Missing Piece

You kept reading his last message over and over again and you were torn between wanting to believe that he really did need you to be able to sleep and knowing he probably couldn’t fall asleep because you woke up late.

Bucky was a big man. He was tall and he was muscular, on top of being really hot all the time. It was easy to notice him not being around. He was much heavier than you and when he held you or slept on you, it grounded you. You had heard about how the weighted blankets helped most people to fall asleep and if sleeping with a weighted blanket was even a quarter of how you felt sleeping with Bucky around your body, you totally understood the appeal. 

It was harder to notice when you weren’t there. You were smaller than him, skinnier than him and you were cold all. the. time. There was nothing comforting about you. As much as you would love for him to need you, just as much as you needed him, he could hold a pillow and he probably wouldn't see a difference.

You picked up your phone and started typing. 

It’s barely been 12 hours Bucky, you probably can’t sleep because we woke up late and not because you miss me. 

You sighed and quickly sent another text.

Just close your eyes and relax, it’ll come to you.

The moment your messages had been sent, it said that they had been read. Either he fell asleep with his screen still open on their conversation or he had been waiting for your answer. 

You waited a few minutes, Bucky never answered. It was now clear that he fell asleep and forgot to turn off his phone. Your heart clenched a little bit. Of course, you knew he didn’t miss you but a girl could dream, right?

You let go of your phone and brought your attention back to your laptop screen to finish the movie you had just barely started. 

Once that movie was over, you decided to browse through Netflix and settle on starting a new series, you were wide awake and trying to sleep was too frustrating, you decided to give up. 

It was 2:30 AM when your phone lit up again. You frowned. Who the hell could still be awake at this time?

Nope. Still wide awake.

You groaned. ‘’Come on.’’ You muttered under your breath. It was more for yourself than for Bucky, you were annoyed with your brain for getting hopeful at everything he said. 

Because that’s exactly what that message did to you. It made you hopeful that maybe he felt the same way you did. 

Your phone lit up again and this time, the message caused heat to rush to your neck and cheeks.

See? I really do miss you. I need you.

Your resolve was quickly fading and you didn’t know what to do anymore. You got out of bed and started pacing. 

‘’Screw it.’’

You shut the lid of your laptop and walked out of your room. You closed the door behind you and started walking as you hoped not to run into anyone dressed like you were currently. 

Most girls liked to sleep in cute pjs, matching sets that made them look like freaking gorgeous creatures no matter what time it was but you weren’t one of them. You liked to be comfy and rarely took the time to look at yourself not really caring because, who’s gonna see you in them anyway? You had one set that looked very cute that you wore whenever it was movie night but you never slept in it.

Walking down the hallway, you realized you probably should have put that set on, instead of the tank top, sweats and socks you were currently wearing. 

Bucky’s room was on the same floor as yours, but it was on the other side completely; per his request. He had woken up to his own screams too many times, he didn’t want to wake up anybody else. He made sure to be as far away as possible. 

You finally reached his door and your heart started thumping in your chest as your brain finally registered what you were doing. 

You raised your hand and knocked very softly, with his super soldier hearing it didn’t need to be obnoxiously loud. Especially not at this hour. 

If he doesn’t open the door in the next 30 seconds, I’m running back to my room. You thought as you waited. 

It took half that time for Bucky to open his door. You smiled shyly, he looked surprised to see you there. 

‘’Is it ok if I’m here? I can go if you don’t want me here.’’ You pointed over your shoulder to where you had just come from. 

He shook his head and stepped aside, opening the door wider to let you come in. 

You looked around curiously. This was the first time you’d seen his room since you had helped Steve put furniture before Bucky moved in. 

Bucky closed the door behind you, gently to not make too much noise. It was the middle of the night after all and he wasn’t the only one in the compound with enhanced hearing. The soft light coming from the hallway completely disappeared and the inside of the room was now completely dark.

You stood in the middle of his room, not really sure of what to do or what to say. You hadn’t thought this through. 

You turned around to face Bucky, your eyes finally adjusted to the darkness and you were able to see a little bit more. He stood with his back to the door, looking straight at you. 

He hadn’t said a word or moved a muscle since closing the door. Somehow, he looked bigger in the dark and more intimidating. Or maybe it was just because you were nervous. 

He finally moved, walking towards you then stopped a few steps away from you. He reached out to you with his hand, gently grabbing the front of your tank top; the part covering your stomach and, still gently and slowly, pulled you towards him. 

‘’C’m here baby doll.’’ He whispered. 

You followed the movement of his hand and only stopped when there was no more space between you. He let go of your top, the same hand making its way to your back to wrap his arm around your waist. He did the same thing with his other arm and then lifted you from the ground. He hugged you tightly against his chest, his eyes never leaving yours. You wrapped  your arms around his neck and hugged him back with the same strong grip, breaking eye contact as you buried your face in the crook of his neck. 

After a minute, he loosened his arms and gently put you down, but he didn’t let go. He leaned down, resting his forehead against yours and closed his eyes. Breathing you in, he felt calm again. You noticed that his hair was being held back by the tiniest, cutest little bun you had ever seen.

Bucky really had missed you. He spent the entire day sulking in his room, hating himself for ruining everything. When he was with you he felt calm, at peace. He didn’t feel judged and you never treated him like he was about to break, though he knew you’d be there for him if he did. You made him feel like Bucky Barnes and not like the Winter Soldier. You weren’t scared to be alone in a room with him, you even seem to enjoy being alone with him. You trusted him enough to let him sleep in your bed and touch you, even with his left arm. It was almost overwhelming how normal he felt when he was with you. He was falling too fast, too soon but he couldn’t stop himself, not that he wanted to, he felt whole when you were with him. He started feeling this way a few weeks after he had moved in, when he was still following Steve around and he was able to get to know you. He mostly listened to you talk and every day when he woke up, he looked forward to seeing you. The feelings intensified over the last week, especially last night when he opened himself up to you. 

He thought he was going to combust from the heat he felt under your touch. It felt like his whole body came alive. Though at first it was a lot, after a few minutes touching his cheek wasn’t enough anymore for him. He wanted more, he needed more. As if you could read his mind in that moment, you moved to lay down and invited him to do the same as you held him. He had never felt more at home in his entire life, even before the war.

He felt vulnerable, almost ashamed when he texted you over and over again while you ignored him. He still doesn’t know where he found the courage to admit he missed you and couldn’t sleep without you, it probably came from the fact that you couldn’t see him. 

He’s not proud to admit that when you finally answered, he almost felt like crying when he read what you had written. Why didn’t you believe him? Was it because you didn’t want to see him anymore or that you just thought he was messing with you. He heard men did that a lot with women now, playing with their emotions. He hated the thought that you might be thinking he was one of them.

He truly couldn’t sleep without you. He wanted to hold you and feel you against him. Being much bigger than you made it so that he covered most of his body with you, he felt like he was protecting you and he loved that feeling. He loved even more that you were letting him do it. 

He waited hours before texting you again. Hours he spent looking up at the ceiling, well aware that sleeping would be impossible.

He didn’t like feeling weak and vulnerable but he hated even more that you weren’t answering him or that you weren’t anywhere near him. He yearned for you and it scared the hell out of him. 

He was fearless, except when it came to you. 

He decided to swallow his pride and tried texting you one more time. If you didn’t answer this time, he would stop. At least try to stop. His heart sank in his chest  when 5 minutes went by and you still hadn’t answered. He remembered Steve telling him that there was a way to delete messages from a conversation but he couldn’t remember how to do it. He tried tapping around on his screen, trying to save himself the embarrassment of you seeing how needy he was being. You still hadn’t read his messages, if he could just figure out how to delete the damn things. 

Then, he heard a knock. It was so soft that for a second he thought he might have imagined it. He looked up from his phone and saw a shadow standing in front of his door. He got out of bed, cursing under his breath that if it was Steve he would kick his ass. Simply for not being you. 

But it was you. His mouth was suddenly very dry and he had this weird feeling in his chest, it felt like his heart dropped but also like it went up as it fluttered. 

Bucky was scared to ask if you were there to see him or to tell him to stop texting you. Thankfully you spoke before he had to. He didn’t trust his voice enough to talk so he let his body do the talking. He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or even scared so he waited a few minutes to see what you were going to do or what you were going to say; but you just stood still, looking back at him. 

Too much time had gone by that he wasn’t able to touch you and he couldn’t resist anymore. Finding his confidence back, he crossed the room and pulled you against him. He finally felt like he could breathe again. 

With his forehead still resting on yours, Bucky opened his eyes again. His right hand left your waist to cradle the back of your head, keeping you close to him.

‘’I’m sorry.’’ He whispered, brushing his nose against yours.

You shook your head as best as you could with the position you were in.

‘’No.’’ You were whispering too, back in your little bubble. ‘’You don’t have to apologize. I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten mad when you flinched, I know it’ll take time before you’re fully comfortable with people being close to you.’’

He tangled his fingers in your hair, slowly massaging your head with the tip of his fingers.

‘’That’s not it. I-’’ He paused for a second, wanting to explain himself correctly. He wasn’t the best with words and the last thing he wanted was to cause a fight. ‘’You changed. I thought you didn’t want me around anymore. When I flinched it’s because I thought you were gonna get mad.’’ 

You frowned, slightly confused. 

‘’I changed?’’

‘’Yeah… Before we went to breakfast. You were happy then suddenly you were distant.’’

Your eyes opened wider at the sudden realization. You chewed on your bottom lip nervously.

‘’I- No.’’ You let out a small laugh, something that happened often when you were nervous. ‘’I just thought that maybe it was a one time thing and that you… That you didn’t need me anymore.’’

Bucky narrowed his eyes, looking more intently at you.

‘’So, what you’re telling me is that we avoided each other because we both thought the other one was done and wanted to go back to the way things were?’’ He asked.

You started laughing. ‘’I guess so.’’ You dropped your head to rest against his shoulder as you kept laughing. 

Bucky laughed with you and rolled his eyes, he couldn’t believe how both of you were such dummies. 

‘’We’re the worst.’’ You mumbled against his shoulder. 

‘’We most definitely are.’’ He agreed. 

He let his hand slide down your neck to rest on your back, bringing you slightly closer to him. He lowered his head, resting his cheek on your temple. 

‘’I need you, baby I need you so much, I’m not going anywhere.’’ He whispered against your ear. 

It was a good thing that he had been holding you so tightly as you felt your knees buckle slightly at his words. 

You were in awe of how much Bucky changed over the past 48 hours. Two days ago, you couldn't get too close without making him flinch and now he held you so closely you could count his eyelashes. Something has definitely shifted between the two of you. You weren't sure what exactly, but you loved it.

"Maybe we should try to get some sleep now." You suggested. 

"As long as it's together." 

You chuckled. You both knew there was no way you'd leave his room now. He let go of you and took a step back to look at you. He lifted his hand and pointed to his bathroom. 

"You better go now because I plan on sleeping in." He teased. 

"I'll be fine." You rolled your eyes playfully. 

"You sure?" He raised an eyebrow. 

"If you don't believe me I can go back to my room, so I don't wake you up in the morning…" You said innocently as you started to move toward his bedroom door. 

Bucky was standing between you and the door, you'd never reach it. He moved quickly towards you and grabbed you on the back of your thighs, lifting you off the floor as he moved you both to his bed. 

"Not a chance in hell baby doll." He dropped you gently on his bed as you laughed. 

You moved on his bed to lift the covers and slide under them as he did the same. You laid on your back, settling in his pillows trying to get comfortable. 

Bucky crawled on top of you, his hands on either side of you to keep himself up.

"May I help you, sir?" You laughed, confused as to what he was doing. 

He shook his head and lowered himself until he laid on top of you, his head resting between your collar bone. 

"Just making sure you aren't going anywhere." 

You shook your head, a small smile lingering on your lips. 

"Am I crushing you?" Lifting his head to look at you. 

"Not at all. You're lighter than you look." 

Bucky gasped.

"Did you just tell me I looked heavy?" 

"Whaaaat? No. I'd neeeever." 

He smirked.

"You look all innocent and sweet but there's a little devil hiding somewhere in there." He gestured to your head.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." You answered, feigning innocence.

He raised himself up and kissed your cheek. He lowered himself back to the way he was and you let him settle his torso between your legs to be more comfortable. 

Both your arms rested to your side, finally started to feel sleepy. 

"Baby?" Bucky whispered.

"Mmmh?" 

"Can you… Your arms…" He hesitated, not really saying what he wanted.

You didn't need him to.

"Sorry." You apologized, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. 

He moved up, just enough to be able to rest his head against your neck and closed his eyes. 

It didn't take long before you were both completely asleep. Feeling whole again.