Chapter 87
Sylvie tried to pull herself together. For a moment, sleep and waking seemed to mingle in her mind. Dreams like jagged shards seemed to hurt her head from within.
She remembered everything. Each of Loki's dreams. A deep well of pain and self-hatred. As if she and Loki were the same person. Her magic could never break into Loki's mind, and yet it was in his head now. That deep hatred like suffocating smoke, yet enveloping every aspect of Loki like ivy.
How could he function normally with this? Sylvie had her own demons and problems. However, she never hated herself.
If Loki lived with something like that, it's no wonder he adored her and Owen. Because they contradicted his own thoughts.
Sylvie felt something burst within her, something at the root of her own identity. She had lived alone for so many years, wrapped in a strong shell. Now she felt vulnerable. As if she was that little girl from Vanaheim again, plotting to make adopted parents love her. Her innocence was stolen by TVA. The biggest shadow of her life.
She didn't know you could hate yourself so much.
Loki's mind was like a maze full of dark corridors, fears and traps. How could he be so protective? How did he do it in the midst of all this hate? She did not know.
Falling.
Loki's biggest trauma.
He got thrown from the train in Lamentis 1? How did he show nothing of his trauma? Has she disregarded him? Did she not notice in her anger that Loki was terrified? She no longer remembered that moment well. Mostly she remembered her anger and then the moment Loki sat next to her. He was her protective brother.
Yet inside he still had to be shaken. Nevertheless, he focused only on her. Not he focused on his fear and trauma. Only on her. How selfish she was! He looked after her and she wasn't a good sister to him at all!
She remembered the shadows from Loki's dreams.
Casket.
They didn't tell him he was adopted. He said it dismissively. However, there was a glimpse of real emotion when Sylvie said that she knew about her adoption. How could she not know? She remembered her real mother. Laufey didn't want her. But mother wanted her. They were together. Her memory did not contain the event that had taken her mother away. It could be anything. Sylvie only remembered wandering alone until the Asgard guards found her. She think she was blue then, but she didn't remember it. In her memory, she always had white skin. She couldn't remember the moment Odin had cast a spell on her. However, she remembered the adoptive parents and the fate of Baldur's future fiancée.
However, TVA did take effect.
And she was alone.
All the way to Loki.
Loki, who lived with so much trauma and so much pain, and yet he didn't hesitate to love her and Peter.
Love.
What makes Loki tick?
It has always been love.
Dead Mom lying on the ground.
Agony of pain and remorse.
Titan Thanos. A real horror movie.
She didn't know why Loki was afraid of him. However, in Loki's dream it was terrible horror. Thanos was choking Loki.
The Other's dead head. Sylvie felt Loki killed him. And yet he was still afraid.
Who was the Ancient One? Another enemy? Owen must have known that. Sylvie immediately went to Peter's room. She was still trying to separate her thoughts from Loki. His pain and fear from her.
She must have been a better sister to him! She had to take care of him! Then she thought about Loki's fear. Thanos. Sylvie wasn't good at comforting, sharing her feelings, being tender and gentle. However, she was good at killing.
She killed many during her lifetime.
She could kill Thanos.
Has Thanos hurt Loki that much lately? Cause heat stroke? It sounded likely. Sylvie looked at her sword. The only thing she was good at. Personally, she will take care of it. As much as she could do for Loki, and then she would have to learn not only magic, but also tenderness from her mother. How to get Peter and Loki to be comforted by her too. She wanted to do this. Be there for them, console them. Don't be useless. Mum certainly knew how to do it. Sylvie remembered her mother's eyes. Without judgment. She immediately accepted Sylvie as her child. And that hug. Just like in the movies.
She had watched it so many times. Maybe that's why she liked Disney movies, because most of the heroes and heroines did not have a mother. Just like her.
Her real Mom.
Sometimes Sylvie tried to remember this memories from her memory. Even trying her best but it was futile. Her mother was still a shadow. An inaccessible star that Sylvie couldn't reach. It's just a ripple on the surface of the water that will disappear in a moment.
Sylvie entered the room. Owen and Peter were at the table, Peter ate fries, and Owen ate cheese sandwiches.
"Sylvie, you took a TimePad. Why do you and Loki always do this?" Owen sighed. He looked at Sylvie with a hint of disappointment, but she saw the worry as well. Was Owen worried that she would run away as much as Loki? No matter, there was important information to be communicated.
"Who is the Ancient One?" Sylvie asked, staring intently at Owen's face as she sat down at the table and grabbed some fries from Peter.
"Where did you hear about her?" Owen was surprised. Sylvie saw no fear, but amazement. A bit of the tension left her. So Loki wasn't in complete danger. However, they had to go to him anyway. She was going to shout at him.
Suddenly, an accusing voice appeared in her head.
Worse version of Loki.
Do you want to yell at him?
Add fire to the hearth of hate?
Do you want to hurt him?
She never wanted to hurt him!
You did it!
In Alabama!
Don't you remember hitting him anymore? Loki practically did not defend himself! He was still lying on the floor because of your blows! Because you used people! And Loki didn't want to hurt them and got beaten up!
You were a coward!
"Sylvie? What's going on?" Owen's hand appeared on Sylvie's hand. His eyes stared at her with concern. She didn't deserve it!
"I didn't want to hurt him," Sylvie said. She wanted Owen to understand.
"I know, Sylvie. We'll talk now. Peter wanted to see Xandar. I will tell hotel service to show him around a safe area. Peter will go and we'll talk," Owen replied. Sylvie nodded.
"I never said I wanted to see Xandar, Mr. Owen," Peter muttered and approached Sylvie. She felt his kiss on her cheek again. Peter's caring brown eyes wanted to comfort her. His hands were on her in a grip.
"Aunt May said sometimes you don't have to ask what's wrong. Just show that you love," said Peter quietly. Owen's hand rested on Sylvie's shoulder. They both seemed to want to cheer her up. She didn't deserve it. Loki deserved it. Loki with a bittersweet smile, with his concern for everyone, with his inner hatred.
"Peter, I know you're worried about Sylvie, but I need to talk to her like I talked to you," Owen said. Peter nodded at that and said in her ear, Mr. Owen is really good at comforting. I'm sure he'll cheer you up too as he did with me. Peter walked away from her and looked closely at Owen. These words were so good. Sylvie hadn't been able to say those words to Peter, lately. Even a child was better than Sylvie!
"You still haven't told me Mr. Owen, how do you know I wanted to see Xandar," said Peter. His lip was quite lovely pouting. Sylvie wondered for a moment if she or Loki were like that as children. Did Sylvie's late mother or her new mother look at them like that? Is this how mothers view their children?
"Just call me Owen. And how did I know. Well, I know you like Star Wars. It's not hard to guess that you'll like a real alien planet," Owen replied and ruffled Peter's hair.
"I'll be right back, Sylvie. I'll just see Peter off and we can talk," Owen said, holding Peter's hand. Sylvie was still sitting at the table nibbling on the fries.
"See you later, Sylvie" Peter waved at her.
Sylvie felt strange. The pain and internal accusations weren't any less, and yet she felt a little better.
Love.
What makes Loki tick?
Variant.
Loki and her.
The Specter of The Time Keepers and their ghastly voice. Green, wrinkled skin. Their massive figures and the authority they radiated.
Do you really think our Multiverse can run out of our control? You are naive! Your gaze is narrow! You are only looking from your perspective. Because that's what being Loki is all about, right? Cheating and being selfish! This is who you are!
They stayed together then.
And they won.