Chapter 9
The farther we get from the store the farther I go back in time. Flash from the past. From that relationship. For six years I let myself stay trapped in his clutches. I thought I was past this. I thought I was stronger.
“Y/N, we’re home. Come on and get down.” James holds out his arms to help me get down but I ignore his outstretched hands and get down myself.
Wordlessly I unsattle the horses, grab my bag from Mary Ann’s boutique and head inside. I don’t say anything to James. I don’t even look at him.
Walking straight to my room I close my door softly and lock it. I drop the bag on the ground and make my way over to my bed. I crawl to the head of my bed, bringing my knees to my chest and clutching them hard.
Why? Why did I have to see him? Why did he have to start things? Why won’t these nightmares leave me?
I let my head fall to my knees. I let the tears fall down my face, the fear creeping in. I don’t want to go back but I feel like he still has that iron grip on me. On my arms, my throat, my mind, everything.
“Y/N? Can you open up for me?” James knocks softly on the door but I ignore him. I know he can hear my sobs but I don’t want his comfort, his sweet words. I don’t deserve it.
“Please.” His voice softens, pleading but I don’t move to open it. Instead I cover my mouth to muffle my sobs.
After several more attempts he gives up and I hear him walk away.
I feel like I’m suffocating. The way I can still feel Matthews hands landing on my face, his fists hitting my body. His harsh words cut through me. I thought I moved past all of this. I thought I let everything go and moved on. Why is he still haunting me? Why don’t I deserve to be happy?
A couple minutes later I push myself up and off the bed and move towards the bathroom. My eyes are red and swollen, my face tear stained. I splash some cold water on my face and change into a hoodie before heading downstairs to start on dinner.
As I make my way downstairs I smell the faint aroma of pancakes, eggs and bacon. Confused, I walk faster towards the kitchen. Josh and Ryan never said anything about cooking this week and I’d rather not have them in the kitchen by themselves.
I round the counter and my breath hitches in my throat. Ryan and Josh are setting the table while James stands over by the stove flipping pancakes and bacon. Katie’s standing next to him on her stool helping with the eggs.
“James wanted to make dinner tonight. He said you went to lay down so we didn’t want to wake you.” Ryan comes up and hugs me before pulling out the pitcher of orange juice.
“Oh, ok.”
“Come sit down.” James walks away from the stove and guides me to the table. He pulls out my chair for me and goes back to helping Katie with the eggs.
“How do you get your pancakes so perfect James?” Katie asks as she peers over the side to see the golden brown pancake sitting in the pan.
“My ma’ taught me how to cook pancakes. Way back when I was your age we’d stand together in the kitchen and make pancakes when we could.” He opens the oven and sets the pancake on the previously made ones.
When did he start remembering this? I thought he said he couldn’t remember anything. Why didn’t he come to me?
“What do you mean when you could? Did your mom work a lot?” Katie’s tone comes out innocent, obviously not aware that James didn’t grow up at the same time as us.
“No sweetie. Growing up my family and I didn’t have a lot of money so we had to make due with what we had.” James places more batter in the pan, sizzles filling the kitchen.
“I’m sorry, Jamie.” Katie wraps her arms around James as much as she can and hugs him tight. “My momma never really did much but Y/N/N always made up for all of it. Right Joshie?”
“Stop calling me Joshie, Kate. I hate it.” Josh rolls his eyes as he makes his way into the dinning room to join me. I can see the faint smile playing at the corner of his lips as he sits across from me.
He gives me a look of questions, asking if I’m ok. I smile back at him with a small nod of my head but he’s not convinced. He slowly turns around to face the kitchen doorway but keeps an eye on me.
“Go ahead and take the eggs to the table. I’ll bring in the pancakes and bacon.” Katie comes rushing in with a large bowl of scrambled eggs with James trailing behind her with two plates of pancakes and a plate of bacon. Ryan follows behind them with the butter in one hand and syrup in the other.
James sits beside me, Josh and Ryan across from me and Katie at the end of the table. We bless the food and James helps serve everyone. When he offers me some food I shake my head no to everything but a piece of bacon. My appetite has long been gone. I doubt anything will stay down with the way I’m feeling.
“Y/N, please. You need to eat something.” James says as he takes my hand in his, his touch gentle. “You haven’t eaten since breakfast and all you had was a bagel. Please eat.”
When I make no motion to move, James leans forward and places a small serving of eggs on my plate along with one pancake.
“Just this. Eat this for now ok? It’s ok if you eat this little bit but you can;t eat nothing.”
He was so cold and scared just two days ago. How did he change into this man? When did he become so warm and nice? When did he become so friendly? When did this version of James come around?
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Word Count:1054