More SHIELD and the Avengers Plan For Their Return
Avengers Chat:
4:40 pm, July 25, 2024:
Skyenet: Fitsimmons, space compounds are on their way to Earth
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: Oh no. What continent is Fitzsimmons on? I need get as far away from there as I can ASAP
FitzSIMMONS: Have you no faith in us, Coulson? No faith at all? We've done many successful scientific missions under your control
Mayday has added Daniel Sousa to the group chat
Mayday: Sousa, control your girlfriend
Skyenet has added Kora to the group chat
Skyenet: It's about time we added the rest of the Astro Ambassadors to this anyway
Daniel Sousa: What's going on?
Mayday: That's a long story
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: Long story short, Daisy decided to hack the Avengers group chat on a whim. She succeeded, added us, and we did some trolling of the Avengers. We're still trolling the Avengers with allies now... like ex-Director Fury
Mayday: ex-Director Fury? Really, Coulson?
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: Sorry, my hand slipped. ex-Director Fury is a perfectly accurate description, anyway. Continuing with the tale, Daisy recently got drunk, blocked all of the Avengers and their associates from their own group chat, and then refused to undo it. Apparently they're supposed to figure out how to add themselves back on
Skyenet: It's a perfectly legitimate challenge! Stark's supposedly a tech genius!
Mayday: In short, we want to stop this chaos
Daniel Sousa: Who, exactly, is a member of these... Avengers?
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: Tony Stark - Howard's son, if you were wondering - and a former Russian spy (Black Widow program) named Natasha Romanoff and also a high quality archer named Clint Barton and also Captain America plus a few others, like the reality-warping witch and the dude who turns into a giant green rage monster. Also, the Norse god
Daniel Sousa: Norse god?
Mayday: Did we seriously forget to tell Sousa about the Asgardians?
FitzSIMMONS has changed Daniel Sousa's display name to Man Out Of Time
Skyenet has changed Man Out Of Time's display name to The Best Man Out Of Time
FitzSIMMONS: Fine. Thanks for the space rocks. Fitz and I will be conducting our experiments in Britain
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: Drat. I'm in Spain. I suppose I'll be joining May at the Academy
Mayday: You're always welcome at the academy that we literally named after you
Doctor Strange: Hey! I exist in this chat too. And who are these people?
Skyenet: Our friends. Anyway, this is the incompetent wizard - the only Avenger/Avenger-related person not blocked
Kora: Isn't calling him incompetent kind of mean?
The Best Man Out Of Time: I'm sure Daisy has her reasons
Skyenet: Thank you, Sousa. I do. See, he can't even do his job correctly, which has forced us to deal with really annoying supernatural phenomena in the past
Kora: Define supernatural phenomena
Skyenet: Have you read the works of Lovecraft?
Kora: Yes...
Skyenet: We had to deal with this book that was basically the Necronomicon but in real life
Kora: Yikes
Mayday: I have decided, out of the kindness of my heart and also because I really don't want my pseudo-adoptive daughter dating an ignorant man, that I will educate Sousa about the Asgardians. So, the Asgardians are aliens that visited - and fought wars with other races on - Earth. Primitive Norse worshipped them as gods. Their divinity is in doubt. Any questions?
The Best Man Out Of Time: Yes. What has the universe come to?
Skyenet: My love, it is a universe of madness that we're exploring
Mayday: Pretty much, yeah
The Original Avengers Chat:
5:10 pm, July 25, 2024:
Tony Stank: Okay, this has gone on long enough. I have, out of the kindness of my heart, decided that we must take back control of the regular Avengers Chat!
Capsicle: How?
Popsicle: Air strike on their base? Find Skyenet and use force to make her add us back?
Hulk: Beg?
Asgardian: Never. Brave friends, I shall master the art of the PMs in order to negotiate the renewal of our membership in the Avengers Chat!
Nat: Is negotiate a fancy term for "beat up"?
Asgardian: Only if they are uncooperative
Hulk: Will that even work? They are SHIELD Agents...
Nat: *draws knife* Are you suggesting that SHIELD Agents can defeat the glorious Avengers, Bruce? When did you lose your faith in us?
Hulk: Since you split up over a piece of paper
Capsicle: It was a very important and oppressive piece of paper! It needed to be defeated or changed!
Tony Stank: I might have handled that better... also, Bucky, what is wrong with you?
Popsicle: Nothing! I was just being realistic
Nat: Also, Stark, do your Starkphones even have PMs?
Tony Stank: Of course, Nat, and I find your lack of faith in me disturbing!
Nat: Well, you have often been hacked
Tony Stank: Yeah, by a SHIELD Agent who was recruited for her hacking
Nat: Still a mark of shame upon you
The General Avengers Chat:
10 am, July 26, 2024:
Nat: So, Tony, how is your coup in the regular Avengers Chat going?
Tony Stank: It has not yet been started, but I'm making progress. I promise. Also, why did you post this in the general chat?
Nat: A greater audience for when you are inevitably humiliated
Tony Stank: Do you have any faith in me at all?
Capsicle: In a hackoff against Skyenet? Tony, none of us do
Witch: Yes. Stark shall gloriously fail and be humbled. It will be just like the stories
Black Widow #2: What's her deal?
Nat: Tony's company's bombs killed her parents and she's very annoyed at him. She's also pissed about the events that occurred in the lead up to the Accords - namely, Stark putting her under house arrest
Popsicle: Sam, do you wish to play Mario Kart?
Bird #2: I am above the need to play mere video games
Popsicle: What games will you play, then, love?
Tony Stank: Ew, domesticity
Popsicle has added Pepperoni to the group chat
Tony Stank: You know I don't view you that way, Pepper. It was just a joke
Pepperoni: You still have work to do
Pepperoni has left the chat
Tony Stank: I suppose that I have to leave for work, then...
Tony Stank has left the chat
Asgardian has added Tony Stank to the chat
Asgardian: No leaving!
Nat: We're forgetting some people
Asgardian has added Doctor Strange
Tony Stank: Hey, Strange, do you know anything about the block?
Doctor Strange: I was left unblocked to "contemplate my sins". Quake apparently got drunk on alien drinks with alcohol and blocked all of you
Capsicle: Then why haven't we been added back?
Doctor Strange: To challenge Stark to hack back in
Capsicle: Get on it, then, Tony.