Chapter 6
Bucky couldn’t sleep. Zemo and Sam had fallen asleep holding him, but had rolled over to wrap their arms around each other when he had moved too much. He was glad he could get up, he felt like the bed was swallowing him.
Logically, he knew there was nothing wrong, no unsolved problems, but his mind still wouldn’t calm down. There was just so much to process, it gave him a headache.
After just staring at the ceiling for an hour, Bucky decided to get up, maybe a change of scenery would help him. He grabbed Sam’s hoodie, enjoying how much it smelled like his boyfriend. They would have to buy Zemo more comfy clothing, just so they could steal them back after a while.
Bucky stumbled into the living room, expecting to find it empty, but the sofa was already occupied.
“Stevie?”
The man jumped up, a big, fake smile plastered on his face. “Bucky! Did you need anything?”
“Steve, what are you doing here?”
Steve’s face fell. “Same as you I guess. Couldn’t sleep.”
“Is it the new room?”, Bucky asked, feeling a little guilty as he took in Steve’s rumpled clothes, messy hair and dark shadows under his eyes. “I really didn’t mean to kick you out.”
“No, no,” Steve said, holding his hands up. “The room helps.”
“How so?”
Steve sank back down on the couch. “When- when you lose someone, there is this moment, right after waking up, when you forget what happened, forget they are gone.” He looked up at Bucky, an unsure little smile on his lips. “Turns out it’s the same when they come back.”
Bucky sat down next to him, silently urging him to go on.
“You heard what Ma said about my nightmares.”
“You had one tonight?”, Bucky asked, not sure if he should reach out for his friend.
“No,” Steve whispered. “A nice dream. A memory. My 10th birthday.”
“I tried to throw cake at your face, but you ducked and it hit Ma instead,” Bucky grinned.
“Yeah...”
“I got scared,” Bucky admitted. “Of her, just for a moment. But she just laughed and threw her own cake at me. Hit me right in the face.”
Steve smiled wistfully, until his face suddenly froze into a strained grimace. “I woke up and thought you were still gone. Every morning since I found you again, I forget you didn’t die for just a minute. It’s like my heart is being ripped out all over again. But… But today I woke up in the wrong bed, and I remembered why I was there, who is in my room.”
……
Zemo woke up to Sam’s head resting on his chest. The perfect way to start the day. He still couldn’t understand how he had gotten so lucky. Sam Wilson was such an intelligent, kind, funny, joyful and of course breathtakingly beautiful man and Zemo was the one allowed to hold him in his arms.
He wanted to never let go, but his dry throat was killing him. He tried to carefully lift the sleeping man off his chest, but Sam’s eyes blinked open.
“Zemo? What…?”
“Shh...”, Zemo hushed him and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “You can stay in bed.”
“Buck?”
“Already got up.”
“Nooooo,” Sam whined, snuggling into Zemo’s chest. “Stay.”
Zemo chuckled at his adorable boyfriend. “My dear, I’m so sorry, but I need to get up.”
Sam grumbled something Zemo couldn’t understand, wrapped his blanket around himself and rolled away.
Zemo just laughed again before slipping out of bed and making his way to the kitchen. When he peaked his head into the living room, he finally found his missing boyfriend, who was in a sleepy state, similar to Sam. Resting on Steve Rogers’ chest.
“Hmm… I really hope you guys see each other as brothers,” he joked, smirking at the men on the couch.
“Wha…?”, James lifted his head up, first looking at Steve, then at his boyfriend. To Zemo’s surprise a horrified look took over his face. Within a heartbeat he was on the other side of the room, his widened eyes darting between Steve and Zemo.
“No! We- We didn’t- It’s not what it looks like, I swear!”
“What it looks like? Looks like you were just cuddling your best friend. That’s okay, darling,” Zemo said, trying to sound as gentle as possible. While he didn’t understand what exactly was going on in his boyfriend’s mind, his fear and shame told him he wasn’t really in the moment, but lost in the past.
He took a step towards him, holding out his hands so James could see them. The man let out a small whimper, flinching away from him.
“Whoa, what the hell,” Steve hissed, shoving his body between Zemo and James. Just in that moment, Zemo heard someone enter the room. He turned around to see who it was and found Sam, who was taking in their body language and position.
“Zemo, Steve,” he said carefully. “Slowly step back and leave the room, I got this.”
“Wait, what? What are you going to do to Bucky?”, Steve hissed, throwing a quick look at his frightened friend, who flinched back at his name.
“Steve, James will be fine,” Zemo promised as he grabbed Steve’s arm and pulled him out of the room.
……
Once the others were gone, Sam slowly got closer to Bucky. “Hey Buck, they are gone, you are okay. Why don’t you sit on the sofa with me?”, he offered, moving to one side of the couch, leaving more than enough space for Bucky.
As soon as he sat down, Bucky’s head snapped to him, and Sam saw the tears forming in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he whispered over and over again, until Sam waved his hand to get his attention.
“Okay Sweetheart, I hear that. Can you tell me what you are sorry about?”, he asked gently.
“I didn’t cheat! I promise, Sammy, I really didn’t cheat on you.”
That took Sam by surprise. He had expected the aftermath of a nightmare or maybe a fight with Zemo, never that. After a long moment during which Bucky tensed up even more, he finally found his voice again. “Okay, I believe you. I am not angry.”
His boyfriend’s whole body bend over in relief, his mantra changing from ‘I’m sorry’s to ‘thank you’s.
“Sweetheart, would you mind telling me why I would think that?”
Bucky shrugged, his hands beginning to shake a little. Sam had to stop himself from reaching out.
“I- I couldn’t sleep, so I came here last night.”
Sam nodded. Bucky had been overwhelmed by everything that had happened, it made sense.
“Stevie was here, he couldn’t sleep either.”
Sam nodded again. So far, it sounded perfectly reasonable.
“We talked a bit and- and I hugged him.”
“That’s nice?”, Sam said when Bucky stopped talking.
“We fell asleep like that, I was laying on top of him.”
Sam frowned. He couldn’t understand why Bucky looked so frightened, unless… “Buck?”, he asked, anger boiling up inside of him. “Did Steve try something? Did he touch you?”
“No!”, his boyfriend gasped, looking even more distressed now. “We didn’t do anything! Please Sam, you have to believe me!”
“Okay,” Sam agreed quickly. “I believe you. I just don’t understand why you are so upset?”
Bucky let his head fall in his hands. “Zemo saw,” he whispered. “He said something, I think it was a joke, but- but-”
“But it made you think about what happened the last time someone thought you liked Steve,” Sam realized, the pieces finally coming together.
“Yes,” Bucky admitted. “I know he would never hurt me, sometimes I just get scared.”
“That’s alright,” Sam told him, glad he finally knew what to do. “You are allowed to get scared. We will help you through it whenever it happens.”
“Thank you,” Bucky said, giving him a teary smile.
“Is it okay if I hug you?”, Sam asked and received a quick nod. He pulled his partner close and just held him for a few minutes, until he relaxed into the embrace. “Are you ready to see them again?”, Sam asked finally.
“Yeah, I’m okay now. I kinda miss them already,” Bucky agreed.
“Zemo! Steve!”, Sam called out. Not a second later there were footsteps coming down the hall.
“Bucky, are you alright?”, Steve asked far too loud, making Sam glare at him.
“He is,” he answered. “We are done talking about this. He needs coffee,” Sam said, pointing at Steve, “And a good morning kiss,” he added, looking at Zemo.
“Okay, no problem,” Steve said and went to the kitchen, while Zemo sat down on Bucky’s other side, pressed a kiss to his cheek and started stroking his hair.