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Oh, you say I did something bad (You say I did something bad?)

Why's it feel so good, good?

So bad, why's it feel so good?

Why's it feel, why's it feel so good? (Bad)

It just felt so good, good

Maya had been a firefighter for years, and she had always been proud to be part of such a brave and dedicated team. But lately, she couldn't help feeling like she was on her own, like her fellow firefighters and the people she thought of as friends didn't have her back the way she had theirs.

She had been subjected to Beckett's constant criticism, insults and abusive behaviour for several months. She hoped that things would improve on their own, but as time passed, her mental health started suffering. She was anxious all the time and walked on eggshells around Beckett and to add to that her teammates seemed oblivious to whatever was happening or they just didn’t care. She kept her anger towards her co-workers at bay but now it was back and she hated that it still had this effect on her, but she not only lost her captaincy she lost her friends and almost lost her wife.

As she sits in the beanery, sipping on her smoothie, the team walks in chatting and smiling. She feels the anger rise in her chest, the weight of months of anger, frustration and hurt building up inside of her. 

“Are you okay Bishop?” she hears one of them call out.

Maya turns to face them, "Am I okay?” she scoffs. “No I’m not” 

"What are you talking about, Maya?" Vic asks rounding the table, the rest of the team looked at each other, confusion and concern written on their faces

I'm talking about how Beckett has been tormenting me for months, and none of you, have done a damn thing to support me," Maya exclaimes. "I'm talking about how he criticises every move I make, second guesses my decisions, and makes me feel like I'm not good enough. And all of you just stand there, watching it happen, doing nothing to stop it.”

The room falls silent as Maya's words sink in. 

"I can't believe you guys," Maya continues hastily standing up. "I thought we were a team. I thought we had each other's backs. But apparently, that's not true. If you can't stand up for one of your own, then what's the point?" 

The rest of the team look at each other, not knowing what to say.

She takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself down "This has been going on for months. You guys should have noticed something was wrong. You should have stood up for me when I needed you the most. I pushed myself till I almost died and even then not one of you said anything. I know I did things that were unacceptable but I needed help, I wasn’t okay and none of you were there for me”

The team hangs their heads, ashamed. Maya was usually the calm and collected one, but now, they could see the hurt and anger in her eyes. Before any of them had the chance to say anything Maya storms out of the room.

As she sprints out of the firehouse, her heart racing, she hadn’t meant to confront her team this way but she couldn’t keep pretending that everything was okay. She was so lost in her thoughts that she doesn’t even notice Andy walking towards her until she almost runs into her.

"Maya, hey," Andy says, putting a hand on her arm. "What's going on?"

"What do you think is going on?" she snaps. "I just made a fool of myself in front of the whole team!"

Andy raises an eyebrow. "Yeah, you did, I could hear you yelling all the way here. And that wasn't the way to go about it, Maya. You can't just yell at everyone when you're upset."

Maya takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. She knows Andy is right, but she doesn't want to admit it. "I know, I know," she says, her voice shaking. "I just...I can't deal with this right now."

Andy sighs she knows her friend is going through a tough time, but she also knows that running away from her problems wasn't the solution. "Maya, you can't keep running from things," she says. "You have to face them head on."

"I know," Maya mumbles, wiping her eyes. "But not right now, okay? Right now, all I want to do is get to Carina."

Andy nodded. "Okay," she says “I’ll cover for you, just drive safe, yeah?”

Walking towards her car, Maya knew exactly where she needed to go, she needed to see her wife. She started driving straight to the hospital, her wife who was always there for her, someone she could count on to be there for her no matter what. 

Walking into the familiar hallways of the hospital she stops to ask the nurse on duty where she could find her wife. 

“Dr Deluca is in the delivery room, assisting with a birth” the nurse says politely recognizing Maya

She had been so focused on getting to her wife that she hadn't even considered the possibility that she might not be available. "I’ll wait for her in her office " she says, trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

She thanks the nurse and heads towards her wife’s office. Quickly opening the door, she slumps down into a chair, feeling completely drained. Sitting there in silence with her head in her hands lost in thought, she straightens and looks up when she hears the door open.

“Bambina, what are you doing here?” Carina asks, her face filled with concern as she hurriedly walks over to her wife. “Is everything okay?” shrugging off her coat and sitting in the chair beside her wife. 

Maya takes a deep breath and tells her wife everything, about her outburst at the station earlier, about how alone she felt at work. As she spoke, she could feel her emotions spilling over, the weight of everything finally catching up to her.

Carina listens intently, holding her wife’s hand, her thumb rubbing small circles on the back of her hand, nodding. 

When Maya finishes speaking, she looks at her wife worried about what she would say. 

Carina had a soft smile on her face, “I’m so proud of you bella”

Maya stares at her wife “you’re not mad?”

“Why would I be mad at you, my love? You stood up for yourself and that’s not easy, it takes strength and courage to do that.” 

“Thank you, I was worried you might be mad that I snapped at them” Maya sighs, shaking her head.

Carina shakes her head smiling, "Never, Maya. I am proud of you for speaking your truth and standing up for yourself. You deserve to be respected, and I'm glad you demanded it. If you hadn’t done it I would have, no one disrespects my wife”

“Oh no and face your Italian wrath” Maya teases holding her hand to her chest. 

“Si never mess with an Italian, we take our pride seriously” Carina replies chuckling.

“Thank you” Maya whispers her voice barely audible as she leans her head against her wife’s shoulder.

Carina wraps her hand around her wife and kisses the top of her head “I will always be there for you my love” she says softly.