Communication
Arriving home in the evening, Bucky had made the comment to Allie that they needed to talk. Laughing, Allie agreed to go and talk to him in their bedroom. As she went to the stairs, Bucky whispered to Peter to keep the kids downstairs with him and to watch a movie as they talked. Confused, Peter went along with it.
As they stood in their bedroom, Bucky waited until he heard the music flowing through the halls to turn to Allie. She'd taken to relaxing a bit, taking her hair down as she went to pick out loungewear for the evening.
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" she asked as she glanced back at him.
"Allie, you need to be honest with me," Bucky sighed. "Is the way you get nowadays because of the day I fell off the train?"
"What?" she asked, her eyes flying up to meet his. "What do you mean the way I get nowadays?"
"The way you blame yourself," he clarified. "I see you do it all the time."
"I don't know what you're talking about," she waved her hand dismissively.
"Is it because of the day that I fell off the train?" he repeated. "I know that you still haven't forgiven yourself for that day."
"How can I?" she scoffed right after. "I stayed at the house with a migraine. I should have just worked through it. I should have gone with you boys. You wouldn't have fallen if I had been with you."
"You don't know that," he bit out. "Allie, who's to say that if you had been there, it wouldn't have been you who had fallen off the train? Hm? And you didn't have any sort of serum coursing through your veins. You'd have died and I'd have had to live my life without you."
"Well, what do you think I did without you or Steve? I thought you two were gone forever," her jaw set.
"Hold on. I'm not saying this to start the same kind of fight that you had with your brother, okay?" Bucky defended. "I just want you to see that you didn't do anything to cause it."
"Are you sure that you're not trying to start a fight?" she narrowed her eyes slightly. "Because I thought that we agreed we weren't going to fight."
"And we're not," Bucky assured her. "But your brother was right. I can't just sit here and watch you continue to beat yourself up. You and I have both been way too passive in last couple of years."
"Because we're a team, right?" Allie looked at him in disbelief.
"We were a team before, too," he argued. "The times you would tell me that I was being an idiot. The times that you would bicker at me and tell me that I was wrong. The way I told you what I thought as well."
"But that was something that took place when we were friends," she shook her head. "We were jealous."
"We bickered after we started dating, too," he reminded her.
"But we don't need to be bicker," she countered.
"I never said that we needed to bicker," he sighed. "I'm saying that we need to stop being afraid of disagreeing. And I'm drawing a line now. You told me that I wasn't allowed to blame myself for what Hydra did to me. I'm telling you that you're not allowed to blame yourself for the decisions that Annika has and will make. Her problems are not within your control."
"The hurt that I caused her went on to cause more pain. May is dead because of me. If I had gotten there sooner she may have been fine."
"May have. She may have," Bucky ran a hand through his hair. "This whole thing you keep doing, it's a slippery slope. You think that if you had been there on that mission that I wouldn't have fallen. If I hadn't fallen, we could have lived out our lives the way we were supposed to. If that had happened, there would have been no lab and so on. Do you realize that any one of those pieces of the equation may have still happened even if I hadn't fallen? If they had still gotten you?"
"But it could have still been different," she frowned.
"Allie, let me say something for a moment," Bucky sighed as he gestured for her to sit on the bed. Watching her do so, he took in a breath. "I love you."
"I already knew that," she sighed.
"Allie," he sighed. "I'm being serious. I've watched you take so many things that weren't your responsibility, and you let them sit on your shoulders. You have always taken blame for things that you didn't need to, nor should have. Do you remember when your mom was dying? How there was a night that you cried on my shoulder that you blamed yourself for not figuring things out sooner. The night when she couldn't leave her bed anymore?
"Or when Steve got sick the next year? That night that we thought we were about to lose him? You told me that if anything happened to him overnight, you would never forgive yourself. You tried to tell me that him making through the night was on your shoulders. It took me begging you and dragging you out of the house that day to get you to go to Snow White.
"And don't think that I didn't pick up on the fact that every time stress or something extreme has gone on since Rebecca was stillborn that you go into our damn bathtub and leave the world behind. You take others' responsibilities and hide out. It's not healthy."
Her hands found themselves sitting in her lap, clasped together as she looked at her engagement and wedding rings. Swallowing hard and taking a deep breath, she let her gaze look up.
"When Steve left to go after Sharon and we found out that no one had heard from him, you took that onto your shoulders as well. He had been the one to make the decision. You may have had a fight, but that doesn't mean that his decisions were your responsibility. You and I both know that he would tell you that, too."
"Why are you talking to me about all of this?" Allie asked after a pause.
"Because you don't know how much it can hurt at times watching you treat yourself the way that you do," Bucky sighed. "Our kids look at you as one of their heroes, and for good reason. You told me the night that Steven was born that he would one day look at me and call me his hero. I want to tell you that that little boy knows how wonderful you are and sees you as the hero that you are."
"I don't feel like much of a hero," she admitted.
"You've made mistakes, but so have I. So has your brother. So have Sam and Wanda. Do you look at any of us when we make one mistake and say that it's our fault?"
"No."
"Then you shouldn't do it to yourself then either," his voice became gentle. "Yes, a mistake was made. Yes, it led to hurt. But the thing that you are responsible for is how you treat her now. If you let her die when we find her or if you let her live, that is what will be on you. The way you decide to handle the fight."
"I see," Allie pursed her lips slightly.
"I saw your reactions to what Sharon had been saying that night. Hydra and the lab caused you pain. You didn't make them do that to you. They chose to do it," Bucky took a seat beside her. "They took advantage of you in that state that you were in. They lied to you. Annika was a part of that. She knowingly wanted to volunteer at the lab, right?"
"Yes," Allie nodded.
"Then don't blame yourself for her being there that day. She chose the path that she's taken, just as you chose to take a better path," he assured her. "I don't want to see you ever blame yourself for things that aren't your fault."
"But I can be blamed for them," Allie argued.
"Only by Annika," Bucky shook his head. "She's the only one who's going to try and find a way to blame you."
"What if I had talked to her that day when we were both eavesdropping?" Allie asked. "What if somehow, I could have helped her?"
"What's stopping you from trying to help her now?" Bucky asked softly.
"Would you?" her voice was soft.
"You and I both know that I'm not the right person for that," he sighed. "But you are. If anyone has a chance at helping her to come to terms with that day and to use her powers for the better, it's you. You are the only one out of us that can help her heal the way she needs to."
"Then that's what we do," Allie nodded. "We try to help her heal."
"And you stop blaming yourself," he added.
"But that's hard to do," she countered.
"Then we do things one step at a time," he shrugged. "And we stop being afraid to call one another out."
"In that case, you're still snoring and stealing the covers at night," she shrugged, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.
"Okay, I can't help that," Bucky laughed. "I'm unconscious when that happens."
"Buck?" she asked as his laughter quieted.
"Yes?"
"I do miss when we'd go back and forth as teenagers. I miss having a reason that we were told that we acted like an old married couple," she sighed.
"I do, too," he grinned. "Except, we technically are an old married couple."
"I take offense to that," she mocked.
"I never said you weren't my hot, old wife," he smirked.
"You're older than me you fathead," she glared.
"Fathead? God, I haven't heard you say that in a very long time."
"It's reserved for you now," she shrugged and he gave another small laugh. "Thank you, though."
"For what?"
"Taking the first step. And reminding me to go forward."
"You did the same for me," he smiled.
It only took a moment for them to decide to join the others downstairs for the movie, Allie making bowls of popcorn for the entire family before she settled into a large seat with Bucky.
Covered in their own blanket, she made the note to trust him just as he had trusted her those years before.
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Allie and Bucky woke with a start as buzzing from their phones sounded at the same time that frantic bangs sounded against the front door downstairs. Looking at each other startled, they hopped out of bed, making their way down the stairs in the dark stairway. The sound of the shower shutting off could be heard from the bathroom closest to Peter's room. It was the morning, early enough that the two were still in bed, but late enough that Peter was starting his day.
"Our house didn't catch on fire and neither of us noticed it doing so, did it?" Bucky's eyes widened at Allie.
"Not that I'm aware of," she frowned.
"I didn't even look at my phone," Bucky groaned as he glanced back at the stairs.
"Neither did I."
The frantic knocking continued to sound at the front door as Allie and Bucky looked at one another. Peter ran down the stairs and joined the two, toothbrush hanging from his mouth. As they looked at one another, they rushed to the front door where a panicked Sam stood.
"Pack. Now," he breathed.
"Did you fly here?" Allie asked incredulously.
"Pack damn it!" he repeated.
"Sam, what is going on?" Bucky asked.
"We found Annika's position. We need to get there and lure the others to where she is," he sputtered out. "And yes, I flew here."
"Does the rest of team know?" Allie asked in horror.
"Sharon and Steve and getting everyone together to make it the jet. Get the kids, we gotta get them somewhere safe," Sam continued.
"Shit," Allie mumbled.
"It's going to be okay," Bucky reminded her. "We're going to win."
"He's right," Peter said. "I'm going to go grab my bag and I'll get T.J."
"Thank you," Allie nodded.
As Peter parted from them, Bucky looked to Sam who informed him that he was going to be flying back to the compound where the jet would be. Nodding, Bucky looked back to Allie, taking her face with both hands and kissing her roughly.
"I'll pack our bags, you grab the kids?" he asked.
"That sounds like a plan," she nodded. "I love you."
"I love you, too," he kissed her again. "But don't say it that way. No one's going to be hurt."
Allie felt the adrenaline rush as she took off Steven's room first, trusting her oldest to be calmer in the situation. As he rubbed his eyes at the noise of her packing his bag, he tilted his head in confusion.
"Are we going somewhere?" he yawned softly.
"Yes," Allie nodded. "You're going to spend time with Grace."
"Again?" his eyes widened. "She made me the best bowl of ice cream last time!"
"Well, go get dressed," she instructed firmly and he nodded as he hopped out of bed and went to stand beside her at the dresser, letting her put clothes in his hands before changing.
Allie couldn't focus on much of anything apart from trying to quickly zip his bag before pointing for him to go and brush his teeth while Peter stood in the bathroom helping T.J. get ready. Rushing down the hall with one bag in hand, Allie entered Sarah's room and woke her up. To Allie's relief, Sarah was just as easy to get going as Steven had been. She counted it as a small miracle.
As the kids began to ask where they were going, Allie and Bucky would tell them that they were going to see Grace. Peter would nod along, not letting anything of the true reason for rushing out of the door that morning to slip into his talking to the kids. As they drove towards Brooklyn, Allie took her phone that Bucky had brought down to her and called Grace. It didn't take long for Grace to catch on to what was going on.
"Ask the kids if they'd like pancakes for breakfast," she responded.
"Oh trust me, they'd love pancakes," Allie smiled.
"Pancakes!" was the chorus of small voices that could be heard behind Allie. In the tense rush, it was a much needed relief for herself and the men.
Brooklyn seemed to appear in front of the car before Allie could fully register what she was seeing. As the drew nearer to the Barnes family house, she found herself counting down the blocks. That was the amount of blocks until she knew that her children would be safe from harm. Parking outside, both Allie and Bucky took charge in getting the kids inside.
"Hey you guys!" Grace's voice was soothing and excited as the kids entered the house, happily placing their bags in the living room as the smell of breakfast drifted throughout the house. Grace glanced back and waited for the children to be out of sight and far enough away before she leaned forward towards Allie and Bucky. "They found her?"
"Yes," Allie nodded. "We have to leave and finish this."
"You stay safe," Grace threw her arms around Allie tightly before pulling her uncle into the hug as well.
"We'll be fine," Bucky assured her. "You know to just keep them entertained."
"Of course," Grace nodded. "Just like always. It'll be fine."
What none of the adults noticed was the five-year-old little boy who was hiding from view, but heard the simple words that were being spoken. Knowing that something was wrong, he kept his eyes trained on his mom and his dad. He didn't make a move until Sarah was dragging T.J. back to where Allie and Bucky were to say goodbye.
"Bye Mom! Bye Dad!" she happily said as T.J. acted as her echo.
"Be good," Allie warned as she and Bucky both leaned down, giving each child a hug and a kiss.
Steven stood a few steps behind his siblings as Allie and Bucky both stood and straightened themselves out. He paused for a moment, looking his mom in the eye before marching over and wrapping his arms tightly around her, burying his face in her stomach. Allie and Bucky glanced to each other before Allie sunk down to wrap her arms tightly around Steven.
"I love you," Steven mumbled against her.
"I love you, too," she turned slightly to kiss his cheek.
Steven gave Bucky and Peter each hugs before he stood with his little sister and little brother. The door behind them closing, Allie, Peter, and Bucky all walked back to the car. The sun was barely finding itself peeking from the horizon as the engine came alive.
Sitting in the car, Bucky drove with only one hand on the wheel, the other was tightly wrapped around Allie's. Peter was on the phone in the backseat, assuring both Ned and MJ that he was currently fine and that Allie was as well. Promising to call them as soon as everything was finally over, he hung up the phone and looked to Bucky through the mirror.
"This will work," he assured Allie.
"I know it will," she nodded and looked down to Bucky's hand on hers. "It has to."
As Allie looked forward once more, the car went silent. No one uttered another word as Bucky sped down the roads, not caring once who saw him as he rounded down streets until the compound was finally within few. Pulling up to the front where other cars were pulling in as well, the three leapt from the car, grabbing what they needed and running inside to where weapons and suits were being collected.
Bodies moved around the compound, Bruce helping the others prepared supplies for the jet. Along with a few others, he began to load the supplies on the jet itself. Wanda was tearing out of a side room, clad in her suit and relief flooding her face as she saw Allie.
"Oh thank god," she muttered as she marched over to her and wrapped her arms around her. "It's finally going to be over."
"I know," Allie squeezed tightly. "Who would have thought that us having powers would make parts of our lives absolute shitshows?"
"Westview, Annika," Wanda nodded. "You have a point by saying that."
"Where's my sister?" Steve's voice boomed from down a corridor as he made his way into the area, pushing past the others that were moving quickly from place-to-place. His eyes settling on her, he sighed in relief. "Do we have everyone?"
"T'Challa and Zemo are the last to be on their way," Sam nodded. "Everyone else is either suiting up or helping take supplies to the jet."
"Then I'm going to suit up," Allie nodded.
"I will, too," Bucky added quickly.
Neither thought of much of anything as they slipped into a private room, each making their way into their suits. Both checked on the other, fretting over the buckles and snaps on the other's suit. Bucky paused as Allie's hand rested on his vibranium arm and she took in a deep breath.
"Love?" he whispered and she hummed a response. "I told you, it's going to be okay. We're going to win."
"I know we are," she looked up. "James?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you," she smiled.
"For what?" his brow rose.
"Everything," she shrugged. "Now, come on, let's get out there."
"There's something I need to do first," Bucky paused.
"Which is?"
Bucky didn't respond as he leaned in and kissed her. It wasn't rough or passionate. It was tender as he leaned his forehead against hers. Taking a breath, he let his eyes meet hers.
"I love you," he whispered.
"I love you, too," she whispered in return.
Nodding to one another, they left the room and rejoined the others, Zemo and T'Challa having arrived and both acknowledging Allie and Bucky. As the team each settled into the room, they looked to Sam and Allie.
"Sam, where is she?" Allie started off.
"Europe," he took in a breath. "We originally thought that she was hiding around the lab's location, but she's not. Instead, she's in a nearby city. Someone spotted her and alerted me early this morning."
"Does it look like she's planning attacks on buildings like she's been doing?" Allie asked as she took in and held a breath.
"Yes," Sam confirmed.
"Then we need to get there," Peter's jaw was set tightly.
"We will," Allie nodded to him.
"What's the plan?" Steve asked as he looked directly to Allie, eyes around the room following his lead.
"She won't be alone, especially once word of us arriving inevitably gets to her," Allie swallowed. "Find those who are following her, but do not, under any circumstances, kill them. We need to find her. If you are the one to find her, do not kill her. She was just a kid when I burnt the lab down, and I want to believe that she'll accept help."
"And if she doesn't?" Walker asked from where he stood.
"Well, we'll cross that bridge if we get there," Allie began. "But we won't have to cross it. We'll help her. For now, trust your instincts, keep in communication over the comms, and don't take unnecessary risks."
Agreement bubbled over the group as they looked between each other. Bucky and Steve had both found themselves standing beside Allie, each taking one of her hands and squeezing. On the other side of Steve, Sharon glanced to Allie before taking a breath.
"Let's stop this bitch," Sharon nodded to the others.
"Save her," Allie corrected. "Let's save her from herself."
And with each giving a nod, the team was settling onto the jet, taking off to find and stop Annika once and for all.