna get me my food for me, I won't object. And I prefer sausage."
"Yeah, I bet," Peter snickers and I shove him onto the floor as he laughs.
"Fuck off." Pietro hands me a plate of sausage pizza and I take it. "Thanks." He nods and I take a bite.
"What happened to your hand?" Steve asks and I shrug a bit, covering my mouth.
"Cut my palm open while I was cutting that apple." I go back to eating and manage about half of the piece before my stomach starts to roll, setting the other half down to run a hand through my hair again. "Hey, Bucky, can I see your phone real quick?"
"Why?"
"Reasons. Duh."
"No."
"Fair." My phone dings loudly and I fish it out of my pocket, turning it down. "That was loud." I look at the notification to see it was another reminder and I text Peter to make sure it works.
"Why'd you text me?"
"Reasons. And to call you an idiot again." He rolls his eyes as he lightly shoves me and I smile, having gotten amazing at masking things.
"You're a jerk, y'know that?"
"Eh, it's fine. It's why people are drawn to me."
"Yeah, cuz it's has nothing to do with you crap personality," Steve scoffs and takes a swig from a beer bottle.
"My personality is just fine, thank you very much. Ours just seem to clash too much." I take a beer from Thor and open it with my teeth easily.
"I'm sorry but what the fuck did I just witness?" Sam asks and I smirk, taking a swig from my bottle easily.
"That is the easiest way to open bottles. Normally I'd use my knife but, y'know. Got ditched by those guys for good reasons. Right, Cap?" I smile sweetly and he doesn't respond, drinking his beer. Bucky looks at me and I rest my elbow on my knee, drinking calmly. I ignore my phone when it dings and he raises an eyebrow at me, talking to Peter instead.
"Ain't you gonna check that?"
"Probably another reminder to study the language I'm working on. So, no."
"What if it isn't?" I look at my phone and see a message from him. 'Offer to talk is still on the table if you want it.'
"Wow. Cool." I set my phone down and finish my pizza, still feeling drained from the attack earlier. I finish the beer and lace my fingers at the base of my skull as I rub my neck with my thumbs.
"Would you like me to rub your neck for you?" Pietro asks and blushes slightly when I raise an eyebrow at you while Peter chokes on his soda.
"Yeah, Raz. You want him to give you a massage?" Michelle wiggles her fingers at me and Peter wheezes as he falls over due to laughing.
"You two are idiots. Thanks for the offer, but I'm good." He nods and clears his throat slightly.
"Good night." He zooms off and I roll my eyes slightly, exhaustion setting in more.
"I'm calling it a night. Later." I deal with my plate and bottle before getting on the elevator and ride it down to my floor. I step off of the elevator and run a hand through my hair. I take a shower and keep the water at a decent temperature while the pressure is at its highest setting, letting it pound against my back for a few seconds before turning it off. I quickly get dried off and changed, sitting on my bed to work on the language. Russian. I had managed to get some books on languages too and study the alphabet alongside the app.
I keep studying until my phone dies at four in the morning and sigh, putting it on the charger. I sit against the headboard in a reclined position and keep studying with the book until I fall asleep at around a quarter after four.
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I sit upright, panting as I look around, and clench my fists in the blankets, terrified. "At the Compound... Feel, bed... See, books... Hear, cars... Smell, the hair stuff I used..." I take a few deep breaths and look at my phone, seeing it was at about ten percent. I text Bucky quickly. 'Where can we talk?' I watch it as I wait for a response and it doesn't come but I can see that he saw it. I get out of bed and shiver slightly, wrapping the blanket around myself before going to the elevator. "JARVIS," I whisper.
"Yes, Raz?"
"Can you take me to Sergeant Barnes's floor, please?"
"Of course." The elevator takes me to the floor and it doesn't even look like anyone's ever been on this floor.
"Bucky?" I call softly and there's no response so I wander the floor a bit. "JARVIS, does he even come to this floor?"
"Yes. Not often, however."
"OK..." I sigh softly and start to head back to the elevator. I hear a whoosh and look up to see the shield coming at my head. I duck and it gets lodged in the wall behind me before Bucky's metal fist is coming at my face. I catch it and use the blanket to distract him, throwing it over his head as someone who looks to be Steve comes toward us. I use Bucky's body to propel myself over him and kick Steve in the chest, away from me. I roll away before either of them can recover and the lights come on suddenly, blinding me. "Didn't know accepting the invitation to talk would be welcomed like this. Holy fuck, dudes," I mutter as I can see again and the two of them look at me.
"Why are you on Bucky's floor without permission?"
"I just said that I had accepted an invitation to talk, Cap. Now, though? Fucking forget it." I go toward the elevator and Steve stops me by shoving me away from it.
"We're not done here!" I lose my temper and punch him in the face, knocking him onto the ground.
"How about now?" I snarl and get on the elevator, taking it up to my floor. "JARVIS, don't let anyone on my floor, please."
"As you wish. Peter delivered your suit yesterday morning while you were in the gym. And your medication is on the counter."
"Thanks." I take the medicine first and get changed into the costume.
"Raz, Sergeant Barnes, Captain Rogers, Peter, and Master Stark wish to enter your floor," JARVIS says as I finish putting the suit on and I hold the mask in my hand.
"Alright, sure. Let them in. What time is it?"
"Six-thirty in the morning. Two hours after you woke up. You took thirty minutes to calm down and another thirty before you decided to go to Sergeant Barnes's floor and the past hour looking through his floor and trying on your suit," He explains as they come in and I nod, running a hand through my hair. "As well as complaining about Captain Rogers and trying to articulate how best to put the suit on."
"Thank you, JARVIS. Very helpful," Tony smirks and I lean against the counter to look at them, crossing my arms over my chest. "How's the suit?"
"Suit's good. Flexible, breathable. The colors are pretty dope. Green, blue, orange, and gold go together better than I thought they would. Cool how you put like plant designs on it."
"You put the mask on yet?"
"Kinda need my glasses off to do that and I need those to see."
"The mase has the prescription you need in the eyeholes." I nod a bit and take my glasses off, closing them before I put them on the counter behind me carefully. "You turn into Velma or something when you don't have them?"
"More or less, yeah." I carefully pull the mask on and can see them again, bracing my hands on either side of my body on the counter. "So?"
"JARVIS, wanna show her how she looks?" A holographic picture of myself appears in front of me and I look at it, noticing it was like a mirror. "So?"
"Dope."
"You try being Aang yet?"
"No, Peter. I've had better things to do like have mental and emotional attacks that lead to me slicing my hand open while trying to cut up a fucking apple after sleeping for a total of one hour yesterday and about fifteen minutes this morning," I say without meaning to and they stare at me."Did not mean to say any of that. Fuck. Not the point. Let's see something." I open my palm and focus on it before flames burst from it for a short moment. I look at the suit and nod a bit. "Sweet, suit stayed intact." I give them a thumbs-up and Peter looked uncomfortable while the others looked pissed.
"I'm gonna go..." Peter bolts and I look after him for a moment.
"Coward," I yell after him and he just waves at me before the elevator doors closed. I take the mask off and put my glasses back on, running a hand through my hair.
"You need more sleep than an hour, Raz," Tony says and I cross my arms. "What's making it so hard for you too?"
"Well, if I hadn't been greeted the way I was when I went to his floor, he'd know. Also, I love how you took seven hours to respond to me."
"What are you talking about?" I grab my phone from the island and just show him the texts. "I never got those."
"It says you saw them."
"I never saw these." He shows me his phone and I see that he didn't have the messages.
"Someone could've deleted them," Steve says carefully and Bucky turns to look at him.
"You messed with my messages?" He doesn't respond and Bucky crosses his arms. "I told her I had all night to talk yesterday morning at about quarter to four. And you deleted her messages to me?" He still doesn't respond and Bucky grabs his arm, saying something in his ear. He leaves and Bucky runs a hand through his hair before he turns to look at me. "You should try to get some more sleep or at least eat something and get some coffee. And if you need to talk, call me instead because clearly, Steve's being an idiot."
"Tell me about it."
"Try to get some sleep." He leaves and Tony looks at me.
"What he said. I'll work on getting a more techy suit made." He leaves too and I rub my face slightly, sighing softly. I collapse onto the couch and throw my arm over my eyes, falling asleep slowly.
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I wake to the feeling of someone standing over me as I come out of a memory-turned nightmare and I keep my breathing even as I get a handle on where they're standing, brain still stuck in the nightmare. Behind the couch, two feet away. Another sitting on the coffee table, one foot away. Go for the closer one and use them as a shield. I hear the one behind the couch walk away to go to where my feet are and I take action.
I kick them in the chin and knock the other off of the table, forearm pinned to their throat. Bucky holds his hands out to his sides and I pant through my nose for a moment as I get a handle on what's what. "Not under the Kree," I mutter and drop my head onto his chest, exhausted still.
"Nope. Where are you?"
"Avenger's Compound..."
"What do you smell?" I take a slow breath and take a moment.
"Sandalwood..."
"Feel?"
"The suit..."
"Hear?"
"Your voice and your fingers tapping on the floor..."
"And see?"
"Your shirt..."
"Alright, good. You good?" I nod a bit and he helps me sit up, ending up in his lap.
"Fucking exhausted," I mutter and he squeezes my bicep gently with his metal arm. Steve crouches on the floor next to us and I look at him. "Sorry for punching you in the face earlier..."
"I deserved it so you're good. You think I hate you?"
"Hard to think anything else with how you act toward me..."
"Told you so, Punk. It'd be the same as hating me. We did what we did because of the people controlling us."
"Yeah, I know... I'm sorry, Raziah. Deeply and truly sorry." I look at him and can tell Bucky handed his ass to him on a silver platter from how he's shifting and he had bawled his eyes out. But, I can also tell he isn't apologizing to make anybody happy but because he is sorry.
"OK... I forgive you... But, make me breakfast." Bucky snorts and he looks at me.
"Seriously?"
"Seriously." He nods and goes to do that while I pinch my arm, able to tell this isn't some trance I was stuck in. "Thanks," I say softly and Bucky nods, helping me stand before he follows suit. "I'm gonna sit back down..." I do that and hold my head in my hands since it was pounding. "JARVIS?"
"It is currently one-thirty in the afternoon and you slept for seven hours straight. Which is progress. From what I could tell, your heart rate elevated at least ten times in the first fifteen minutes to signal a nightmare."
"Hm. Cool. Thanks, JARVIS."
"You're most welcome. Enjoy your breakfast and after you have eaten, Master Stark wishes to see you in his workshop."
"Good to know." I rest my head against the back of the couch and rub my temples. "Now if only the killer migraines didn't happen," I mutter under my breath and I hear the elevator open before something is resting on my forehead. I open one eye to see Pietro there with a bottle of Tylenol balance on my forehead and he smiles. "Thanks. Any chance you also want to get me my medicine?" He zooms to the kitchen and around Steve, looking at the bottles.
"Which one?"
"Good question. All of them? And drink, please?" He grabs the five bottles of pills and water before zooming back over to me, sitting on the couch next to me.
"That suit is very nice. It looks great on you." I quirk an eyebrow as I read the labels before popping four pills in total in my mouth, washing them down with water, and he watches, blushing slightly. "Ah... I mean..."
"He means to ask if will you go out with him tonight," Wanda supplies from the elevator and I notice Pietro sputtering slightly as he struggles to come up with the words. "On another note, your suit comes with a new bike if you're interested."
"It can almost match my speed," Pietro manages with a smirk and I raise an eyebrow.
"Almost? Well, this is bound to be interesting."
"What is?"
"I'm going to have to beat you in a race now."
"You can try." I nod a bit and look at Steve when he sets a plate on the island.
"Oh really?" I ask as I go over to eat, looking at Pietro with a smirk, and he smirks back.
"Yeah."
"How about a little wager, then?"
"Oh?"
"Yeah. We race. You win, you get that date. I win... Prize to be determined."
"What could you possibly want other than a date with my brother?" Wanda teases and I think, shrugging.
"Money. Food. Food, mainly. OK. I win, you buy me food."
"That is fair." I eat the crepes he made me and I'm shocked because they're good.
"Holy shit, these are good," I mutter and Steve scoffs slightly while Bucky laughs. "Thanks, Steve." I eat them and put the dishes in the dishwasher. "Where's my phone?"
"Your nightstand," JARVIS reminds me and I nod, going to my room as I thank him. I unplug my phone and text Tony to see if he wanted me to wear my suit. "He would like you to wear your suit, yes."
"Great... Thanks, JARVIS." I hold onto my phone and go to grab the mask off of the counter, pushing a button on the dishwasher. It makes a loud noise that it shouldn't and I respond by yelling back at it. "I don't know how to work this thing..." Steve tells me how and I follow his instructions, pressing the button to make it do stuff. "Cool, cool. Later." I get on the elevator and realize I had no clue what floor the workshop was on. "Uh, JARVIS?"
"Taking you to the workshop now, Raz."
"Thanks." He doesn't respond and the door opens after a moment. I go into the workshop and see Tony at work.
"Hey, Razzle Dazzle!" I laugh at that and he smiles. "Come check out what I've got in the making for you." I go over and look at it. "It's kinda like the kid's suit and it'll have your own AI in it. Got an acronym made for it too. Personally I'm Xany Everyday Lately. PIXEL."
"Can I call them Pixie for short? Or Pix?"
"They're yours, so yeah. What kind of voice do you want them to have?" I think and run a hand through my hair.
"Female Australian, please." He nods and puts that in.
"Here." He hands me a pair of glasses and I take them, looking them over. "They've got the same type of tech your mask does for when you're not in the suit. And, once this one is made, you won't have to take them off because they'll merge with the suit's helmet."
"Cool." I swap my glasses and look around with the new ones. "Thanks." He nods and I look at the code a bit.
"And... There. PIXEL is connected to your glasses and suit. Try them out."
"PIXEL?"
"Yes, Razzle Dazzle?" I chuckle and smile.
"You got anything against Pix or Pixie?"
"Not at all, Razzle Dazzle."
"Great." I look at the suit again and see the symbols for the four elements on this one. "Looks good, Tony. The colors got incorporated by the symbols and it's still gold and blue, the plate that has the symbols having a golden background. Nice."
"Glad you like it."
"I do. A lot. Thanks, Tony." He nods and presses the symbols in the middle, making it turn into a necklace.
"That one will be like clothes underneath for today. Any other time you can wear whatever over it." He puts the necklace on me and it sticks to the front of the suit I had on. "Press it." I do and the suit forms over me, the glasses merging with the suit like it said it would.
"This. Is. So. Fucking. Cool!" I smile brightly and he smiles. "Pix?"
"Yes?"
"Making sure you could hear me."
"I can, Razzle Dazzle." I chuckle and press the symbols on my chest, making the suit go back into the necklace.
"This is a little big, though..." He shows me how to adjust it so that only one symbol shows and I choose the earth element. "Hm..." I focus for a moment and the air changes in the room, whooshing past us. "Sweet! Do you have water in here?" He tosses me a water bottle and I catch it, using my powers to make the water in it make the bottle stop. I smile brightly and kind of fling it toward Tony again.
"That's cool." I nod my agreement and run my hand through my hair, looking at my suit contained in the necklace. "Just keep it on and it'll be fine."
"I hate sleeping with stuff on my neck most of the time..."
"Hm. That's fair."
"I'll wear it while I sleep, though. In case we have to leave for any reason." He nods and I feel Loki's ring through the suit.
"Here. Having it on your finger might mess with the suit, but it should be fine on a chain as a bracelet." He hands me a small chain and I nod a bit, thinking of a way to wear it to have it fit best. "Alright. You're good to get changed out of that and into normal clothes if you want to."
"Sounds good. Thanks again, Tony," I call over my shoulder as I leave the workshop and go back upstairs to my floor. "Hey, guys," I greet the other Avengers as I go to my room and get changed quickly before going back out, remembering something. "Hey, Pietro!"
"Yes?"
"You ready to race?" He chuckles and looks at me.
"Are you sure that you'll be able to win?"
"Probably not, but that doesn't mean I'm going to back down or that I'm not going to have fun trying to leave you in my dust." He laughs and I smirk, my ring pressed against my wrist's pulse point since I had used the pieces that are supposed to clip the bracelet together to instead clip the ring to the bracelet. "But, if you're too scared that you might lose, I understand," I tease with a smirk and he laughs more.
"Oh, you wish. But, I can give you a head start if you wish?" I narrow my eyes at him as I bark out a laugh at that and cross my arms. "JARVIS, would you mind setting a course for us to race on?"
"Of course." A holographic map appears and I look at it. "I am sharing it with PIXEL now, Raz."
"Thanks, JARVIS. You got it, Pixie?"
"I have the map of the race track, Razzle Dazzle," She says as Tony comes in and raises an eyebrow at our antics, holding out a key.
"What's that for?"
"Your new bike. Catch." He tosses it to me and I catch it easily. "It matches your suit so it can be used on missions too."
"Sick! Right now, though... It's being used to race Speedy Gonzales over here."
"I don't know who that is."
"He's the Fastest Mouse in all of Mexico."
"You see me as a mouse?"
"He's fast, you're fast... It... Are you fucking with me right now?" He smirks slightly and I narrow my eyes at him slightly. "Alright, Pixie. You're gonna be the map to my Dora. Why am I making so many pop culture references to cartoons right now? Know what, I don't care. We'll be back." I toss my key up and don't catch it since Pietro took it. "Very funny. Give me back my key."
"Catch me first." He zooms off and I focus for a moment before waving my hand, causing a gust of wind to stop him in his tracks. I walk over and take my key back.
"Thank you very much," I smirk and go to the elevator, releasing the gust of wind to have him tumble over himself as the speed hadn't decreased just been stopped suddenly and was still building. "Meet you downstairs, Gonzales," I snicker and take the elevator down to the garage.