Loki; love, death, mischief, a dagger and trust
Loki has read and heard a lot of things about soulmates. About how they are supposed to love you unconditionally no matter what. How they are the other half of your soul and that your life will be so much better with them in it. And to prove your soulmates importance to you the universe decided that the most important thing your soulmate will say to you is written on your body.
For every person it’s different. Some people have I love you written on their arm. Other people have I finally found you written on their leg. Loki however had you could be whoever, whatever you wanna be, even someone good written on his chest just above his heart. When they were little, they used to stare at the text on his chest in the mirror. Wondering about what the future might bring. Wondering about what he would do or what would happen to him that would make those words the most important ones that his soulmate would ever say to him. I love you he could understand, you wait for your soulmate for so long that being loved by them is the most amazing thing there could be. And to hear it too must be an amazing feeling.
But that he had to hear someone say that he could be someone good was almost heart-breaking. What kind of person would he become? They asked their mother once, but Frigga just smiled and said that he should wait and be excited about meeting his soulmate.
Now Loki knew better than to be excited about meeting his soulmate. The chance that he would ever meet his soulmate was almost non existing. He could not go back to his timeline and the TVA wanted him dead. He also didn’t know anyone that had so much faith in him that even now they could think he was a good person. He certainly didn’t think that.
Love, death, mischief, a dagger. Love is death because they were shown their mother’s death, Odin’s death, and their own death and what is possibly also Thor’s death. The people that love and claim to love him were dead so their love is gone with them, gone to Valhalla. Love is mischief because then love could be fun, playing tricks on each other but still be able to laugh together because when it comes down to it Loki knows mischief and chaos and wouldn’t know what he would be without it. Love is a dagger because love can be a weapon to be wielded far away or up close. You can love someone form afar and never admit it or love up close and love the other person while the person loves you too. You can see yourself in it because loving someone should bring out your best qualities. Love can be beautiful until it makes you bleed because if you love someone with all that you have what will remain when that person it gone? If they are gone it will leave a hole in your heart that the blood in your heart will try to fill again. But ultimately, when you reach for it isn’t real because it is so easy to love someone if nothing is wrong. But if things take a turn for the worst, loving someone could become a burden. A burden so heavy that you drop the burden and when you get left behind you realise that it wasn’t real.
And as Sif so eloquently put it you deserve to be alone. Loki had lost count how many times he had heard that sentence already, stuck in this time loop. But maybe the TVA decided that before he died his self esteem and confidence should be broken too. But before Sif could have another monologue about him being a worm that deserves to be alone, Mobius stepped trough a portal.
‘‘What are you doing?’’ Well, what did it look like? ‘‘Passing the time.’’ Okay maybe it was an answer that wasn’t necessary, but Mobius was the one that put him in the time loop, he should know exactly what Loki was doing. ‘‘Do you care about her?’’ Her. He must mean Sylvie. Do they care about Sylvie, yes to an extent. She was another version of them and perhaps they could call each other a friend in the future but why does Mobius care? ‘‘Sylvie? I’m not sure if it’s the right word. We’ve covered this back in there.’’ This was apparently the wrong thing to say as Mobius was losing his temper.
‘‘Shut up!’’
‘‘Do you really think you deserve to be alone?’’ Does he think he deserves to be alone? Perhaps. A lot of people certainly wish him to be alone. But to deserve to be alone. If given some time Loki could probably think of some smart answer that would not give away any of his feeling on the matter, but Mobius was not giving him any more time. ‘‘Loki!’’ So now all of a sudden Mobius did want them to talk. Even when he said not a minute ago that Loki should shut up. ‘‘You told me to shut up.’’ Mobius didn’t even give him an answer but instead asked his question again. ‘‘Do you believe you deserve to be alone?’’ instead of thinking of a complex answer Loki just answered with ‘‘I don’t know.’’ This was again not the answer Mobius was looking for.
‘‘You better figure it out quick, because the nexus event the two of you caused, whatever the connection is, can bring this whole place down. So we better understand…’’ Hold on a second, since when was there a ‘we’? Maybe before they went to Alabama. But Mobius couldn’t have so much faith in him that he just chooses to forget that Loki betrayed him? ‘‘We?’’ Mobius looked like he was only moments away from a mental breakdown.
‘‘Do you swear that she didn’t implant those memories in Hunter C-20?’’ Well it was not possible to create memories and implant those in someone’s brain so yes Loki knows that Sylvie told the truth. ‘‘Mobius, no. I believe her.’’ Mobius didn’t look happier with that news, he looked almost defeated. ‘‘So, I just have to trust the word of two Lokis?’’ Trust a Loki. A hard thing to do, let alone trust two Lokis. So maybe he couldn’t trust two Lokis but maybe Mobius could trust a friend. Because Loki had to admit that that is what they are. ‘‘How about the word of a friend?’’
He looked slightly better after that. Still anxious but maybe a few more moments away from a complete mental breakdown. ‘‘You were right, about the TVA. You were right from the beginning. And if you want to save her, you need to trust me. Can we do that?’’ Loki liked being right but seeing this man’s whole worldview collapse before their eyes they didn’t retort with a ‘I told you so’. It didn’t feel right to do so. But does he trust Mobius? Yes, he does. And wasn’t that a weird thing to admit to himself. Now he has to admit it to Mobius himself. ‘‘Yes, I trust you’’.
Mobius looked confused for a second but then had a smile so big on his face that Loki worried for the man’s cheeks. Was it such a wonder that Loki would trust him? Did Mobius doubt him so much? ‘‘Okay.’’ But what Mobius said next would shock Loki to their very core.
‘‘You could be whoever, whatever you wanna be, even someone good. I mean, just in case anyone ever told you different.’’