Salted wounds
The next morning, I wake up at 5:45. Stupid morning trainings. I keep the same pants as yesterday, but I take one of Adrian's sweatshirts. As I go to leave the room, the door creaks and Adrian starts to stir awake. "Y/N? What are you doing?" She checks her phone, squinting as her eyes adjust. "I was just going for a walk or something." "It's 6am. And that's my sweatshirt." I nod, smiling at how that's one of her first priorities. She lets it go for now. "Do you want me to go with you?" "If you want." She sighs. "Sure, just give me a minute.
I go sit down at her desk, waiting for hwe to get ready. After a minute I notice she still hasn't moved. At all. "Adrian." No response, so I try again. "Adrian!" She groans, finally sitting up, legs hanging over the side of the bed. "You don't have to come." "No, no it's fine." She stands finally, stretching. She walks over to the dresser and takes out a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. As she pulls on the sweatshirt I think hear her whisper, "I was going to wear that one." I roll my eyes, standing up again. "You ready?" "Yeah, let's go."
"So, how have you been? I didn't really get the chance to ask you." It's as if she's sleepwalking because, it takes her a second to answer. "I've been ok. Haven't done much." I laugh. "Are you okay? It's not even that early." She waves a hand at me. "I don't want to hear it Y/N. Not everyone is able to wake up this early and be... ok." This makes me laugh harder. "Ok, ok. I'm sorry." We walk in silence for a moment. It's so quiet at this time of day. Kind of like a zombie apocalypse. Without the zombies of course.
"Does Ms. Warner still live here?" I ask as we pass a small run-down house shaded by trees. The kind little kids would call haunted. She was actually really nice. But if she didn't like you, that was it. "Yeah, I think so. But, I haven't seen her in a while, hope she isn't dead." "Adrian!" I hit her arm. "Why did you just say that?" "Well, do you hope she is?" I sigh, shaking my head.
As we walk further, the street starts to look more and more familiar. And not only because i've lived here my whole life, but because, this is my street. Adrian seems to notice at the same time I do. "Hey, we can go a different way." It's like I'm the one sleepwalking, as I don't answer and push past her, coming to a stop in front of the house. Everything else on the block looks exactly the same. Except for the house where mine used to be. The neighborhood I used to live in, without all of the memories. Life a stranger I feel I should recognize.
I see someone through the large front window, that my house never had because, my Dad thought it would be creepy for everyone to see into our house. I now understand that. I don't think about how weird I must look for long because then, a little girl comes down the stairs and gives the woman a hug. I stand there for what feels like forever, watching flashes of my life being lived by other people. A life I'll never have again because of what I did. I finally look away, my eyes blurry from tears. I wipe my face and look over to Adrian, who has been watching silently the whole time. She looks at me sympathetically. Unable to face her, I turn and start running in the opposite direction.
I end up at a small park at the end of the block, and I go sit on a bench. I put my head in my hands, and then I hear Adrian come up behind me, breathing heavily. "You're really fast. Have you ever thought about track or...?" She walks around to the other side of the bench. "Not the time sorry." Her tone softens and she asks, "Are you ok?" I shake my head. "I'm sorry it's just, the house. Seeing other people in my house. Or where my house used to be." I stop, taking a few deep breaths before continuing. "They look so happy. But I just can't help feeling that should be me. That should be my Mom calling up to say good morning before leaving for work. I'm glad they're happy, I just wish I could be too." I barely finish the last sentence when I start fully crying. Adrian slides over and hugs me, not saying anything, but making it clear she cares.
We stay in the park for a while, I couldn't bring myself to move from the spot. Adrian occasionally telling jokes, trying to cheer me up. As we walk back, Adrian makes sure we go a street over, covering by saying she's getting coffee from a store a little ways over. It was obvious, but I really needed it.