Running
Natalia’s head was spinning when she woke up early in the morning, even before the sunrise. She had had a confusing, abstract dream that had woken her up and yesterday had been a bad eating day, too. She had gained enough weight not to be terribly underweight anymore but that didn’t mean that eating was the same as it had been before.
She was always aware of how hard it could be, almost expecting it to become worse every day. She didn’t share her worries with the Bartons, not wanting to upset them. They seemed so happy whenever they found her eating regularly.
Nauseous as she felt, she felt like not getting up at all. She didn’t want to see Laura’s worried frown as she tried not to watch how she forced her breakfast down her throat, nor Clint’s fake cheerfulness. They never said anything, but they were aware and she knew they were.
She went to her room after breakfast, throwing herself onto the bed angrily.
She was always angry at the setbacks, at wasting her hosts’ time, at delaying Clint's departure which she had figured out would not be before hers. She knew he wanted to work, it showed in his more frequent runs, archery training, and physical work around the house.
She guessed she could go already, physically and mentally, she wasn’t as weak as they thought even with the occasional setbacks, but Clint would wait for a hint and she didn’t give him that hint because she didn’t want to leave. She had grown used to the house and she wanted to enjoy its peacefulness as long as she could.
Tiredly, Natalia slipped downstairs again, putting on her shoes. She’d run a bit, she ought to train more than she did if she wanted to be useful anytime soon. She ought to have asked Clint, but she didn’t. She wanted to run alone.
“Natalia?”
She started, looking up to see Cooper. She hadn't interacted with him much during her stay, he was always around Clint, it seemed, naturally. He would miss his father again soon enough.
She looked at him, silently acknowledging his presence. He was a nice child, she thought, expectedly so, of course, both of his parents were nice. She had no idea how to interact properly with children.
“Come on, Natalia,” Cooper pleaded with a gap-toothed smile. “I’m bored, I wanna play.”
Natalia looked at him cautiously, unsure what to do.
“Let’s play tag,” Cooper suggested, or demanded rather… He tapped Natalia on the forearm.
Natalia had flinched at the touch, standing still tensely and staring at the little boy who had run away a few steps, now looking at her, head tilted.
Cooper shook his head.
“It’s your turn, you have to catch me.”
He came over and tapped her arm again. Natalia flinched and took a step back.
The concept of the game seemed wrong, she didn’t want to chase after this innocent child, no matter if it was all fun and games or not.
She just wanted him to stop, to stop involving her in this, she was a killer, she wasn’t supposed to play this game. She felt his touch on her skin like a tiny handprint.
Cooper shook his head again. “Don’t you know the game?” he asked innocently. “I catch you, like that, see-“ He reached out and tapped her again. Natalia jumped back, feeling the wall in her back. She needed to get out of here, he had to stop reaching out to her… She couldn’t tell him to stop in any way…
“No, then you have to tag me, not run away,” Cooper explained. “Mummy says you don’t know many games, but it’s really easy. I’ll show you again.”
Natalia pulled her arm away as he reached out again, fists clenching nervously. She gave a little whimpering sound of helplessness as she went into a defensive stance. She was breathing heavily.
“No!” Cooper sounded impatient now. “No boxing!”
The door opened, and Laura came in, eyes widening as she saw Natalia standing opposite her son with her fists clenched, every muscle in her body tensed up.
“Natalia, no!” she exclaimed, getting between the girl and Cooper. Clint came in behind her.
“Natalia!” He went into defensive stance as well, ready to defend Laura and Cooper.
Natalia’s eyes flashed nervously as she found herself cornered further. “Natalia, stand down!” Clint demanded, voice sharp.
She flinched.
“Stand down, Natalia!”
Natalia narrowed her eyes, estimated the route, and darted past them, slamming into the nearest wall painfully, but not slowing down. She dashed out of the open terrace door and sprinted over the field towards the forest.
“Natalia!” Clint called after her, following her to the door. “Natalia, wait!”
He could see her red hair on the green, but she soon disappeared out of sight.
Laura kneeled down next to Cooper, pulling him close. Her heart was pounding.
“Are you okay, Coop?” she asked worriedly.
He looked bewildered.
"Yeah," he replied simply as if asking 'why wouldn't I be?'.
Clint turned.
“What happened, Cooper?” he asked, seriously, but not reproachfully.
Cooper shrugged.
"I wanted to play tag with Natalia," he explained. "But she didn't really get it, I think. I tried explaining, but she always went back when I tagged her, and then she thought it was a fighting game maybe? I thought everyone knows it."
Laura and Clint exchanged a look.
“I’ll get her,” Clint said, leaving through the door and following the direction she had gone.
“What’s the problem?” Cooper asked with a frown. “Why are you so angry with her?”
Laura sighed.
“We thought she wanted to playfight with you,” she lied softly. “Natalia is very good at fighting, like daddy, but I don’t want you to get into fights. It was not right of us to be mad at her, we should have asked first.”
She sat down on the floor next to him.
“Cooper, when you touch somebody and they back away, you shouldn’t keep doing it, okay, darling? I know you didn’t mean any harm, but Natalia apparently didn’t want to be touched. Know when Great-Aunt Josephine kisses you?”
Cooper shuddered theatrically. “I hate that!” he said enthusiastically.
Laura nodded. “I think Natalia feels the same about being touched. It’s not fully the same, but I want you to understand it anyway.”
Cooper looked a little subdued.
“I’m sorry, mom, I didn’t want to do something bad.”
Laura hugged him, placing a kiss on his forehead. “I know, Coop, it’s okay. It’s just for the future, you know? Daddy’s gonna go find Natalia and we’ll all make up.”
Clint had reached the forest at this point, following Natalia’s trail for a little, but then quickly losing her. She was just too good at this.
“Natalia!” He called, voice echoing. “Natalia, come out, please!”
The woods lay in front of him silently.
“I’m sorry we were so harsh just now,” Clint continued, speaking as loudly as possible so she might hear him. “I got caught up in the heat of the moment and jumped to conclusions. We’re not mad at you, it was a stupid misunderstanding, I’m sorry. Come back home, okay?”
He broke off, listening, but there was nothing to be heard except the sounds of nature and the woods lay deserted like before.
Natalia only stopped running near the edge of the forest because her head was spinning and she wasn’t sure how long she could keep going. Panting more loudly than she should have, she crouched behind a fallen tree to be hidden from view. Her heart was hammering from the sudden exertion, which was pathetic, she had been able to do triple, quadruple the time she had done now without being half as exhausted as she was.
Nevertheless, her breathing slowed down quickly, she had regained a bit of her constitution in the last week or so. She’d have to train more rigorously to get back on level.
Holding her breath, she listened intensely. She knew the sounds of the forest well enough and she was pretty sure she would be able to hear Clint approaching. She didn't allow herself to ponder the emotional repercussions of what had happened, she was in survival mode and survival mode didn’t care whom she was running from.
Calculating her next step, she decided to get back up. Her pursuer would only get closer and if she crossed the open plane in front of her now, she could disappear in time.
More jogging than running, she managed the plane and landed on a street that she presumed would lead to a town at some point. She had a vague idea of her next steps but had not really finished thinking what those steps meant and where they would inevitably lead her.
A car, much faster than it ought to be going, forced her to jump aside.
“Damn!” she exclaimed and then stood still, stupefied. Way louder than possible, her own voice echoed in her head. How on earth…
“Impossible,” she whispered, stomach cramping up before the word came out, smoothly and without difficulty. She hadn’t tried to speak in weeks… How long had she been able to without knowing it?
Confused, she trudged on at the side of the road, lost in thought. Well, that surely made things easier.
She was tired when she reached the first houses of the small town where the Bartons bought their groceries. If Clint took the car, he could be here in a few minutes… She was pretty sure he would search the woods first. He didn’t know the part of her that was at work right now and it could only be this part that would send her here, amongst so many strangers and eventualities. This part of her could adapt way better than Clint knew. Maybe it was only this part that could speak.
She walked on in one direction, hoping to reach the center somehow. She had never been here before and was a bit disoriented until she finally ended up on a busier square. No plan of the town anywhere. She’d have to ask.
“Excuse me, I’m looking for the train station.” Her voice came ‘naturally’, she was aware she had slipped into a cover like into a set of clothes. They hadn’t taken that away from her.
“Follow this street and then turn right at the red house and then left at the butcher,” the woman explained amiably.
“Thank you very much,” Natalia replied and waved as she set up into the pointed reaction, crumpling a five-dollar note in her pocket. Easy. Surprisingly easy.
“Uhm, Sir, I think you dropped that?” she asked, holding out a credit card and a few notes to a man.
“Oh my god, thank you,” he exclaimed, taking (almost) all of his property back. “Dangit, that would have been horrible to lose!”
“Certainly,” Natalia replied, waving away another ‘thank you’. Thank you for the ten bucks, Sir.
She pickpocketed her way to the train station, only taking a few notes from everyone, little enough to be waved aside as a mistake, maybe even missed altogether. It was a very good technique not to be remembered or persecuted.
It was surprisingly easy to find a train in the right direction and she only had to wait ten minutes till it came. Lucky. Normally she would have planned something like this more carefully.
Slipping inside the train, she breathed out. No sign of being followed, not that Clint would have been stealthy anyway. If he was smart, he would ask about her, but apart from the woman who had explained her the way, who would remember?
She had bought a ticket for herself even though she could have easily taken someone else’s, but since she had money now… Sitting down on an empty seat, she felt the train set off.
Feeling survival mode fading just a little bit, she asked herself what she was up to. Away, she had gotten away from the farm, that much was clear, but why? Couldn’t she have pacified them somehow? Couldn’t she have explained that she would have never hit Cooper, no matter what, that she had just tried to get away?
They didn’t believe her, though. They hadn’t given her a second to explain. Clint had been ready to hit her then and there. She had never given them a reason to believe she’d be violent.
She should probably call ahead. Who knew if her name would be enough to get an appointment. She would have called if she had taken her phone.
It was late in the afternoon when Natalia stepped out of a bus near Potomac in Washington, D.C. S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters, the Triskelion, rising majestically at the other side of the street. Natalia straightened her shoulders, only internally debating what persona would have the highest chance of being admitted. Confident and sure usually worked in cases like this.
She entered through the automatic doors of the foyer, getting a brief glance onto the entrance hall behind as she approached the counter. A woman, looking strangely young despite her completely grey hair, looked at her suspiciously.
“Can I help you?” she asked politely.
Natalia straightened herself a bit more, looking very put-together.
“My name is Natalia Romanov. I’d like to speak to Director Fury if that’s possible.”
“Do you have an appointment?” the woman asked.
“No, sorry. I would have called, but I, uhm, I lost my phone.” Natalia smiled a little, amiably, and just a little awkwardly aware of her unusual request. She was still good at acting, just like she had been trained. Just like she had been raised, you might say.
The woman raised her eyebrows.
“I’m sorry, but Director Fury is a very busy man, I’m afraid not everyone can simply come here and demand an appointment.”
Natalia didn’t change her position, but her tone, just adequately subdued, but not backing off.
“I understand that. Director Fury spoke about the matter at hand with me before I was on leave the last month with Agent Barton.” She added the name deliberately, guessing the archer would be well-known. One brief look on the woman told her she had been correct.
“Okay, I’ll ask briefly,” the woman yielded and picked up the receiver of a telephone, tying in a number.
“Sir, a Miss Natalia Romanov is here and wants to speak to you… Ah, I see… No, Sir, she is alone… Yes, Sir.”
She put down the phone.
“Follow me, please.”
Natalia was led through the entrance hall, walking by a massive eagle sculpture made of stone and glass. The hall was filled with people of all sizes and looks, she was still surprised at how many agents S.H.I.E.L.D had. Well, they weren’t quite the same kind of organization she had known.
She followed the grey-haired woman up a staircase, down a few hallways, and to an elevator. They went up and Natalia acted absent-minded to relieve the awkwardness of the silence between them. She looked outside, enjoying the view from above the trees and lower houses.
Another hallway, then a door. The woman knocked and opened it after an indistinct reply.
“Miss Romanov, Sir,” she announced.
“Thank you. Send her in.” Natalia recognized Fury’s voice and she hastily wiped her sweaty palms on her pants. With the secretary, she could exaggerate her acting, be who she had to be, but she had a clear notion that Fury would see through that. She would have to be real with him.
“Miss Romanov,” he greeted her as she stepped inside his office.
“Good afternoon, Sir.”
Not as heavily confident this time. Polite. Ready to switch to submissive if necessary, he was, after all, still an authority figure and you could never know…
“You can speak?” he remarked rather bluntly. “A pleasant development. Where is Agent Barton?”
“In Missouri, Sir.”
“And why are you here without him?”
For the first time, Natalia thought about her position with S.H.I.E.L.D. She had never considered herself a prisoner, the confines of the hospital room had been different and Clint had never even hinted she wasn’t allowed to leave. Maybe she had become a bit too comfortable in the last months.
“I was wondering whether I could still take the offer of a job you made a few weeks ago,” she stated truthfully, distracting from the question. Fury raised an eyebrow, showing it hadn’t worked.
"Sure, but that doesn't answer the question of why you are here alone. Does Agent Barton not agree with your wish to work?”
Natalia realized she had no idea what Clint thought about her working.
“I actually don’t know, Sir. I know I am strong enough, though I’ve not trained enough to be back to the level I used to have, Sir. But I can work, Sir.”
“Would you answer my question, Miss Romanov?” Fury demanded, not sharply, but strictly. “Agent Barton. Why isn’t he here with you?”
Natalia flinched a little. She had to drop the act around this guy. He could see through her too well.
“Excuse me, Sir. Agent Barton and I had a sort of misunderstanding. I didn’t tell him I meant to come here, it was a rather spontaneous trip.”
“A misunderstanding? You mean a quarrel?” he clarified. Natalia bit her lip.
“No… of a sort, maybe. I left almost immediately, it was quite short-lived.”
“Did either of you become violent?”
Did I become violent? That’s what you actually mean, right?
“No, Sir.”
Fury sighed.
“Good. I have to inform you that you weren’t allowed to leave without supervision, but I’ll let it slide since you’ve come here and didn’t try to disappear. Any crimes on the way?”
“I stole the money for the train ticket, Sir.”
“Anyone got hurt?”
Yes, I maimed and killed a tourist group for fun. Just an average Tuesday.
“No, Sir.”
Fury sighed again. “Well, I guess I have to take what I get. I would prefer you wouldn’t steal your way through Washington, though, it makes for a bad reputation for us.”
“I’m sorry, Sir.”
“Well, whatever. So, you want to work?”
She nodded.
“Yes, Sir.”
Fury wrote something down before looking up again.
“Well enough. We’ll see. I’ll put you in a psychological evaluation and if that turns out positively you will train with Agent Coulson until he deems you fit for the field. I’ll assign you a room in the building for the time being.”
“Thank you, Sir.” Natalia breathed out a bit. Better than expected. She had to be less hasty in the future, she had taken a risk of getting hurt today by leaving.
“You haven’t brought anything with you?” Fury asked.
“No, Sir.”
“I’ll have your room stocked. You can eat in the canteen. Agent Hill will show you around.”
He got up, clearly but not impolitely dismissing her. She bowed her head a little.
“Thank you, Sir.”
“Clint,” Laura said, gently but firmly guiding him to the table. “You’ve got to eat something and rest a bit. You won’t find her faster if you collapse somewhere.”
Cooper looked up from his plate, bewildered by his parents’ aggravation. He didn’t understand why Natalia had run away and didn’t come back, but he understood it had started with him wanting to play with her.
“I’m sorry, daddy,” he whispered, eyes welling up. Dad lifted him up, tired-looking but very gently.
“No, Coop, it’s not your fault. Mummy and I screwed up on this one.”
Cooper found himself sandwiched between his parents and snuggled up happily. Surely they would make it okay again, they always made things okay. Natalia had to love mummy and daddy, too, Cooper couldn’t understand how anyone couldn’t love them. And she had to be hungry and tired, too, then she’d come back home. Whenever Cooper pouted, it never lasted beyond dinnertime.
Mindlessly, Clint took a few forkfuls from his table.
“I can tell you, it gets annoying to be outsmarted by a teenager all the time. It’s been a while since I’ve lost someone’s trail, and I know the forest ten times as well. She’s treading so lightly, it’s insane.” He groaned. “Dammit, Laura, she’s gotta be somewhere.”
Laura sighed. She was just as worried as he was but she was worried about him as well and she knew he’d go out again as soon as he had finished eating.
“Do you think she’s hiding in the forest somewhere at all?” she asked quietly.
Clint looked up.
“If she isn’t, I have no idea what to do, Laura. We can’t even guess how far she could physically go, I don’t even have an idea of her strength, I’ve seen her disarm someone when she was much more dead than alive, and now…”
“Call S.H.I.E.L.D?” Laura suggested weakly. S.H.I.E.L.D had no idea of the farm, but more people were maybe just what they needed right now.
"I'm not sending a tack team in there,” Clint contradicted. “A group of strangers, uniformed at that, just gonna make it worse. This isn’t a manhunt, we’re searching for a missing kid, and for that, you don't ask government agents."
He got up. “I’m going out again.”
“Wait,” Laura commanded. “You take something to drink this time.”
She didn’t sleep that night, neither did Clint. She put Cooper to bed and waited, staring out of the window, hoping to see two people emerge from the dark woods.
Clint returned alone with the first sunrays. He shook his head, collapsing on the couch, exhausted.
“She isn’t out there,” he whispered. “I would have found her, wouldn’t I?”
Laura nodded silently. He was a good tracker and she knew it.
“I don’t want her to be further away,” he admitted. “I want her to be in the forest somewhere, safe.” He groaned softly. “I’m gonna call Fury.”
He groaned as he pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed the super-secret number.
“This is Hawkeye, Code Delta.”
Fury was at the phone surprisingly early. Apparently, S.H.I.E.L.D had a calm minute.
“Agent Barton?”
“Director,” Clint returned the greeting. “I, uhm, I’ve got to ask something of you. Can I borrow one of those heat signature drones for a day or two?”
“A drone?” Fury sounded surprised to annoyed. “Those aren’t kids’ toys, Barton. You can only use one on missions and even then, the bureaucracy…”
“It’s important, Sir.” Clint sighed “I… I’ve lost the kid. Natalia. We’ve had a misunderstanding and now we can’t find her… I’ve been looking for her all night and I can’t find her alone.”
“You lost a world-famous assassin and you’re telling me more than twelve hours after the fact?”
There it went.
“I thought I could sort this out myself. Also, don’t make it sound like she’s just waiting to kill people willy-nilly, she’s not like that and you know it. We’re worried about her well-being, she’s been out there for hours without food or water… I need a way to find her and one of these drones…”
“She’s here, Barton,” Fury interrupted.
Clint stopped dead.
“What?”
“She arrived yesterday afternoon by train and asked me to work. Apart from a few small thefts, she seems to have managed the way without felonies and she seemed quite put together compared to the last time I met her.”
Clint felt dizzy.
“She’s been with you the whole time? And you didn’t tell me?”
“I would have if you had told me you had lost her, Barton.” Fury sounded unfazed. “You know that you were obliged to inform me much earlier than you did.”
“I had no idea she was capable… I never dreamed she’d go that far off.”
“You seem to have underestimated her,” Fury stated matter-of-factly.
“Not the first time, Sir,” Clint replied, meaning we all do, all the time. “Is she alright? Did anyone take care she ate something?”
“She’s quite alright, Barton. You did get her back to health quite well, I must say.”
Clint breathed out, relieved.
“I’m coming up to D.C today.”
“I don’t want you here before three pm, Barton. Sleep and eat something before you set off, and maybe bring Miss Romanov’s personal articles with you.”
Clint frowned.
“You mean she intends to stay?”
“That’s what we agreed to for the moment. I’m expecting you in my office as soon as you arrive, Barton.”
A click made clear Fury didn’t care to say anything more. Clint turned to Laura, stunted.
“They have her,” he said, shaking his head. “She went to D.C by herself and asked Fury for a job.”
“She asked?” Laura frowned. “Do you mean she spoke?”
Clint stopped.
“She… I don’t know. Maybe Fury accepted written word?” He sounded extremely doubtful. Fury wouldn’t even consider letting Natalia work if she couldn’t speak as a result of trauma. At least Clint thought so.
“I’ll fly over in a few hours,” he said. “I’ve got to sleep a bit first.”
Laura raised her eyebrows.
“Now I’m worried about you. Why are you being so responsible?”
“Fury ordered me to.”
Laura laughed a little, kissing his forehead. “That sounds more plausible.”