Missing Piece

As you walked away from the conference room, Fury’s words echoed in your head. Your suffering was a small price to pay. Because you weren’t an Avenger your pain and suffering didn’t matter to Fury. Not one bit. 

In the conference room, everyone had watched you walk away. Rightfully so. Before anyone had the opportunity to say anything, Bucky was on his feet and running after you. There was no way you’d get into another fight because of a misunderstanding. Not after everything that happened and everything you went through together.

It didn’t take long for Bucky to catch up to you. He moved to stand in front of you, stopping you in your tracks. 

‘’I swear I didn’t mean it like that. You have to believe me.’’ 

You looked up at him, embarrassed. Tears were falling down your cheeks, uncontrollably. You knew he didn’t mean it like that. Bucky went above and beyond while taking care of you, if he hadn’t wanted to do it he would have done the minimum and walked away. You had been overwhelmed and you overreacted. 

‘’I know. I’m so sorry.’’ You lowered your head, trying to hide how hard you were crying. 

‘’Please don’t cry.’’ He put his hands on your shoulders and pulled you to his chest. He wrapped his arms around your shoulders, hugging you tightly. He kissed the top of your head and whispered soothing words to you. 

Your fists were between your bodies, clinging to his t-shirt. You were finally calming down. 

‘’You’re okay.’’ Bucky leaned down to kiss the tip of your nose, making you smile.

‘’I’m really sorry.’’ You apologized again.

‘’You have every right to be upset. I probably shouldn’t have yelled. I’m sorry too.’’ 

‘’Thank you. For standing up for me.’’ You looked up and smiled.

‘’Always, baby. Always.’’ He smiled.

His hands left your back to wipe your tears. Bucky heard something that made him take his eyes off of you and he looked behind you. Bucky grabbed your waist with one his hands and moved you until you stood behind him. He moved to stand in front of you, shielding you. His hand was still on your waist, never letting go once. 

He raised his free hand in front of him. ‘’Back the hell up.’’

Fury looked unimpressed. ‘’Calm down, Barnes. I’m not going to hurt her.’’

‘’You already did.’’

Fury stepped aside so that he could talk to you but Bucky moved with him. ‘’She’s been through enough. Leave her alone.’’

This time it was Steve who talked to Fury, appearing from behind him.

Fury sighed. ‘’Look, I did what I had to do to keep you safe. Everybody’s safe and look-’’ He pointed at you. ‘’She’s fine.’’

You could tell that Bucky’s blood was boil in his veins. He was so angry. You took his free hand in yours and tugged slightly on it so that he would look at you. 

Bucky turned his head to look at you. You smiled, trying to reassure him and to make him relax. It seemed to calm him down. 

‘’It wasn’t your choice to make, Fury. You should have talked to us. You knew we weren’t going to be ok with the situation because you knew it was wrong.’’ Steve added. ‘’The mission we just came from, we could have easily gotten her out of there. There was no need for her to stay back and take care of all of them by herself.’’

‘’Except that’s exactly what you wanted, right?’’ Bucky asked. ‘’I was there, I saw everything. The way she moved and handled herself, that comes from years of training. You turned her into your own little assassin. She’s the SHIELD version of me.’’ 

The realization dawned on him. ‘’She’s the SHIELD version of me.’’ He repeated barely above whisper, more to himself. 

Your heart clenched when he said that. In a way you were. You saved people while you did it but it was more or less the same thing. You hadn’t realized it until just now. Your grip tightened on Bucky’s hand. For the first time since the beginning of the meeting, Fury didn’t answer Bucky’s accusations. Because they were true. Suddenly, all the Avengers were standing in the hallway listening and watching.

‘’Agent Nineteen won’t be going back in the field until she’s had a full physical from Doctor Banner and extensive tests that will clear her for duty.’’ 

Your gaze fell on Tony, who had just spoken. 

Fury scoffed. ‘’Although I appreciate the sentiment, Stark, she’s not an Avenger. She’s an agent. Which means that I decide if she goes in the field or not.’’

‘’Like hell it does.’’ Tony stepped closer. 

‘’Actually, you know what? Since you don’t want her working anymore, I guess she doesn’t need to be staying in the compound with you all. Pack your things, agent Nineteen, I’ll find you another assignment.’’

Your eyes opened wide. Instinctively, Bucky took a step back to get closer to you and you took a step towards him. His grip on both your waist and your hand tightened. 

‘’She’s not going anywhere.’’ Bucky’s voice almost came out as a growl. 

‘’She works for me, not for you.’’ Fury walked towards Bucky until he was standing right in front of him. 

Bucky straightened his back to make himself look taller and more intimidating to protect you. 

‘’Fine then.’’ Tony said, making your heart drop. He was just going to let you go like this?

‘’If that’s all it takes.’’ Tony called out your name. ‘’Would you like to be an Avenger?’’

Relief washed over you. He’s not getting rid of you, quite the opposite.

‘’Yes.’’ You answered quickly, a grin forming on your lips. 

Tony turned to look at his team. ‘’Everyone good with that?’’

They all nodded. ‘’Welcome to the team. You are officially forbidden from going on any mission or assignment until Doctor Banner has cleared you.’’

You smiled at Tony and he winked at you. 

‘’Anything else?’’ He asked Fury, who was fuming. 

The Avengers fell under Tony’s jurisdiction, there was nothing he could do. 

‘’No? Good. Next time you should think about treating your agents like human beings. Now, if you would kindly get the hell out of my house, that would be wonderful.’’ 

You had always loved Tony’s sass and sarcasm but right now it was your favorite thing in the world. Well, second to Bucky being overly protective of you.

When FRIDAY confirmed that Fury was officially gone, you felt like you could breathe again. You quickly let go of Bucky and went to hug Tony.

‘’Thank you.’’ You said as you stepped back. 

‘’I’m a hero, that’s what I do.’’ 

You laughed. ‘’I guess it is.’’ You nodded. 

He squeezed your shoulder. ‘’You’ll be alright kid.’’

Everyone walked away except for Bucky and Steve. The blonde walked over to you and gently cupped your face with both of his hands, tilting your head back to look in your eyes. ‘’I’m so sorry toots.. If I had known…’’

You could see the guilt he felt all over his face. Your hands laid on top of his and squeezed them gently. You shook your head. ‘’It’s ok. Even I hadn’t realized how bad it actually was until today…’’

‘’We’ll make it right, I promise.’’ He took a step towards you and kissed your forehead, keeping his lips on your skin for a few seconds, lingering longer than he normally would. You closed your eyes and smiled. 

Bucky was looking at you and his best friend and he couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of the way Steve was touching you. He’s usually the only one who can hold you like that. 

Steve finally let go of you, after what felt like an eternity (to Bucky). Steve waved at Bucky and walked away, leaving you alone with him. 

He was avoiding looking directly in your eyes for some reason. You walked over to him and wrapped your arms around his torso, not even waiting for him to look at you. You rested your head on his chest and hugged him as tightly as you could. Bucky being a lot bigger and mostly made of muscle could barely feel it when you squeezed him with all your strength but he thought you looked adorable doing it and it always made him chuckle. 

You felt him laugh and looked up with a big smile on your face.

‘’Thank you.’’

His hands rested on each side of your neck, his thumbs gently stroking the skin under your ears. He frowned. ‘’For what?’’

‘’For protecting me, for keeping him away from me, for literally shielding me from him.’’ 

The fact that he didn’t know why you were thanking him made you laugh.

‘’No one messes with my girl.’’ He grinned. 

You truly hoped he couldn’t feel the way your heart had skipped a few beats when he called you his girl. 

‘’What time is it?’’ He asked.

‘’11:30, maybe, Noon… Why?’’

‘’I think we deserve a nap.’’

You rolled your eyes. ‘’You must have been a cat in a previous life.’’

‘’Well, if you don’t want to go back to bed, cuddle with me and take a nap with me I’ll just go back to my room. Alone.’’ He shrugged, teasing you.

‘’Tsk. I’d like to see you try.’’ 

He turned around, keeping one of his arms around your shoulders and you both started walking towards his room. ‘’How rude of you to call out my bluff like that.’’ 

‘’You just need a better poker face.’’

He laughed. 

‘’I don’t think my poker face is a problem, baby.’’

It was your turn to laugh. You stopped in front of your room. 

‘’Mine or yours?’’ Bucky asked.

‘’Yours. Your bed is so much more comfortable than mine.’’ You whined. 

‘’Only the best for the best.’’ He smirked. 

‘’Your ego is all over the place today, Jamie.’’ You opened the door to your room. ‘’I’m just gonna change back into my pjs. Do you want to wait for me or do I just meet you there?’’ 

‘’I’ll wait. It’s never safe for a lady to walk alone.’’ He crossed his arms, leaning against the doorway. 

You turned around to look at him. ‘’You definitely need a nap.’’ You laughed. 

He smiled as he watched you go into your bathroom and waited a few minutes for you to come out. You wore the same shorts and tank top you did last night, you put on socks, you did not want to walk barefoot and stood next to Bucky.

He looked at you up and down.

‘’What?’’ You asked, looking at yourself to see what was wrong.

‘’It’s a good thing I’m here to protect you, with that outfit all the men are going to throw themselves at you.’’ 

You rolled your eyes and pushed him out of your room, shutting the door behind you.

‘’First of all, it’s not an outfit, it's pjs. Second of all, we’re all alone on this floor. Third, men never throw themselves at me no matter what I wear and fourth, I can definitely kick ass on my own, thank you very much.’’ You stuck out your tongue at him.

‘’Good.’’ He said as you reached his room, he opened the door. ‘’You’re all mine anyway.’’ He smirked for the second time in less than 10 minutes, which was rare.  

‘’Is that so?’’ You walked in his room, going straight to the windows to close the blinds.

‘’Damn right.’’ 

You sat on the bed as he walked to the bathroom to change into more comfy clothes. He left the door slightly opened so you'd hear him when he talked to you.

"Well, that's awkward." You said.

"Why is it awkward?" 

You heard him shuffling around as he changed.

"Because literally 10 minutes ago this guy just came up to me and told me I was his so…" 

Bucky's head appeared, his body still hiding behind the door. 

"I'll fight him, I don't care." 

He turned the lights off in the bathroom and exited, wearing his usual sweats and t-shirt.

"I don't know…" You laid on your back, your hands under your head. "He seemed nice." You shrugged, looking at the ceiling. 

You felt the mattress dipped under his weight and his head was suddenly hovering over yours. 

"Why are you always torturing me like this?" He pouted. 

"Because it's fun." You grinned. 

‘’Oh really?’’ 

You nodded, still smiling.

‘’Fine. Then, no cuddling. You stay on your side and I stay on my side.’’ 

He moved away from you and sat on ‘’his’’ side of the bed. You sat up quickly and gasped. ‘’You wouldn’t dare.’’

‘’Oh but I would.’’ He had a smug look on his face. He pointed to the space between your pillows on each side of the bed. ‘’This is where the line is. You can’t cross it.’’

‘’And what if I cross it?’’

‘’Then you’re gonna have to go sleep in your bed alone.’’

‘’And what if I don’t leave your bed?’’

‘’Then I’m gonna go sleep in your bed alone.’’

You narrowed your eyes, looking at him. 

‘’Come on, Jamie.’’ You pouted and gave him your best puppy eyes, trying to look as adorable as possible so that he couldn’t resist giving you what you wanted. 

You moved towards him but he stopped you, raising both hands in the air.

‘’Ah, ah, ah.’’ He pointed at the imaginary line. 

‘’You’re really gonna make me sleep on my side? You're gonna leave me all by myself to freeze in my sleep?'’

He shrugged. ‘’Maybe you should call the guy from earlier who made you his girl.’’ He stuck his tongue out at you and slid under the covers. 

‘’Maybe I will.’’ You slid under the covers right after him.

He turned off the light and laid down, his back facing you. ‘’Tell him I said hi.’’

You laid down on your back, knowing it wouldn’t be long before he’d cross the ‘’line’’. 

Except Bucky was determined to let you break first. 

After 5 minutes, you decided that enough is enough and turned to your side to face his back. You wiggled closer to the ‘’line’’ and waited to see if he would react.

Nothing. 

‘’Buuuuucky.’’ You called out softly.

Nothing. 

You tried annoying him into cuddling you, blowing air on his neck but still nothing. You were running out of ideas. That’s when you decided to play dirty.

‘’James…’’ You whispered.

You knew it was one of his weaknesses and you could see his jaw clenched and the muscles on his back started twitching. You really thought that would work but he didn’t turn around. 

‘’Fiiiiine.’’ You whined. ‘’I’ll go sleep in my bed then.’’

You lifted the covers as you sat up, but before your feet could touch the ground Bucky had grabbed you by the waist and pinned you to the mattress. You looked to his, now empty, side of the bed and turned your head to look up at him, smirking. ‘’I won.’’ 

‘’You cheated.’’ He rolled his eyes.

‘’You said I couldn’t cross the line, you never said anything about talking or leaving. That’s on you for not being clear.’’ You shrugged, as best as you could considering there was a giant mountain of muscles on top of you, holding you down. 

He laughed, sitting up and letting go of you. He laid back down on his side, this time facing you. He grabbed the covers and brought them back on you. You turned on your side and looked at him. He reached over, brushing his thumb on your cheekbone before tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear. 

‘’Do you want to talk about what happened yesterday and today?’’

His facial expression changed. He was frowning, creases appearing on his forehead and all the playfulness that had been visible in his eyes a minute ago was replaced with worry.

‘’I don’t really know what to say.’’ You answered honestly. 

‘’You know that what Fury and SHIELD did with you wasn’t ok, right?’’

His gaze was so intense that it made you look away. ‘’I don’t feel like I even know what is right and what is wrong anymore.’’ You sighed.

‘’I thought that I was making a difference, that I was saving people and now…’’ You shook your head. ‘’I killed people. I killed a lot of people to make sure nothing about me would ever come out. Fury said that it was for my safety and the safety of the ones I was protecting… I thought I was one of the good guys but in reality I’m no better than any of them.’’ 

He grabbed your chin and made you look at him.

‘’You are one of the good guys. Whatever their goal was, whatever they were doing and nothing telling you about,, you still saved a lot of people and kept a lot of bad guys from hurting innocent people.  That can never be taken away from you. Someone was playing with your head, I know how that feels. You protected the team and I’m sure you saved them on more than one occasion. You even protected me, without hesitating. That makes you a good person.’’ 

‘’You did the same thing for me.’’ You pointed out. ‘’You’re a good person, too.’’ 

Bucky smiled sadly and let go of your chin. ‘’That’s not the same thing.’’

You frowned. ‘’Why not?’’

‘’What the Winter Soldier did… What I did, it hurt a lot of good people, innocent people. I’ll always protect you but I’m not a good person.’’

‘’First of all, you didn’t do anything. You were manipulated and controlled, you literally had no choice but to do what they wanted you to do. If you weren’t a good person you wouldn’t have stood up for me the way you did and you wouldn’t have screamed at Nick freakin’ Fury.’’ A small smile was tugging at the corner of your lips..

‘’It’s different with you…’’

‘’Why?’’

‘’It just is… You’re special.’’

You smiled, feeling your cheeks heat up.

‘’So, you’re telling me that if it had been Natasha, someone from the team or a random stranger from the street in the same exact position as I was in, you wouldn’t have stood up for them? You would have just let Fury do whatever he wanted and you wouldn’t have tried to stop him?’’ You raised an eyebrow. 

‘’I-’’ He closed his mouth.

‘’That’s what I thought. See, you’re a good person.’’ You smiled. ‘’I just got lucky because I got a two for one for the Bucky special; protective Bucky with a side of cuddle.’’ 

Bucky laughed and pulled you closer to his chest, wiggling his eyebrows. ‘’Baby if you want to get lucky, you just say the word.’’ 

You laughed and covered his eyebrows with both your hands. ‘’Calm down, lover boy.’’ 

He kissed the tip of your nose and smiled. ‘’You’re the first person to call me that since the 40s.’’ 

You brought your hands back down and you shook your head. ‘’Why am I not surprised?’’ 

He wrapped his arms around your waist, both of his hands resting on your lower back. He leaned down and hid his face in your neck. ‘’Aw baby don’t be jealous, you know you’re my number one girl.’’ 

You shivered, goosebumps appearing all over your skin. Though you weren’t sure if you shivered because of his words, the way he said it or because his breath tickled you. Or maybe it was because of all 3 reasons. 

You had noticed how every time he would say things like this to you, you would react in ways you probably shouldn’t. Why did it make your heart beat faster or made your cheeks incredibly hot? You were best friends, you knew he was only teasing you but sometimes it felt real, almost like he really wanted you. When in reality one day he’d find a girl and he wouldn’t need you anymore. He wouldn’t call you baby or hug you when either of you would get anxious, he wouldn’t need you to sleep in the same bed to be able to sleep at all. You were his friend and your job was to help him heal. You knew all of this, so why did it make your heart clench at the thought that one day you’d be pushed aside and replaced by a girlfriend? 

You were his number one girl, but for how long?

A lump formed in your throat as your mood turned sour. Suddenly, Bucky’s touch wasn’t comforting anymore, it wasn’t soothing. Wherever his body was touching yours, it felt like your skin was on fire and it almost hurt. You felt like you were suffocating and you just wanted to push him away. 

You cleared your throat. ‘’We should sleep.’’ You said quickly, changing the subject. 

You didn’t feel like being teased anymore. 

Bucky frowned at your words. You usually played along when he said things like this. He lifted his head from your neck and looked at you. 

‘’You ok?’’ 

‘’Mh-mh.’’ You nodded. ‘’Just tired.’’ You tried to convince him by smiling, though you doubted it worked. 

Bucky looked you over. He was hesitating because after yesterday and last night, of course you would be tired but there was something that was telling him that there was more to it. He didn’t want to upset you even more so he pretended to believe you. 

He let go of your waist to let you get comfortable. 

You quickly turned around on your side, your back facing him. He moved to be closer to you, putting his arm around your waist as he always did. He was confused when you didn’t try to back up against him like you always did and even more confused when it seemed like you were actually trying to put more distance between you and him. 

Had he gone too far? Had he said something that hurt you? He didn’t understand why you suddenly wanted to get away from him and he tried to ignore the way his heart sank in his chest. 

‘’Good night…’’ Bucky felt like it was stupid to wish you good night when it was barely noon and you were just taking a nap, but he needed to say something to you and he didn’t know what. 

You could hear the sadness in his voice and you realized that your change in attitude had hurt his feelings. You cursed yourself in your head. You needed to stop pushing people away when you were scared of getting hurt. You stayed silent for about a minute. 

‘’Buck?’’ You whispered, without turning to look at him. 

‘’Yeah?’’

‘’Can you promise me something?’’

He hummed, waiting for what was going to follow.

‘’Can you promise that no matter what happens, we’ll always be friends?’’

‘’Of course we’re always going to be friends. You’re not getting rid of me any time soon, baby.’’

Bucky had answered without any hesitation. Why would the thought even cross your mind that he would leave you now, later or at any point?.

‘’Promise?’’ You asked, still unsure.

‘’Promise!’’

You raised your hand, still without turning around. You were scared of what he might see in your eyes if you faced him.‘’Pinky promise?’’

Bucky smiled and raised the hand that was around your waist, he wrapped his pinky around yours and squeezed. ‘’Pinky promise.’’

You felt a lot better, relieved. His touch was soothing again instead of making you feel like your skin was on fire, and not in the good way. You squeezed back and he slowly let go. 

‘’Are you sure you’re okay?’’ Bucky was getting worried. 

His hand now rested on your hip, his thumb slipping under the hem of your tank top to rub small circles on your skin. 

‘’Yes, I’m okay.’’ 

You weren’t really sure if you were okay but you were also not really sure as to why you were feeling this way. You couldn’t explain it to him so it would be better to lie for now. 

He knew that you weren’t telling the truth but he’d wait until you were ready to talk about it. Until then, he’d keep being there for you and be as comforting as he could. 

‘’Then, move over here. You’re like a million miles away, I need you closer.’’

You laughed, making Bucky’s heart flutter at the sound. 

‘’I’m not a million miles away, there’s just a little bit of space between us.’’ You chuckled. 

‘’Ha! See? You said it. There’s space between us. There shouldn’t be space, come on.’’

He slid his vibranium arm under your pillow to be more comfortable. You moved back until you were flush against his body. 

‘’Is this better?’’ You turned your head to the side, not really being able to look at him from that angle but you still could see him from the corner of your eyes. 

Bucky moved his hand until it was completely under your shirt and found its place on your stomach. pressing gently on it to bring you closer. He kissed your cheek while your head was still turned towards him, pecking it a few times. You laid your head back down on your pillow, a big smile on your face. The moment he had full access to your neck, he leaned down and nuzzled his face against your skin. 

You closed your eyes, sleep already making your eyelids heavy. 

Your hand moved to rest on top of his under your shirt. It was instinctive, you needed to hold him in some way. 

Right before you fell asleep, you felt Bucky intertwined your fingers and heard him whisper in your ear;

‘’You’re my girl, baby and I’ll always need my girl.’’