Chapter 5
Bucky decided to only tell Natasha and Clint the full story and let them explain the situation to the rest of their friends.
Steve and Bucky met again the next day. At first it had been terribly awkward because the other man wouldn’t stop apologizing, but once they started talking about other things the mood shifted and they started joking around.
Bucky learned that Steve was working to earn an Arts degree and had recently transferred to their university’s Art program. Apparently two of his friends from his home town also lived here and he had been supposed to meet their group soon, but he had been busy with moving in and visiting his mum.
Hearing about his childhood friend growing up in a pretty little house in a peaceful town with his Ma and making friends felt… weird. Of course Bucky was happy Steve had been okay without him. Had been happy and safe. That was all they had ever wanted from each other. On the other hand it hurt knowing he hadn’t been needed at all.
Bucky decided Steve should officially meet his boyfriends before they spend the weekend with his Ma at their house. If they didn’t get along at all, Bucky could still reconsider what to do.
Sam and Zemo, kind and caring as ever, had immediately agreed and cleared their afternoons so they could meet. Bucky was glad Zemo had offered his apartment, the place had always felt comfortable and safe to him.
On Thursday, Sam and Bucky both went to Zemo’s place a bit before Steve was supposed to arrive.
“Buck, please stop worrying,” Sam said, placing a hand on his shaking leg. “We promise we will behave.”
“What if you don’t get along?”, Bucky asked, his leg shaking even more now.
“You forget I already know him. And it’s impossible to not like Zemo when he is trying,” Sam grinned.
“You make it sound like there are situations when I am not absolutely delightful!”, Zemo exclaimed as he put a plate of biscuits on the coffee table.
“Remember the day we met?”, Sam asked, smiling at the memory.
“Oh, you deserved that!”, the older man shot back, about to sit down, but he froze when there was a ring at the door. “Ah, that must be him.”
They all went over to the door. Zemo opened it to reveal Steve wearing… a button down shirt? Bucky had not expected him to look so fancy. The first time they met again, he had been wearing running clothes and the second time a paint splattered overall. Now even his hair was neatly combed and styled.
“Uh… hello, nice to meet you again,” Steve said politely, holding out his hand for Zemo to shake. “Thank you for inviting me to your home.”
Bucky had to suppress a laugh. The man looked completely out of place. Three of them were college students, for god’s sake!
“Stevie...”, he said slowly. “What do you have there?”
“Oh, uh, I wasn’t sure what to bring, I hope this okay?”, he said, awkwardly holding out flowers and chocolates.
“Oh, that’s very polite!”, Zemo exclaimed. “Weren’t you raised by the same mother? Why don’t you ever bring me flowers?”, he added with a look at Bucky.
“I was under the impression you liked snacks better?”, Bucky tried to defend himself.
“True,” Zemo agreed, “And what is your excuse, Samuel?”
“Well… you- you never bring me flowers either!”, Sam stuttered.
“But Samuel, you are the most beautiful flower,” Zemo said with a wink.
“Are you saying I don’t deserve flowers?!”, Sam shrieked.
“I’m sorry, was this not an appropriate gift to bring?”, Steve interrupted them, embarrassment coloring his cheeks.
Bucky had to roll his eyes. Why was he surrounding himself with so many idiots. “No, it’s very nice of you, Stevie. Those heathens just don’t know how to behave in front of guests.” He sent a sharp look at Zemo. “Don’t you have diplomatic training?”
“I can neither confirm nor deny that statement, but thank you for your interest. A very clever observation to make,” Zemo replied with a sickeningly sweet smile.
Bucky facepalmed and shook his head. “Just come sit down Steve,” he told the nervous blond and let him to the couch. “Can I offer you anything to drink?”
“No, no I’m fine,” Steve said as he sat down, his back perfectly straight and his hands clasped together in his lap.
“So, you are Steve Rogers,” Zemo said, as he sat down in an armchair across from him. “I am Helmut Zemo, but I just go by my last name. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Thank you,” Steve said politely. “You work for the university?”
“That’s correct, but I usually do not teach classes, I conduct studies and at times help the human resources departments of different businesses.”
“That sounds very interesting,” Steve said nodding slightly.
“No it doesn’t,” Bucky interrupted with a frown.
“Hey!”, Zemo complained with a pout. “I have you know my work is very important in the field of...”
“Yeah, Sammy told me,” Bucky agreed. “But for people who don’t know the details, it does sound boring. You are lucky you are so pretty, you wouldn’t have been able to seduce me by talking about human resources.”
“I feel objectified,” his boyfriend scoffed, crossing his arms.
“My point is,” Bucky said, placing a reassuring hand on the man’s knee, “Steve is being weird.” He turned to his old friend. “Seriously man, you are acting like you are the boyfriend and you are meeting my parents or something.”
“I resent every part of that idea,” Sam chimed in, “But I agree. Steve, three of us are college students, and Zemo is just acting all proper and fancy out of boredom. You are making this far too serious, man.”
Steve paled under their gazes and almost looked like he was about to cry, making the old protectiveness in Bucky’s heart flare up. “I- I’m really sorry. I just hoped I could change your opinion of me.”
“Opinion?”, Zemo asked surprised. “This is our first official meeting and James has only positive things to say about you.”
Steve shifted around not meeting anyone's eyes. “Well… I wasn’t sure what Bucky has told you about me… and the last time I met someone close to him she broke my nose...”
“Who, Natasha? Yeah, she threatened to do it to us too,” Sam explained.
“She won’t do it again, don’t worry,” Bucky said, feeling a bit guilty as he looked at Steve’s still swollen face.
“That’s not- I don’t really care, it will heal,” Steve said, swallowing nervously. “You said how much you love them and I know their opinion matters to you. Bucky I just- I just don’t want to mess up my second chance to have you in my life,” he said, his voice turning into a frightened whisper.
Bucky stared at his friend for a long moment, anger coiling up in his chest. “Fuck this,” He hissed finally. “This isn’t your second chance, because you never betrayed me in the first place. It was all my father, and I refuse to let him ruin my life! He doesn’t like I’m gay? Guess what, I’ve got two boyfriends now! He doesn’t like I’m disabled? Well, I could beat the crap out of him with my prosthetic! He stopped me from seeing you? Fuck him, I’m gonna hang out with you anyways!”
“That,” Zemo said after a moment, “Was hot.”
Bucky glared at him, but he just shrugged.
“He ain’t wrong Buck...”, Sam said, taking his hand.
Bucky looked up just in time to see Steve look away, a scandalized look on his face.
“What’s up with him now?”, Sam asked, making Bucky blush.
“I may have banned him from using that nickname because of the way you use it sometimes...”, Bucky explained.
“It does sound pretty from Samuel’s lips,” Zemo chuckled. “Looks like we all agree to be nice to Steven here, so let’s get to know each other.”
They spent the next two hours talking about college, work, and all sorts of things. Bucky was glad to see his boyfriends and Steve get along. It made him feel more confident about meeting Sarah on Saturday. They were planning on arriving around noon and stay until Sunday afternoon if everything went well. Part of him was still not ready to see her again, but deep down he knew that part of him was never going to be ready.
……
Meeting Steve Rogers had been a surreal experience. At first the man had been tense, but once James had started telling childhood stories of the two, he had quickly opened up.
Zemo loved those stories. Tales of a younger, freer James. Of a time when he still had had hope. When talking about their time together, James seemed more confident. He didn’t brush all the positive comments about his role of protector off like he usually did when someone complimented him.
Zemo had been worried about Steve’s new role in Jame’s life, but so far the man seemed to have a positive effect. The Sokovian prayed it would stay that way and Sarah Rogers would cause a similar reaction.
On Saturday morning, Zemo got into his shiniest car and drove to his boys’ apartment to pick them up. While Sam simply rolled his eyes, James seemed to be delighted by the vehicle. He insisted Zemo didn’t have to impress him with his money, but the kiss Zemo received before James climbed into the backseat was worth it.
At first the little road trip had been fun. They had been chatting and singing along to the radio, but at some point his idiot boyfriends had decided to start making out in the backseat, only stopping when Zemo pulled over and ordered James to sit in the front so he wouldn’t be too distracted while driving. For a moment he considered telling them how terrified he was of car crashes, but he didn’t want to make the trip about him and they had listened to him without knowing the full truth anyways.
The closer they got to their destination, the more anxious James got, but they managed to distract him with music and conversation.
It was almost noon when Zemo pulled up to the address Steve had given them. The house was quite old and not too big, but the well cared for garden made it look lovely. It looked exactly how you would imagine someone’s mother’s or perhaps grandmother’s house to look like.
Zemo parked next to the motorcycle in front of the house, undoubtedly Steve’s. James had given his friend a lecture on the dangers of bikes and always wearing a helmet when he had learned about his preferred method of transportation. His concern for Steve was quite adorable.
The three men got out of the car and walked up to the wooden door. Before they could reach it, the door flew open revealing a short blond woman, who was staring at them with wide, blue eyes. When Zemo had met her son, he hadn’t been able to imagine Steve as the small, skinny kid James had described to him. Looking at her, he could see how her son must have looked like as a child.
“Bucky!”, Sarah Rogers gasped, her hands flying up to cover her mouth.
“Ma...”, James whispered. The two just stared at each other, before the woman sprinted across the lawn and pulled James into her arms, somehow making the tall, muscular man look small.
James and his mother held on to each other for several minutes, neither of them saying a word. Zemo and Sam stood back, looking at the two with big grins on their faces. Their smiles widened even more when Steve stumbled out of the house, his eyes tearing up at the sight of his family reunited.
“You still give the best hugs...”, Zemo heard James whisper to his Ma and his heart melted. James had admitted to them that he had missed the comforting touch of a parent since he had lost Sarah.
The woman chuckled through her tears. “You too. Steve told me on the phone how amazing it felt to have you in his arms again. I have never been so jealous in my life.”
When they finally parted, Sarah’s eyes fell on the men standing behind her son. “Oh, I am terribly sorry, you must be my boy’s partners.”
“Sam, a pleasure to meet you,” the man offered, holding out his hand for a handshake, but he was pulled into a quick hug instead. Zemo smiled at the surprised look on his boyfriend’s face.
“Zemo,” he said, holding out his hand as well. “Don’t worry. I- I understand.”
Instead of pulling him in as well, Sarah just stared at him for a long moment. “You really do, don’t you?”, she said softly, her eyes full of pain and compassion.
“I do,” he told her, his voice suddenly a little weak.
“I went to grief counseling and group therapy for parents… I soon stopped going. They told me my pain was different because Bucky wasn’t biologically mine. They didn’t understand...”, she trailed off, giving him a look like she was daring him to downplay her loss.
“Some told me I didn’t truly love my son because I only knew him for a few days before he left this world,” Zemo told her, meeting her eyes directly.
For a few moments nobody dared to move, but then she nodded and gestured towards the house. “Please come in, I have prepared some snacks for lunch.”
Sarah and Steve lead them into the house. It immediately felt homey and calming to Zemo. Suddenly James made a choked up noise. Everyone turned around to see what he was staring at.
“Oh, that...”, Sarah whispered, looking at her son for help. It was clear she was still overwhelmed from meeting James again.
“It’s the only picture we put up,” Steve explained, also looking at the photograph of a skinny blond boy with his arm wrapped around the neck of a much taller child with brown hair, blue eyes and a blinding smile.
“The only one?”, James asked, suddenly sounding sad.
“No, Bucky, not like that, we- we always thought about you. There were more in the beginning, but- Please understand, it was just so painful to see your face...”, Steve rambled, sounding panicked now. Sarah looked like her heart was breaking all over again. Before she could say something, Samuel stepped in.
“Buck? It’s actually quite common for people to have trouble with having pictures or other reminders around, it doesn’t mean they forgot,” he said gently.
“I- I know, Zemo doesn’t have pictures on display either,” James said, a strange look on his face. His hand reached out to touch Steve’s younger face in the photograph. “I haven’t seen Stevie like this for years. Dad destroyed all my stuff when I was in the hospital.”
“We have a whole photo album,” Sarah assured him. “We kept everything of you we had. There is some clothing, school projects, drawings...”
“Wow, I- this feels like I’m getting my life back,” James grinned.
Sarah’s eyes teared up again and she quickly looked away. “I should show you boys your room now, so you can put your things down.” After a second she added, “But no funny business!”
Zemo and Sam chuckled as James’ face turned red. “Ma! Sam and I live together! And I am 20, not a teenager!”
Sarah stopped dead in her tracks, before turning around to give him a long look. “I know. You are so grown up now.”
“And you haven’t aged a day,” James said with a charming smile.
Sarah giggled at that. “Oh! You have always been such a charmer! Always tried to exchange a compliment for an extra cookie!”
“And now those two are doing it to me,” James smirked, pointing at his boyfriends.
When Sarah gave him a questioning look, he quickly explained. “Oh, has Steve not told you? I have a job at a cafe now. My boss is a friend of Nat’s and is dating our friend Clint, so it’s pretty chill. He’s very supportive.”
“Natasha, the girl who broke my Stevie’s nose?”, Sarah asked, her eyes narrowed.
“Oh that...”, James said, looking like a child who was being scolded by a parent. Perhaps he was. “I’m sorry about that. She was kinda under the impression Steve had abandoned me on purpose.”
Suddenly Sarah’s face fell. “No, I am the one who needs to apologize. Bucky, I am so sorry. For everything.”
“No, Ma. None of it was your fault!”, James looked to his boyfriends, desperate for someone to save him.
“Well, Buck is really an amazing baker,” Samuel said awkwardly, trying to change the topic.
Suddenly James’ face lit up. “Oh! I actually brought some treats for you. Doll?” He turned to Zemo, who dug around in his bag for the box with the cookies and cupcakes.
“There you go, Ma’am. This is for you as well,” he said, handing Sarah a bottle of wine.
“Oh! That wouldn’t have been necessary!”, she said, blushing as he handed her the gifts.
“Well, what can I say,” James smirked with a wink, “My mother raised me well.”
……
The room his Ma showed them was not what Bucky had expected. She had said they would stay in Steve’s room, but this room was mostly empty. There was a closet, a desk, a shelf, three chairs and a huge bed, but there were no personal items or decorations.
“Uh? Ma? I thought this was Stevie’s room?”, he asked, looking around the empty space.
“It used to be,” Steve said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I came earlier yesterday to move my stuff to the guest room. This is yours now.”
Bucky’s eyes widened as he turned to his friend. “Steve! I can’t just take your room! That’s ridiculous! You live here, it’s your home!”
“Honey,” Sarah chimed in, placing a hand on his other shoulder, “It is your home too. I am so proud of you, my son.”
Bucky just stood there, frozen in place as the hands on his shoulders burned through his thin shirt into his skin. His chest started to get tight and his eyes teared up.
“Leave,” he whispered when he found his voice again. “Please, I- I need a moment- you have to-”
Suddenly the scorching touch disappeared. Bucky felt himself begin to sway, but two sets of different hands caught him and helped him sit down on the bed.
“It’s okay Buck, they are gone.”
“You are safe, darling.”
“We’ve got you.”
His head was pushed between his knees and soft fingers said through his hair until his breathing calmed down again.
“Are you with us, darling?”, Zemo asked gently as Bucky straightened up.
“Yeah, I am okay, sorry,” he gasped out, finding Sam’s hand and holding on tightly.
“You’ve got nothing to apologize for,” his boyfriend told him, pressing a kiss to his knuckles.
“I shouldn’t have kicked them out,” Bucky groaned. “It’s their house.
“I don’t think they see it that way,” Zemo said, gesturing to his new room.
“The last time someone said ‘I’m proud of you, son’ was when my dad made an inappropriate comment about Nat’s body when he thought we were dating in high school. Then he beat me for telling him to shut the hell up.”
Zemo sighed and rubbed his back. “Darling, the car is just a few steps away. We don’t have to stay here if it is too much to handle. Sarah will understand. I can go talk to her if that’s what you need.”
“Thank you,” Bucky sobbed, “Thank you two so much, but want to stay. I- I want to have a mom again.”
“Whatever you need, Sweetheart,” Sam promised softly.
It took Bucky a couple of minutes, but eventually he calmed down and they went to the kitchen, where Sarah and Steve were waiting for them. Steve was far too pale for Bucky’s liking and it was clear Sarah had been crying.
“Hey Ma,” Bucky said softly, sitting down across from her.
“Bucky, I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
He had to smile at the honesty in her eyes. “It’s alright Ma, you did nothing wrong. It’s just been a while since I’ve heard those words.” He took a deep breath before he finally said what he needed to get out. “This is going to be difficult, but I want to try. I want to be a family again.”