Chapter 5
The next day Bucky wakes up still feeling miserable. He feels hot and cold at the same time somehow and he's still in pain. He's also wet, and he doesn't want to be. But Steve isn't in bed when he opens his eyes.
Maybe Steve left him because he's a burden. He's so much work to take care of. Steve probably stuck around a little just because he pitied him, but now he's realized he really is useless and pathetic so he left.
He lays in bed and cries. There's no point in getting up, it's not like he can do anything. How could Steve just abandon him? He's going to starve to death. Maybe he could go looking for the Commander? He doesn't want to be the Asset again. But it would better than a slow and painful death wasting away in bed.
He almost doesn't notice the footsteps, before the bed dips and he's being pulled into someone and held.
"Bucky. Please, it's alright. What's the matter?"
"Stevie! You came back!" Bucky sobs.
"Of course I did, Buck. I was just out on my run."
"I thought you abandoned me forever!"
"Bucky! I would never. I spent every day missing you while you were gone, I'm not giving up on you now. I will never, ever leave you!" Steve says.
"Please don't, I need you!" Bucky cries, rolling over to face Steve and hold onto him tight.
"I won't. It's okay. I've got you now and I'll never let you go."
Bucky sobs in Steve's arms until he starts to fall asleep again.
"Don't go back to sleep, Buck. You need a change." Steve says.
"I don't feel good!" Bucky whines. He'd rather be asleep.
"I know you don't. Just let me change you, come eat some breakfast and then if you're still tired you can take a nap."
Steve changes Bucky, wiping him the way Bruce said, then takes Bucky out to the kitchen. Bucky eats his toast on his own and Steve feeds him his eggs and yogurt. Bucky also takes his antibiotic and drinks a full glass of water when Steve tells him to.
Steve lays down on the couch and lets Bucky lay sprawled on top of him. He holds Bucky and rubs his back, trying to comfort him. He knows Bucky doesn't feel well, the infection probably will get worse before it gets better. Bucky whines a bit about being punished while Steve reassures him that he's safe and can't be punished anymore. Soon enough Bucky's asleep on him.
Steve watches Bucky sleep, feeling guilty. He knows it's his fault that Bucky is sick. He was being selfish because he didn't want to change his diapers. He thought trying to make Bucky get over it would help him learn to be independent again and forget about HYDRA's rules, but all it did was make him miserable and hurt him and cause him to become ill. He feels so bad.
Bucky sleeps for two hours while Steve stays still and quiet, intent to not wake him. When he starts becoming restless, moving and groaning in his sleep, Steve assumes he's having a nightmare. He's about to wake him up when suddenly he opens his eyes and pushes himself up, sitting on top of Steve, and vomits, spewing all over Steve's shirt.
Steve gags internally, trying not to vomit himself from the smell and sight and feel of being covered in it.
"I'm sorry!" Bucky whimpers, starting to cry. "I'm sorry! I don't feel good!"
Steve sits up and gently moves Bucky off of him, still trying to contain his own stomach. This is disgusting but not Bucky's fault, he can't show any negative reaction and scare him or make him feel bad.
"I know you don't feel good, Buck. It's alright. We'll get you cleaned up." Steve says gently.
He helps Bucky to the bathroom, where he gets them both undressed, filling the tub with warm water. He decides to get in with him, letting Bucky sit in front of him and lean against him as he washes them both.
Bucky's falling asleep again as Steve scrubs his skin, and he knows Bucky is sick but he's still concerned. He really must be just miserable.
He dries and dresses Bucky and himself, and feeds Bucky some lunch, before letting him go back to bed. He only wakes Bucky up again for dinner, and his antibiotic, and a few times for changing, but other than that Bucky sleeps the whole day. He's still asleep when Steve comes to bed later in the night.
He holds Bucky close, and tries to sleep himself. He regrets everything, making Bucky sick, making him suffer so much. He should have been more understanding and gentle. Bucky can't just fix everything wrong with him on command or on his own.
He hopes Bucky feels better tomorrow.