Chemical Poison

Darkness was sinking; night's incarnation.

Anneliese hated the scratchy material of the dress her mother made her wear. From the white collar to the woollen cardigans, Anneliese hated the texture on her skin. It made her look youthful, innocent and unplagued with the horrors committed during twilight.

Her father always braided her hair into a tight bun, pulling her hair too harshly and causing low cries to whimper out from her mouth. If she had to choose to either wear the clothes her mother chose or for her father to do her hair, Anneliese would choose neither. She hated it all.

"Stop moving", her father said lowly, "The pins are going in regardless. We can't have any hair falling out."

Trying her best to not move - impossible as each pin stabbed the back of her ear. She concentrated on her mother in the mirror, applying a small amount of makeup to her cheeks as she fixed her own hair. Anneliese hated seeing her mother like this as it only ever meant one thing. Reality returned as her father roughly pined in another pin, causing Anneliese to bolt out of his lap, tears threatening to fall from her waterline.

The face her father made could only be described as displeased, almost grim. "It didn't hurt that much, come here schatzi." Anneliese cautiously walked back to the seat in front of her father, shivering as her father wiped away the tears starting to roll down her cheeks. "Those tears won't do," his voice becoming softer.

"Is she ready?", her mother asked, not even glancing at either one of them as she brushes down her own dress - a similar style to Anneliese's.

"Yes."

"Let's go."

Anneliese wasn't completely unaware of the poverty within Germany, she knew many struggled to buy bread to eat and other's were given no choice but to use brutality to ensure a stable income to feed themselves. And yet, Anneliese was unaware of what this felt like, to go without dinner and to lose all faith in a higher being, a god perhaps, as death loomed as a close friend.

Everyday, Anneliese would pray that better days would come - believing that someone, anyone, would hear her pleads. Her parents thought it was foolish to believe in anything at all, that putting faith in the unknown will only get you killed. And yet, Anneliese prayed that the begging eyes she would see within her carriage would finally live happier, better. A naive and juvenile thought.

Her religious beginnings were not important in the scheme of things; it was the falling of hope, the tragedy of faith and the death to all things good. It wasn't so much that Anneliese was religious, but it was the ignorance in her words. To believe better days were to come, was to believe that war wasn't to ensue. And if anyone knew better that war would soon arrive, it was the Lorenz's.

Upon entry to her Uncle's estate, Anneliese gripped her mother's hand tightly, scared that if she was to let go, she would be lost forever. The large wooden doors terrified her, creaking as one of her other uncles opened the door for them. He greeted her mother with an air kiss to the cheek, a handshake with her father and a terrifying toothy smile to Anneliese.

Her parents never needed to inform Anneliese that there was something enormously messed up with her mother's side. She already knew.

The clank-clank-clank of her mother's heels echoed across the floor, Anneliese's eyes daring to gaze at all the overtly expensive paintings and statues collected over the years. Yet, there was something off about the estate, something dangerous.

It was night's incarnation; darkness was sinking.

Holding even tighter to her mother's hand, Anneliese lowered her eyes to the ground as she heard numerous noises: clink-clank-click, clatter-clatter-clatter, clack-clack-clack. She knew where she was, and she knew exactly what room her parents had stopped walking in.

Only a week ago, the dinning room was filling with bright red tapestries and dancing women dressed in silver and purple. She could still hear the humming from piano keys and the smell of roast chicken. That was luxury.

This was danger.

"Hello, dear sister."

Anneliese wanted to close her eyes, but her mother had strictly told her to keep them open. They did now cower, they did not falter.

"Nice to see you again, Josef"

His voice was unsettling, an almost ting of metallic rage slipping from his tongue. And yet, Anneliese knew he was calm, collected and cool - a trait her mother shared with her brother. She hated the way words slipped from his mouth with purpose elegance.

"Anneliese."

Nothing churned her stomach more than her name coming from his lips, the way he turned her name into a derogative compliment. Even with her fears trapping her within her own body, Anneliese slowly raised her eyes to meet his, the same beady black as her own. His hair, the same dark chocolate brown and Anneliese knew the similarities didn't end there. Schmidt blood was always strong.

"Uncle," she whispered back.

No one words were interchanged between the two as her uncle, her extended family and her parents all left the room. Anneliese trailing behind, in fear that some of them would question her, label her as a weak link. There was no greater dread than knowing time was limited, power was everything and a bullet was just a bullet.

Seated between her parents, Anneliese remained quiet as conversations begun at the dinner table. The same one as always, the desire to restore Germany's former beauty and radiance. The murder of children, the sabotage of men and the attacks to women. For the first time, Anneliese knew better days were long away, and whoever she prayed too... had failed her.

A few new guests sat at her table, Anneliese didn't particularly know who they were but if she was anything like her parents - she knew these guests were invited for business. After all, every table a Schmidt sat at was a transaction.

As the conversation begun to slow down and her other uncles and aunts decided to leave, Anneliese and her family remained. At a young age, Anneliese easily identified that her mother was her uncle's favourite sibling, he was obsessive over her. She was always right to him, always where he can see her - a perfect doll for him to play with.

"I think it's time for Anneliese to be introduced to the family business," her uncle said, sipping at his wine glass.

Wide eyed, Anneliese instantly turned to face her mother who remained impassive to what he had said, "What do you mean Johann?"

She tried telling herself that her mother had only asked to buy time, to think of an excuse. There was no way her mother would make her join whatever sick joke her uncle was planning. She had heard the stories from her cousins at family gala's and all of it made her tremble in fright.

Watching her uncle place his glass down, his smile widening, "Germany is about to become something great-", his hand gesturing at a maid, a signal she didn't know- "But to achieve this, weakness needs to be eliminated. You must understand this, Erna, Anneliese needs to be able to fight for our future."

Slowly, the table was cleared and she couldn't stand the stares from her uncle or his guests, all out of frightening curiosity.

"Why would a woman ever have to fight", her mother questioned. Her head was turned away from her, invisible to Anneliese's pleading eyes. "Surely a suitable marriage is more advantageous than another soldier."

There was defiance in her words. Anneliese knew darkness was sinking into the room quicker than anything, and with a maid re-entering the room... and her eyes instantly caught onto what the maid had brought in. A small carrier.

With her kitten inside.

With her mind racing, her uncle begun speaking again, "Of course she wouldn't be a soldier," her uncle's tone light with humour, "A dainty little thing could never wield a knife against the enemy. This is the issue, we cannot have a weak link and you've sheltered Anneliese far too much. It's time for her to show what she will do to protect her family, and protect the future Adolf has planned."

Her eyes remained on her kitten, her Jenna. Anneliese knew her ears were growing red every second, her heart threatening to jump out of her throat. With her father's hand grabbing onto her shivering fingers under the table, she started to study her kitten. Planning to memorise her before anything was to happen. She was so young, too young. Her tricoloured coat, her pink moist and a scratch in the middle noise, and the purple paint stain on her left back paw; Anneliese would engrain her to memory.

Anneliese begun praying: to understand why her kitten, who was meant to be asleep on her bed, was on her uncles blood stained table, why her kitten meowed in fear and why her poor, poor Jenna was locked inside a cage too small.

A knife was placed in front of Anneliese and a gun to her father's head.

"Caring makes us weak; loving makes us vulnerable," her uncle's voice growing malicious with every words, and Anneliese knew what was to come. "Tonight, Anneliese will have two choices. Protect the one she loves or complete her duty to her family, both will not be leaving my dinning room tonight."

Her father's hands clenched around hers tightly, just as Anneliese's heart started to do summersaults in the pit of her stomach, tears already crawling down her cheeks and breathing became difficult. Each breath more laboured than before, as the maid picked up her kitten and forced it into Anneliese's hand.

Their was a kind innocence to her kitten. She was a playful little thing, and she was her first friend, her first love and the first person she went to when everything was difficult. Her parents were barely home after she turned seven, and so, they gifted her a kitten with a smaller head to body ratio and eyes larger than life. Jenna was her lifeline.

Her coat was shiny and smooth, calming Anneliese instantly as she ran her fingers through her fur and Jenna nestled her head into the crook of her armpit. Jenna was completely unaware of the choice Anneliese had to make, the punishing fate she would have to deliver. Suddenly, breathing wasn't difficult, it was nearly impossible.

Keeping her eyes on her kitten, her poor, poor baby, she wanted to study the way her black fur was night incarnation, how her white belly of fur was a beacon in a room sinking in darkness, and the innocence of her ginger spots. This was innocence, and this was Anneliese's childhood.

"She will be given five minutes to complete the job, if not, Josef dies. She will be branded a traitor and disowned from our family; no support will be provided; she'll be made an example of in public."

Anneliese didn't want to do it, and for the first time. She begged.

"Please- please-", Anneliese begged, her eyes glassy as she made eye contact with her uncle, "I'll do anything but this, please- she's not even six-"

Her breathing became more rapid as she turned to her mother, her face growing paler by the second.

With her uncles grin already wide, Anneliese didn't believe it could get any wider. She was wrong. "Anything?"

This was a deal with the devil.

"Anything."

Her kitten was snatched from her instantly and Anneliese begun screaming, trying to jump out of her seat as her uncle held her kitten by the back of the neck. She could hear her Jenna hiss and attempt to scratch him, and she could do nothing. Her mother had swiftly forced her into her lap, restraining her so she wouldn't have to do anything stupid.

Strangled yelps left her throat as her mother whispered in her ear that everything will be okay, that she needed to stop crying. It was impossible when she was staring into her kitten's lemon-green eyes, panicked and confused why Anneliese was allowing this man to be so rough with her. It broke Anneliese, possibly shattering her heart.

It did.

"Had you killed the blasted thing-", his voice dripping in malice. He picked up a dinner table knife and moved it towards her kitten- "You could've turned away and not watch, spared it a long death. But now?"

With numerous maids moving her Jenna, restraining her kitten to the table, Anneliese became distinctly aware of another gun pointing at her mother's head, "If you do not watch every second as I carved out each organ from her, your parents will follow suit. And if you can't stomach that yourself, I'll throw you to the men Adolf has rallied."

"They would love a pretty little thing like you," Adolf said proudly.

As the first knife entered her kitten, she could hear the wailing and Anneliese was screaming, clawing at her mother to let her go. Begging to stop hurting her kitten, to leave her be. And the entire time, the maids made sure her Jenna was facing her - and she was facing her back. She could see small tears prickling at her eyes, the fear and hope in her eyes change to disgust.

She was breaking. She was falling. She was breaking.

They were torturing her, forcing her to watch as her Jenna was made into the amusement for her uncle's sick friends. This wasn't luxury.

This was danger.

Anneliese couldn't so much understand what her kitten was trying to say, but the pained noises coming from her seemed to beg a quick death - not a long one. So, after minutes of slow torture and Anneliese's screams flooding the room, she managed to free herself from her mother. Crawling onto the table and her hand grabbing the knife before her mother could pull her off.

This was darkness sinking; night's incarnation.

Without thought. Without rationality. Only emotion.

Anneliese plunged the large sharp chopping knife against her kittens neck, crying profoundly as she whispered simple nothings, and countless apologies.

"I'm so sorry."

"Forgive me Jenna"

"I love you so much."

"My poor, poor baby."

And the knife swiftly cut through her neck, and Anneliese exploded-

- screaming and crying as she cradled her kitten. Neither one of her parents moving an inch as the guns were still pointed at her heads, she was alone, in the middle of the table with her kitten in her arms. Her head barely attached.

She felt no final heartbeat or heard her final breath. All of it was covered by the cackling and hooting of her uncle's friends. Anneliese begun shaking her head quickly, crying quieter as her voice started to falter, to fail. She killed her. She murdered her best friends.

She killed her.

And then the on-slaughter begun; her heart teared to shred. The screams of forgiveness fought against the conversation resuming at the dinner table, and that was when she saw Howard.

His eyes filled with worry, and his cheeks red as he whispered to her, "Anneliese?" There was no Howard Stark was in Germany.

Opening her mouth to say something, nothing left it. Panic filling her eyes, as Howard slowly became clearer, standing behind her father - invisible to the strained room. And it all resumed as her uncle instructed the maid's to take her kitten from her, screams of agony finally breaking through her dry throat.

"She's mine! You can't have her!"

Her body was aching as she held tighter to her kitten, tugging at her fur for any comfort it could bring. None. As her kitten was forcefully removed from her arms, she found herself slump on the table, impassive to her uncle walking around the table to her. As she gasped to breathe, she didn't even have the strength to shudder as he ran a hand through her hair and whispered, "A cold blood killer, a perfect little doll."

Awaking, Anneliese started scrambling around as her blurry eyes panicked at the unfamiliar room. She was screaming again, barely. But screams nevertheless. And a looming body was right next to her, and she felt like a child again, and maybe she was a child.

"It's just a nightmare, you're safe,"

No she wasn't. Anneliese wasn't safe. If she wasn't safe with her parents, then when will she be safe?

"Take some deep breaths for me, focus on your breathing."

She stole her kittens future, killed her in cold blood. Tears continued to run down her cheek as howls of cries left her chest, clenching down hard on her heart.

"I need you to relax and calm down for me, can you do that?"

Never would she be innocent again, and the murders did not stop after her Jenna. Blood was on her hands and the darkness was already sinking in. Anneliese was night's incarnation; death's representative.

"Focus on my voice."

She didn't want to do anything, to breath, to live and to feel. She wanted to simply be. This heartache was too much, she missed her too much and she was too, too guilty. She hated herself and she wasn't sure if living was worth it. Maybe her parents would hate to burry their daughter at only thirteen, but at thirteen years old... Anneliese lost it all.

"It's just me sweetheart, I'm here with you. It's Howard."

Slowly, she felt fingers carding through her hair, stroking her softly as she silently cried into the chest of the looming body, the distinct smell of expensive cologne shifted her completely. She wasn't in Germany.

She was in her own room.

Her cries muffled by Howard's chest as he soothed her with soft promises of better days and stroking down her spine until Anneliese's heart beat begun to calm down - no longer beating too fast.

Sniffling, Anneliese slowly pulled away from Howard, a sad smile appearing on her lips.

"You're safe", Howard repeated as he held onto her shoulder, "Whatever terror consumed you before isn't here, nor will it ever. You are safe."

Choked sobs slipped past her lips, "I miss her so much."

"I know you do," Howard replied, and Anneliese knew he believed she was crying over her mother.

She missed her poor, poor Jenna.

Left alone in her room, Anneliese silently cried to herself. It had been years since she cried over her time in Germany, she had long accepted the terrors that plagued her nightly. Yet, for some reason. She had decided to remind her of that fateful day, the very second after she stopped believing in a higher-being. As what noble being would let an innocent kitten be tortured like that?

Her shoulders begun shaking as she sat on the edge of her bed, and her hands covering her eyes. Cheeks wet. She didn't even have a photo of her kitten, and all she had was her memory. Did she even have lemon-green eyes? Did she really have a purple paint stain on her left back paw? Anneliese couldn't handle it.

Howard had reentered the room, Anneliese knew this as the smell of warm tea he made flooded the room. She couldn't see what he was doing per se but that wasn't important. To Anneliese, nothing was more important than knowing how her weakness were treated by Johann. A normal uncle wouldn't have committed such cruelty, but Johann wasn't like the others.

Some say he was cunning and despicable. Anneliese believed he was darkness sinking; night's incarnation.

Removing her hands from her face, Howard was crouched on the floor and was staring up at her, shock evident in his eyes as he quietly said her name. At this, Anneliese broke. Knowing the fate her kitten faced as her first weakness, she didn't want to think what would happen to Howard - the suffering he would endure if Hydra ever touched him. Howard took her hands before she could cover her face again, kissing her knuckles and palms. She couldn't stand to look at him, couldn't stand to feel such love.

He had just made himself a lifeline, the first since her Jenna. Her eyes remained on her lap as more silent tears flooded down her cheek.

She felt Howard reach to hold her face, pressing soft kisses on her cheeks, his lips murmuring "It's okay" and "You're alright" and "I'm here" in between. Slowly she felt Howard's presence shift as he stood up and leaned over her, pressing his lips to her temple.

"My poor, poor sweetheart", he whispered.

A shift in the atmosphere, and Anneliese nearly cried, "Howard?", she struggled to say, dancing the line between hysterical and a teary mess.

He lowered himself, his brown eyes slightly more golden. There was something golden about him, she was certain.

"Yes?"

"Kiss me."

My poor, poor baby.
Taken too young.

[13/11/15 - 22/10/21]