Exalted

The truck was tensely quiet during the long drive, the silence broken only by the occasional bit of directions. They hadn’t discussed the plan for when they would arrive, but Robin kept her hand on Steve’s shoulder over the back of the seat as if she was trying to keep him from running off before they even reached their destination. 

Steve had given them an outline of the layout of the farm, the long drive that opened on fields, the barn, the clusters of houses and the community buildings. The chapel where they had probably taken Eddie. Robin had pulled up a map that gave an aerial view, and Steve agreed it was unlikely to have changed much in the time he was gone. He would know his way around, where people would be, how to move quietly, how to avoid letting anyone know he was back until he had to.

Back.

He closed his eyes, pulling in a deep breath and holding it until he felt his lungs would burst. He had spent years promising himself he would never go back. He would die before he went back. Nothing would make him go back. He had said those words over and over: to Robin, to his therapist, to himself in the darkness when a dream had him twisted in the bedclothes like a winding sheet. He had meant them. Every word, every time, he had meant them. There was so little for him to cling to, especially at first, and he had held those words tight in his hands. He was never going back.

It should feel nightmarish, then, to be willing nothing more than for the truck to go faster, to be back sooner, to race across the dusty fields to the buildings he had fled in the dark of night. It should, but it didn’t. Steve looked through the window at the trees speeding by and reached up to grip Robin’s hand. He should be terrified, the nightmares made real and by his own volition, but the part of him that should be overflowing with fear had been hollowed out and filled instead with a burning anger that choked the back of his throat like bile. 

How were the years they had stolen form him not enough? How were the beatings, the loss of what little family connections he had, the berating and belittling, the countless hours of mind-numbing labor not enough? How could they come from that lurking past and threaten the peace and family he had found for himself? How could they take Eddie, bring him to the farm, hurt him? 

How dare they?

The truck turned off the highway at last, the hours feeling like days, and bumped down a rutted dirt road until Steve pointed ahead at a weathered sign. Once white, it was now a dingy gray, with an almost disintegrated painting of a red barn with the sun coming up behind it in the center. Wayne slowed the truck to a crawl as he turned at the sign, flicking off the headlights. Steve rolled down the window, and they all strained for any noise from the surrounding forest.

Wayne stopped the truck at the end of the drive, tucked under the shadows of the trees, and turned off the engine. “Time to figure out what we’re doing,” he said as he opened the door. “Don’t you run off until we have a plan.” He pointed at Steve, who was already out of the truck and pulling the seat forward for the girls. 

“I’m not.” Steve reached back inside and gripped the tape-wrapped handle of the bat he had brought from his room. Robin had flinched when she saw it in his hand, but Wayne had simply nodded.

They moved to the back of the truck as a group, Wayne opening one of the locked tool chests and handing Chrissy a dull black handgun. She took it and pinched her lips together as she flicked off the safety. “You stay here, fire a shot if anything happens,” Wayne told her. “Anyone comes after you, do what you have to.” Chrissy nodded, her other hand reaching for Robin. 

Wayne took another gun for himself, then looked at Steve. “They’ll most likely have taken him to the chapel,” Steve said, his voice straining to shout but held to a whisper. “Probably in the basement. We can edge around the sides, or take our chances cutting through the field if we stay crouched over.”

Wayne had been about to answer when Steve raised a hand, then quickly stepped around the end of the truck, bat already smoothly raising into position when he paused. “Mom?”

She was older, thinner, hardly a trace of the society wife Steve had known left in her worn appearance, but undoubtedly his mother. “I was waiting; I heard what they had done and knew you’d come.” He voice was barely a thread of sound. 

Steve lowered the bat, still wary. “Where is he?” His voice was urgent.

“The creek,” she replied. “He’s injured, they were bringing him there. They’re going to duck him, you have to hurry.” Steve brushed past her, and then stopped. 

“Thank you,” he said without turning around. “You can get in the truck, come with us.” He was achingly sure that she would say no, another rejection to add to the pile that had been his life as her son, but he couldn’t leave without trying.

There was silence, and her voice was choked when she answered. “I can’t leave your father. But thank you for asking. Go now.”

Wayne followed him with a final nod to the girls, and the two men skirted the edge of fields until they could cut behind the barn through the shadows. Wayne’s hand grasped his arm just as the path came into sight between the trees, and a slowly shuffling group lurched into earshot. Steve strained against his hold, and Wayne hissed in his ear: “Let them fight it out. Easier that way.”

Forcing himself to wait, Steve watched as the two men argued, fighting over carrying Eddie, bitter words being thrown at each other about faith and the fate awaiting the farm carrying back to his hiding place. One of the men finally stormed off, and the remaining man reluctantly continued dragging Eddie toward the creek, still grumbling his complaints.

“You get Eddie,” Steve whispered as he and Wayne moved to follow. “I’ll handle the leader.”  

Wayne joined the remaining man as he and the leader exchanged hot words, finally getting his arms around his boy. The other man hurried away as Steve stepped onto the path, relieved that Eddie seemed to be conscious. The leader waited in the circle of light by the creek, his white garments reflecting the light, still unaware that he had been forsaken.

“Have you come to help the righteous, and will not flee with the weak and the unholy?” The leader called into the dark, where Steve knew he could barely see them, and Steve’s lip pulled back in a snarl. 

“Get him out of here,” he said as he passed Wayne and Eddie. “I’ll be right behind you.” Steve stepped forward into the circle of light, staring at the man who had loomed so large in his nightmares for years. Behind him he could hear Eddie faintly protesting, saying his name, but he had to trust Wayne to get him to safety while he faced the leader and bought them time to reach the truck.

“Steven.” Surprise laced the leaders voice and he fought to bring it under control. “Have you seen the perils of sin and returned to us?”

“You know I haven’t,” Steve said calmly. He’s smaller than me, Steve realized. Scrawny, even. Why had he ever seemed so intimidating? 

“You have been led into sin, you have fallen from grace, turned from the path, and only punishment awaits you.” The leaders’ eyes were fervent. “Forgiveness can still be yours. I can still forgive you.”

Remember you’re not dealing with someone sane, Steve thought. The leader had fed into his own religious monomania for so long that he had truly convinced himself that he was the word and the way, and even frail people possessed with religious zealotry could be dangerous. “I don’t want your forgiveness,” Steve said, letting a sneer creep into his voice. “And I certainly won’t offer you mine.”

“You have brought sin to this family, to this sacred place! You are unclean, made filthy by the world, by that man. Paraded for the lustful eyes of the masses in a mockery of holy garments, wearing the mark of the beast for all to see!” The leader was screaming now, his eyes bulging, and Steve decided it was time to cut this unpleasant reunion short. Nobody was likely to come - avoiding the scene the leader made` when he was ‘punishing’ someone had always been the order of the day - but better safe than sorry, and Robin was probably having a panic attack.

“I have learned so much while I was away,” Steve said conversationally, hefting the bat onto his shoulder. “The clothes Eddie makes are far cleaner than anything you wear to look holy, because they’re made with passion and integrity.” He gave the bat a casual practice swing. “I have also learned - through therapy, you should really try it - that we try and stamp out in others what we most fear in ourselves.”

Steve tilted his head mockingly, a smirk curling his lips. “Everyone says I’m oblivious to when people are attracted to me, but even I’m not that blind. So tell me,” he taunted, as he planted his feet. “Did you masturbate after you beat me up, or was that enough for you on its own?”

The leader shrieked as he threw himself across the distance between them, a glint of metal the only warning that Steve was not the only one entering this fight armed. Steve side-stepped, and the leader stumbled to turn, the knife grazing across Steve’s arm rather than plunging into his chest as intended. 

Steve swung the bat and connected with the leaders’ elbow, a sharp snap mixing with the dull thud and the immediate screams. The leader dropped to his knees, the knife falling from his useless hand, and Steve stood over him, considering. A hundred humiliations and injuries ran through his mind as he stared down at the incoherent man, who was lost in his abject disbelief that his god would allow him to be injured by one of the unholy. 

It would be so easy, Steve thought. Everyone would believe it was self-defense. Everyone. He had raised the bat again, fingers tightly clenched, while he stared. I would have to lie to Robin. To Eddie. Would they ever be able to feel safe with me again if they knew? Fervent prayers were being shouted to the sky when Steve finally lowered his bat, picking up the knife and looking down at the leader again.

“If you ever come near any of my people again I will send you to that judgement you talk about so much,” he said. “We’ll see if it plays out the way you think.”

Steve grabbed the lantern as he left, leaving the leader on his knees in the dirt, once-white garments smeared with mud, blood, and vomit. Fitting, he thought as he ran back up the trail. Alone, in the dark, covered in filth, praying.

Steve threw the lantern into the barn as he passed, the shattering of the glass satisfying. Hopefully, it would catch some of the loose hay at least and pull people to this part of the farm - away from the drive. None of the lights had come on in the houses - which didn’t mean nobody was watching, just that nobody had chosen to interfere. How righteous, he thought.

Wayne started the truck as he saw Steve approaching, and Steve flung himself into the back where Chrissy and Robin were holding Eddie. “Get in the front, I’ve got him,” he ordered, and they jumped over the side to join Wayne.

The truck made a sharp turn and sped down the drive, Wayne not trying to hide their presence now, and Steve braced his foot against the wheel-well to keep Eddie as steady as possible. “Eddie? Eds?”

Eddie stirred in his arms, blinking open his eyes. “Steve?”

“Yeah, right here,” Steve said, gently brushing the hair out of eyes. “We’re going to get you to a hospital, you’re safe now.”

“Need to tell you,” Eddie said.

“Tell me what, Eddie?” Steve smiled down at him as the truck turned onto the main road. “You can tell me anything you need to after we get you taken care of, okay?”

“No, need to tell you.” Eddie was stubborn. “The guy, he’s crazy. Was looking for you.”

“I found him, Eddie. It’s okay. He’s not going to be looking for me anymore.” Steve reassured him. “Stay awake, alright? I’m worried about your head.”

Eddie reached up to touch Steve’s face with a shaky hand. “You look like an angel,” he said wonderingly. “My own angel, saved me.”

Steve laughed, a tear dropping onto Eddie’s face. “It’s all my fault in the first place,” he said. “I should have told you about this sooner.”

“No, no.” Eddie soothed him. “Hey. Lots of stuff to tell each other still. You owe me a date.”

“As soon as you’re out of the hospital,” Steve promised.