Chapter 8
Bucky went back to the city at Sam's request. The rejection hurt more than he wanted to admit. He couldn't even look at Sarah when left, too afraid she'd ask questions about what happened between them. There was still too much unsaid, there wasn't an explanation worthy of the connection they had created. He no longer possessed the suave nature of 1940's Bucky to even try. The only option he had was to leave. He didn't think his heart could take it if he hurt Sam more by staying.
The flight back home was cold, he had left Louisiana in a rush too hurt to even collect his jacket. His last-minute plane tickets afforded him a window seat but he wouldn't dare lookout. The sky belonged to Sam, it always has. It seemed disgraceful to think otherwise. Even the damn, peanuts reminded him of Sam. He felt like a lovesick fool thinking about him. But it wasn't love, was it?
He ended up asking that same question to Steve later that week. He had finally agreed to talk with him, though it was more for his benefit than anything. He missed Sam so much, it felt like it was the only way to get his mind off of him. Even if Steve was an annoying little shit.
"Love, huh?" Steve said before taking another sip of beer. "That's not what I expected. Thought you two hated each other."
"I do hate him. He's annoying and sweet and too damn smart for his own good. Half the time I'm at a loss for words around him, it's like we're speaking two different languages. I just don't understand him."
"Oh so you think he's sweet." The other man smiled at Bucky's confession.
"Is that all you heard?" He sighed downing another bottle. "I said I hate him."
"If you hate him so much, then why is he all you can talk about? I came over two hours ago and all you've managed to say to me has been about Sam."
"C'mon Steve, that's not true."
"It is, you're definitely in love with him. Either that or you've got an obsession. Why aren't you with him now, punk? Clearly, he's the one you rather be talking to."
"It's a long story." He supplied, thinking back to the past days spent with the omega.
"I've got time."
Bucky spared no detail when it came to retelling the past months he'd missed. Even sharing moments that weren't important to the story, like the quick tumble through the grass or seeing Sam dressed up as the Smiling Tiger. All in all, they went through a lot together. But what really mattered was the most recent event between the two—Sam's heat. Though he probably should have kept the rest to himself he found it too easy to tell Steve everything. Not just about his omega's heat, but the way he cried for him, the way he felt connected to him even without a knot. And of course, he spoke of how it ended. The rejection making itself present in his scent.
"And you just left? After all that, you just throw in the towel. Why?" Steve seemed irritated by his choice, something extra lingering in his own scent.
"Because that's what he wanted." Bucky nearly screamed in exasperation. "It felt like all week I was taking away his right to choose. I at least owed him that, don't you think?"
"What do you mean? Did you get his consent to take care of him?" His friend asked a little apprehensive of his answer.
"Of course I did. But that doesn't mean I can't feel bad about what I did? He's been hiding his gender for years and then I went and told several people, including you just now."
"Well, did you try apologizing?"
"I didn't get the chance, he was too upset to get into it." He sighed remembering how angry Sam was. Then added another quiet confession. "He kicked me out. "
"Damn, so that's why you're here." The realization settled onto Steve's face before he laughed to himself. "And I thought I was bad with omegas. You're a mess man."
"What-"
"You know, I triggered his heat before too. He went off the grid for like a week, with no warning or anything. He didn't tell me but I could smell it on him. The thing is that he came back angry, angrier than I've ever seen him. He's just going through post-heat, once he sleeps it off he'll be fine. Just give him a day or two, I'm sure he'll be dying to take you back."
Steve's revelation wasn't that far from the truth. Sam was going through post-heat when they last talked. He was angry and exhausted and frankly still feeing too hot to handle, but he rather ignore that than give in any longer. He had already spent too long doing that. Sam needed to get back on track. However, he had yet to recover from his heat.
The loss of an alpha certainly didn't help matters. Making Bucky leave was one the dumbest things he could have ever done. Now, almost a week later and he was suffering from bond sickness. He didn't even notice at first, too angry to care about the ache in his chest or the desire to constantly cry. Sarah being the great sister that she was, noticed immediately and took him to a specialist. But without Bucky he couldn't do anything to fix it and he wasn't willing to try.
"You can't just give up, Sam." Sarah told him when they left the doctor. "You know better than that."
"What else am I supposed to do?" He said clenching his fists in frustration, the action doing little to calm him down. "There was never even a bond to begin with."
She shook her head convinced otherwise. "Maybe not physically...but there was something."
"No Sarah, this is real life. People just don't accidentally bond and live happily ever after. That shit only exists in movies."
"Yeah, but so did superhero's, and aliens, and norse gods. Why can't that happen too, Sam?" If they hadn't already, her next words left him speechless. "Why can't you be happy too?"