I'm Not Okay

THURSDAY DECEMBER 21, 2017 4:03 AM.

A loud slam startled Harley awake. He instantly sat up and looked around. Nothing seemed off. He was in his bedroom at home. Everything was quiet. He grabbed his phone and checked the time. Four in the morning.

He slid out of bed and checked outside the door. The hallway was dark.

“Mom?” He called. Silence. He crept through the door and down the hall. It was all completely silent. “You okay mom?”

Something tightened in his throat. A wave of memories rushed through his mind. Walking down a dark hallway towards a loud noise only to find…

His heart beat faster. Breathing shallow and quicker.

Harley knocked gently on her bedroom door. There was no response. He slowly opened the door and looked around cautiously. Empty.

As he was about to shrug it off, something caught his eye. Something was peeking out from underneath her bed. He crouched beside the bed and got a closer look. A half-empty bottle of whiskey was shoved haphazardly under the bed.

He wiped a hand down his face. She lied. She lied about everything. She wasn’t getting better.

Harley knew better though. If there was one, there were more. He just hadn’t found them yet. He was on his feet instantly and began searching in all her usual spots. Nothing.

He moved through the bathrooms, the kitchen, anywhere she could possibly shove a bottle. Nothing. It wasn’t right. If there was one there was always more. He’d never just found one.

Whatever. She still lied. She promised she wasn’t drinking. Harley left the whiskey on the counter and went back to bed. He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t cry. He thought he would. Whenever he’d found bottles before he would. But, that was the first time he didn’t. Instead of feeling sad or disappointed, he felt nothing.

It was worse than being sad. He just felt numb. Like a wound that’s been opened and shut too many times.

He grabbed his phone again. There was one person he wanted to call. The one person he wanted to tell everything.

His thumb hovered above the call button for a moment before he decided against it. He reached his hand into his backpack and pulled out his little orange bottle. He placed a pill on his tongue and laid back on his bed. His pulse slowed. Breathing slower. Silence.

He pulled out his phone again but this time he listened to his voicemail.

“You have no new messages and one saved message. To play your message; press one.”

He pressed one quickly and raised the phone to his ear.

“Hey, I guess you’re busy right now. Mom kinda went crazy today when she realized you left. She’s really sorry. You know how she is. She gets emotional and does stuff and regrets it… She’s just worried about you. I am too. That’s why we’re coming to New York. Mom wants to bring you back home. That’s why I called, actually. I wanted to warn you. I want you to decide for yourself whether to stay with Tony or not. You do so much for us. And it’s not fair that you’re throwing away your life to take care of us. You deserve to go to MIT. You deserve to work with Tony Stark in some huge lab and make millions. I just want you to know that I won’t hold it against you if you don’t come home. Anyway, I love you. See you in a few hours.”

He’d listened to that voicemail from Abbie a thousand times in the past month.

“To play this message again, press one-”

He rubbed his nose with the back of his hand as he lowered the phone from his ear. “I miss you. You know that?”

“Yea I know,” Not-Abbie was lying beside him.

His pulse slowed, Breathing slower. Silence.

~

THURSDAY DECEMBER 21, 2017, 7:37 AM.

The sound of the front door unlocking alerted him in the kitchen. He was getting ready for school and Happy was only a few minutes away to pick him up. He peeked around the corner to the front door.

His mother was clumsily taking her shoes off. She was panting loudly and her hands were shaking.

“Oh, Jesus…” Harley said. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

She nearly fell over. Clearly, she hadn’t seen him standing there. “Harley?”

“You’re drunk. So was that your plan all along? Make me forgive you then get blasted? This is so you.”

He walked back into the kitchen and grabbed his backpack. Even if Happy wasn’t there, he would rather walk to school than wait around for Happy.

“Harley! Come back,” She cried. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m done with this shit.”

“I’m not drunk…” She said, something in her tone made Harley pause. “I was going to though.”

He turned around to look at her. Thick tears welled up in her eyes but she brushed them away before they could fall.

“What do you mean?”

She tried to sigh but it came out as a sob. She quickly wiped her tears and cleared her throat. “I stole it from the tower when I picked you up from the medbay last month. I haven’t drunk from it but… But I wanted to.”

“How am I supposed to believe that? The bottle’s almost empty! How am I supposed to believe you didn’t drink it?”

She sobbed again. Louder that time. She looked truly desperate. “I don’t know, just believe me, please. I was gonna throw it out today, that's why I was so clumsy coming in. My hands are shaking.”

Harley heard a loud honk from outside. Happy was waiting for him.

“Harley, please. Please,” She begged.

He wiped the tears from his face before grabbing his backpack and heading for the front door.

~

THURSDAY DECEMBER 21, 2017, 7:40 AM.

Peter could hear yelling inside. He couldn’t quite understand what was being said though. Happy definitely couldn’t hear it. He just sat in the front seat scrolling on his phone. The yelling stopped for a moment. Peter strained his ears to listen.

He nearly had a heart attack when Happy laid it on the horn.

“Gah! Happy…” He rubbed his ear to try and stop it from ringing.

“Sorry, kid. He’s taking forever,” Happy replied, before returning to his phone.

It wasn’t long until Harley appeared through the front door. He slammed it behind him and swung his backpack over his shoulder. He wiped his face with his sleeve before pulling the car door open.

Peter panicked and grabbed his phone to make it look like he didn’t just see or hear any of that.

Harley slid into the car and closed the door.

“Hey, man,” Peter said.

“Hey,” Harley said back. Was that it?

“You okay?” Peter asked.

Harley nodded.

“Dude, seriously-”

“Parker now is not the time,” Harley growled.

“You guys alright back there?” Happy asked angrily.

“Fine… Sorry, Happy.”

The conversation ended way before Peter had hoped. Something was definitely up with Harley. He was gonna find out.

“Did you get my text, kid?” Happy asked.

“Yea,” Harley replied before Peter could say anything. “I texted back, didn't you see it?”

“Oh Jesus, what is it this time? You gonna call me sweaty in Spanish or something?” Happy scrolled through his texts and stopped.

“You have to reply with something sarcastic huh?”

Harley slouched slightly in his seat. “It was morse code. Not Spanish.”

Happy shook his head but Peter could tell he was smiling. Peter was slightly confused by Happy and Harley’s relationship. They seemed like they hated each other but… Did they?

“Try not to set the whole city on fire during math class,” Happy said, as the two were climbing out of the car.

“Deal. That still leaves three periods and lunch to set the city on fire,” Harley called over his shoulder.

Happy shook his head again and honked the horn. Harley laughed a bit and waved goodbye to him.

School was pretty normal. Harley was quiet as always. Peter tried to talk to him every once in a while but was ignored or brushed off. It was incredibly irritating. After everything they’d done the night before, he was acting like they didn’t even know each other.

By the time they were in chemistry, Peter was pretty pissed. MJ could obviously tell.

“What’s wrong with you?” She asked. Not looking up from the three-million-page book she was reading.

“Nothing,” Peter replied.

“Then why are you acting weird?” She asked.

“Harley’s being weird but he won’t tell me why.”

MJ nodded as she flipped the page. “And so you’re being weird. Makes total sense.”

Peter deflated. “I know. What should I do? You seem like you’re good with people.”

She looked up from the book for the first time. She cocked her eyebrow and then rolled her eyes. “I know you’re mocking me but I’ll pretend you didn’t.”

Peter chuckled as her gaze returned to her book. She flipped the page again.

“I think you should talk to him.”

“Wow, wish I had thought of that,” Peter said.

MJ closed her book and bonked him on the head with it. “Don’t force it out of him. Tell him you’re there to talk if he needs you. Be supportive. Don’t interrogate him.”

She was giving him genuine advice but it sounded weird in her I-don’t-care-about-this-conversation voice.

Peter nodded.

“You’re his friend. Not his mom. He trusts you and wants to tell you. Let him.”

He looked over to Harley across the classroom. He and his station partner were sitting silently. Harley seemed really focused on something that definitely wasn’t the assignment.

His station partner, Sally, tried to begin a conversation with him. It ended quickly and they both returned to their work.

A pit formed in Peter’s stomach. He wasn’t sure if it was his spider-sense or what but something in him knew there was something big happening behind the scenes. It was killing him to see Harley like that. He wanted him to not have something to worry about. He always had to keep everything to himself too. Peter couldn’t help even though he desperately wanted to. It was torture.

Peter finally spoke up when it was just the two of them. They were waiting outside the school for Happy to pick them up. The parking lot was pretty much empty. The rush of students and parents and busses had died down a while ago. The sun was already beginning to fall, painting the snow a dark gray colour.

“Have you talked to your mom?” He asked.

Harley rolled his eyes and pulled his knees up to his chest. They were seated on the icy steps down from the school to the street. Peter’s butt was all wet from the snow but he didn’t complain. He had bigger things to worry about.

“Drop it, Parker.”

“I’m not trying to interrogate you,” He remembered MJ’s advice from earlier. Invite him to talk. Don’t force it. “I just want you to know that I’m always here to talk. You’re one of my best friends and I’m worried about you. I don’t wanna watch you go through this alone.”

Harley went quiet again. Almost like he was panicking. He sighed and wrapped his arms over his head. “I know you think you’re this big shot superhero and you’re trying to save me like a damsel or something but I don’t want or need your help. Got it?

Ouch. Harley really knew how to cut deep. Peter didn’t let it get to him. Harley had some pretty tough walls to tear down but Peter wasn’t going to give up easily.

“You don’t have to tell me anything. I don’t need any details about whatever messed-up stuff is going on. I just want to know if you’re okay.”

Harley was quiet for a long time. Peter didn’t say anything. He wanted Harley to take his time to really think of his answer.

“I’m fine, Parker,” He said after a sniffle. He rose from his spot on the steps and stretched his back. “You know I almost forgot. Um, gym assignment… I gotta walk home from school today.”

“What? You’re walking?”

Harley nodded and began descending down the steps. “I gotta document the walk home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He began jogging down the steps carefully before Peter could get a word in. Just before he realized they were in the same gym class and no, that assignment didn’t exist.

Peter didn’t follow him though. He didn’t even move from the steps. He just watched as Harley disappeared around the block corner. What the hell?

Happy pulled up a few minutes after that. Peter stayed in his dumbstruck position until he heard a honk. He snapped out of it and got in the car.

“Where’s Harley?” Happy asked instantly.

“He walked home. Gym assignment or something,” Peter explained. Happy looked nervous but didn’t say anything. He put the car in drive and off they went.

They were maybe halfway to the apartment when Peter noticed Happy’s heartbeat speed up slightly. His breathing quickened and he began sweating.

Peter felt goosebumps all over his body. He looked around the car. He didn’t see anything wrong. Just a normal street with nearly bumper-to-bumper traffic. “Happy… What’s happening?”

Happy looked at him through the mirror. His face was slightly red and his forehead was glistening with sweat. “You sense something? Shit… Alright, sit back, kid. Act like you don't know anything’s wrong. I’m gonna try and shake this asshole.”

So they were being followed. Shit. Peter tried his best not to look around at the surrounding cars. He didn’t want to give away the plan. He took out his phone and pretended to scroll on Instagram for a few minutes just to make them think he was oblivious.

The light-up ahead turned green.

“Pete, don’t look up or move your mouth,” Happy explained as they neared the intersection. Peter froze. “Are you buckled up?”

“Yeah,” Peter breathed. His thumb continued scrolling but he wasn’t paying any attention to the phone.

“Okay great,” Happy said out loud.

The tires screeched as Happy slammed on the breaks. The car swerved to the right and nearly spun out. Happy somehow managed to keep it together though.

Peter dropped his phone and gripped one hand to the car door and the other to the seat. “Watch out!”

Cars flew past them at the speed of light. Happy somehow managed to maneuver them out of the intersection unscathed.

“Did we lose them?” Peter asked. His head whipped back and forth wildly searching every car in a twelve-foot radius.

Happy looked around quickly before hitting the gas again without warning. Peter whipped his head around to stare out the back window. A black Audi was right on their tail. It was the same make and model as the car they were in. It even had a similar licence plate number. Peter squinted at it to try and get a good look at the passengers. He couldn’t see anything through the windshield.

“You gotta be kidding me,” Happy sighed as they pulled up to a red light.

The Audi behind them revved their engine. Happy ignored them. They revved again. Happy ignored them again. They did something unexpected then, they turned on their hazard lights. They flashed once. Twice. Three times and then shut off.

Their engine revved louder than ever. Peter felt goosebumps cover his body. Something in him screamed to get the hell out.

“Happy! Drive!” Peter shouted. Happy didn’t wait to be told again. He slammed the gas at the same time as the Audi and they just barely scraped bumpers.

The Audi sped up and gently bumped against the back of the car. Happy swerved into another lane. They followed. They hit the back of the car harder that time. So hard in fact, that Peter and Happy were jolted forward.

Happy turned down a tiny side street and sped up. Still, they followed.

“What is this guy's problem?”

The Audi sped up more. They were gaining speed quickly and Peter had no clue what else to do. So, He shot a web at the wheel and swerved them out of the way. The car spun out of control and slammed into a street pole.

“You alright, Happy?” Peter groaned. The airbags had deployed and Happy was lying unconscious in the front seat. “Happy?”

There was a screech of tires on his left. Peter froze. He heard car doors open and close. Shit, they followed. He quickly undid his seatbelt and lowered himself towards the floor of the car. He crawled quickly to the right side door and opened it. He slipped out and shut it gently behind him. He stayed crouched behind the car until he knew one of them was standing near enough to surprise attack. Then he could take down any others.

He shook his nerves out for a second before pouncing. He landed on a giant dude’s back. He immediately wrapped his arms around his neck to put him to sleep. It wasn’t as easy as he thought it would be though. The man was way stronger than he looked. Stronger than Peter at least. How was that possible though? He, Harley, and Ned had confirmed that Peter was stronger than Captain America even. How could this random guy be stronger than him?

The man pulled Peter off of his back and slammed him onto the ground. Peter felt the air get pulled from his lungs as he hit the pavement. His head swam and his vision blurred slightly. He’d feel that in the morning.

He didn’t get up. He felt like his back was broken. He just watched in some kind of daze as four massive dudes searched through the car. They weren’t bothering Happy or even looking at him. They didn’t seem to find what they were looking for though. They packed themselves back into their Audi and off they drove. Peter coughed harshly. His ribs burned. Something must’ve broken, surely. What the hell were they looking for though?

~

THURSDAY DECEMBER 21, 2017, 4:05 PM.

The tower’s lobby somehow always had hundreds of people. Harley felt like Tony just paid people to take up the space.

Fortunately, he didn’t need to sneak into the tower. He had an ID card. It only had access to the Penthouse and the labs. Everything else was ‘Classified Avengers Shit’.

Harley found himself a nice stool to curl up on and begin hacking. He thought if he couldn’t get the design right, he could take a peek at how Tony did. He probably wouldn’t mind anyway.

“Hey, Fri?” Harley asked the ceiling.

“How can I be of service Mr. Keener?” FRIDAY replied cheerfully.

Harley smiled at her tone. She always sounded like she was ready to help. Even when she would respond sarcastically. “Who has access to the Stark Secure Server?”

“I’m afraid I can’t answer that at this time.”

“Okay, then how about which button I press to get into it?”

“Nope. Sorry, Mr. Keener. No information on the Stark Secure Server has been made available to you at this time.”

“Then what about the blueprints for a suit? Mark 27 maybe?” he tapped on the glass tabletop. A holo screen appeared above it.

“No search results available,” The AI replied. She sounded bummed to not be able to tell him.

“It’s cool, Fri. I’ll find another way in.”

~
THURSDAY DECEMBER 21, 2017, 7:28 PM.

“This might sting a bit, okay?” Harley asked.

“All set,” FRIDAY replied. Harley didn’t waste any more time. He was on his knees beside an electrical box with a pair of wire cutters in his mouth and a screwdriver in his hand. He removed the last screw from the box and pulled the lid off. He was met with four wires. He dropped the screwdriver and picked up his wire cutters.

“Three, two, one…” He cut one of the red wires.

“System shutdown.”

The lights in the room shut off leaving Harley in complete darkness. The only lights came from the city below.

“FRIDAY? Reboot? Please?” Harley said to the ceiling. Shit. If he broke the tower’s electrical system Tony would kill him. And if he found out about the power, he’d find out about Harley trying to access the server. This was worse than the flame thrower. He was so incredibly screwed.

The lights flashed back on leaving Harley blinded for a moment. “System reboot.”

Oh, thank god.

“Stark Secure Server, locked. Access denied, sorry Mr. Keener,” FRIDAY apologized. She sounded sincere.

“That’s alright Fri. We’ll try again.”

~

FRIDAY DECEMBER 22, 2017, 1:19 AM.

Once again, his mom was waiting for him by the front door. She must’ve had some kind of Spider-sense because she always knew when he was getting home.

“You need to stop doing this,” She said.

“Doing what?”

Her brows furrowed more somehow. “You know what. It’s one in the morning and you’re just now getting home? Are you serious? I thought you died. I called you hundreds of times. I called Tony. I called the school-”

“Who cares?”

She wiped her hand down her face. “Are you kidding me? You stormed out with your bag. I didn't think you were coming back! You’re acting like a maniac.”

“I’m acting like a maniac?” He tried to walk past her but she blocked him.

“You wouldn’t even care if I died right now!’ She shouted. “You would love it if I dropped dead huh?”

Harley dug his fists against his skull. He had never felt so much at once. Everything that had happened in the past two months crashed down on him all at once. “Can you even hear yourself? Every day I come home you scream at me. You promise me you’ll get better and then you never do. You’re a horrible person and every day I spend here is hell!”

His voice cracked near the end. He hadn’t realized he’d been screaming. He looked up at his mother. Her arms were folded tightly around her chest.

“You always have to make it about yourself, don’t you?” She asked slowly.

Harley felt a glass wall shatter inside him. Years of being ignored. Years of shouting for attention. Everything finally broke. Harley seemed to move unconsciously. He turned around to the front door and pulled it open.

“Harley, this conversation is not over. Where are you going?” She shouted as he moved down the front steps.

He stopped dead in his tracks and turned toward her. “Stay the hell away from me. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.”

She stared at him for a moment before following. “So you’re what… leaving? Where are you gonna go? You gonna go live on the streets? You’re not that tough Harley. You think it’s so easy to live on your own but it’s not. You wouldn’t last a goddamn day out there.”

She took a step towards him. He backed away slightly. She took that as a sign to step even closer. Harley decided to make a break for it up the stairs back into the house. He only got about two steps before a hand clasped tightly around his wrist. It yanked him back and he found himself staring his mom in the eyes. His wrist was still in her iron grip.

“You’d be dead if it weren’t for me. After all these years I raised you and fed you. Do you think you can just leave whenever you feel like it? We’re family! We don’t leave each other.”

“Guess dad didn’t get the memo on that,” Harley had no idea why he said it. It just slipped out. He regretted it the second he realized he’d said it out loud. “I’m sorry-”

She smacked him across the face.

Harley had hardly any time to register what had happened before his mom began talking again.

“You need to watch your mouth,” She turned and walked up the stairs and through the front door.

Harley felt dizzy. He slowly lowered himself to the ground in fear of falling over. It had been years since he’d experienced this. Once a few years ago his mom got drunk and pushed Harley into the wall. He had the same sick-in-the-stomach feeling as that day. The same childlike fear of being unable to fight back.