Who Is Skyenet?
People Who Have Been Killed At Least Twice:
10:00 am, July 27, 2024:
Skyenet: Do either of you have any ideas for trolling the Avengers? That was fun, so I want to do it again.
Mayday: Yeah, no. That is far too childish.
Coulson: First of all, May, you were fine with it earlier.
Mayday: Daisy pulled me into it! I wasn't given a choice.
Skyenet: But do you regret it? Do you wish to be removed from the group chat?
Mayday: ...no. You're a bad influence.
Skyenet: You know you love me. @Coulson, do you have any advice?
Mayday: Yes, I do. Bet Stark that he won't be the first human to invent time travel
Coulson: But Fitzsimmons already invented time travel
Mayday: Exactly. It would be a blow to Stark's ego
Skyenet: Yeah, except that's classified? Wouldn't that give away our identities?
Mayday: Technically, the only thing it would give away is that we're SHIELD agents.
Coulson: And Barton and Romanoff knew you, Melinda, before SHIELD went underground the first time. Your display name isn't exactly subtle.
Skyenet: I have a better idea.
Avengers Chat:
10:05 am, July 27, 2024:
Nat: Okay, I really want to know who Skyenet and Mayday are. They're a security risk
Bird #1: It's not that bad. We should let them keep doing their thing as long as they continue humiliating Stark
Capsicle: Clint, this is serious.
Bird #1: Party pooper
Iron Man: I'm with Cap. No one is allowed to humiliate me and get away with it.
Skyenet has changed Iron Man's display name to Ego The Size of Jupiter
Bird #1: Hahahahaha
Capsicle: Okay, that is admittedly pretty funny.
Ego The Size of Jupiter: Cap finding something funny? It's the end of the world! The forties must have been filled with people who couldn't understand jokes.
Barnes-sicle: We had humor in the forties. Steve attempted to beat up men three times his size was hilarious. He loved getting into fights.
Nat: So Cap has never had a sense of self-preservation...
Capsicle: Bloody hell. I can take jokes!
Nat: Language
Ego The Size of Jupiter: Language
Thor: Language
Bird #1: Language
Bruce Banner: Language
Bird #2: Language
Wanda Maximoff: Language
Barnes-sicle: Why is everyone criticizing Stevie's language?
Ego The Size of Jupiter: He said "language" when I cussed when we were storming a HYDRA base
Capsicle: Oh let that go already. It's been years! It's almost been a decade! And Wanda wasn't even there!
Barnes-sicle: You're such a hypocrite. You used to swear like a sailor before you got defrosted!
Nat: He did?
Skyenet has changed Barnes-sicle's display name to Popsicle
Skyenet: It was getting on my nerves
Ego The Size of Jupiter has kicked Skyenet
Nat has added Skyenet
Ego The Size of Jupiter: Nat!
Nat: ...I just got hacked, didn't I?
Bird #1: ...ok. Maybe we should figure out who Skyenet is
Skyenet: Your ignorance is hilarious
Skyenet has changed Wanda Maximoff's display name to Witch
Skyenet has changed Bruce Banner's display name to Big Green Thing
Skyenet has changed Thor's display name to Asgardian
Skyenet: Much better
Who Is Skyenet?:
12:09 pm, July 27, 2024:
Ego The Size of Jupiter: Okay, seriously? Who is Skyenet? No one should be able to hack me and get away with it
Nat: They're clearly a security risk. That being said, the reasons are totally unrelated to Tony's ego
Bird #1: Yes. Nobody cares that you got hacked, Stark. The problem is that we trusted your servers!
Bird #2: Why aren't Cap or Barnes on this chat? This sounds like something that they'd be interested in
Nat: True, but they're also total incompetents with modern technology
Bird #2: Isn't Barton? He lives in a house cut off from civilization and fights with a bow
Bird #1: Oh, it's on, Wilson!
Nat has kicked Bird #1
Nat has kicked Bird #2
Nat: Do you have any theories, Stark?
Ego The Size of Jupiter: No. It's annoying me!
People Who Have Been Killed At least Twice:
2:54 pm, July 27, 2024:
Skyenet: Wow. The Avengers made a "secret" group chat for discussing who I am
Mayday: That's actually priceless. Don't give any hints yet
Coulson: Isn't that a little mean, May?
Mayday: Of course it is. That's the point
Skyenet: And she wants us to think that she's a bad person. I wonder what your students at the Coulson Academy would say if they saw this group chat
Mayday: Don't you dare
Skyenet: I wasn't planning on it. I would never betray my SO in such a way
Coulson: I feel like you guys are being a little harsh on the Avengers
Mayday: If nothing else, consider it revenge for them forcing SHIELD to go underground
Who Is Skyenet?:
5:10 pm, July 27, 2024:
Nat: Wait, are we certain that Skyenet doesn't have access to this chat?
Ego The Size of Jupiter: Of course. She would've added herself if she did
Nat: Would she? She can see this just fine if she hacked one of our phones
Ego The Size of Jupiter: Have more faith in Starkphones, Widow
Nat: She's already hacked our Starkphones. I understand that you have a large ego, but you shouldn't let your ego blind you to the truth.
Ego The Size of Jupiter: Hey! And what truth? That I got hacked? I would've noticed if she was in my phone
Ego The Size of Jupiter has added Skyenet
Skyenet: No, you wouldn't
Skyenet has deleted the chat
Avengers Chat:
6:00 pm, July 27, 2024:
Ego The Size of Jupiter: Skyenet is so f***ing annoying
Bird #1: Are you seriously still trying to keep this chat PG-13?
Capsicle: It's probably a bet
Popsicle: Or he's afraid of everyone saying language if he actually cusses, like they did to you?
Bird #1: Why is Skyenet annoying, Tony?
Ego The Size of Jupiter: Nat and I had a chat for trying to figure out who Skyenet is, and then she hacked into it and deleting the f***ing chat. The entire thing!
Nat: Wow, Stark's really going for censuring his texts. I'm surprised
Nat: That being said, this is a serious problem
Skyenet: Haven't you heard that talking about people behind their backs is rude?
Nat: Yes. I just don't care
Bird #1: Where are Bruce and Thor? They're able to access this chat, clearly, but I have no clue where they are
Bird #2: Of course you don't. You've been under house arrest
Bird #1: My house arrest ended years ago, Wilson
Bird #2: Then why didn't you do any Avengering?
Nat: Enough! You can have your bird fight somewhere else
Mayday: *Grabs popcorn*
Skyenet: *Asks Mayday to share the popcorn*
Mayday: *Agrees*
Nat: Wait, what's the popcorn for?
Skyenet: Your utter humiliation in trying to figure out who I am
Ego The Size of Jupiter: Perhaps we should go to sleep and figure out this stuff in the morning
Skyenet: That won't increase your success rate, so do whatever you want
Capsicle: Did... did Tony Stark just suggest sleeping? Is the world ending?
Ego The Size of Jupiter: Yes
Nat: Anybody up for a bet that Stark isn't actually going to sleep right now? He's probably going to tinker
Capsicle: I don't do suckers's bets
Popsicle: I was going to accept, actually, but I trust Stevie's judgement