The Balm To Memory
Sylvie woke the next morning with her neck at an uncomfortably angle. Her limbs were tangled in a heap with Loki from where they’d finally collapsed after the third or fourth time the night before—she’d honestly lost track.
Her head ached from the previous night’s drinking and she could feel pins and needles in her arm. Sylvie shifted slightly to withdraw it but found it trapped under Loki’s neck as he wheezed a soft snore into his pillow.
It really was an endearing sight; the way he’d fallen face first down into the pillow with her arm still beneath him, neither of them having had the strength to move to a more comfortable position. She didn’t imagine his windpipe would thank her after being pressed against her arm all night. Yet the resulting little snore from the pressure made Sylvie’s heart flutter with affection.
Easing back toward him gently Sylvie noticed the little crease between his brow which only deepened at the movement beneath his throat. She ghosted her lips over his temple in a gentle, lingering kiss.
“Loki,” she whispered softly and pressed her lips a little more firmly against his skin. Part of Sylvie worried that if he woke too quickly with the pressure on his neck he might panic, so she reached out with her mind to draw him back to consciousness slowly. She felt the swirling energy patterns of his dreams subside, returning to the forefront of his mind.
“Syl…” he murmured with a raspy wheeze, still half asleep. His brow furrowed again at the unusual sensation and Sylvie noticed the way his eyes flicked behind his eyelids rapidly and his features tensed.
“Shh it’s alright Loki, you fell asleep on my arm… it’s just me love… it’s Sylvie… come back,” she whispered softly and pressed gentle kisses to his cheek.
“Syl-Sylv… huhhk, ahg,” his neck tensed further only making things worse.
Sylvie cooed soothing noises as she pushed him very carefully off her arm and onto his back. Loki coughed again and heaved labored breaths as he now took in twice as much oxygen.
The arm in question now ached while the feeling of shooting pins only intensified. Sylvie winced and sucked in a sharp breath as she tried to work it back to life, eventually settling for just cradling it against her chest like a wounded animal.
“Sylvie—” Loki’s voice was clearer now and she could tell he was awake. Looking over she could see his eyes were indeed squinting against the morning light.
“My love, are you alright?” He managed to roll back toward her and propped up on one elbow to get a better look at her. “Your arm—”
“Just slept on it funny,” she shrugged and the motion made her wince again.
“Let me…” he said softly, bringing one of those large elegant hands Sylvie enjoyed so much to rest gently on her arm. He closed his eyes and hummed softly, the energy of his seidr soothing the inflamed joint and seeking out any other ailments within her body. Sylvie sighed with relief as her head no longer throbbed, and the aches in her legs and back dissipated to leave her free of any pain.
“You’ll need to teach me that, min elskede…” she breathed gratefully and brought a hand to cup his jaw as he panted softly. “Loki? Are you okay?”
He nodded gently, opening his eyes slowly, “my energy will replenish… it seems my body was already a bit… taxed.”
Loki grinned as his eyes flickered between Sylvie’s eyes and her lips.
“That’s one way of putting it…” Sylvie returned his heated stare and leaned forward to kiss him slow and deep. She tried to focus all her energy to press into his lips, hoping to restore at least some small fraction of the magic he’d selflessly poured into her.
Loki moaned softly and allowed the energy to flow into him, then back over to Sylvie. It passed through them like an alternating current, the healing seidr restoring and uniting more than just their bodies. Sylvie slipped her arms around Loki’s waist to pull him on top of her as they grounded one another. Eventually they slowed to lazy nuzzling kisses and sighs of contentment yet Sylvie couldn’t help feeling that there was something troubling him.
“Loki… what were you dreaming about—before I woke you—do you remember?”
His breath caught for only a fraction of a moment but Sylvie caught it and moved her hands to cup his jaw tenderly. Loki’s eyes were now squeezed shut and his breathing had picked up as he clearly wrestled with something.
“Was it a memory…? Please, let me in… open your eyes, love,” She murmured softly and caressed his cheek with her thumb.
Loki took a deep breath and let it out slowly, eyes opening reluctantly. There was pain written there and it made her heart ache for him, but she waited, allowing him a moment to breathe.
“Not quite a memory… not mine anyway. Something I saw at the TVA, that first day when they arrested me. Mobius had shown me pieces of my past, defining moments—but there were those which hadn’t happened to me yet. Things which would supposedly have transpired had I not become a variant…”
“What was it?” Sylvie breathed with nervous tension as her eyes searched his.
“Have I told you… how it happened? How I was supposed to die?” His tone sharpened slightly and Sylvie tensed. She shook her head softly and moved her hands to caress a path from his jaw down to his shoulders.
“After everything… all that potential, all that purpose—and in one meaninglessinstant Thanos snapped my neck.”
Sylvie visibly flinched, fingers shrinking unconsciously from the place they’d settled above his collarbone. Loki immediately regretted telling her, eyes shutting as he mentally berated himself.
“Hey, don’t pull away,” she said and touched his cheek again to get his attention, “I’m sorry, I never knew the specifics… I learned of the predetermined…end… by Thanos, I just never knew when or how. I guess I always assumed it was the result of a great battle, perhaps fighting some siege on Asgard.”
Loki sighed and looked away despondently, “I don’t know all the specifics but I can fill in the blanks… and when I saw it, I was filled with rage and anxiety—it shook me to the core…”
His voice was faraway then as the image replayed over in his mind, “Lifted off the ground, like some scrawny mortal in that beastly grasp, then suddenly snuffed out—only to be dropped in a crumpled heap upon the floor like refuse—”
Sylvie’s eyes were swimming with unshed tears and Loki once again regretted telling her.
“I shouldn’t have told you…” he muttered ruefully, “you didn’t need the details—”
“Loki.” She said sternly, turning his face to look at her. “I asked, and I’m glad you answered. I can’t imagine how painful that must have been for you to see—I spent most of my life knowing it could easily end any day. It was only the drive of singular purpose to destroy the TVA which kept me alive all those years—I was never ‘supposed’ to exist, so there was never any future waiting for me.”
Loki cupped the hand holding his cheek and turned to kiss her palm lovingly before looking back at her with pained adoration.
“For you, your future was a threat, a death sentence, and it was only you that ever escaped so narrowly. You shouldn’t have had to see it, but I’m glad you told me…” She smiled tenderly, thumb caressing his cheekbone before sliding down his jaw very carefully. “Your poor lovely neck, I’m sorry to have made you relive the memory.”
Loki gave her a fond lopsided smile and shook his head softly, “Think nothing of it, my love. To have the image chased from my mind by the sound of your voice and feel of your lips was a balm to the memory.”
“Good,” she murmured before Loki leaned down to capture her lips with a building intensity.
Sylvie tugged his hips down to rest fully on her body with a satisfied hum, his weight a comforting presence. Loki sighed into the kiss at the grounding sensation of her warm body beneath him.
“Mmm, Sylvie… what time… do you need… to meet… Natasha?” He panted a little desperately as the heat between them grew rapidly.
“Ah, uh—one, er—one thirty… said… said she’d pick me up… should be… enough time…”
A low hum rumbled from Loki’s chest and he broke from her lips to inhale deeply. His mouth hung open, wishing he could breathe only the air from her lungs.
“Oh love… I could have all the time in multiverse, and it would still never be enough time spent with you.”
Sylvie dragged him down again in a bruising kiss, foregoing any other words and thankful that they now had a language all their own which consisted of moans and gasps of pleasure.
After another mind-blowing, soul-affirming, world-shattering round of lovemaking, Sylvie forced herself to get up. She headed for the shower asking him to conjure her something the wear in the meantime. When she returned, she found that Loki had fallen back to sleep and was dozing peacefully. Luckily he had at least conjured her an outfit, which lay draped over a nearby armchair.
Sylvie dressed and checked the time, pleased to note that she still had another twenty minutes before Natasha would be waiting for her in the lobby. She lay down on the bed beside Loki and stroked his hair gently, smiling when he sighed happily in his sleep.
She had begun to savor these little moments, seeing him unguarded and at peace. Gods, he’d made such a sentimental fool out of her. As time went on though she found that not only did she not mind it, she was beginning to love it.