In Which the Avengers Are Confused
Avengers Chat:
1 pm, July 25, 2024:
Badass Former Agent Lady: Anybody else think they deserve cool nicknames
Former Director: Really, Hill? You're not supposed to encourage the Avengers!
Badass Former Agent Lady: Don't even pretend that you're not still planning to troll the Avengers
Skyenet: Yes, we are. They deserve it
Former Director: I never said that they didn't
Badass Former Agent Lady: Is the Avengers Chat really the best place to do this? They could hear us and get suspicious
Mayday: Natasha and Clint might be a problem, but anybody else? Please. You're giving them too much credit
Capsicle: What's that supposed to mean?
Tony Stank: Yes, what on Earth is that supposed to mean? We aren't oblivious at all!
Nat: You proposed to Pepper yet?
Tony Stank: Actually, yes. Granted, it was a spur of the moment decision
Mayday: You did? Really? That took shorter than I expected
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: Ha! May, you owe me fifty bucks!
Former Director: Fifty? I thought May had more common sense than that
Skyenet: So did I, honestly
Mayday: What is this, pick on May day?
Skyenet: Nah, it's gloat to the Avengers day
Fitz: Seriously, Daisy?
Simmons: That actually sounds somewhat interesting
Simmons: You've corrupted me into your bad-girl shenanigans
Former Director: At least it's not hacking SHIELD again
Skyenet: Simmons couldn't lie at all. I'm still somewhat shocked she managed to infiltrate HYDRA
Badass Former Agent Lady: She did what? Fury...
Former Director: Why do you think this was my idea? I haven't run SHIELD at all in years. Also, really, Coulson?
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: It worked, didn't it?
Mayday: Kind of surprised Coulson's old fanboy crush hasn't commented on this yet...
Badass Former Agent Lady: That's a good point. The Avengers have been shockingly quiet
Skyenet: FRIDAY? I know that you're in this group chat. Why haven't the Avengers said anything in a while
The Original Avengers Chat:
1:12 pm, July 25, 2024:
Tony Stank has created a new group chat
Tony Stank has added Nat to the chat
Tony Stank: You're first because you're going to kill me if you even so much as think I might be excluding you in any way whatsoever
Tony Stank: Who should I add next?
Nat: Are you trying to keep it to the original six? Or do you want to include them, Sam, Bucky, Rhodey, Carol, your kid, and Wanda?
Tony Stank: Let's go with just the original six for this chat. We can have another chat for everybody else
Nat: Steve might be annoyed if he's last
Tony Stank has made Nat an admin
Nat has added Capsicle
Tony Stank: What just happened?
Tony Stank has revoked Nat's role as an admin
Nat: that is such a convoluted phrase
Tony Stank: What should it be instead?
Nat: Anything less convoluted!
Tony Stank has added Bird #1
Tony Stank has added Asgardian
Nat: Do we have to include Thor? He's not at the tower. Can't we wait until he gets there?
Tony Stank: We could, but I don't feel like it
Tony Stank: Who else was part of the original team?
Nat: Bruce, you idiot. Your so-called "science bro"
Tony Stank has added Bruce Banner
Nat has changed Bruce Banner's display name to Hulk
Hulk: Have you had a group chat for a while and just never told you?
Nat: Most of us probably forgot
Tony Stank: You're with the Asgardians, right?
Hulk: Yep
The General Avengers Chat:
1:17 pm, July 25, 2024:
Tony Stank has created a group chat
Tony Stank has added Nat to the group chat
Tony Stank has added Capsicle to the group chat
Capsicle: What's the difference between this chat, the regular Avengers Chat, and the Original Avengers Chat?
Nat: The Avengers Chat has been thoroughly hacked, the Original Avengers Chat is for only the original six, and this chat is for all the Avengers and probably also your girlfriend
Tony Stank: Why should I add Sharon?
Nat: Because I feel like it and also because she might have blackmail on Steve
Capsicle: Natasha!
Tony Stank: This is why I still somewhat like you, Miss Black Widow
Tony Stank has added Hulk to the group chat
Tony Stank has added Bird #1 to the group chat
Tony Stank has added Bird #2 to the group chat
Tony Stank has added Asgardian to the group chat
Tony Stank has made Asgardian an admin
Tony Stank: That actually was intentional. He's a literal god, so he deserves it
Capsicle: I still dispute the divinity of the Asgardians
Tony Stank has added War Machine to the group chat
War Machine: Oh, good lord
Tony Stank: Honeybear!
War Machine: So the Accords reconciliation is going well, then
Tony Stank has added Sharon Carter to the group chat
Nat: Do you have any interesting facts about our dear Captain who used to be an icicle, Sharon?
War Machine: Captain who used to be an icicle? Really?
Tony Stank: Okay, let's get back on topic
Tony Stank: Is anybody else not able to access the regular Avengers Chat?
Nat: Wait, you didn't just kick everybody out because you were bored or angry?
Tony Stank: No. Where did you get this idea?
Nat: I figure it sounds like you. Anyway, yeah, I can't access the Avengers Chat either
War Machine: I haven't tried and don't want to
Nat: Is Rhodey even in that chat?
Tony Stank: Don't know
Tony Stank: I forgot someone
Tony Stank has added Spidey to the group chat
Capsicle: I can't access it right now, either
Tony Stank has added Popsicle to the group chat
Nat: To the new people, can you also not access the Avengers Chat?
Popsicle: No access
Bird #2: I can't access it either
Bird #1: Neither can I
Nat: Okay, so does anybody know why?
Avengers Chat:
1:10 pm, July 25, 2024:
FRIDAY: You hacked Stark and blocked the Avengers
Skyenet: I did what?
Mayday: You were probably drunk
Skyenet: I knew that trying weird alien beer was a bad idea
Simmons: Really, Daisy? Trying weird alien beer's a bad idea? OF COURSE IT IS
Fitz: Seriously, I've never had an idea that bad
Simmons: Um... really, love?
Fitz: AIDA was a decent idea in theory
Simmons: The Framework sucked
Fitz: It was also a good idea in theory
Simmons: How?
Fitz: Everything only went wrong because of the Darkhold. Speaking of which, are there people who manage stuff like that?
Skyenet: There should be, honestly. However, they were incompetent
Doctor Strange: Hey!