In which the Avengers Still Know Nothing
People Who Have Died At Least Twice:
8:00 am, July 28, 2024:
Skyenet: How should I troll the Avengers today?
Mayday: You could just not troll them?
Skyenet: I know that you enjoy seeing the Avengers get trolled. I know this for a fact. So why are you trying to convince me not to troll them?
Coulson: She clearly wants to do all the trolling herself
Skyenet: But then who will ensure that she doesn't get kicked out?
Coulson: Maybe she didn't consider that
Mayday: You may have a point. Keep them guessing at your identity
Skyenet: Like, give them hints?
Mayday: Yes
Coulson: Isn't that really dangerous to your identity?
Skyenet: Not recent hints
Mayday: If she only mentions stuff from before the fall of SHIELD, they won't be able to figure anything out
Skyenet: Exactly
Coulson: ...this actually sounds really interesting. Why can't I participate again?
Mayday: The Avengers don't know that you're alive?
Coulson: They haven't identified you two yet
Skyenet: Yes, and we have display names. Your display name is your last name
Mayday: And they knew you
Skyenet: Wait... didn't Barton and Romanoff know May?
Mayday: I didn't have a Starkphone before SHIELD fell
Coulson: And they wouldn't expect you to have your display name be a pun
Avengers Chat:
8:05 am, July 28, 2024:
Nat: Is everyone awake yet?
Bird #1: Yes
Bird #2: Why are we supposed to be awake at this early hour?
Capsicle: This isn't that early. I mean, it's past dawn
Witch: Past dawn is still pretty early
Bird #1: It's not that early. Nat and I used to get up for missions before dawn all the time
Ego The Size of Jupiter: Wait, they made you work before dawn? So glad that I didn't work for SHIELD
Skyenet: Past dawn is late
Ego The Size of Jupiter: *Jots that information into my profile on Skyenet*
Skyenet: You have to keep a profile on me because I hacked you, and you have no clue who I am. Wow
Ego The Size of Jupiter: They're laughing, aren't they?
Mayday: Yep
Nat: Are you together right now?
Mayday: No, Widow, and I know better than to spill information to a former superspy
Bird #1: And are you...
Mayday: No, we're not together in any other way either, Agent Barton
Ego The Size of Jupiter: How do you know who Hawkeye is?
Skyenet: If you thought that you were keeping that a secret, you're delusional
Bird #2: Yes. Stark and Barton are delusional
Ego The Size of Jupiter: What did I ever do to you?
Bird #2: You had Vision shoot me when I was trying to help your friend
Ego The Size of Jupiter: Fair. I did apologize, though
Bird #1: Why do you dislike me, then?
Bird #2: I don't. You're just fun to argue with
Nat: Why is Clint still in this chat, by the way?
Bird #1: I'm an Avenger! How dare you betray me like this?
Nat: You retired
Ego The Size of Jupiter: This was part of the deal, actually. All of the original Avengers must work together on the new team
Ego The Size of Jupiter has invited Vision
Ego The Size of Jupiter: Thanks for reminding me that Vision existed, Wilson
Capsicle: Did you seriously forget that Vision existed, Stark? He's your son.
Ego The Size of Jupiter: What? How on Earth did you reason that?
Skyenet: You chucked an Infinity Stone into a body that had your AI uploaded into it and it got hit with Thor's lightning
Mayday: Skye!
Skyenet: What? That's what happened. Stark has terrible security. And Vision is Thor and Stark's lovechild
Vision: I am unsure as to how I should feel about this declaration
Nat: Everybody. Stop enabling the hacker who got into our systems
People Who Have Died At Least Twice:
8:20 am, July 28, 2024:
Skyenet: Fine. Coulson can participate
Mayday: He'll give away our identities!
Skyenet: You addressed me by name in the Avengers group chat
Mayday: Yeah, I called you by your old name that you wiped out of existence
Coulson: What changed your mind, Daisy?
Skyenet: The Avengers's reactions when they find out that you're alive over text will be priceless
Mayday: That doesn't remove our problem
Skyenet: Not 100% sure that that problem exists, but I have a solution
Skyenet has changed Coulson's display name to Android Who Used To Be A Human But Isn't Anymore
Android Who Used To Be A Human But Isn't Anymore: Isn't this a bit long?
Mayday: It is a tad long
Skyenet: Stark's is Ego The Size of Jupiter
Avengers Chat:
8:30 am, July 28, 2024:
Big Green Thing: What's going on at the compound?
Nat: Who wants to fill Bruce in?
Skyenet has invited Android Who Used To Be A Human But Isn't Anymore
Ego The Size of Jupiter: Who is Android Who Used To Be A Human But Isn't Anymore?
Bird #2: I have no clue
Mayday: I refuse to divulge that information
Nat: Ignore Skyenet and the people she added. Bruce, we're doing training day
Asgardian: OH, I LIKE TRAINING DAY
Big Green Thing: I don't. But we won't be on Earth for this one
Asgardian: SAD
Asgardian: CAN WE INVITE ANYONE TO THIS CHAT?
Ego The Size of Jupiter: Hypothetically, but you should check with me first. Also, please stop speaking in all caps.
To Be Continued