Missing Piece

Although you could have stayed in this position all day, your bladder had other plans in mind.

"Buck…" You called out softly. Nothing.

"Buckyyyy…" Still nothing.

There was no way in hell you'd be able to move from under him without his help. You started tickling him gently on his neck, then on his side. He groaned, finally waking up.

"Mmmh?"

"Buck, you gotta move!" The urgency in your voice woke him all the way up and he rolled on his back, freeing you.

You untangled yourself from your sheets, jumped out of bed and ran to your bathroom; closing the door behind you.

Bucky looked at you as he slowly sat up. He didn’t wake up, not even once, during the night. His anxiety slowly crept up on him. He looked around, panicking slightly.

What if you had tried to wake him up all night but didn't succeed? What if you didn't want him to spend the night in your bed but he forced that decision on you? Did you run to the bathroom because you wanted to get away from him? Were you waiting for him to leave before coming back out? A dozen questions went through his mind at high speed. Before he could make a decision, the bathroom door opened and you walked out.

He had been so deep in thoughts that he never heard the toilet or the water running in the sink. As you stepped out, you looked at Bucky and you froze in place. He looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"Hey…" You whispered. "Are you ok?"

He just looked at you, not answering your question.

You slowly walked towards him, trying not to scare him. You didn't know what triggered him to be like this.

"It's ok, you're ok." You added, stopping before you could reach the bed and leaving some distance between the two of you. "You're in my room, you're safe." You tried.

He looked into your eyes and relaxed slightly. You didn't look mad that he was still here.

"You left…" He started, looking at the space where the bathroom door had just been closed. "I- I thought you wanted me to leave." He looked at you again. "Do you want me to leave? I can leave. I didn't mean to fall asleep, I'm sorry."

His rambling would have been the cutest thing if what he said wasn't so heartbreaking. When you ran to the bathroom, you never thought he would think you were running away from him. You shook your head and went back under the covers as you chuckled, mostly to yourself. The idea that you wanted him anywhere but here was funny to you. If only he knew how much you wanted him to stay.

‘’No, stay. Please.’’ You wanted to reach out and touch him, but you weren’t sure if all the progress you had made last night had been ruined by your tiny bladder. ‘’I’m sorry I ran, it’s just that-’’ You chewed on your bottom lip, slightly embarrassed. ‘’I woke up and I needed to pee but you seemed so comfortable so I decided to wait until you woke up, except it didn’t look like it was going to happen anytime soon and by the time I decided to wake you up well… It was urgent.’’

Bucky followed you with his eyes and turned slightly in the bed so his body was facing you when you settled back into your spot. He narrowed his eyes, trying to see if you were lying; he noticed the little signs of embarrassment and felt himself relaxed as he finally believed that you didn’t run away from him. At least not for the reasons he thought you did.

He laughed and laid on his back, turning his head to look up at you. You smiled down at him and laid on your back, turning your head to look at him.

‘’Hi.’’ He whispered, grinning.

‘’Hey.’’ You whispered back, a similar expression on your face. ‘’How do you feel?’’

He waited before answering, thinking. How did he feel?

‘’Ok, I think. I feel… rested.’’ Something he hadn’t felt in… too long to tell, exactly.

You nodded, looking up at the ceiling; smiling. ‘’Good. That’s good. You deserve to rest.’’

Hearing you say that he deserved something that wasn’t punishment or eternal damnation made his heart melt a little. Ok, a lot. Not that he’d ever admit out loud. Not to you, at least.

You spent some time in silence, not moving. You were too lazy to move in the slightest.

‘’FRIDAY?’’ You called out in the room.

‘’Good morning, agents.’’

‘’Good morning FRIDAY, what time is it?’’

‘’7 am.’’

‘’Thank you.’’ You groaned. It was too early to get up. You should still be sleeping.

Bucky chuckled at your reaction and got up from the bed, disappearing in the bathroom and coming back out two minutes later. He stopped to close the blinds and got back in bed, laying down next to you in his previous position.

‘’Want to go get breakfast?’’ You asked, not bothering to look at him because it was pitch black in your room and you couldn’t see anything.

‘’Actually…’’ He trailed off, turning his body towards you to lay on his side. Feeling more confident in the darkness, old habits die hard. ‘’It’s still early so… Maybe we could sleep a lil’ more?’’ He suggested.

‘’I like where your head's at, Sergeant.’’ You teased, already half asleep anyway. ‘’You do outrank me, so I guess I don’t have a choice but to sleep in.’’

Though you couldn’t really see him nor hear him, you knew he was laughing from the way his body moved on the mattress. You liked that, most of the time, Bucky barely made any sound when he laughed. It’s like whatever you said or did to make him laugh, he wanted to keep it between the two of you without anyone else knowing about the moment you just shared. Even now, it was just the two of you and his laugh stayed in your little bubble.

He opened his mouth to say something and closed it without saying anything. He did it a few more times and then he noticed how your body started to relax; you were beginning to fall asleep. He had to ask now, while he still could.

‘’Sweetheart?’’ He whispered, in case you had fallen completely asleep.

‘’Mmh?’’

‘’Can I-’’ He hesitated. ‘’Can I hold you?’’ His voice was barely audible.

‘’Of course Bucky, you don’t have to ask.’’ You mumbled.

He grinned.

Although he had been hesitant to ask, his actions were anything but hesitant. He reached out, wrapping his arm around your waist; his hand falling to rest on your hips and he pulled you to him until your body was flush against his.

‘’Comfy?’’ You ask.

‘’Almost.’’

You turn to lay on your side, turning your back to his chest. He pulled you even closer, until there wasn't any space left between his chest and your back. He put his left arm under your pillow as it couldn’t be numb from not moving for hours. He buried his face in your neck and laid his hand flat against your stomach. He let out a long sigh, finally content with his position.

‘’Comfy.’’ He said against the skin of your neck, making a chill run down your spine from both the scruff of his growing beard and his hot breath tickling you.

As you were falling asleep, you felt Bucky’s hand on your stomach sneak under the hem of your shirt and find its previous position but this time on your skin. He stroked his thumb on your skin until he fell asleep, his face still buried in your neck.

For a few minutes, the old Bucky had resurfaced. The Bucky that wasn’t scared to be touched or scared to touch, the Bucky that asked for what he wanted instead of keeping it to himself because he didn’t think he deserved whatever it was he wanted. You were the one who had brought back that side of him. Whenever you two would be together, it always felt so… right to him. He wasn’t ready to let that feeling go, nor you.

He promised to himself that he would do anything to prove to you that he was good enough, anything to make you want to keep him around for as long as possible.

You promised to yourself that you would do anything to show to Bucky that he was good enough, anything to show him that he deserved everything he wanted; hoping you were part of it.

Though the compound was enormous, everyone had fallen into the same routine. You’d all wake up around the same time, you’d stay in your respective rooms as you got ready; fully waking up in the process and then you’d all meet in the kitchen to prepare a huge breakfast. You’d make a little bit of everything; toasts, eggs, bacon, pancakes, waffles, fruit salad, smoothies and whatever else you were in the mood for. You all had a task and when you were all done, you brought everything over to the dinner table and you ate together, as a family because that’s really what you were.

You did this every morning, even if some of you were on a mission and you rarely skipped it; especially not when the whole team was home, like today.

That’s why everyone was surprised to see you were missing from the kitchen. You were usually one of the first ones to get there, you would get everything out and start cooking what took the longest so that everything could be ready at the same time.

‘’Maybe she’s sick?’’ Wanda suggested. ‘’I’ll go check on her.’’

‘’No, no. It’s okay. I already went to check up on her, she didn’t really sleep last night and said she’ll try to go back to sleep. It’s best if you don’t go, in case you wake her up.’’ Steve said to her, standing in the doorway to keep her from exiting the kitchen.

No one really noticed that Bucky wasn’t with them, either. He rarely joined you.

Steve lied to Wanda, he didn’t check up on either of you but he didn’t need to.

Last night, after he left you and Bucky, he stayed at the end of the hallway for some time. He waited, a small part of him was worried your conversation might end in a fight. He doesn’t know how long he waited; after 5, 10 minutes, he smiled to himself when no one came running out the door. No one was screaming either, he took it as a good sign and walked back to the living room to finish watching the movie with the rest of the team.

When he woke up this morning, he decided to make a pit stop to Bucky’s room before breakfast. He knocked a few times and when no one answered he slowly opened the door, calling out his friend’s name and was surprised to find his room empty. Though Bucky kept his room always really neat and clean, somehow he could tell that Bucky hadn’t slept there.

Bucky barely ever left his room, especially in the morning when he knew everybody was together in the kitchen; he had never really been a morning person and living with that many people sure didn’t help. Steve hated doing it but he was worried about his friend, so he asked FRIDAY where Bucky was. He absolutely didn’t expect the AI’s answer to be that Bucky was, still, in your room.

Steve smiled to himself and joined the rest of the team. He would do his best to distract everyone to keep them from asking questions or go looking for either of you.

Both you and Bucky woke up again hours later, the little bit of sunlight that came through the blinds was brighter than it had been when you woke up the first time and you could hear everyone talking and moving around in the compound.

Bucky was still holding onto you tightly, not that you were complaining. His strength and warmth were soothing to you and you don’t think you ever slept that well in your entire life.

You stretched your whole body, leaning more into Bucky as you did. You felt him move behind you, he was awake now too. He stretched his arm away from your body and wrapped it around your stomach again. He brushed the tip of his nose against the skin of your neck a few times, the sweet gesture making you grin.

‘’Good morning.’’ You whispered, still half asleep. You were so comfortable and warm, it was hard to fight the sleep that kept your body from moving.

‘’Mh-mh.’’ He shook his head no. ‘’I wanna sleep.’’ He said, you could feel his breath against the back of your neck.

‘’We’re gonna have to get up at some point during the day.’’ You chuckled.

Bucky whined, you could even feel him pout. ‘’Why do you say such mean things to me?’’ His tone was overly sad, clearly trying to get you to feel bad so you’d stay in bed, which only made you laugh harder.

‘’I’m sorry Jamie.’’ You pat his hand that was still resting on your stomach. ‘’But I’m hungry, and I’m sure you, the super soldier, are starving.’’

‘’Ugh.’’ He sighed. ‘’You’re right. Fine.’’

The smell of the breakfast that was cooked an hour earlier was still lingering and it made you hungrier.

Bucky finally let go of you and you almost whimpered at the loss of his touch. You got out of bed, stretching some more and groaned when Bucky opened the blinds without warning.

‘’My eyes.’’ You hissed, dramatically.

Bucky laughed.

‘’Sorry, Dracula. You’re the one who wanted to get up.’’ He smirked, raising his hands in defeat.

You smiled at him and then it hit you. Your bubble was about to burst. As soon as one of you walked out, it was over. What if that was it? What if the second Bucky crossed the door, everything went back to the way it was? What if it had only been for a night and now that night was officially over. You were already regretting your stupid decision to force him to get up. Although Bucky had been the one that ‘’needed’’ it the most, you had also needed to be close to someone.

He had made you feel wanted in a way that you hadn’t felt before, in a way that wasn’t sexual. He wanted you near him, he wanted you to hold him and comfort him, you were the one he had chosen to trust and you were the one he seeked out. You didn’t even want to try and lie to yourself; Bucky was special. In many ways, but he was special to you. You couldn’t explain why, he just was. There was something about him that screamed ‘’You’re my person’’.

You hadn’t realized that you had been deep in thoughts until Bucky touched your shoulder.

‘’You ok?’’ He looked down at your face, worried.

Your eyes were very expressive and he had seen every emotion that went through your mind in them. You went from joking and smiling and then your entire face fell like you had just realized something, something sad. He called out your name a few times but you didn’t hear him. He put his hand on your shoulder, hoping to ground you back to reality.

Bucky looked at you, waiting for an answer. You tried to laugh it off and smiled as best as you could.

‘’Oh, yes. Sorry. Just zoned out for a second.’’

‘’You sure?’’ He frowned. He could tell that you were lying.

‘’Yes.’’ You nodded your head, to make it more convincing.

He looked at you for a couple more seconds before taking his hand off of your shoulder.

‘’Ok…’’ He waited to see if you were going to add anything else and when you didn’t, he stepped back. ‘’I’m gonna go get dressed. Meet you in the kitchen?’’

‘’Yep.’’ You simply answered, turning around to make your bed. You didn’t want to see the exact moment your little bubble would burst open.

Bucky’s heart sank into his chest. He knew that your little moment was over but he didn’t think it would be over, over. Your mood had shifted quickly, that’s when he knew that whatever it was that you shared, it was over the moment the sun rose. He had managed to make it last longer by sleeping a few more hours, fooling himself into thinking it was anything more than you just taking pity over him.

The thing is, he was already craving your touch. It had only been a few minutes since he felt you against him but to him it felt like hours. He wanted you just as much as he needed you.

You were too good for him, too pure for him. He didn’t deserve you and he knew it, but for a night he let himself think that maybe he did.

You were right.

Everything went back to the way it was.

After Bucky joined you to eat, you were cleaning up your plates and as you reached out to take his, you touched his hand and he flinched. You wanted to cry. He must have noticed your teary eyes because he started to panic.

‘’No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, I swear.’’ He stood up, holding out his hand to touch you but you moved away quickly.

‘’It’s fine.’’ You turned around and left for the kitchen, putting everything away as fast as you could so that you could go back to your room.

You stood in the elevator, waiting to reach your floor. The lump in your throat made it hard to swallow. You blinked quickly, trying to keep the tears from falling. You just had to hold on a little longer, you were almost there.

The elevator doors finally opened to let you out but you froze. Steve was standing in front of you.

Crap. You thought. You didn’t feel like talking so you just walked out quickly, almost running to your room.

‘’Hi Steve. Bye Steve.’’ You said over your shoulder.

You closed the door behind you and locked it, sighing in relief when no one came knocking.

Steve smiled when he saw you and before he could even speak you had disappeared in your room.

It all happened so fast and he hadn’t had time to notice the tears in your eyes. He just assumed you were rushing back to your room because Bucky was waiting for you there.

He was extremely confused when he saw Bucky standing in the kitchen, his back turned to him as his fists clenched by his sides.

‘’Hey bud.’’ Steve called out to Bucky.

He didn’t even move to look at him, Steve frowned, moving closer.

‘’Buck… What’s wrong?’’

‘’Nothin’.’’ He mumbled before storming out of the kitchen.

Steve was even more confused. He thought the two of you were fine, what the hell happened?

He shook his head and turned around, making his way to your room.

You were sitting on your bed, your cheeks starting to dry as you finally managed to stop crying. You were angry, sad and in a way, kind of humiliated. You were usually more careful around people but you had let your guard down and now you were hurt again.

A knock on your door made you jump, your eyes snapping up to the piece of wood keeping you from the outside world. You didn’t move. Whoever it was, you didn’t want to see them.

‘’Toots?’’

Steve. Damn it. You laid down on your bed without making a sound, hopeful that he might think you’re either gone or asleep and leave. You should have known better.

He knocked again. ‘’I know you’re in there. I can hear you breathing.’’

‘’Creep.’’ You mumbled, under your breath.

‘’I heard that.’’

You rolled your eyes. ‘’Please go away.’’

‘’I just want to know what happened.’’

‘’Nothing. Nothing happened, now go.’’ You shut your eyes tightly, as if it would make him leave faster.

He sighed and nodded. ‘’Ok.’’ He added, realizing you can’t see him and he left.

Everybody was surprised to see Bucky walk in as they all sat down for dinner. You’d usually just bring him up a plate to his room and keep him company there, it was all too new to him and after spending 70 years mostly alone it was a little bit overwhelming to eat with that many people around.

Tonight though, Bucky decided to join the team hoping you would be there so he could talk to you but your chair was empty. No one but Steve and Bucky had seen you all day. Steve tried to reassure them and had told them not to worry but still it was really odd behavior coming from you.

Bucky turned to look at Steve; wordlessly asking him where you were. Steve only shrugged.

‘’Shit.’’ Bucky muttered. He messed everything up.

It was around 11pm and you couldn’t sleep at all. You had slept way too late to be tired and even if you were tired, whenever you closed your eyes you found yourself craving the warmth and weight from Bucky’s body around you. Your bed felt empty without the beefy soldier taking most of the space and it felt a lot colder than it did before. You couldn’t believe your body had gotten accustomed to Bucky’s so quickly.

You were getting frustrated and decided to grab your laptop and watch a movie to keep your mind from drifting to anything Bucky related.

You were about 20 minutes in, when your phone’s screen lit up next to your laptop. You grabbed it and opened the message before even looking at who it was from.

Can we talk?

Bucky. You hit your forehead with the palm of your hand, cursing yourself for not checking the name before opening it, now he knew you saw it. You sighed and stared at the screen until it closed on its own. It quickly lit up again.

I know you’re awake, it says you read my message.

Another message quickly followed.

I’m sorry I flinched. I really didn’t mean to.

You opened both his messages, your thumbs hovering over the keyboard as you tried to come up with an answer. A new text came in as you were thinking. What was written made your mind go completely blank.

I miss you. I can’t sleep without you.