The Day's End
Avengers Chat:
8:00 pm, July 24, 2024:
Skyenet: Well, I'm off to get back to exploring.
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: Night, Daisy.
Mayday: Actually, I need to sleep. I need to teach tomorrow
Nat: Melinda May got a teaching job?
Bird #1: Really? I don't believe that
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: We're being honest!
Mayday: I am not sleeping any time soon
Capsicle: Let the lady sleep
Tony Stank: I imagine it's fine. It's only 8 pm.
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore has changed Pepper's name to Pepperoni
Pepperoni: Really... who are you, actually?
Black Widow #2: Scroll up
Pepperoni: Can't. My amazing husband decided to design a texting system where people can only read the messages posted after they joined...
Tony Stank: That's how all messaging apps work, Pep
Pepperoni: Except Apple
Tony Stank: Which they designed after I designed this
Pepperoni: Then update it
Black Widow #2: That was one of the weirdest conversations I've ever heard
Nat: It's Tony and someone else. He always has weird conversations
Tony Stank: Hey!
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: Don't know why you're so offended at the truth, Stark
Tony Stank: Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore is Coulson
Pepperoni: Phil's alive and didn't tell me?
Tony Stank: And Fury knew
Mayday: It was Fury's idea
Former Director: Et tu, May?
Bird #1: As your former agent, I feel obligated to report Nat's mumblings of "Fury, you idiot" to you
Former Director: Why am I an idiot?
Nat: You just admitted to knowing about Coulson being alive - to Pepper Potts
Former Director: Cr*p. F*ck. Sh*t. Seriously, this filter is blocking my glorious profanity and panic
Tony Stank: There are kids here
Shuri: I'm used to it
Spidey: It's not like u've never cussed, Mr. Stark
Pepperoni: Nicholas. Joseph. Fury.
Bird #1: Ooo, full named
Nat: Really, Clint? Do you have to act like you're five?
Bird #2: If anything, he's at least ten with that behavior
Popsicle: Agreed
Bird #1: Sambucky!
Bird #2: I was supporting you!
Popsicle: I was just being a good boyfriend
Tony Stank: Do you have to be cute within group chats that I'm a member of?
Nat: Hey, May. I suggest a wager
Mayday: I'm listening
Nat: If Stark acts domestic with Pepper sometime in the next week, you owe me fifty dollars
Mayday: You know Stark better than I do. No deal. I do, however, have a counteroffer
Nat: And that is?
Mayday: If Stark acts domestic with Pepper sometime in the next week, we hold it over his head and remind of that moment whenever he tries to pull the "uncaring and undomestic Stark act" - you know, that thing that no one believes
Nat: Define this "uncaring and undomestic Stark act". That Stark will be called out on his hypocrisy is a given
Mayday: You know, when he says things like "disgusting, affection" or "do you have to be cute"? Stuff like that?
Nat: Should we also pull this with Loki?
Mayday: No. Loki will be our ally in pranking, and he isn't actually in a relationship... at least not yet
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: ...oh no. I'm discovered, and, worse, May is in a shipping mood
Mayday: There are so few... extraordinary couples, don't you think?
Bird #1: Oh no. Coulson's right. I am suddenly feeling very happy that I'm married rn
Black Widow #2: rn?
Spidey: right now
Nat: It's slang, sis
Black Widow #2: Yeah, I got that
Nat: Speaking of which, do you have Dad's reaction to Cap's humiliation?
Black Widow #2: It's been less than a day, so not yet. But I will. I can promise you that
Nat: That sounds either creepy and threatening or overly affectionate out of context
Black Widow #2: I know. Now, why is the SHIELD Agent a teacher? Former SHIELD Agent? The one in the "shipping mood"
Nat: Good question. May?
Bird #1: Very good question. Melinda May was never good with children
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: You sure about that? Daisy would beg to differ, as would most of the team, but, then, she did teach them martial arts
Mayday: Thanks for the defense, Coulson. Anyway, I'm still a SHIELD Agent, I just teach at one of the academies
Bird #1: You have academies, and we didn't know you existed? Seriously, Nat, you're supposed to be on top of these things
Nat: I was kind of busy, in case you didn't notice. What's this academy called?
Mayday: ...Coulson Academy
Nat: Really, Coulson?
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: I didn't name it!
Mayday: It's in memory of flesh-and-blood Coulson
Former Director: Am I the only one worried about Pepper's lack of reaction
Nat: I figure she's just taking her time to rant
Tony Stank: She is. Oh, that's impressive
Pepperoni: COULSON'S ALIVE, AND FURY KNEW, AND NOBODY TOLD ME? SHAME ON ALL OF YOU. AND WHAT DOES "IT WAS FURY'S IDEA" MEAN? WHAT WAS FURY'S IDEA? NOT TELLING ME? F*CK YOU TOO, FURY! AND I THOUGHT WE HAD AT LEAST A CORDIAL RELATIONSHIP. PHIL, YOUR PART I CAN PARTIALLY UNDERSTOOD, GIVEN ORDERS, BUT I'M STILL ANNOYED. AND HAVE YOU KNOWN, NAT AND CLINT AND STEVE AND WANDA AND MY DARLING HUSBAND? WAS I JUST SUPPOSED TO FIND THIS ON MY OWN AND GET OVER IT IMMEDIATELY? SERIOUSLY?
Nat: See?
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: Well, you see... erm, Fury, permission to tell?
Pepperoni: YOU'RE STILL ASKING FURY FOR PERMISSION???????
Black Widow #2: Does she just have caps lock on permanently?
Tony Stank: Nope. She is legitimately pissed enough about this that she is manually turning it on and keeping it on as long as she can - and turning it back on. She's dedicated
Mayday: Does that count as a domestic moment?
Nat: Maybe
Android That Used To Be Human But Isn't Anymore: Well, you see, Fury used alien blood to bring me back to life. It also causes hallucinations
Former Director: Coulson!
Pepperoni: Maybe I should come and yell at you in person... Fury
Former Director: Ah, crud
Pepperoni: But I'm tired. All phones off in the tower, everyone!
Tony Stank: Okay, Mom