betrayal
The boys were at school. Sarah was at work. It was 9:30 in the morning. It was Valentines day. Sam repeated those words over and over in his head. He normally woke up from a nightmare in the middle of the night, and in fairness, he did. He got one, woke with a start, and ended up falling asleep a little while later. And then, he got another one.
First, it was Riley, and Steve, and Nat, and his parents. They all looked scared, more than scared. Sam didn’t know what to do, he was trapped. He wanted to tell them he was sorry, he wanted to just- he wanted to know that it’d be okay.
Then, he woke up.
He fell asleep again, thankfully.
Not for long.
He saw Sarah. He saw the boys. He saw Rhodey. He saw Bucky. This time, he wasn’t trapped. But they were out of reach. Each time he tried to get closer, they’d slip away. Bucky especially. And the boys. They all slipped away into darkness, until Sarah was the last one. “I’m sorry.” he said, because he didn’t know what else to say. He was sorry. “Not that it makes a damn difference. You left us. In a way, it’s like you betrayed us.” Sarah said, and then she was gone.
And then, Sam woke up.
It was like his mind was trying to play tricks on him, like it knew exactly what it was doing. So, Sam kept reminding himself that the boys were at school. And that Sarah was at work. And that it was 9:30 in the morning. Well, a minute has passed. So, 9:31 in the morning. And, it was Valentines day. The last Valentines day Sam actually celebrate, he and Bucky spent the entire day watching rom-coms that Sam practically begged Bucky to watch. But before that, they took a walk down by the docks, and Sam pointed out every bird species that he saw, and Bucky just rolled his eyes, a fond smile on his face nonetheless.
But, as the sun set-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“We, uh, danced He went out and bought vinyls, like old, old vinyls.” Bucky hated this. Bucky hated this, Bucky hated this. Did he mention he hated this? Yeah, he hates this with a burning passion. Raynor noticed he was, as she so kindly put it, significantly more pouty. So, she asked what was wrong, because that is her job, and Bucky stayed silent.
And he stayed silent.
And they both stayed silent.
Until Raynor talked. “James, you’re going to have to be a bit more talkative.” But James did not want to talk. This had nothing to do with the pardon, firstly, and secondly, does Bucky look like the type of person who would spill his heart out to Raynor? No, no he doesn’t. But when she said:
“Is it about Sam?”
It switched something on in his head. Bucky was bound to spill over sooner rather than later. So he did. He briefly explained why he was so upset. “I-” he sighed deeply, “yes.” Bucky said, finally.
So, fast-forward to now, as Bucky finished explaining the day that felt like centuries ago, he saw that the notebook that was normally opened and ink filled was now closed, and he got Raynors attention. “Sam was important to you, wasn’t he?” Raynor questioned, and Bucky scoffed. Yeah, thanks Sherlock. “Yes.” Bucky answered bitterly. Raynor made a face and nodded. “James, you need to reach out to him.”
Bucky shifted in his seat, averting his eyes from Raynors. “How were you, you both, when you were… together?” she asked, and Bucky sighed.
“We were happy.”
~~~~~~~~~~
They were so happy. Sam knew that they were so, so happy. And now, now everything’s a mess. He remembered the day like it was yesterday.
“Morning.” Sam said, snarky as ever. Bucky rolled his eyes as he stumbled into the kitchen, the floorboards creaking at every step he took. Bucky’s looked at Sam, then at the whole ass breakfast that was in front of him. “What day is it today?” he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Sam smirked. “Saturday.” he answered casually, and Bucky threw him a glare. “It’s Valentines day, isn’t it?” Bucky’s tone was agitated and fed up, but he was actually pretty excited. He had a plan. Probably wasn’t gonna go well, but he had a plan.
~~~~~~~~
“Please.”
“No.”
“I think you’d like them.”
“Romantic comedies? Sam, who do I look like to you?”
“Someone who’ll like romantic comedies.”
“I’m gonna regret this.”
Sam grinned, and he grabbed his laptop. “Ok, so this one isn’t as popular, and some people wouldn’t even call it a rom-com, but I love it. So, we’re watching it.” Sam explained, giddy like a child on the last day of school. Bucky chuckled. “Don’t leave me in suspense.” Bucky said with a raised eyebrow. Sam nodded, a smile still on his face.
~~~~~~~~~
“C’mon, I have a plan.” Bucky had Sam’s hand in his. “Right, and that would be…?” Sam said with a raised eyebrow. “If you weren’t so impatient, maybe you’d find out sooner.” Bucky said with a smirk. “Ok well I don’t think the speed of you power walking depends on my patience, so I think we’re good.”
Bucky scoffed, and Sam finally recognized where they were. The docks. Not to mention the picnic blanket, and how Sam just realized there a bag of food in Bucky’s other hand will forever confuse him. “What did you do?” Sam questioned, and he heard Bucky’s chuckle softly. “I was up early.”
~~~~~~~~~
“I just… I didn’t know what else to get you.” Bucky watched as Sam fiddled with the locket in his hands. The inside was empty, but when Sam flipped it over (god knows how Bucky got this) he saw two words on the back: Yours Forever.
Sam looked up to meet Bucky’s eye. “How- what- did-” his little mumblings were cut short by Bucky’s lips pressed against his. “I figured you’d like it. You do- you do like it, yeah?”
Sam smiled softly. “I love it, Buck.”
~~~~~~~~~
The air was cold and fresh as they walked back to the apartment, when Sam stopped abruptly. “Yes?” Bucky said hesitantly, an eyebrow raised. Sam didn’t respond, and only dragged Bucky by the hand into an abandoned looking bar.
“Sam-”
“Just- c’mon, alright? I have a plan.” Sam said, and Bucky rolled his eyes. “Are you mocking me from when I said I had a plan.”
“Yes and no, now hurry up.”
~~~~~~~~~
The danced slowly in the abandoned bar, Sam’s phone playing songs that Bucky’s head perked up at. “I know this one.”
“I know you do.” Sam said with an easy smile, spinning Bucky around slowly. “How’d you know what songs I liked? Like, songs from before”
“Say thank you to the vinyl shop down the street from us. I got a few, already at home. And some Taylor Swift, obviously.” Home. Home. Not a defiant place, but wherever they are together, they’re home. “Thank you, Sammy.” Bucky said with a grin, and rested his head on Sam’s shoulder. The bright hues of the sunset shone and were clear, making a backdrop to two dancing. Their dark clothing standing out against the colours almost made it look like a movie. They stayed like that until the breeze became cold, and the sun had set, then they headed home.
They had a plan, in every sense. Now, now it’s done. The plan failed.
~~~~~~~~
“It was the best of times, the worst of crimes.” Getaway car played. The same song Bucky begged Sam to dance to on Valentines day. He couldn’t dance to it, neither of them could, but it was fun. It was fun. Sam was laughing, his head on Bucky’s shoulder, while Bucky laughed, too, leaning his head against Sam’s. After that, they just listened to it, Bucky singing softly as Sam played with his hair.
“X marks the spot, where we fell apart.”
Bucky should sell the apartment, it makes the most sense. But he can’t bring himself to do it. It didn’t make sense for him to have this apartment if he only occupied 3 out of the 4 rooms. But, for some reason that Bucky doesn’t know (or doesn’t want to believe), he can’t leave.
Maybe he had an irrational thought that Sam would come back through the door, smiling and happy. Which isn’t realistic, but Bucky feels his entire reality slipping.
“We were flying-”
~~~~~~~
“But we never get far.” Sam muttered to the music as he ran a hand up and down the rail of the boat. The day had passed by like a gust of wind. By now the sun had set, and Sam’s mind had cleared. He knew the song, Bucky forced him to dance to it multiple times. It played on that Valentines day, they barely danced, only smiling and laughed, lost in the others eyes. They thought they’d be forever.
“No they never get far.”
Sam used to wish, used to yearn, to get far. He’d had relationships in the past, but they were always short lived. Then, he met Riley, and he saw something. He saw a future, maybe.
But Riley fell. Riley fell. And with him, a future that could’ve been. Probably should’ve been. It was dark. He felt lonely, he felt so lost.
Then Bucky. He saw another future, one that wasn’t blurry or unclear, but one that was true, it was clear as glass. But glass breaks. Glass breaks really, really easily. And now-
“We’re both sorry.”
~~~~~~~~
“We’re both sorry.”
They’re both sorry. They’re both, so, so sorry.
Sam’s sorry for what could’ve, what should’ve been. Sam’s sorry for believing it all.
Bucky’s sorry for- for everything. He’s most sorry that he’s a coward, sorry he won’t answer Sam’s text. So he won’t see Sam again, because he’s scared. Bucky’s sorry he turned on Sam, making him believe on them. His heart betrayed him, and, in a way, Bucky betrayed Sam.
“Traitors like us never win.”