Missing Piece

You and Bucky were finally able to catch up on the sleep you had missed during your mission. You went to bed around noon and when you woke up it was dark outside. You lifted your head to be able to see the alarm clock and the glowing numbers showed that it was 7:30. You still felt exhausted and almost closed your eyes to go back to sleep but your stomach growled, letting you know that food would be necessary before any other activities could occur. 

Bucky seemed still deep asleep and you didn’t want to wake him up, he needed to rest. 

It took you about 5 minutes before you were able to slip away from Bucky, wiggling under him until you were finally free. You slowly got out of bed, trying not to make any sound or movement that could potentially wake him up. You exited his room silently, closing the door once you were out as softly as you could then you went straight to your room to put on clothes that weren’t as revealing. You quickly texted Bucky to let him know where you were in case he woke up and made your way downstairs.

When you walked into the kitchen, you were surprised to see everyone cooking together. This usually only happened in the morning for breakfast. 

Steve grinned when he saw you. He quickly stood up and walked over to you. 

‘’Hey toots.’’ He opened his arms, an invitation for you to hug him.

Which you gladly did. 

You stepped forward, leaning into his chest. His arms closed around your shoulders and he squeezed you gently. He kissed the top of your head. 

‘’How are you feeling?’’ He asked after a few minutes. 

You tilted your head back to be able to look in his eyes. ‘’I feel better. I’m still exhausted though.’’

As if your body thought he needed proof, you yawned. A soft chuckle escaped his lips and he smiled. ‘’Tony’s going to make sure you get plenty of rest before going back out there.’’

It was reassuring to know that her health was taken seriously and they truly cared about her and what happened to her.

‘’How are you?’’ You felt like you hadn’t seen him in months when you had just spent an entire week together and only came back less than 24 hours ago. 

‘’I’m okay. I’m worried.’’ He lifted his shoulders slightly before lowering them.

‘’Worried? Why?’’ 

‘’I’m worried about you. I didn’t know any of this was going on… I swear to you. None of us did. Otherwise we would never have let it happened.’’

‘’Stevie… None of this is your fault, none of this is anybody’s fault. The only people who are to blame are Fury for manipulating me into being his perfect little killer and well, me for not seeing that what I was doing was wrong. I could have spoken up at any time… but I chose to believe and trust Fury. That’s on me.’’ You smiled at him, only to comfort him. ‘’You have nothing to feel bad about or feel guilty about.’’

‘’It’s not your fault either-’’

You shook your head, cutting him off. ‘’I don’t want to talk about this… Please. Not right now.’’ You pleaded with him with your eyes to let it go. 

Steve looked in your eyes and nodded, agreeing to drop it. For now. 

‘’Where’s Buck?’’ He looked around, behind you, not seeing him anywhere.

‘’He’s sleeping.’’ 

‘’And you left him alone?’’ He asked, surprised.

You narrowed your eyes. Clearly you hadn’t been as subtle as you thought you had been. As if Steve could read your mind, he spoke again.

‘’Oh, I’ve known since the first night it happened. Don’t look at me like that.’’

Of course Steve knew, why were you even surprised? 

‘’I would have noticed eventually anyway, he looks rested and I haven’t needed to wake him up in the middle of the night because of his nightmares ever since.’’

You smiled. You knew your presence was soothing for Bucky, but to hear it directly from Steve made it even more real. It wasn’t just in your head or wishful thinking, the bond you had with Bucky was special.

 ‘’To answer your question, I didn’t ‘’leave’’ him alone. He just deserved to sleep. I’m usually the one who makes his nights better but I’ve been messing it all up.’’

Steve sighed and stroked your back a few times. ‘’I’m sure that’s not true.’’

You didn’t say anything and just squeezed him a little tighter. 

‘’Are you hungry?’’

Steve knew exactly how to put you into a better mood.

‘’Always.’’ You grinned.

He took a few steps back and smiled down at you. ‘’Perfect timing then. Sit down, I’ll bring you a plate.’’ 

You thanked him and sat amongst the team. Even if you spent most of your time together fighting side by side or for each other, nothing made you feel more like a family than when you were all sitting together to eat.

Tony had bought a giant table to make sure that everyone could fit around it and instead of chairs it was just two long benches on either side of it. You sat down next to Sam and smiled at him. 

‘’Well, well, well. Our latest recruit. What brings you here?’’

You smiled and rolled your eyes. ‘’What makes you think that there’s a reason? Maybe I just wanted to see you all.’’ 

He laughed, Steve walking in with your plate a few seconds later. He placed it in front of you and sat on your other side.

‘’That’s more like it.’’ Sam said as he saw your plate.

‘’Fiiiiine. I was hungry.’’ You grabbed your fork. ‘’But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to spend time with you.’’ 

‘’I’ll believe it when I see it.’’ Sam chuckled.

You, Sam and Steve were talking and joking around; the table emptying around you until there were only you 3 left. You had been sitting at the table for about an hour when everyone left. 

‘’Is there more food?’’ You asked shyly, still hungry.

‘’Of course!’’ Steve said with a smile. 

‘’We live in a house with super soldiers and the Hulk, there will always be more food.’’ Sam joked, making you laugh.

He wasn’t wrong.

You got up and took your empty plate with you back to the kitchen, filled it up and went back to your previous seat. 

Your second plate, you ate more slowly. You were listening to Sam and Steve discuss and from the corner of your eyes you saw someone coming into the dining room. You turned your head and couldn’t help but smile at the sight in front of you. 

Bucky walked in, half asleep, still in his sweats and his hair was tied back into a messy bun. Not the stylish kind, just plain messy. He made his way to you, squeezing Steve’s shoulder as a greeting and stopped on the other side of you, where Sam had been sitting. He looked at you, then at Sam, then back to you. He tilted his head back, motionning for Sam to give him his place.

‘’Move.’’ Bucky mumbled. 

He was grumpy but you found it extremely adorable and you tried not to laugh. 

Sam looked around, dumbfounded. He pointed to the empty seats around them. ‘’There’s plenty of other seats, man.’’

Bucky only glared at him. ‘’Move.’’ He repeated himself. ‘’Or I’ll move you.’’

Steve laughed, knowing Sam didn’t stand a chance. 

‘’Fine.’’ Sam mumbled under his breath. He stood up and walked around the table to go sit on the empty bench, opposite of you.

Bucky swung his leg over the bench and sat on it, his legs straddling the bench on each side with his body facing you. He wrapped his arms loosely around your hips and moved closer to be able to nuzzle his face against the side of your neck. 

You were extremely surprised. Bucky never touched you this freely when other people were around. 

‘’You okay?” You whispered, worrying that something might have happened.

“You were gone.” He mumbled against your skin.

‘’Sorry… I was starving and I didn’t want to wake you up. I sent you a text to let you know where I was.’’

‘’My phone’s dead.’’

The two of you were barely audible, though it didn’t do anything because there was no one talking and the room was completely silent; Sam and Steve could hear your conversation perfectly.

Bucky slightly moved his head to be able to look down at your plate. He raised one of his hands and tried to grab some of your food. You swatted his hand away. ‘’I’m not done with that.’’

He sighed dramatically. ‘’But I’m hungry.’’

You rolled your eyes. ‘’Then go get your own plate.’’

‘’I’m too tired.’’ He leaned forward, putting more of his weight on you, pretending he’s too tired to hold himself up. 

‘’Want me to get you a plate?’’ You offered, he could be so lazy. So much so that sometimes you’d think he could let himself starve if you didn’t get him his food.

‘’Yes, please.’’ You felt his smile on your skin.

‘’You’re gonna have to let me get up then.’’ 

He groaned. ‘’So it’s either I’m comfy and I starve to death or I’m uncomfortable but I have food?’’ 

You rolled your eyes again. ‘’You’re so dramatic. How do you even survive without me?’’ You teased him.

‘’I don’t.’’ He shrugged. 

You pinched one of his thighs. ‘’Come on, let me move or you’re gonna have to go get it yourself.’’

He hugged you tighter as he brushed his nose on your skin. ‘’Thank you baby.’’ He whispered before finally letting go. 

Sam looked at Steve, his eyes opened wide. ‘’Baby?’’ He mouthed silently to Steve, a shrug was his only answer. He was as surprised as Sam.

You stood up. ‘’Nobody touch my food.’’ You warned.

They all nodded and you walked back to the kitchen.

While you were gone, Bucky brought his other leg over the bench to sit correctly at the table. When he looked up, Sam was staring at him. He frowned. ‘’What?’’

Sam just shrugged his shoulders and slightly shook his head. ‘’Nothing. You just make a very cute couple, that’s all.’’

Bucky’s eyebrow rose, confused. ‘’She’s not my girlfriend.’’

‘’Well, whatever you two love birds call each other; still cute.’’

‘’Love birds?’’ Bucky repeated. ‘’I’m not in love with her.’’ His confusion was growing with every second.

‘’Oh really?’’ Sam asked.

‘’Really.’’

‘’She’s not your girl, then?’’

‘’She’s my best friend.’’ Though he often called you his girl, mentioning that would only encourage Sam more.

‘’So….. You wouldn’t mind if I asked her out?’’

‘’You want to ask her out?’’ Bucky asked, surprised.

‘’If she’s just your best friend, I’m sure you won’t mind.’’ 

‘’Do whatever, I don’t own her.’’ Bucky started to get annoyed with this conversation but it had nothing to do with the idea of Sam dating you. Nothing to do with it at all.

You walked back into the dining room but stopped in your tracks. You could see there was tension between the men.

‘’What happened?’’ You eyed them all suspiciously. 

‘’Nothing.’’ They all said at the same time, making you believe them even less.

You sighed. ‘’Fine, don’t tell me.’’

You put Bucky’s plate down in front of him and sat back down. No one was talking and all that could be heard was yours and Bucky’s chewing. 

Each time you had looked up from your plate, you’d seen Bucky and Sam glaring at each other. The moment you were done eating, you stood up and grabbed your plate to go wash it, ignoring the looks from the 3 men at the table. When you came back to the dining room, you weren’t surprised to see that they were still deep into their staring contests. You sighed, not bothering to sit back down.

‘’I’m going to bed.’’ 

You walked over to Steve and hugged him from behind, putting your arms around his shoulders and chest. You tilted your head and kissed his cheek. 

‘’Good night Stevie.’’

Steve smiled and kissed your cheek. ‘’Good night toots.’’ 

Bucky looked at the exchange, the same feeling from earlier this morning coming back to him. You and Steve had been friends long before Bucky came back, he knew that you had a really good friendship with him but he liked that you kept all the kisses and hugs just for him. He didn’t want you to do the same with Steve. 

Bucky’s eyes were on you and Sam’s eyes were on Bucky, a smirk quickly appearing on his lips. Maybe he wouldn’t have to do anything to make Bucky realize that he’s in love with you, after all. It seemed like you and Steve were taking care of that yourselves.

Only when you let go of Steve did Bucky seem to snap out of whatever jealous trance he had been in.  

‘’I’ll just go put my plate in the dishwasher and I’ll be right there.’’ Bucky smiled at you like he hadn’t just spent the past 20 minutes glaring at Sam.

You were relieved to see that his mood had seemed to change from what it had been earlier. You smiled back at him. 

“I’ll wait for you by the elevator, then.’’

Waiting until you had left and were out of earshot, Bucky turned to look at Sam. This time he was the one smirking when he saw that you left without even saying good night to Sam. 

‘’You’re off to a great start, Birdman.’’ Bucky snorted and left before Sam could say something back.

Before going to Bucky’s room, you stopped by yours to grab the clothes you had been wearing earlier. Once you were in his room, you walked over to his nightstand to plug in his phone and you went to change in his bathroom. Once you were done you went straight to his bed and quickly laid under the covers, it felt a lot colder than it had earlier. 

Bucky hadn’t needed to change back because he was still wearing the clothes he had put on before going to bed earlier. He laid down on his back, one hand going under his pillow while the other one laid flat on his stomach. He kept his gaze on the ceiling until he heard you walking quickly and then hiding the covers. He turned his head to the side and looked at you.

‘’You ok over there?’’ He chuckled.

You curled up on yourself, trying to warm yourself up.

‘’Why is it freezing in here suddenly?’’

‘’Oh… I was hot so I cranked up the AC. I’m sorry, I’ll turn it off.’’

‘’No, no. It’s fine. I don’t want you to be hot because of me.’’

Bucky grinned playfully, a smug look on his face. ‘’I’m always hot because of you baby.’’ 

You laughed, rolling your eyes. Your heartbeat sped up and you tried to bring it back down before he could hear it. How you wish that his words were true. 

‘’Please stop talking.’’ You said to him, playfully. 

‘’The truth is hard to hear, uh?’’

‘’I don’t know, I’ll let you know when I hear it.’’ 

This time he was the one to laugh. If only you knew.

‘’Wanna watch a movie?’’ He suggested, not really tired after the very long nap you both took.

‘’Sure! But I’m choosing!’’ You said quickly, cutting him off before he could say it. ‘’Yesss!’’ You cheered when you realized you were quick enough and now you could decide what to watch. It was how you decided who could pick the movie or tv show you would watch, whoever would call it first.

Bucky gave you the remote and let you scroll through Netflix. As you did that, he rearranged his pillows to be able to prop up his shoulders against the headboard while still laying down. You decided on a comedy, you both needed the laugh. You gave the remote back to him after pressing play and you moved your pillows the same way he had done a few minutes ago. 

You were getting comfortable when Bucky pressed pause. You look at the TV, confused then move your gaze to him. 

‘’What are you doing?’’ Bucky asked you.

‘’What do you mean what am I doing? What are you doing?’’

‘’Do I smell or something?’’

‘’Do you smell…?’’ You were totally lost.

‘’Earlier you almost went to sleep without wanting to touch me, now you’re laying all the way over there…’’

You almost laughed but then you saw how serious his expression was and quickly understood that he wasn’t kidding. Without noticing what you were doing you had put some, literal, distance between the two of you. You were taking too long to answer for Bucky’s taste and he started to ramble.

‘’Do you not want me to touch you anymore? Did I do something wrong? If I did something wrong you can tell me. Did I do something that made you uncomfortable? Am I being too clingy?” 

You instantly felt guilty for making him think he had done something when you were the one who couldn’t get a grip on your feelings. He shouldn’t feel rejected because you couldn’t separate playfulness and reality anymore. You were the one who had a crush on him, he shouldn’t have to pay for that.

‘’Woah, woah, woah.’’ You reached out to him, touching his arm. You cut him off in his monologue before it could get worse. ‘’I didn’t notice I was doing it, I’m sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong.’’

He looked in your eyes, squinting as if it would allow him to see deeper into your soul. 

‘’You sure?’’ He didn’t seem to believe you.

‘’Yes. I promise, you’re fine.’’ 

‘’Then stop torturing me and get over here.’’ 

Bucky blamed Sam for this little outburst. His stupid words from earlier got into his head.

You quickly moved to snuggle into his side. You lowered your head onto his shoulder and brought your knees to your chest as he wrapped his arm around your body, holding you close. 

‘’Thank you.’’ He whispered and pressed play again. 

You don’t really remember the movie as you were pretty sure you fell asleep not even 30 minutes after starting it. 

The next morning you were woken up by soft knocks on Bucky’s door. You slowly opened your eyes to look around, a little bit disoriented from how deeply you had been asleep a few moments ago. You were still snuggled into Bucky’s side but he had managed to lie the both of you down without disturbing your sleep. You listened for a few seconds and didn’t hear any more noises. You closed your eyes, thinking you had imagined it. 

A minute later, a few more knocks could be heard but this time much louder. Before you could move, Bucky woke up and groaned loudly. He really wasn’t a morning person. You opened your eyes again and began to move to get off of Bucky and go see who was at his door but he quickly grabbed you and made you lie back down. ‘’I’ll go.’’ He mumbled, not completely awake. He kissed your forehead and then one of your cheeks, whispering a soft ‘’good morning’’ before getting up to go open the door. 

He opened it just enough to let his head poke out and squinted at the bright light from the hall, the sun had clearly been up for a couple of hours.

Once Bucky’s eyes had adjusted, his gaze fell on Steve. 

‘’What?’’ It was more of a grunt than anything, a big contrast to the warm good morning you had gotten a few seconds earlier.

‘’Well, good morning to you too, Buck.’’ Steve smiled.

‘’Yeah, yeah… What do you want?’’ He pressed, he just wanted to get back into bed with you and sleep some more.

‘’Still a morning person I see.’’ Steve chuckled. ‘’Is she here?’’

Bucky frowned and without realizing it his grip tightened on the door, bringing it closer to his body.

Hearing Steve mention you, you turned your head quickly to grab your phone and look at the time. 

‘’She is… Why?’’ Bucky asked, suspiciously. 

No one had ever come looking for either of you, he didn’t understand the sudden interest in your whereabouts. 

‘’Bruce wants to see her down at his lab. She asked me to go with her.’’

Bucky was even more confused. Why did you ask Steve and not him? His mind was racing, trying to understand why you had chosen Steve over him. Maybe you had heard the conversation he had last night with Sam and now you thought he was in love with you and you were trying to let him down gently? That would also explain why you had been more distant, though that had started before he even talked to Sam. 

Bucky had been so deep in thoughts that he hadn’t heard you move behind him to get dressed and only snapped out of it when you grabbed the door to open it wider. 

‘’I’m sorry. I forgot to set up an alarm. I’m ready!’’ You smiled shyly as you apologized. 

Bucky looked down at you, eyeing the side of your face to find any kind of clue as to why you hadn’t asked him. 

‘’I can go with you, baby doll.’’ He offered.

You turned your head to face him and shook your head slightly, a warm smile on your lips. ‘’No, it’s ok. You’ve been taking care of me a lot over the past few days, I’m sure you’d love a break.’’ You started chewing on your bottom lip. 

Bucky narrowed his eyes at the sight. Why were you nervous?

You turned to face Steve again, letting go of your bottom lip to grin at the tall blonde. ‘’Plus, it’s been a while since I’ve spent some quality time with Stevie.’’

Stevie, why did the nickname made Bucky’s jaw clench? 

Steve looked at his watch and tilted his head to the side, motioning to the elevator. ‘’We gotta go Toots, we’re already late.’’

‘’Damn it.’’ You mumbled. 

You kissed Bucky’s cheek quickly and followed Steve out in the hall, not before throwing a quick ‘’See you later Buck.’’ over your shoulder. 

The kiss on his cheek had managed to relax Bucky, enough to unclench his jaw but that feeling was short lived as he watched you walk away; laughing with Steve as he put his arm around your shoulders. 

That should be his arm on your shoulders.

He should be the one holding you and making you laugh.

Why was he thinking this way?

Damn Birdman. That was all Sam’s fault, he thought as he closed the door; going back to bed.

You felt bad. You saw the subtle change in Bucky’s eyes when he realized you had asked Steve and not him to accompany you. A few days ago, you probably would have asked Bucky or said yes when he offered to go with you, but lately your feelings had… changed and you felt the need to put some distance between the two of you before those feelings overtook you and ruined the friendship you had with Bucky that you loved so much. 

You had been feeling this way for a long time but you had always managed to ignore it. Men very rarely flirted with you or gave you any kind of affection so when Bucky started doing all of that on a very, very regular basis your brain just went into overdrive. You hated that you were so desperate for a man’s love and attention that you couldn’t differentiate love and friendship. It was all or nothing in your mind, but you knew it was nothing and that you needed to shut those feelings out before it was too late. You did just fine. There were days where you felt more down and more lonely and for those days it was harder to ignore your feelings but otherwise you did a really good job. Until Bucky stood up for you and protected you like you were the most precious thing in this world and then all your resolve crumbled down around you. You couldn’t deny it anymore, no matter how much you wanted to. That’s why you needed to put some distance between you and him, to hopefully be able to go back to a place where you could pretend you didn’t have feelings for your best friend. You needed to go to a place where you weren’t putting your friendship at risk. Bucky was it for you, you knew that since the first moment he had held you all night but he didn’t have feelings for you in the same way that you did and you’d much rather have him as a best friend than not having him in your life at all and that’s why you needed to get a grip. 

Though a small part of you had still hoped that maybe, maybe he felt the same way, all hope went out of the window last night when you overheard him talk with Sam and say that he wasn’t in love with you. You were his best friend, nothing more. 

It broke your heart but you couldn’t be mad at him for not having the same feelings. It was just hard to try and ignore your own feelings when Bucky always wanted you to be touching him in some way or when he playfully flirted with you and for a split second you thought he really meant it. 

Sam had told him that he wanted to ask you out but you knew it was only to try to get a rise out of bucky. Soon, you’d have two men flirting with you and neither of them would mean a single word that would come out of their mouths. 

And to top it all off, you had nowhere to go, no mission or assignment to be called on. You were trapped. Just you, Bucky and your broken heart.