Chemical Poison

They stood quietly together in the kitchen. Anneliese feeble as she leaned onto Howard for support. It was exhausting to live, more so with grief. She didn't speak. Listening to the humming from Howard as he slowly stirred the pot he was cooking with, Anneliese wasn't sure what he was cooking or that he could even cook. But the smell was nice.

It was like breathing in the smell of a home. Delicate spices and the fight between cologne and perfume. Anneliese's body remained attached to Howard, far too scared to be left alone and too frighten to not be in arms reach. She could feel his hands on her waist, ensuring if she was to collapse...she would be caught.

She didn't deserve this-

-and yet she had it.

Trying her best not to cry, Anneliese opted for a solution. The best solution.

"Tell me about your childhood."

His stirring stopped as she watched him contemplate the question before he resumed. His voice was soft and comforting as he replied, "I'll tell you everything you want over dinner. You need some food."

She could deal with his demands and she relished in his touch, to feel dependent on him. Knowing when the sun rises the next day that she would pretend it all didn't happen, as she wouldn't let herself be so foolish and make another weakness.

She couldn't be weak.

Much to her distaste, Howard walked her slowly to the dinning table and sat her down on a chair before he begun to fill their glasses with wine Anneliese knew she didn't own. And a bowl of some sort of rice appeared in front of her, she had no clue what is was.

Howard took the seat next to her, not in front of her. "This is Risotto Alla Milanese, my mother used to make it all the time."

Taking a spoonful, Anneliese relished in the creaminess of the food. Wondering what had taken her so long to try it. Glancing back at Howard, who was taking a sip from his wine, she could get used to this if Johann wasn't a threat. Perhaps keep it.

Impossible, of course.

"I lived on the lower east side. My father sold fruits and my mother sewed shirtwaists for a living, it was a humble upbringing but no less a poverty stricken one."

Sipping from her own wine, she watched Howard curiously as he stared down at his food.

"Unfortunately, I'm no longer in contact with my parents as they weren't completely on board with the persona I originally used to build my brand. I'm not sure if they are still alive or not, but we left on good terms - them knowing if they ever need any money that I will support them no matter what."

Placing her spoon down, already eaten a fair share. Anneliese spoke, "Siblings?"

This, Howard laughed at. "Mother believes my father had a bastard-born before me called Edward, but there was no evidence of this. So, no."

Nodding her head, Anneliese stared down at the table.

"You don't have to tell me exactly what happened, but I'm here for you," he said softly, his fingers reaching to brush away the hair that had fallen on her face, "Fake or not, I love you endlessly. If you want me or not, I am always here."

With her head in Howard's lap, Anneliese quietly listened to Howard's plans for tomorrows expo opening day. Explaining that whilst she slept, he had organised with Mr Jarvis to inform the press and company that there has been a set back and the opening day will begin whenever the hazards have been rectified. He had also demanded for Alexander to return instantly to instruct and supervise it all. Anneliese giggled at this.

"You think thats funny, yeah?", he softly cooed as he brushed his fingers in her hair, "Getting Alexander to play with contractors?"

Nodding in his lap, she could feel the low vibrations of Howard's laugh.

He continued speaking. This time on his plans for Christmas, saying he wanted to travel up north for it. That sounded nice, Anneliese thought. Maybe she would do the same if the war ended before the end of 1943.

Sleep came easy to her, and maybe it was Howard's embrace that made it all the easier.

Waking up, she realised she had fallen asleep on Howard's lap. He hadn't moved an inch and he was already staring down at her, kindly, comforting and in a way he shouldn't. It was dangerous. And yet, Anneliese couldn't seem to care. Whilst she was in America, she was safe, and maybe a weakness wasn't such a bad thing if it came in the form of Howard.

Rolling her head to face him back, she smiled.

"Why do you always smile as if you're about to cry?", he asked softly.

A grin rested on her lips, the first in the past few hours. "Good morning to you too."

She slowly prompt herself up and before she knew it, she was in Howard's lap. Taken by surprised, she didn't have a second to protest before he begun to massage her shoulders, cutting through the knots in her back. A small moan left her lips.

That was embarrassing.

Howard's fingers dup deeply and Anneliese couldn't help arch her back, wanting more, deeper. Slowly, both of his hands moved to her neck, slowly rubbing circles into her skin before he made it do her head. She could feel his nails as he scratched it. No longer was she caring about the whimpering noises she was making, this was too nice.

"Enjoying yourself, sweetheart?"

At the sudden lost of Howard's contact with her skin, she sighed loudly causing a soft chuckle to spill from his lips. She could get used to this, if she allowed herself.

Whilst in the bathroom, Howard had decided he would supervise her. He claimed that it was his duty to ensure she didn't do anything stupid, and that was how Anneliese found herself awkwardly washing herself with Howard in the room. Howard's back faced her as he read the paper, speaking when he read something interesting. She had no clue how green had gotten the paper, only if he had collected it from her porch and flashed the entire neighbourhood with his winning smile. But none of that mattered, he could hear the water droplets run over her nude body, his eyes only a mere glance away to seeing her so exposed.

This was the pinnacle of impropriety.

Turning the shower off, Anneliese quickly realised that the towers were next to Howard.

"Could I have a towel?", Anneliese asked softly, boarding silence.

Without changing his stance in the slightest, the paper still clutched in his left hand, he passed her a towel with his free hand. She hastily grabbed it to cover her body, letting her wet hair to drip down her back. Sighing, Anneliese tapped on Howard's shoulder to let him know that she was done.

What surprised her was Howard did not turn around, he directed her up the stairs and took a seat at her desk. Allowing Anneliese privacy in her own room.

It was a strange act, one that Anneliese may have never allowed in the past. But this? It was nice.

"Do you want the day off today?"

His question shattered the room as Anneliese froze in front of her wardrobe.

"Where will you be today?"

She could hear the paper be flickered through, "The Expo. I have it on good information that I shouldn't let Alexander completely be in charge. Something about not letting his ego grow too big."

Oh.

Anneliese wasn't completely sure why the thought of Howard leaving caused her mouth to dry up. So, instead of combatting these emotions she pulled all her energy into deciding what to wear.

This did not work. Her mind was puzzling. A day off seemed nice. She could always ask to catch up with Maria again, or even start replying to her Papa's letters. A day off seemed nice, but a day without Howard seemed difficult.

The danger of a lifeline, the fear to be separated in times of exhausting suffering.

She didn't so much enjoyed his comfort, at least that was what Anneliese had been telling herself since day one. It was his aroma that soothed her fears, his laughter that brought a smile to her cheeks and it was hope.

To cling onto during times of trouble, and to briefly acknowledge at any other time. She wasn't sure when or how he became her religion as this was not important in the scheme of things; it was the falling for hope, the romance of faith and the bloom to all things good. It wasn't so much that Anneliese cared for Howard, but she treasured his safety. To believe better days were to come, was to understand that consequences were always inevitable. And if anyone knew that blessings always came after adversity, it was Howard Stark.

Where she lost religion and her lifeline in what felt like a past life, Anneliese found it in Howard.

And maybe this could be translated into love, a simple four letter word.

"Can I turn around?"

Widening her eyes, Anneliese screeched a no as she quickly decided to pull together an outfit. Selecting a fuzzy pair of pink pyjama's, Anneliese slipped on a pair of slippers and started rambling in her small box of hair supplies for her hairbrush. Turning around sharply, she found it on the desk next to Howard. Creeping towards it, Howard spun around quickly, the brush in his hand.

"Looking for this?", he said as he waved around the brush.

Nodding, Anneliese stretched out her hand.

"Come. Sit," he said whilst patting his lap. Anneliese's cheeks flushed at the thought of sitting on his lap, again.

Rested on his knee, Howard slowly begun to play with her hair as he gently brushed through the knots, all the whilst making Anneliese shiver in what could either be untapped excitement or crippling fear. She couldn't help herself from keeping her eyes to her lap, a tell-tale when she was beyond nervous. Fiddling with her thumbs as she felt Howard's fingers delicately glide against her back as he braided her hair.

Howard Stark was braiding her hair.   

Something so intimate.

Closing her eyes, Anneliese started to figure out the puzzles racing in her heart - the same from questions that has been plaguing her since she started this whole fake dating act. Did she feel more than she let off? Of course she did, Anneliese by nature was a loving creature... much like her father. And yet, the years of survival forced her into stone much like her mother.

She could feel his heart rising and falling, causing a smile to appear on her lips. A sense of safety like none other before.

With her parents she was protected.

With Howard she was free.

He was everything Anneliese had hoped she could become. A troubling childhood lurking in the dark but still being able to triumphant against all odds. A dream of a sort, Anneliese wished she could do the same. She was a survivor.

And maybe her uncle won that day in the dinning room. He had created the perfect little doll, a young girl who was willing to through away everything for the safety of her parents. Security came through her duty to her family and nothing else, it was her basis to all things. Anneliese didn't get to have romances and spontaneous nights in Los Vegas like Alexander, she was busy ensuring that the war ended. Her uncle had to be dead before she could breathe.

Yet, Anneliese could hear a smaller voice in her mind that dared her to let go of the safety her father had provided her. To let go of it all. Her father was safe, safer than ever before - surrounded by some of America's best soldiers. Maybe, it was time to find security in someone else.

She took more risks with Howard and she lived a little bit more, it was fun and spontaneous. She felt alive, she felt young and safe. All within his arms. She was addicted on this security. A drug she never wants to stop using. She could do everything she ever wanted... knowing Howard would always be there. That he was harder to kill compared to her uncle.

And maybe Howard wasn't a weakness per se but a strength.

As she would die for her parents... but she would kill for Howard.

It was through this irrationality, Anneliese knew she could be more than a rose in a graveyard.

She could be Anneliese Lorenz again, for the first time since she was thirteen.

Admiring her hair in the bathroom, she could easily see Howard's grin from behind her. His hands rested on her hips, unnerving when he placed his fingers against her pants but now it felt normal, like a second skin. He was proud of himself, and Anneliese couldn't believe what she was seeing. It was a horrid mess.

"What did you do to my hair?", Anneliese asked in horror, her fingers slowly pulling her hair out.

Howard leaned in closer, his head now in the nook of her neck. Not quite the perfect height, reminding Anneliese how much taller he was to her. She didn't dare meet his eyes in the mirror as she continued to ferociously unbraid her hair, it was atrocious. No matter how much effort and care he had put into doing her hair was enough for her to be seen in public with it done so badly. 

She was a woman of class to some degree and a bad hair day was not something she was keen to ever happen.

Glancing down at Howard's watch on his wrist, she quickly became aware that Howard was running late to the Expo. She had overheard him on the telephone to Alexander early that morning that he would be there by eleven in the morning.

"You're going to be late," Anneliese mumbled. Her fingers running through her hair, and for the first time Anneliese didn't want to braid her hair into a bun.

"And I want to spend as much time as possible with you", he mumbled into her ear, "You seem more receptive to-"

"-You invading my personal space?"

She felt his laughter on her skin, radiating a series of explosions in the pits of her stomach.

"I'd say receptive to the idea of letting loose."

Scoffing, Anneliese decided to leave her hair down. Slightly wavy.

In a matter of seconds, Anneliese collected her scattered belongings on the bench next to the sink and placed them inside the cupboard behind the mirror. But she didn't get far enough, Howard had spun her around and now her back was against the sink.

The golden specs in his eyes seemed more illusion than normal from the morning sun peaking through the small window above the toilet. His define cheekbone and his arched eyebrow made her swoon, she hated all of this.

It stated with the press. A mere plan to ensure that Stark Industrials became a household name, and to do that... Howard needed to be tied down. And yet, the two somehow managed to translate it into something so much more. Destructions at their fingers, wars fought through their thoughts and emotions of deliverance. 

To monopolise Howard's brand resulted in this.

And what exactly was that.

He leaned in closer, a grin still on his lips. Almost touching her own lips, her eyes fluttered closed as Howard whispered on her lips, "Get some rest." Cupping her face and pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

A tiny voice in her head screamed:

This wasn't danger.

This is luxury.

Her hands clutched the sink as Howard slowly moved back, waggling his eyebrows at her. "Don't do anything I would do."

She was most definitely bored by the time noon came. Anneliese hadn't experienced a day-off in what felt like forever, and suddenly she couldn't but help thinking. And over thinking. And questioning everything around her.

And nothing stopped her from wondering what had changed her mindset from believing everything was dangerous to luxurious. Maybe she had spent far too much time with Alexander and Howard, or maybe it wasn't the reminders of war and terror she saw every time she kissed her Papa goodnight. Anneliese was trapped in her own mind, unable to escape the very same question she's been stuck on.

Sitting with her feet under her bottom, Anneliese idly knitted together a scarf as she started to sort it all out. Her heart racing as the pieces were placed together. He was her lifeline, her safety and security. He was the one she wanted when she was vulnerable - state she refused to fall into since her first kill. He was the one that caught her foul moods and brighten her days.

When she felt like she was failing, when the past returned to haunt her again, and when her entire existence was question. He was always there. Fighting for her. He didn't have to, and yet he did.

Anneliese wasn't an easy person, never was in her youth and definitely impossible to read as she got older. She was rational, never letting her heart make any decisions - believing that to be weak. And Howard had quite literally shown her that being vulnerable wasn't as bad as her family had played it to be. 

It was the suppression of emotions that begun tearing her heart apart. Years of love and friendship all destroyed because she was never given a chance to be anything by serious and collected. She was the product of her parents, and unfortunately the Lorenz heir was exactly like them.

Each piece fractures, dreams of her childhood hurdling towards her. She always wanted to be a scientist, or maybe just a mother. She wouldn't mind knitting all day - possibly a fashion designer. Another shredded heart; futures seemed easier to read when there was a will to live outside protecting her family. And crumpled in the pits of her stomach was Anneliese Lorenz; forever the picture of sensibility and rationality... but the abstract painting of romance and rash decisions and all that she desired. 

As the pieces fell, they were slowly built back together. Piece by piece. All by Howard Stark.

That was the second she knew what she had been suppressing for what could've been from the second Alexander suggested to fake date... or maybe it could've been the very first second she laid eyes on him. She would never know when or how, but she did know that....

She was in love with the blasted man.