Chapter 1
"For the last time Kitty, you are lactose intolerant. Not allergic. Your stomach’s gonna hurt but you'll be fine," Robin sighed into the phone while pinching the bridge of his nose. "I know, I'm sorry I missed it but I'll be there for the next training mission I promise, okay? Tell Rogue and Bobby I said hey, now go get some lactaid for next time instead, bye love you."
Setting his phone down on the common room table, Robin stretched with a yawn. He had only been teaching at the school for a few years now, but the students and teachers alike treated him as one of their own. The team, both teams, used him as a liaison at this point. However, that meant between work as an Avenger and work as a mutant 'elder', things could get exhausting. It was enough handling teaching and caring for teenage mutants, but throwing in battling aliens and gods and keeping the peace between other avengers? Robin was surprised he had any time to himself.
To be fair, the world wasn't actually constantly on the brink of chaos, and the kids at the school were usually pretty okay. There had only been a handful of times over the years that Ororo had called him in a panic asking for help, knowing the others would be too prideful.
In truth, he couldn’t remember the last time he had even visited the school for anything other than giving a lecture. He thought that with time, the pain would fade. But the deep sense of rejection still sat in the pit of his stomach every time he set foot on campus.
"Which one was it this time? Lovers quarrel or medical emergency?" A voice rang from only a few feet behind Robin. He turned to see Steve standing in the nearby kitchenette as he poured himself some water. "You only get so tense after one of those calls," he added when Robin didn't respond. The younger man's shoulders dropped. He still wasn't good at releasing the built up tension.
"False medical emergency. Ate some dairy, forgot if she was allergic or intolerant and worked herself into a panic," he explained and rubbed at his face. "I swear, I'm gonna make her a bracelet that says 'Dairy-Free but it won't Kill me'." That got a small chuckle from Steve as he walked over to the couch and settled in next to him.
"You do so much for those kids," He said with a smile. "Don't forget to take care of yourself too," he handed Robin the glass of water. He reluctantly took it, knowing Steve would pester him until he did.
Not many people knew of his migraines, but out of anyone, Robin was closest with Steve. It had taken a while, as he was hesitant with everyone, but the larger man had been determined for some reason. It still took until Steve had walked into his room in the midst of a bad one for him to tell him about his migraines.He had barely been able to move, let alone talk or think. Steve had been so concerned he had nearly called a medic, but Robin had calmed him down and assured him it was… normal. The older man had sat with him and brought him water until he had felt better.
He had thought he had been getting better at handling them. Usually his nightmares and migraines went hand in hand. Nightmares led to being unable to concentrate which inevitably led to overworking himself and his powers triggering his migraines.
The nightmare he had the night before, one that had him hiding from the team, had been bad. It’d been a while since the last time Robin had relived taking someone's life as a mere child. He hadn’t dreamt about it since his time at the academy, since he lived under SHIELD’s roof. Robin hadn’t used his powers in that way for years, but his palms still radiated that uncomfortable heat, as if they had a will of their own and want to feel flesh twist and melt and-
"Thanks," Robin muttered and sipped at the water slowly, breaking himself out of the cycle of thoughts.
Steve smiled down at him. “Any time, Ren.”
Back near the beginning, sitting with the older man would have been uncomfortable at best, and downright terrifying at worst. Now? It was one of his favourite pastimes.
Before, Robin had been beyond nervous about meeting the man, let alone working alongside him. He was an ‘All American Boy’ from the forties, what was he supposed to expect? Sure, he was Captain America, but he was also a powerful white man. Any man with even the tiniest semblance of power like his had the ability to make Robin nervous.
Of course, his fears had been put to rest quickly and efficiently. Robin knew he didn’t ‘pass’ as cis man most of the time, and most of the time he didn’t care. Who was to say men couldn’t be 5’3 with long hair and colourful clothes? He had grown up in a hydra facility, and then Xavier's school, places basically made for outcasts from society, and he still held onto that fear of regular society.
When he had been introduced to America’s golden boy, Steve had immediately called him the wrong pronouns. It had been a blow at first, but when Natasha had firmly corrected him, he seemed to understand fairly easily. And if he hadn’t, he had kept it to himself.
Robin smiled at the memory of Steve admitting to him late one night he didn’t know anything about trans people before they had met. He had been confused at first, but respected his pronouns all the same while he read up on the subject. The older man even admitted to sympathizing feeling wrong in his body before and after getting the serum.
The two of them had often stayed up talking about all sorts of things, and when Steve told him about reading about queer history it had brought Robin so much joy. Of course, Steve had been part of that queer history. He told the younger man stories about how his best friend used to take lesbians on dates so they could go out together without the scrutiny of the public, about how gay men and women would marry each other’s partners in order to safely still be together.
History was bleak even in the best of times, but catching Steve up on more recent queer movements had them both overwhelmed with emotions.
To say the two were close, was an understatement. They always had each other's backs, on and off the battlefield. Steve helped Robin with combat training, and Robin was always there to help Steve with any modern day question he was too embarrassed to ask anyone else.
Steve had been by his side almost since they met. He was no stranger to nightmares, it was part of the job. He often found Robin after one of his nightmares, and while he didn’t tell Steve about them much the two still sat in each other's company, finding comfort in it. It felt to Robin as if they had been friends their whole lives.
“What’s going on in your head over there?” Steve’s voice broke though. Robin turned to see the blonde smiling fondly at him. “Are you sure you weren’t the one put on ice?” The two laugh quietly at the joke, despite how the mention of cold made Robin’s stomach turn.
“Oh you know me Cap, can’t keep my mind off you,” he said in a sickly sweet voice as he pretended to swoon back onto the arm of the couch. It was so easy to make the super soldier blush, he couldn’t help but seize every opportunity he had.
When he sat back up he could see the telltale pink dusting his cheeks and a soft smile on his lips. “I was thinking about you though, Steve. You’ve been a really good friend these past few years.” Robin admitted quietly.
Steve didn’t respond for a moment, leaving Robin to sit in the silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable, not really, but being vulnerable was still hard. Connecting and being open and-
“You’ve been a really good friend too, Robin. I’m glad to have you here,” His hand rested on the smaller man's knee. “In fact I wanted to ask-”
“Steve we can’t get married so we can reap the tax benefits, they’ll sniff us out right away!”
“What? No! I’m relocating to D.C. and I was going to ask you to come with me,”
Robin blinked. The joking tone had been dropped. With how his brow furrowed and the corners of his lips turned down, Steve was being completely serious. Leave New York? It was only a few hours away, but right now he was still so close to the institute. Going to D.C. meant moving another four hours away at least, not to mention leaving Avengers Tower and what if something happened and he wasn’t here to help and-
“You don’t have to say yes, obviously. I know you have the school and the kids, and you’re comfortable here. I was just hoping, I mean I just haven’t ever really lived alone and I just thought-” Steve tended to ramble when he got nervous. Robin had been quiet too long.
“Okay.” He breathed out.
“Okay?” Steve echoed back.
“You want me to be your roommate? Okay. I can still video call in for lectures if they want me to, the kids still call me whenever they want anyways.” He let himself smile as he playful bumped the man’s shoulder. “Besides, what would I do when winter comes and my personal space heater is hours away?”
The grin that spread across Steve’s face was blinding.
~
As it turns out, moving wasn’t such a big deal. It almost perfectly coincided with Fury asking him to take on more responsibilities in the labs. If he was needed on field missions, of course he would go. But first and foremost he was to be their Head Research Scientist in addition to the liaison between SHIELD and the X-Men. When Robin talked to Hank about it, he even encouraged the move. Told him it was a good career opportunity. Robin’s classes would be indefinitely put on hold at Xavier’s school, Kurt and Ororo would take over them in the meantime.
Robin wasn’t exactly thrilled, but accepted it nonetheless. He had wanted to get away from more SHIELD responsibilities, and more involved with the mutant community. Not the opposite.
Living with Steve generally didn’t feel much different from when he lived with the X-Men. Though it wasn’t unwelcome, if anything he was comforted by the fact.
Steve was up at all odd hours, would have eaten anyone else through house and home, and loved to wake Robin up at the slightest of inconveniences. Just like many of the agents and mutants he had come to know over the years.
‘Robin, the microwave has stopped working’, ‘The washing machine overflowed and I’m ankle deep in suds, Robin’, oh and don’t forget ‘Robin! I put down my book for a moment and now I can’t find it!’.
Living with the super soldier was challenging at times, but the aforementioned super soldier also had to live with Robin. He was full of questions of what life was like back in his day, was always ‘borrowing’ his art supplies, and of course there was the constant cursing.
‘Steve, I left my light on and I’m too tired can you turn it off’, ‘God fucking damnit shit WHY is there a corner there fucking CHRIST’, oh and obviously ‘Steeeeve I think my phone fell and slid under the couch can you lift it up please’.
It wasn’t hard for the two of them to get on each other's nerves, but it wasn’t for long if at all actually. They fell into a nice rhythm living together. A few months turned into a year, then almost two years. They shared most holidays together. The rare occasion Steve visited Peggy Carter, Robin made the trip back to Xavier's school to visit the kids.
It was fairly… domestic. Robin made Steve’s favourite dinner when he came back from a stressful mission, and Steve cleaned up the apartment and had tea ready when Robin came home from a long day in the labs.
It wasn’t hard for Robin to develop a crush, honestly. He tried to squash it the moment it popped up, and for the most part he succeeded. Sure, Steve was bisexual, but he was always going to be pining after Peggy. It was pretty easy to put his own crush on the back burner. It still stung though, being as close as they were. As domestic as they were.
~
Spending New Years 2014 together hadn’t been the plan. Robin was supposed to go back to the school, Steve had been roped into some Shield engagement.
Robin had felt ill the days leading up. It hadn’t been something that was going around. He had massive migraines that only showed up when he overexerted his powers, but he hadn’t even been using them much as of late. His only explanation to himself was he was trying too hard blocking out the new interns extreme emotions, but even that was a weak excuse. Deep down, he knew it was him blocking out his own emotions towards Steve.
So of course when Steve told him he was staying in for New Years to keep an eye on him, he felt it could only get worse.
Robin was just glad he wasn’t around the Professor so he couldn’t berate him for essentially turning off and abandoning part of his mutant abilities.
Sure, he hadn’t been able to tell how people were feeling around him the last few months, maybe the last year. But it wasn’t that big of a deal, honestly. Maybe he was getting migraines a bit more often… but he was handling it.
His most recent migraine seemed to start subsiding a few hours before midnight. Steve had brought him some tea and water at some point, if the multiple cups on his bedside table said anything. Robin swallowed the lump in his throat. How fucking stupid was he to get a crush on Captain Fucking America. He let himself wallow in it all for just a little while.
“Robin…? Are you awake?” As it turned out, wallowing time was only about an hour. He sat up at Steve's voice, seeing him hesitantly standing in his doorway.
“Yeah, I’m feeling a bit better,” He responded quietly, chancing a sip at the now cold tea. The blonde man shifted his weight from one foot to the other.
“It’s about an hour ‘till midnight, I figured you might want to know.” The look on his face was odd. Robin would have given anything in that moment to be able to discern what he was thinking, or at least feeling. “I’ll, uh, be in the living room if you want company.” He didn’t have time to respond before the door closed quietly.
Robin’s shoulders slumped. He couldn’t be much fun to take care of when he was… this. He vaguely remembered bouts like this when he was a teenager, the other mutants took turns checking in on him. Bringing him food, keeping him hydrated. Most of them hadn’t talked to him much during these times. Kurt rambled on about books he was reading at the time, Ororo checked to make sure he had enough blankets. Hank always gave him encouraging words. That these times would pass, that things would get better. Never anything helpful, but at the very least comforting. Meanwhile he never let other Shield agents know, hiding away in his room. Robin wasn’t… well he wasn’t really anything to be around. The least he could do was keep Steve company so he wasn’t alone on New Years.
All in all, Robin moped around in his room for a while before quietly making his way to the living room with his blanket wrapped around him. Steve was set up on the couch. A livestream from Times Square was on the tv, but it was muted as he sketched in his notebook. If Robin hadn’t known any better, it would have seemed as if Steve didn’t even notice his presence until he sat down. Steve was too perceptive, even without the super soldier hearing.
“Anything fun happening in New York?” Robin asked, as Steve tucked his notebook away.
“Not really, there was a guy with a big hat. Think there's gonna be a few me-mes about it.” Steve responded with a smile.
“Steve. It’s ‘meems’” the younger man said with a laugh.
“Listen, there’s only so much I can learn alright,” He huffed, but Robin could still see the smile on his face. His blanket still wrapped around him, he scooted closer to the super soldier and looked up at him.
“This really how you imagined your New Year’s Eve this year?”
“Honestly? No, but I’m sure it’s better than whatever corporate shindig Shield had set up.” Robin could hear the sincerity in his voice. If he hadn’t worked so hard on keeping his emotions so close to his chest, he knew he would have started tearing up.
“You know, I was thinking the same thing about Xavier’s. Don’t know if I would have been able to survive the kids being awkward around each other leading up to the countdown.” He even threw in a shudder before the two of them were laughing.
“Is that still tradition? To kiss at midnight?” Steve asked, looking down at him.
“C’mon, you’re not that out of the loop.” Robin scoffed. “Of course it is, not that I would know anyways.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” The genuine question shocked him. “Have you not had a New Year’s kiss?” Robin shifted, trying to avoid Steve’s gaze.
“I… It’s not like I’ve been close to many people over the years, Steve.” He mumbled, uncomfortable.
“Not even… platonic? Back in the day my buddy and I-” Steve cut himself off, Robin turned to see his cheeks turning pink. “If you want, I mean I wouldn’t mind. No wait I mean I’d like to-” He was rambling again. Robin always found it cute when he rambled, and his cheeks just kept getting pinker as the blush creeped up his neck.
“Steve, are you trying to ask if I’ll be your New Year's kiss?” He asked quietly. Steve stopped trying to make words and instead just nodded.
“It doesn’t have to be romantic, I don’t know why the media always makes affection between friends more than it has to be.” Robin knew this wasn’t a good idea. Infact, he could feel his heart breaking a little bit at the idea.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m a little out of practice. You’ll have to take the lead here Captain.” He said with a smile and nod to the countdown on the tv screen. Steve shuffled a bit, closer to Robin.
“Well, I haven’t kissed anyone since 1943, but I think you’ll forgive me on that one.” He was closer, Robin sat up straighter.
“Hey, that was only technically what, four? Years ago for you?” Steve’s one hand was set on his thigh for balance.
“Hey, thought we were past the ice jokes,” Robin could feel Steve’s breath on his lips.
“If it takes the heat off me, I’m more than willing to pass it off to thaw you out.”
There were fireworks in the distance, and Steve’s lips were on Robin’s. His free hand cradled the smaller man’s face gently, while his lips pressed softly. Robin’s one hand went to his hair to hold him close, while the other clutched at the hand that held Steve’s balance. He pulled away slightly, just for a second. Robin wasn’t sure who leant back in. Him, or Steve, or both of them. All he knew was the soft lips were pushing just a bit more hungrily, a bit more needy. The hand that was on Robin’s thigh now held him at his waist, while his hand rested against Steve’s chest.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew this was too far to be platonic. But that voice wasn’t quite loud enough. All he could focus on was Steve’s hand on his waist, in his hair, his tongue against his lips-
Steve pulled away as Robin gasped for breath, their foreheads leaning against one another.
“That was…” Steve started, breathless.
“A little too much.” Robin finished, honestly. He couldn’t tell if this was actually platonic for Steve, or if this was some way of proposing some sort of friends with benefits. Either way it was too much. He couldn’t handle this, whatever it was, with only being friends.
“Yeah.” Steve agreed after a beat. The two slowly disentangled, but still stayed close. “Friends, still?” It took everything in him, not to show the hurt on his face.
“Yeah Steve.” Robin answered, leaning his head on his shoulder. “Still friends.”